I have been inspired by Lioness' wonderful "Animal Habitat Home Cleanup Challenge" thread to write my story.
takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=6987&page=1#83978It is a story with a happy ending. The intent is to show that IT CAN BE DONE. This is my story of how I have already faced those challenges and emerged with an excellent outcome for my pets, DH and myself. The solution to my predicament of having too many pets did not come all at once. My eyes were opened over time as to what I had to do. As you read this, just know that there is hope and there is always a solution to any problem.
As many of you know, I have been to the point of being overwhelmed with caring for too many pets (8 parrots and numerous smaller birds) and the sudden onset of painful arthritis that totally impacted all aspects of my life. The most stressful realization for me was my inability to properly care for my birds. They were always well loved, properly fed and received veterinary care when necessary. My downfall was with keeping their living quarters clean enough.
I was not a hoarder - just a soft-hearted person who willingly allowed friends to off-load their birds when their life circumstances changed. I was single and living at various times in my parents' home, an apartment, a condo and now a home. All 8 parrots came to live with me in the 1980s, prior to my marriage. I never received any complaints from neighbors - just from my father and from my DH. And, that was only after DH had spent many years cleaning up the bird room.
Throughout the entire time, DH suffered greatly with respiratory problems that were aggravated by bird dander and with a bad back that would hurt for several days after his weekly cleaning marathon. I mostly ignored the major cleanups (since DH was doing that). I did the much less stressful daily maintenance. There were five very large, heavy cages (on rollers). One parrot was free roaming and lived on top of a couple of the cages. Her droppings put us in 3rd degree in that room. Over time all the cages became filthy. It was just too much to properly scrub down the cages and they were too large to be taken outside to be hosed down. The floor was carpeted and, therefore, difficult to keep clean. It was an unhealthy situation.
I knew this but I did not know what to do. This went on for several years. I felt it was hopeless. Plus, there was the emotional attachment and the idea that only I could love my birds and care for them. I felt they loved me and it would be a breach of trust to give them away. I had made a commitment to them to give them a forever home. But, my life circumstances had changed. We were getting older. There was much stress.
Finally, DH had had enough and stopped cleaning. By this time, I had developed severe arthritis in both hips. It would take an entire day to just clean out and vacuum the bird room. There would be a lot of coughing and pain involved. Whoever was doing the cleanup would emerge at the end covered in filth and totally exhausted. DH said I cared more for the birds than for him. Not true, of course. I cared for them equally. He moved out once but came back after six days.
My "recovery" evolved in steps over time.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: The first step was acknowledging I had a major problem on my hands.
PRAYER: I am not an overtly religious, church going person. But, I have come to believe. I do not ask for a miracle or immediate relief from whatever is bothering me. I ask for help. I ask for assistance in figuring out a solution. Amazingly, a solution starts to form in my mind. This has happened time and time again in recent years.
MEDICAL TREATMENT: I realized that I had to get medical treatment for my life-long depression. There are many reasons why people live with pets and why some of us take on too many at some point. Perhaps I needed someone to nurture or to love me back unconditionally. Who knows? In my case, it appears to be related to an inherited chemical imbalance that lead to chronic depressive disorder. This caused me to be very emotional when it came to my animals. It also caused me to emotionally attach VERY EASILY to any animal in need. For that reason, I have for years avoided small pet stores and never go near the animals up for adoption at PetSmart. I knew my weakness there for many many years before going on meds. I also learned to say NO! to so-called friends or co-workers who had grown tired of caring for their birds and thought they could just give them to me.
It took several different meds and 2-3 years before I finally hit on the correct med for me. (Don't give up if the first, second or even third med are ineffective. Go back to your doctor and ask/insist for some other med or form of treatment.) I have always been considered an emotionally strong person. Except when it came to animals in need - especially birds. As I got older, my emotions seemed to come more easily to the surface - the feelings of hopelessness and finally despair. But, outwardly to the world, I was still the strong-willed person who had her life altogether. Ha!!
I now take one med for depression. It has totally changed my life for the better. I 'see' through different eyes. I no longer feel despair. The right-below-the-surface emotions are gone. That has enabled me to move on and take action. The emotional attachments were my sticking point. I had been mentally stuck/paralyzed/immobilized for many years.
MORE PRAYER: I again prayed for guidance in finding a solution that would lead to a better life for my birds, DH and myself.
MORE MEDICAL TREATMENT: This time it was for the osteoarthritis in my hips. I could not go on with the pain or else I would soon be in a wheelchair. I tried everything: meds, physical therapy, acupuncture, purchased a recumbent exercise bike, traded in car for one with adjustable seats, purchased seat pad for work, a foot stool for home and work, a rolling stool to do housework, etc. etc. Then, DH got laid off from work at age 60 in 2004. I realized that this was an opportunity for me to take the final step and have surgery, which I had been resisting. He would be home to take care of the animals and me. That was a necessary ingredient to the solution puzzle. Everything was falling into place - although I did not realize it at the time.
The surgery was 100% successful and I have no regrets. But, I became stuck again for a couple years.
MOMENT OF EPIPHANY: I remember sitting on the edge of the couch in my messy living room and feeling a depth of despair that I had never felt before. I suddenly realized that I had allowed myself to get into this situation with the birds. I said to myself "what were you thinking so many years ago? How could you have let this happen?" It was a moment of revelation. What I had always convinced myself were self-less acts of goodness in giving these unwanted parrots a home, was, in fact, not enough. It was too much for me to handle. It was important for me to have that realization and to accept the truth of the matter.
YET MORE PRAYER: I once again asked for guidance.
THE SOLUTION - REHOMING: In August 2007, I purchased a laptop with a fast internet connection. One evening a couple months later, the idea to research pet rescues came to me. I googled rescues - specifically for parrots. I read about rehoming - a new and compassionate concept for me. I was intrigued. I had a glimmer of hope. I contacted a few and asked questions. Some were excellect but were located across country. I refuse to put my parrots on an airplane. That would have involved a cross-country drive. I don't fly - since the late-1970s (another story for another time). Others involved a commitment to monetary support for the expected lifetime of each parrot. That I consider reasonable but I didn't have thousands of dollars. Still others appeared to be merely warehousing of birds. I wanted homes for them where they would be loved. Ideally, a sanctuary where they could fly free in flocks of their own kind. That was in Seattle, WA. I am on the East Coast USA. I spent many months thinking about all this. In the end rehoming was the best solution for all of us. But, it didn't happen quickly. I had to take it slowly. Thankfully, DH kept urging me along - although it was painful for our marriage at the time. I am amazed that he stayed.
ACTION #1: A friend has a young teenage daughter who wants to be a veterinarian. One day, I asked my friend (who had been inside my condo once a few years before we moved) if her daughter would like to have my two smaller birds - both cockatiels. To my surprise, my friend came back and said 'no' but her DH would like to instead have one of my parrots. I was stunned! Friend has a lovely home, two chocolate labrador dogs, a pre-teen son and the daughter. I could not believe my luck and responded that "yes, but you have to take two, as I have the perfect parrot for your family but he lives with his friend, another sweet Amazon". That was agreeable to all and the family came over a couple weekends later and took their new family members home. That cage was reasonably clean and in good condition. Friend also took the two cockatiels for her sister.
This was followed by a period of good intentions on my part but total inaction.
ACTION #2: Finally at DH's urging, I contacted a pet rescue in my state within driving distance. This organization understood that I was not abandoning my pet(s) and that sometimes "life happens" and one has no choice but to make a change. They did not require an ongoing monetary commitment or trust or thousands of dollars. They accept donations as one can give. This wonderful group took my one parrot with special needs. I ordered and paid for a new cage to be delivered directly to Paco's new home for his new life. I trashed his old cage.
Another period of prolonged inaction. I was now down to five large, some very loud, parrots with large, falling apart, filthy cages living in a room that was off/on 3rd degree. But, progress had been made. Five birds were successfully rehomed. By all accounts, they are happy and well-cared for. Our own workload with parrot care had been halved.
Another period of inaction that lasted six months. The bird rescue that took my special needs parrot was looking for homes for my remaining five but none were forthcoming quickly.
During all these years I was working full-time at a demanding job that was getting more and more demanding. DH was pushing for me to retire.
ACTION #3: A year earlier, my friend's sister, who had taken my two cockatiels, had expressed an interest in my 3 cockatoos. I had said no because friend's sister has young grandchildren living in her home and no experience with large parrots. Cockatoos are wonderfully intelligent and affectionate parrots but they can be dangerous, if one does not know how to handle them. Tempermental and demanding little buggers - I say that with much much love
.
In talking with my friend over several months, I learned that her sister had acquired a couple cockatoos and her family had adjusted very well. Sister has several grown children who also love the birds and are assisting with their care. Sister's DH is also happy with their new feathered additions to their extended family.
Finally, this past January, after six months had elapsed since rehoming parrot #5 with the rescue, I picked up the phone and called my friend. Was her sister still interested in my cockatoos? Yes, came the reply. I had a long talk with sister. I was satisfied that she was competent with handling large parrots. I also warned her to be careful and not follow my path with taking on too much. She assured me that her large family helps. She has a support system that I never had - except for my poor DH. Also, importantly for me, this large family has several generations involved. Sister is a young grandmother. Her grown children have children of their own. All are animal lovers. My long-lived parrots would be going into a family that conceivably will care for them for many many years. I have no large extended family. There are no children to carry-on. To me - my friend and her sister's families are a G*dsend. The answer to my prayers.
Friend's sister and her DH came over with a truck with the intent of taking my largest, loudest parrot. I was totally mortified to let them see the birdroom and the cages, which had to be taken apart in order to be removed from the house. I offered to give them $$ to purchase a new cage that day but they declined. I was totally embarrassed with the dust and mess involved with taking everything apart. It was not quite my worst nightmare - but close to it. My fear had always been the health department coming into the bird room when it wasn't half-way clean.
Sister and her DH were completely non-judgmental and worked quickly. It pained me greatly to let my large sweet Peachie go. I know he did not understand but it had to be done. He is now in a home with a cockatoo of his own kind.
Besides the 3 cockatoos, I also had 2 miniature macaws. Suddenly, sister asked if I would be willing to let her take them for her single daughter who lives in an apartment. I was in total disbelief. These 2 birds I thought would be very difficult to rehome as they are biters and prefer each other's company rather than interacting with people. I explained all this to sister. I was also fearful that she was falling into the same trap that I had years before. Letting feelings of pity overtake her caregiving abilities. But, since she would be taking the macaws to her daughter's home rather than her own, I agreed. This has all worked out very well with daughter.
To my complete shock, I was left with just 2 birds
. I could not believe it. Sister said she would come back for those two if I decided to give them up.
That same month, I decided to retire. One of my first tasks was to follow through with the purchase of new cages for my rehomed birds. That was my promise to them (my precious birds) - that they would be starting their new lives with brand new, top of the line, cages. I had these items shipped directly to sister's home. I liquidated a retirement CD to get the money without incurring new debt.
HISTORY OF HOW I GOT INTO THIS PREDICAMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE: The above events occurred over several years. I started out with one parakeet for my 10th birthday - from my father. Over the years, my family had mostly parakeets. I moved out and joined the U.S. Army. Then, as I got into my 30s, I got more exotic. Canaries, lovebirds, cockatiels. Then, one day in early-1980, I fell in love with a 7-month old cockatoo in a pet store. (He is still my love and has just turned 30.) Shortly thereafter, my father announced that he had had enough (I had moved back in with parents) and I was given an ultimatum. Either the birds go or I go. He had a point - he had painful ringing in his ears from his years as an infantryman in combat during WWII and my cockatoo's instinctual early morning and late evening screaming was getting untolerable.
I moved into an apartment. Next came a miniature Macaw - via my chiropractor. #3 large parrot was a baby Amazon in 1985 - my gift to myself on my 38th birthday. All was stable bird number-wise for a couple years. I purchased a condo and moved out of the apartment. Six months later, a friend calls and informs me that the cockatoo that I felt sorry for in a local pet store (he was being boarded) was up for sale. I run over and get him. At this point my living room is being overrun with large cages.
A few months after that, a friend tells me that a friend of hers is opening a pet store and could I come by on opening day. I did and there I met cockatoo #3 - a very sad-eyed lady. I thought about her for 2 months (getting less impulsive) before bringing her home. During this time, I also had as many as 10 cockatiels and a couple canaries. My highest bird census at any one time was ~23 and that was during this period in the 1980s.
Again, everything was stable for a couple years. In 1989, my long-term employer laid everyone off and offered transfers across country. I elected to not move - but a couple of my fellow bird caregivers did move. We had a sort of coop going with purchasing bird food and produce in bulk - so it was only natural that I help them out when they moved. One person gave me her Amazon outright. Another left behind 3 Amazons with me temporarily while she moved and got resettled. (She came back a year later for them. One was the special needs bird mentioned earlier. I asked to keep him as he was a nervous wreck around her. She agreed.)
Also, in the same year as the layoff, another friend had her first child and then a mini-breakdown. Years earlier, she and I had agreed that if anything ever happened to the other, we would take each other's birds into our own home. She was as bird crazy as I was then and had 1 miniature macaw, 4 parakeets and 3 cockatiels. I took them all. The smaller birds went to my mother's home. That was the last of my large parrot acquisition and the beginning of the realization that it had to stop. It was 1989.
Along the way, I also took in a parakeet with a broken wing from a person seated next to me in a college course. Plus, two cockatiels discovered languishing in a filthy shed on a farm where we had been invited to a summer party.
DH came into my life in the early-1990s and we married a few years later. You know the rest.
ADDENDUM: Today, I have my beloved 30-year old cockatoo and his girlfriend - the sad-eyed lady from the new pet store. That is my limit. I can care for them comfortably. They are mostly quiet. I no longer am in constant worry that neighbors might complain about the noise. I no longer am in fear that the health department might come storming in.
The former bird room is still in the process of being transformed into the lovely family room that it is meant to be. The walls have been scrubbed down and the carpet thoroughly shampooed. Yesterday, we picked up paint samples to totally repaint it. The carpet will also be replaced, along with the window blinds. For my recovery, this room has to be completely transformed so there is no reminder of the bird room.
My two beautiful cockatoos now reside in the living room where they are the center of attention and can see lots of activity. That helps to keep them occupied mentally. I purchased wonderful new, large but more light-weight, homes for them. These cages are engineered to keep seed inside the cage perimeter. Honestly, this is one manufactuer (Featherland) who has really built a cage that stands up to its promise. I am very pleased. Expensive but worth it in the long-term.
I can now afford to purchase lots more toys since there are only two to buy for. My policy was always - never buy for only one - always buy a toy for each. x2 is easier than x8. This is an excellent company to purchase from:
www.drsfostersmith.com/DH and I have never been away overnight - ever - due to the pets and the idea that no one can look after them properly. Ha! He has now agreed to (maybe) take an overnight trip and let a neighbor look in on them. Yes!! I am to the point where I am no longer super embarrassed to let anyone into my home. This neighbor has been inside before and is discreet.
Okay - that's it. My long-winded story. I just want everyone who might be in a similar situation to know that you MUST NOT GIVE UP. I have been to the depths of despair over my too many pet problem. It was MY problem and not any fault of the animals. My weakness got us into it and to the brink of a cliff, so to speak. Through the use of prayer and medication, I was able to pull back. I had many days of despair. It almost destroyed my marriage.
What you have to realize is that sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do. But, it is done out of love. I was able to be strong enough (finally) to release my pets to go to better homes. It was an act of love. Sure, I miss them terribly but I had to think to the future and put their well-being (a clean environment in which to live) before my own.
And, in the end, it has been a win-win solution. I was always stuck on cleaning the bird room. Now I am free to clean the rest of the house and it is now looking like a comfortable home. Dare I say "normal"
