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Post by angelpuss on Jul 8, 2011 19:22:00 GMT -5
1. In April of 2010 I moved into a farmhouse - 7 bedroom, two bathroom - that had sat empty for 2 years. There was filth, including Black mold, rat poo, mouse poo, possum poo and animal urine, in almost every room. There was dog poo in the shower and on the tiled floors.
We cleaned up the obvious mess, then moved all our belongings in. Really we began at level3. The garage had possums living in it, the house had possums in the roof space - peeing and pooping on the ceiling.
I burnt pile after pile of rubbish, old carpet and lino, the mess left by previous tenants. We took dozens of loads of trash away.
Then I gave up, the depression mounted and I would spend days in bed watching movies.
2. I found the original squalor site in June 2010 and read Five Cat's story - and realized she is right - it is up to me, no excuses, the cavalry is not coming!!!
I joined this site, read and read, posted and got going. At the beginning I even had to ask for help to get out of bed and get in the shower one day!
Then we were told to move from the farm - no notice, the son wanted the house - big panic!
I asked if I could leave what I no longer needed - they agreed and also offered to help us load what we wanted to take.
And so began a massive shedding of possessions - tonnes of stuff we no longer wanted or needed. Load after load to the tip, pile after pile burned, load after load to charity stores. This move was terribly upsetting, but I made the decision that this was my chance to unburden myself and my children of a lifetime of baggage - literally!
I did not want my children to have to clean up after I am gone. When my marriage ended I hung on to everything and bought more, because I lost my home and my marriage and felt bereft.
3. The relief I felt as I made progress was palpable. The depression lifted, and for the first time I felt hope, and a belief that there could be a future. I enjoyed having space around me and being able to put things in their place, not double purchasing items for the home because I couldn't find the one I had already purchased. I could cook in a clean kitchen, therefore not buying takeaway because I could not prepare food due to a filthy benchtop. I was literally digging my way back to a life.
4. I decided not to feel guilt - I got rid of things in spite of their significance - my Mother is a specialist in hoarding by proxy - buying crap for my house because she cannot have it in her perfect house. If I got rid of something she bought I would be subjected to a guilt trip - well, that is just too bad, it no longer works! I do massive cleanups - I began with the timer on 15 minutes but rapidly progressed to days and weeks of work - pushed by needing to move house quickly. I also like to see results for my time - so a big clean works for me. In my current cottage, I don't let things get out of hand - there is no "I will just leave it there for now" allowed. Wednesday night is council bin night so every little trash bin in the bathroom, bedrooms etc is emptied into the main bin. The kitchen bin is emptied daily and the fridge cleaned out every Wednesday and wiped down. I have reduced our belongings by about 70% so it is easy to clean and maintain a home with room to move .
The cats now live outside, so there are no litter boxes to deal with or accidents on carpets.
We do not have a dog, so there is no yard mess to clean, no birds or pet mice.
We were recently advised this house is listed for sale, so I am preparing to move after only 5 months here. This move will be much easier, as I have already begun packing - I do my daily housework - vac, mop, dishes, laundry, beds, then pack up the non essentials into sturdy cardboard boxes. My philosophy - less is best! Less clutter makes me more motivated to clean, easy access around furniture makes it simple to vac and mop, when everything is put away you can clean at any time without having to shift piles first.
Hope this helps.
I had always tended to mess, Depression making me worse at various times. It was a catch 22 - too tired to clean due to depression, Depressed because my home was a mess.
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Post by dayeanu on Jul 8, 2011 22:25:05 GMT -5
I`ve always been a saver/packrat type person (according to Buried in Treasures, I have mild hoarding tendancies). As an adult, moving often kept me in the "clean" mild hoarder catagory- we always had clutter & too much stuff, but it was clean & more or less organized. Fast forward through babies (one who died), depression, serious health problems, AND settling in one house for a number of years and we were a definate level 2+. Never at the goat trail stage, but dirty, dishes accumulating for days, things had to be moved before furniture was used, that sort of thing, plus our regular state of clutter & too much stuff. The the first catalyst was cleaning out my maternal grandma`s home. Her house was always clean, she washed dishes after every meal, made me make my bed & pick up when I stayed there & nitpicked at my housekeeping. But every bit of storage space in her house was jam-packed with all sorts of things that had not been used or looked at in years, if ever. It was a long, hard job. I didn`t want my kids to have to do that. The next was finding the original board- I`d replied to someone on an email group looking for cleaning techniques with several small children, recommending "stash & dash" as a good way to keep things under control. Another member messaged me privately, introducing me to SS. Later that year, I was diagnosed with a very serious illness and realized that I might not have as much time as I`d figured to not leave my family with a huge stash of stuff to go through. Then a great-aunt died. She was a true hoarder, a room you couldn`t open the door to, lots of expired food, every letter she`d ever recieved, etc. Each of those reinforced to me that we had gone beyond normal and needed to get our butts in gear if we didn`t want someone needing to chuck everything in a dumpster because it would be too much work to sort through. Keeping at it, a large part of it is for my kid`s sakes, both so they don`t get stuck with this "legacy" and so they can comfortably invite friends over. I like it when things are clean too though. There`s nothing like walking barefoot over freshly mopped floors . I like being able to find things without pulling out a bunch of other things first. I really dislike the embarrassment of feeling like I need to apologize to anyone who walks in the door or worry that people might not want to eat anything I bring to a potluck because they`ve seen my kitchen. Techniques that have helped, one is being very strict about "homes" for certain items. Scissors always go in the "junk" drawers by the fridge. Shoes always go at the foot of the stairs. It makes me crazy when others forget, because it helps SO much to have those spots established & used. Another is the amnesty concept, not having to use something perfectly because I spent time or money on it, not having to discard, recycle or donate properly. Something I`m still working on, but getting better at, is tossing out perfectly good things that I could find a use for or would like to use someday, but realistically know it isn`t likely any time soon. It is really hard, but I`m working towards getting rid of all that catagory of stuff except for the things I truly love & would keep no matter what. Probably my #1 thing though is what I call "maintaining where you`re at". It helps me not feel guilty, as long as I can keep things from getting worse- basicly dishes & laundry done regularly, floors swept from time to time, big messes cleaned up & clutter not getting worse. Also, the concept of "good enough", meaning something is better than nothing, example, my kitchen cabinets get drips from spilled coffee & food. They probably all could use a good scrub inside & out, but I know I`m not going to take the time to do that, so if I have a rag out for something else, I`ll just wipe down the visible spots & call it good. I can get into the hyperfocusing/scrubbing things with a toothbrush, but I rarely want to take that much time, so a lot of my cleaning is "lick & a promise" type, it won`t ever be as perfect as I like, but better, so good enough for now Dear Sleepymom, thank you for sharing. I am sorry for all that you have dealt with. You are very strong, to be able to accomplish all that you have! Thank you for sharing. I really relate to having specific places for things. Also - "maintaining where you're at." Excellent advice!
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Post by dayeanu on Jul 8, 2011 22:29:48 GMT -5
ANGELPUSS WROTE: " . . . When my marriage ended I hung on to everything and bought more, because I lost my home and my marriage and felt bereft.
3. The relief I felt as I made progress was palpable. The depression lifted, and for the first time I felt hope, and a belief that there could be a future. I enjoyed having space around me and being able to put things in their place, not double purchasing items for the home because I couldn't find the one I had already purchased. I could cook in a clean kitchen, therefore not buying takeaway because I could not prepare food due to a filthy benchtop. I was literally digging my way back to a life.
4. I decided not to feel guilt - I got rid of things in spite of their significance - my Mother is a specialist in hoarding by proxy - buying crap for my house because she cannot have it in her perfect house. If I got rid of something she bought I would be subjected to a guilt trip - well, that is just too bad, it no longer works! . . . "
Thank you for sharing. This excerpt from your post is particularly meaningful right now. The first sentence I quoted, where you said you acquired and hoarded because of the losses in your life - you felt bereft.
I SO relate to that!
Lots of helpful thoughts here.
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Post by dayeanu on Jul 8, 2011 22:38:27 GMT -5
MOGGY, your post is very inspiring! I am staring down laundry mountain today. I keep looking at it and thinking about your 5'+ pile! I think the thing that maybe is the most inspiring about all these posts is how much better you all feel after having gotten rid of stuff. It's also very eye-opening to read "I got rid of 70% . . . " Yowsers! That's a lot of chunking! But it gives me an idea of just how much we can expect to let go. It is making me look at anything "iffy," and instead of debating about it, I'm thinking "70% needs to go? " and just tossing it. This is all incredibly helpful. I really am grateful to everyone who is taking the time to write it all out here. As I said in my opening post, if anyone has already written it all out on another thread and just wants to post a link, that's great, too.
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Post by justplucky on Jul 8, 2011 23:00:43 GMT -5
1) Level 2 in the Kitchen, level 1 in other rooms. 2) I met my boyfriend. I left a job I hated. This was a little over a year ago. I'm a lifelong squalorer. 3) At first it was my boyfriend...but then it morphed into a personal pride situation. I'm proud to have a neat home where I can cook a friend dinner or have a chat with my mom on the couch and I don't have to be ashamed and they don't have to be grossed out. 4) I didn't make a decision to get and stay out of squalor first thing. My first decision was to put my clothes in my hamper when I took them off at night, instead of tossing them on the floor. Even when everything else was still messy I did that. It was a small thing that made a big difference. It made me see certain cleaning tasks weren't so hard. Once I stopped leaving clothes on my floor I started picking up other things from my floor. After all, if I was going to the trouble of putting my clothes in the hamper I wasn't going to let some other thing mess up my floor Further along in my journey I used a timer (still do sometimes). Now the most helpful thing is the self-mantra "just do it if it takes less than 30 seconds." See a splotch on the counter? Just wipe it up, it takes less than 30 seconds. Dishes in the living room? Just take them to the kitchen; it takes less than 30 seconds. Laundry on the floor? Just put it in the hamper; it takes less than 30 seconds. And it may sound cheesy and new-agey but I fought to come to terms with the fact I will never feel as if I have enough, so I may as well just let stuff flow through me instead of trying to hold onto it all.
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Post by gggal on Jul 8, 2011 23:09:37 GMT -5
"I was literally digging my way back to a life."
That is how I felt/feel too...I also feel like I tossed so much baggage, literally and figuratively. That I let go a lot of sadness, broken dreams, regret over not doing this or that, and instead made room to live in the present and room for the future to come in.
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Post by dayeanu on Jul 8, 2011 23:56:34 GMT -5
"I was literally digging my way back to a life." That is how I felt/feel too...I also feel like I tossed so much baggage, literally and figuratively. That I let go a lot of sadness, broken dreams, regret over not doing this or that, and instead made room to live in the present and room for the future to come in. Gggal, I have always related so much to your story, in previous posts, and the ones you've put on this thread. Your thoughts/processes I always really relate to. I am hoping as I toss, toss, toss, I will be able to toss the broken dreams and regrets and make room for a future. I love the way you say that.
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Post by dayeanu on Jul 9, 2011 0:00:49 GMT -5
JUSTPLUCKY - one of the things that REALLY stands out to me about your post is that . . . YOU JUST CHANGED O.N.E. THING!
I hold very strongly to the belief that just changing one thing can set in motion a whole different course (not just in squalor, but in life in general) What you did is one more proof that it works! You just threw your clothes in a hamper. Such a simple thing!
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Post by rubysangel on Jul 15, 2011 17:37:38 GMT -5
I'm just off to bed so I haven't got time to consider all the questions and answer fully right now, but something that really helped me after the grand declutter was once it was nice enough to invite people in, I continued to invite people in on a regular basis.
I have people call probably 5 days out of 7 now, and apart from me liking the home being nice, it being much easier to maintain and the fact that I am now proud of it ( gulp that's a biggie ), having visitors makes sure things get done and helps me prioritise.
RA
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totoro
Banned
Joined: March 2013
Posts: 151
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Post by totoro on Jul 12, 2013 16:17:35 GMT -5
In December, 2004, I looked at Laundry Mountain (5+ feet tall & just as wide) and thought, pretty much out of the blue, "This has GOT to go." So during the week between Christmas and New Year's, it went. I tossed & donated & laundered till there was nothing left. It was sooooooo satisfying. It took 3 or 4 days. Then, I did nothing else about cleaning up, but I maintained the laundry, never letting it accumulate beyond a load or two. About 10 months later, I decided that if I could get THAT under control, I could do the rest of the house (my "squalor level" was a VERY BAD 2 in most rooms, but a definite 3 on the back porch where kitty litter was kept). Over the course of a long weekend, I (aided by someone I hired from craigslist) worked pretty much non-stop and by the end of the weekend, the worst was over except for the bedroom and back porch. Those I did myself over the next weeks. I don't know how many trips to the trash, Goodwill and the giant dumpster at my work I made. I was ruthless (I am not a hoarder so it was easy, thrilling even, to get rid of stuff). Once I began to see what a HUGE difference clearing stuff out made, it was very easy to feel motivated to continue. That's why (though I understand I am in the definite minority here) working in tiny bursts/baby steps would not have worked for me--it was seeing BIG progress quickly that provided the motivation to persevere. Then a couple months later, I called the Got Junk people and got rid of a TON of furniture. I was THRILLED with the space, the feeling of emptiness! It was SO EASY to clean when there was so much ROOM! Everything had a home! I could see and USE what I had. I was not constantly looking for stuff. Things never got lost. I didn't buy something I already owned because I couldn't find the original. My financial situation was pretty good by 2005, so bought quite a bit of new stuff over the next year and a half or so. I paid my godson to paint, etc. etc. Finally, it wasn't just that the squalor was gone--it was that my apartment looked really nice, just as I imagined it could. (It was built in 1907, so lots of architectural charm.) I was not at all comfortable right away with maintenance! But over the first year or so, I made a set of rules--not many, but inviolable. They are kind of the 9 Commandments: * When the laundry nears the top of the basket, I go to the laundromat. No spillover allowed. Ever. * I may not go to bed or leave the house without the kitchen sink being absolutely empty. * The trash and recycling go out the minute the can is even close to full. No "extra" bag allowed! * Mail is dealt with the minute it comes into the house. I go through it all right over the recycling bin. Most of it gets tossed without a second glance. I pay bills (online) the day I get them. * I no longer bring newspapers or magazines into the house. I read everything online. * I don't buy books. I use the library. * Anything I bring into to the house--the clothes I am wearing, schoolwork, shopping of any kind--gets hung up or put away before I even sit down. * Nothing suspicious is allowed to set up shop in the fridge. * There is no such thing as "later" when it comes to putting away what I have dragged out--paper work, craft project, dishes etc. ********************* These days, there is NEVER any clutter around. So when I slack on dusting or vacuuming (which occasionally I do--and Spitty-the-Kitty sheds his black fur at an alarming rate!), there's no mess to clean up before I use the vacuum or mop or dustrag. I am really never more than an hour or so away from being fine with visitors, and even without vacuuming I don't ever worry about people coming in. It's going on six years now since the Grand Desqualoring, and I believe I have such firmly established habits that I won't backslide now. But I am ever vigilant so I continue to read here, kind of the way a long-sober alcoholic continues to attend meetings. Sorry this is so long-winded, but you did ask! This is very clear and very to the point and I feel calmer already reading it. I don't want to comment on anyone else's process but for me, the idea of doing things very slowly over time will not work. I need to get the place cleaned and set up and then focus on maintenance. I get an odd panicky feeling when envisage things moving very, very, slowly as I feel already paralysed. I think I need help to do this. I need help to clean. I am decided now. Thank you for sharing. Totoro X
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Post by bobolink on Jul 12, 2013 18:25:59 GMT -5
Totoro - glad you bumped this thread - lots of wisdom here.
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Post by lula on Jul 13, 2013 15:16:50 GMT -5
I admire you folks who have been able to or are in the process of doing the work yourself. I am in maintenance but I had to go the professional route due to physical limitations.
I was at level 3 squalor. I had always been a reasonably neat and clean person up until maybe 6 or so years ago, when all crashed and I just stopped doing anything. The years it took to realize what a fine mess I was in were not wasted...they are the price I paid to come to the realization that for me I needed pro help and then to start learning maintenance all over again that befits my physical limitations.
No matter how you get at it, moving forward is moving forward.
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totoro
Banned
Joined: March 2013
Posts: 151
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Post by totoro on Jul 13, 2013 15:36:20 GMT -5
Totoro - glad you bumped this thread - lots of wisdom here. Hey Bobo, Sidestep actually recommended it. It's really useful for me.
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Post by lula on Jul 14, 2013 10:43:09 GMT -5
I forgot to mention: I think that getting my financial self desqualored came first. I was watching a lot of the Suze Orman show and realized I needed to make some changes. I finally sat down and figured out how much credit card debt I was in, what I owed to whom at what interest rate, and made a plan to tackle my debt. It took a couple of years to climb out of debt, but the success of that, I think, helped me to realize I could still be successful at something. It felt absolutely wonderful to have NO credit card debt. It helped my self-esteem. I still don't bother to balance a checkbook, but being out of debt, there's always enough in my checking account that I don't bounce checks anymore.
And when I went to buy a new used car after my 1993 vehicle bit the dust, I had a good FICO score. In fact, the salesman came back to me after checking my FICO and said "you can buy anything you want! I've never seen such a high score." I felt very proud.
Also, in a couple years I accumulated enough savings so I could afford to hire professional help.
It is interesting how one positive change can snowball.
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Post by breakingfree on Jul 14, 2013 11:27:58 GMT -5
Lula, your post is very inspiring. I am in the process of climbing out of debt. I've downgraded phone and cable services and do not purchase anything unless I have the cash. Being in debt makes you feel as though there is a huge weight on your shoulders. I will be so glad to be where you are! Thank you for sharing that.
Hugs, BreakingFree
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