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Post by hiding on Feb 12, 2012 14:54:43 GMT -5
I hope that by admitting this to the SOOS community, I will get some support and curtail my activity.
First of all I am going to borrow from Scripts' idea of fancy home magazines as house porn.
I am addicted to clothes shopping online. Clothes porn. I don't think of myself as a clothes horse. In fact I am a t-shirt and jeans person. The contraction is the evidence around me. I have a huge amount of clothes. I didn't even realize it until my Sweetie pointed it out. I have a lot of nice clothes that I don't wear because they need to be ironed to look their best. I like to iron but I don't have a large enough space in the house to set up the ironing board.
I've even thought of running an extension cord out to the front porch so I can iron. Is that insane? One of the things that I really enjoy about traveling and staying in hotels, in addition to the clean, uncluttered room, is that I can easily iron to my heart's content. Again, isn't that nuts?
So I have been very good about free boxes and yard sales. I have stayed away from them for many months. My dirty little secret is that I have replaced yard sales with shopping for clothes online. It wouldn't be so bad if I just looked. But often I buy. I can't really afford the items and I don't have any good place to put them. Yet I keep buying.
I absolutely hate clothes shopping in malls and stores, yet I love clothes shopping online. It's private.
I have dial-up at home so shopping at home is difficult. It takes a fast connection to download and maneuver all the images on a clothing store website. So I end up spending too much time at work, with the work fast connection, clothes shopping. I fear getting in trouble at work, not to mention spending money we don't have and adding to the clutter. I find it nearly impossible to resist clothing store websites. I have as much trouble staying away as I imagine porn fans have with staying away from porn websites.
Please help me with this nasty and expensive little habit. It is difficult for me to reveal this so please don't pounce.
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Post by Arid on Feb 12, 2012 15:13:01 GMT -5
I was reading just recently that people who postpone eating "treats" until "later" do much better at controlling their urges to eat "junk food" than do people who either give in to the urge immediately or who deprive themselves of it entirely for a time.
In other words, you might see if it helps if you tell yourself that you will look at those sites "later." You aren't trying to "go cold turkey;" you just are delaying when you do it. Overall, this could reduce the number of times that you shop.
You also might tell yourself that you "can" go clothes shopping--you just have to do it at your own home! Set up that ironing board on your porch. Then, instead of going on-line to buy something new, go to your "stash," pick something out, and get it ready to be worn. I'm doing that more and more often--going to what I already have purchased--when I get the "urge" to go thrift store shopping.
Good luck with this. It *CAN* get better!!
Arid
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Feb 12, 2012 16:07:16 GMT -5
I wish I had some really useful advice, but all I can think is perhaps you're a natural for the sport of extreme ironing: www.damncoolpictures.com/2008/06/extreme-ironing.html?m=1I do wonder if your dislike of clothes shopping IRL has something to do with your compulsion about online shopping--a "rebound effect." Or do the clothes represent a lifestyle you want, rather than the "jeans-and-T-shirt" life you have? A few years ago, another member posted a thread entitled something like "Buying things for a life I don't lead." She had purchased many pairs of pierced earrings, even though hers weren't pierced at the time.
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Post by Ally on Feb 12, 2012 17:32:10 GMT -5
Hangers, They say that admitting your problem is the first step, so you've taken the first step. I don't have a lot of advice, because my employer blocks 99% of shopping sites... and I tend to do the same thing. Some of these stores give a certain $ value off, free shipping, or send you coupons, and it's easy to fall in the trap that you're wasting money if you don't do use the discounts. I recieved a package last week that had 4 items in it, after reading your post, I've decided to return, at least 2 of the items. The shopping addictions can be to many things. My mom used to buy small kitchen gadgets. She has dozens of things that were never used, or only used once. A few of us had an accountability thread going for this type of thing a while back in listzilla. (Not just clothing, but any type of impulsive/compulsive spending.) Maybe we should start one up again. I posted on the thread, because my daughter mentioned wanting a camera lens for use at school sports, etc. I said I'd look, and found a used one on eBay. I asked her, and she said, "No" she wanted to do a little more research first, but it appeared to be such a good deal, and time was running out. I bid on it anyway... and bid on several memory cards and such while I was at it. I had such a "rush" or "high" from this, but it was quickly followed by regret soon after placing the bid. (She ended up loving the camera lens... so it worked out okay, but it doesn't always.) Thanks for sharing. I think many people here have the same or similar type addictions. You are not alone.
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Post by hiding on Feb 12, 2012 18:48:53 GMT -5
A few of us had an accountability thread going for this type of thing a while back in listzilla. (Not just clothing, but any type of impulsive/compulsive spending.) Maybe we should start one up again. That thread sounds like just what I need. I'm going to see if I can find it. I know that if I am accountable to you folks for my clothes spending, I am a lot less likely to buy. And if I do have a moment of weakness, my own ethics require that I report it to you.
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Post by dayeanu on Feb 12, 2012 19:26:13 GMT -5
I have a compulsion to on-line shopping, too. Mine is china. Dishes. Pottery.
Here is what I have learned about myself, in that regard.
1.) I really believe it is rooted in anxiety. Now, I don't think of myself as a person with anxiety. At all. But I have begun to realize that it is there, underlying many of the behaviors I struggle with. I just keep a really tight lid on it. 2.) On-line shopping makes me feel better. I'm just coming off a little shopping binge, and I said in my blog a few days ago that at least it's better than getting drunk. But truthfully, it's much the same sort of thing. It has taken me years to realize it, but it's a sort of stress reliever. (I hope I'm not rambling too much here. I'm writing this really fast - before church starts and my phone goes dead. I WILL be back later to read and discuss this further.) 3.) It's an escape for me. An avoidance behavior. I can avoid all the stuff going on around me, and forget about it, while blissfully looking at beautiful things, and buying stuff on line. It's really an effective way to avoid the dreariness or unpleasantnesses that sometimes surround me, or weigh my thoughts down. 4.) I buy things for the life I want to live. I want to have friends over and serve lovely dinners, and . . . Or at least that's how it was in the early stages. The reality now is that I can't walk through my kitchen - or any other room - so no more big family dinners for me, for a while! (Eye roll here) The truth is, I haven't had a big get-together in my home in 10, maybe 12 years! 5.) I buy things that "validate" who I am. For example, if I fancied I were a handyman, I would buy tools; or an artist, I would buy art supplies. Whether I ever did repairs, or artwork, I would buy the things that I identify with. 6.) and I'm really embarrassed to mention this next one. For a while, I bought things because I hoped my Mother would have a higher opinion of me if I surrounded myself with things that would impress her. 7.) Beautiful things make us feel good. I believe beauty was created for a purpose. We need beauty. The things we look at and the things we buy, are beautiful, and we can imagine that they will feel nice, or look lovely on us, or in our homes, or whatever. I am trying to teach myself to enjoy the beauty of things without having to own them and take them home - savoring the visuals online, but leaving them there - on line. 8.) it may be a compulsion, a form of Obsessive-Compulsive disorder. It may be a symptom of ADHD - poor impulse control. Probably is both those things for me. 9.) There is a rush, a high. Sort of like gambling, maybe. A bit of adrenaline, and that makes me feel better. 10.) I think it can become a habit.
I am currently trying to find more constructive ways to relieve my stress, escape boredom and unpleasantness, and all the other stuff. I am reading lots of good books. Taking different actions.
My phone's dying. I'll be back later.
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Post by fluffychild on Feb 12, 2012 19:30:21 GMT -5
I have my hardware store addiction to free items. The other week, I spent over $200.00 and in the end it would only cost me about $20.00. Today, I spent over $300. on mostly free items. The difference is that I will go through the stuff and most of it will go to charity. I did buy magic erasers, air freshners, and stick on hooks that were not on rebate. I did splurgh on myself today - 2 new smaller size scoopers for the cat litter. The bags that I get for free have a smaller opening, so by buying the smaller size, I can use the free bags. I truly understand the addiction to buy.
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Post by manchengo1979 on Feb 12, 2012 19:31:58 GMT -5
I'm also a clothes horse. Getting better though. Here is what worked for me. It might not work for you though just a suggeation. Keep a seperate bit of your paycheck in a different account just for clothes when it's gone it's gone. If you bring one in take two out. Really think if I want y I have to let go of x and z. It makes you really think it through. Bookmark things you want and revisit it in a week. Join a swap, you get your new clothes fix don't spend money and dont add clutter. There are several on meetup or you can google your area. Go try on everything and look at yourself in a full length mirror. Does it portray who you want to be? Does it fit? Put clothes in your car you don't want right away to donate close the bag don't peak. The one in two out really helped me clear out alot.
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Post by dayeanu on Feb 12, 2012 20:45:23 GMT -5
I never want to get rid of any of it.
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Post by dayeanu on Feb 12, 2012 22:26:14 GMT -5
Sometimes I buy stuff because it's a way I "nurture" myself. I start feeling like I need a treat, or a reward, or I've been trough a rough patch and I deserve something nice.
Sometimes I buy stuff because I have a hunger, a yearning for something, and I try to fill it with "stuff."
I'm posting all this because I believe in every single instance, for every single "reason" I shop, I believe I can find a more satisfactory, satisfying and beneficial way to fill the need(s) that cause me to shop too much.
I'm hoping that by sharing what goes on in my head during these shopping bouts, there will be something here that will give other "shoppers" something to think about or work with.
Short of long-term solutions, I think blocking access to the shopping web sites on-line would be a good, immediate, short-term fix.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Feb 12, 2012 23:28:33 GMT -5
A few of us had an accountability thread going for this type of thing a while back in listzilla. (Not just clothing, but any type of impulsive/compulsive spending.) Maybe we should start one up again. That thread sounds like just what I need. I'm going to see if I can find it. I know that if I am accountable to you folks for my clothes spending, I am a lot less likely to buy. And if I do have a moment of weakness, my own ethics require that I report it to you. Acquisition Accountability Thread (2011 edition) takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/14094/Acquisition Log Thread (2014-2015 and Ongoing) takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/23818/
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Post by dayeanu on Feb 12, 2012 23:47:44 GMT -5
CCLS - you're amazing!
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Post by rededen on Feb 13, 2012 1:21:29 GMT -5
There is the belief that hoarding has its beginnings in insecurity, which produces anxiety; then the rest, as they say, is history. We hoard because it makes us feel secure, safe, loved, comfortable - all those things. We hang onto things because of unresolved issues, whatever they may be. Many hoarders have degrees of OCD and while I don't believe we are born with OCD, given the wrong, or the 'right' OCD environment for it to be established, we will develop it. Getting to the root of the problem is a challenge in itself. Once I understood why I hoarded stuff, it was easier to start de-hoarding. Believe me I'm not cured, but I discovered that for me, keeping everything began to make everything meaningless and I would live in this huge amorphous mass of stuff. I started to de-hoard by asking myself if the person themselves who gave me things a) was a hoarder and b) could get rid of stuff and c) gave it (whatever it was) to me because they liked me and thought I'd like the thing. Mostly c was the answer. BUT I inherited a lot of stuff from a beloved relative who died and who was very house proud and because of my emotional attachment to that relative, which was much stronger than my sister's, I couldn't get rid of all her things and some of it was just rubbish. In the end, I thought my relative wouldn't have kept this, why am I? My sister and I decided we would keep the things that had the greatest meaning for us. I'm also an out of sight out of mind person. I've still got unpacked boxes of stuff from my move to my current house 3 years ago and I haven't got a flying fig of a clue what's in them. I'm very slowly going through them and I'm starting to ask myself what on earth I saw in keeping certain things because some things are really rubbish. Which means I've lost the emotional attachment to that thing. Hiding, I hope my view helps.
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Post by dayeanu on Feb 13, 2012 7:15:51 GMT -5
I read somewhere that people who hoard, as children, didn't have good relationships/attachments to the people who should have been significant to them, and so because these adults were emotionally or physically or in some other way unavailable, we attach to material things, or animals, or both.
I think that explains mine, pretty well. I also without realizing it used to assign human or spiritual characteristics/feelings/significance to inanimate objects, which made them harder to get rid of. I will never forget the day, as a middle aged woman, how I felt when I read a passage in a declutterif book that said my Teddy bear didn't love me, that it was just a bit of fabric and stuffing. Of course, as a somewhat sane adult, I logically knew that. But without realizing it, I assigned a lot of emotional value to that scrap of fabric and stuffing. Realizing how I assigned emotional worth to objects made it easier to part with some things.
Red, I'm also a very out of sight out of mind person, so I keep everything in sight
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Post by Script on Feb 13, 2012 17:00:25 GMT -5
First of all I am going to borrow from Scripts' idea of fancy home magazines as house porn. Something that helped me: I have never been a big spender, and I am definitely NOT someone who enjoys stores. I do enjoy on-line shopping, and I use a RULE that I developed when we were DESPERATELY short of money [DH unemployed for many years.] Back then [pre-internet days!] I told myself that I could go into stores, look, touch, think. And that I could buy ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING that I really liked. But....I had to wait for 24 hours. If I still wanted The Thing the next day, I was free to buy it. Regardless of cost. Now...........in hindsight, I realize that almost ALL shopping for me is IMPULSE shopping. I rarely go into stores with A PLAN. I go into a store when I feel low, tired, sick, worried, whatever, and I want A TREAT to make me feel 'better'. So by giving myself the 24 hour Cooling Off period, most of the time the negative emotion had passed. Yes sometimes, I woke up and still felt that I wanted The Thing. So I went ahead and bought it. No guilt. No remorse. This method was soooooooooooo successful for me, you would be amazed. Good luck to all who struggle with this. PS: I believe that the pleasure of shopping is hard-wired into us from our hunting-gathering days.
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