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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 31, 2008 7:42:43 GMT -5
- "Time-Debting" while desqualoring ... or having fun while desqualoring?I have learned some things from my "Financial Squalor" and my participation in "Debtors Anonymous" www.debtorsanonymous.orgThis thread here is about our use of time and desqualoring. It's sort of a metaphor. First, I will start with explaining something I learned at D.A. In Debtors Anonymous, we have learned to plan our finances in such a way that - our current bills get paid,
- we set aside a small amount per paycheck (even if it's only a dollar) for saving for emergencies,
- we set aside a small amount to save for vacations! yes!
- we plan to spend a small amount of money to spend each week on fun,
- and then whatever's left goes to paying off old debts (even if it's one dollar per creditor).
In this way, we learn to treat ourselves with respect, and aren't tempted to binge on wild shopping sprees. And we feel abundant and responsible. With this type of planning, we take care of our legitimate needs and don't feel tempted to incur any more debt! Furthermore, we don't "resent" the amount being paid to creditors. And begin to WANT to pay them more, and naturally begin to want to find ways to earn more income. So, we take care of our present needs, save for the future, and begin to work on healing past karma. This is all very contrary to the perceptions I had before joining that group. Before joining, I thought I had to starve in order to pay my debts, and never have fun, and fell miserable all the time. I was so depressed that I had no energy to job hunt. After joining, my way of looking at things changed and I eventually got a good job. And I am now making progress on paying back debts. Another thing that they talk about in Debtors Anonymous is ... is that we all need "quality time" for ourselves, and denying ourselves that is a form of "Self-Debting". -- What does this have to do with desqualoring one's messy home? Well ... I would say that my above experiences in Debtors Anonymous could be a metaphor that leads to a corollary regarding desqualoring. Why not focus on: - Cleaning up the new messes (washing TODAY's dishes, and picking up TODAY's trash off the floor, washing TODAY's dirty laundry, periodic scooping of litterbox or picking up dog poop).
* (If the sink is too full of icky dishes, use paper plates and throw them away in a plastic grocery bag every day, and then bring that bag outside to your trash container DAILY).
* If you don't have a place to put clean clothes, then just pick 3 or 4 outfits of clothing per person, and ONLY wash and wear those every week. Have a place where you keep them after they are washed -- that won't get buried or soiled by pets -- (maybe keep clean clothes on ONE shelf up high -- or in the car).
If your laundry-room at home is a wreck, you can also choose the same idea of ONLY using 3 or 4 sets of clothing per person, and then washing at the laundromat every week. Laundromats are cleaner than our homes, and often provide a place for sorting and folding.
You could even choose to do "drop-off laundry" ... you drop your laundry off at a place where they wash it for you, and you pick it up the next day. Just like dry-cleaning ... but it's regular laundry that the service washes in regular washers at the laundromat for you. This is great if you can afford it.
- Spending a half hour every week planning for future desqualoring projects (such as renting a Dumpster, figuring out how to rip up the smelly carpeting, making plans to move to a nicer home in a few years) and ... You could also spend a few minutes every week dreaming -- imagining/visualizing your current residence as pretty and welcoming.
- Making a conscious effort to have some fun NOW every week, even if it's just going to the local park, or visiting the library -- anything outside the home.
* NOTE: plan this time with a beginning and ending time. Plan a specific amount of time for fun.
This is NOT about aimlessly watching TV or playing video games. That's fine sometimes, but not what I'm talking about HERE.
This is about leaving the house once a week to do something new.
Guilt-free planned fun -- away from your home, your squalor, and sometimes away from your family.
- Spending one hour every week to HONOR YOURSELF, such as buying yourself flowers or taking a hot bath.
* (If your plumbing is broken, why not treat yourself to a hot shower at the local gym?)
- Spending some quality time each week with family (even if only an hour) -- with your human children and/or with your pets and/or your 'significant other' (even if it's just helping the kids with their homework, or walking the dog, or petting the cat, or talking to the parrot, or a walk around the block with your 'significant other').
* If your "job" is being a "stay-at-home-parent", then try to give yourself "work hours" for that "job". And then the "quality time" is doing something with the family members that you don't normally do. Something silly or inspirational
- and THEN, all remaining time (other than your paying workplace job) is spent desqualoring your PAST backlog of old squalor.
That might seem backwards, but it makes you feel less resentful, and the emphasis on clearing out TODAY's NEW messes will prevent your squalor from getting worse. I don't think I planned it that way, ... but looking back in time, I think that is how I got over my fears of tackling the icky messes.
Editing to add: See also ComingClean's thread here:
takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/951
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Post by messymimi on Jul 31, 2008 8:05:56 GMT -5
Dear Lioness,
Wow.
Profound and insightful and useful, as usual.
When we get our priorities in order, everything else will follow eventually. We tend to forget that we can be a priority without it being selfish, just self care.
Thank you.
messymimi
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Post by jkai3 on Jul 31, 2008 8:58:03 GMT -5
What a wonderful post!!! You inspire me!!! You are so wise dear Lioness, thankyou for sharing!!!
Jkai3:)
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Post by anonymoose on Jul 31, 2008 10:41:08 GMT -5
I've never thought of it that way - thank you!
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Post by Chris on Jul 31, 2008 15:51:05 GMT -5
Your post really got thru to me.
I made the call and will be going to my first DA meeting tonite.
It was where you said you were not able to work - but now are -- and about feeling you had to starve to pay debts. Both of those are where I am right now -- and I want to be able to move on -- pay my bills, have the energy and ability to go back to work -- and treat myself better in terms of groceries and necessities.
So thank you. I had already been thinking about this because of one of your other posts but this one did it for me -- made me realize I need help.
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Post by pegasus48 on Jul 31, 2008 16:30:49 GMT -5
Lioness, what you said makes sense. It's like we can't just live the past (established messes), but instead need to live in the present and take care of ourselves while dealing with the past a bit at a time. Thank you for your wisdom.
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Post by stressedbythemess on Jul 31, 2008 17:00:32 GMT -5
*staring, picking her jaw up off the floor, and staring at wisdom*.
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Post by puppybox on Jul 31, 2008 17:02:45 GMT -5
Lion, your posts are awesome. Love you! I had over years slowly realised some of these things , and forgotten them too- but this action plan is very motivating and concrete.
pegasus, I really liked the way you summed it up .
I will try to rethink my dishes as past squalor that needs regular pymnts but onyl a couple of bucks.
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Post by drivermom on Jul 31, 2008 19:14:04 GMT -5
YOU ROCK!!!! Ok, this has done it, you are offically one of my heros, umm..er...heroines.  I know at this point in your life you are not completely where you want to be but you know you are getting there, at this point I would be happy to be where you are.  Ok, once again you have given me a bit of hope. Love Ya!  |
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Post by glowworm on Jul 31, 2008 20:27:17 GMT -5
Lioness, this is amazing. Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to write this out for us!! |
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outofchaos
New Member
Joined: December 2008
Posts: 65 
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Post by outofchaos on Dec 29, 2008 11:58:10 GMT -5
Great post. I think that financial squalor inevitably follows household squalor, as it is difficult to stay on top of finances when you can't find your mail!
I use a program called You Need A Budget, which is available online. I have found it very helpful - the basic thrux of the program is that you tell all your money where it is going, whether it is to pay your credit card bill or to buy your morning Starbucks. In addition, you use the program to help you move towards using last month's money to pay this month's bills. I've been using it since October 1st, and in that time, I've managed to put almost $1200 in savings. Prior to this, I could never keep money in my savings account.
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Dec 29, 2008 13:12:27 GMT -5
Wow! I am going to look into that program OoC. I need to save about 4000 by August, and I have no clue how I am going to do it. Maybe that will help. Thank you.
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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Dec 29, 2008 13:59:20 GMT -5
Wonderful advice! Besides my house squalor, my next biggest problem is financial squalor.
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Post by messymimi on Dec 29, 2008 16:28:46 GMT -5
Thank you for bumping up this thread, CL_SS.
This has brought home to me just how different my thinking has become in the past couple of months, and especially since I became ill. When I read (or actually reread) this, I did not remember reading it the first time. I usually at least have the memory of reading something, even if I do not remember all of the details. I had no memory of ever seeing this before. When I saw that I had already commented on it, I thought someone else had used my screen name. It was only after looking at the date that I realized, yes, I had read it and commented on it several months ago.
Another thing that struck me about it this time is that I totally resisted the idea that I should be taking time to imagine an unsqualored future, have fun, and honor myself. My gut reaction to them was not about how profound or how we should get our priorities in order, etc. My first thought, this time, was that I can't take the time to do those things, there is just too much else to do.
No wonder I am weary, worn, and sick.
messymimi
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Post by skatters on Dec 29, 2008 19:26:35 GMT -5
Thank you for bumping this thread. I missed it the first time. What wonderful insight!
This thread contained a couple of things I needed to hear, right now. Thank you.
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