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Post by def6 on Feb 16, 2012 9:39:44 GMT -5
Hey Dear Hiding, I too get into compulsive habits. Like doing the same thing everyday, day after day. I would keep a small journal of how many clothing sites you frequent , how many items you order per week, how long you are shopping for clothes and so on. The fact is that what you are doing is making you feel good for a certain amount of time . But afterwards you don't feel good about the results.I think it is key to note how wonderful it is for you when you go on a trip( with limited clothing items packed in a suitcase) and how you have so much more joy with less. Don't be a slave to the clothing pile...it's a monster.
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Post by dayeanu on Feb 16, 2012 10:31:48 GMT -5
Hey Dear Hiding, I too get into compulsive habits. Like doing the same thing everyday, day after day. I would keep a small journal of how many clothing sites you frequent , how many items you order per week, how long you are shopping for clothes and so on. The fact is that what you are doing is making you feel good for a certain amount of time . But afterwards you don't feel good about the results.I think it is key to note how wonderful it is for you when you go on a trip( with limited clothing items packed in a suitcase) and how you have so much more joy with less. Don't be a slave to the clothing pile...it's a monster. Good insight, Def.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Feb 16, 2012 14:06:03 GMT -5
So perhaps some of the shopping has to do with some unresolved feelings about your new position. If I were in your shoes, the new job would trigger my insecurities, inspiring me to acquire more "equipment" in order to ensure that I had every opportunity to succeed.
Embarrassingly, I did this when I was doing bellydancing regularly. I had this hidden expectation that succeeding would make me like myself better. I bought or made so many more costumes than I ever needed, so I could be ready for every event. I wasn't as youthful or slender or limber as many of my peers, but I sure could dress myself.
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Post by downandout on Feb 18, 2012 2:00:33 GMT -5
hmmm. i didnt realise this either but ive been swapping out the going to garage sales or finding stuff on curbs or on craigslist or freecycle with buying on the internet or shopping at stores. and im still having a hard time letting go of stuff that needs to go. and yeah i am swapping out my addiction to the internet too because instead of going to craigslist or freecycle daily i now am on forums or playing those darn games on my iphone!
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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Feb 18, 2012 9:56:35 GMT -5
I'm a hunter-gatherer myself. Every morning, I wake upearly and go to my local coffee shop. I buy and read a newspaper while I drink 2 cups of coffee. They have TV on , so I catch snips of the news. Then i move on to the grocery store. I pick up miscellaneous stuff. Pet food, something for my breakfast, maybe a cleaning supply (Air Freshener candle, dishwasher tablets,etc). Then home to put my "gathered items" away. All impulse stuff. Heck, I already have about six boxes of cereal, and that's what I usually eat. My daughter called me on the cereal yesterday. She told me, if you don't start eating the cereal, I'm gonna throw it out. Wasted food is a big no-no.
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Post by gggal on Feb 20, 2012 2:31:40 GMT -5
I don't know if this could be more dangerous than helpful, but I found since doing my "pinterest" boards I am actually shopping less instead of more. I know it's difficult without an internet connection or can't do at work, but there was something about not wanting to forget stuff that would make me want to buy it. By "pinning" my interests I can create kind of style boards and put looks together and still sort of "shop" and get that satisfaction of that "pin" to my board.....but without spending money on the actual item. And I hope in the long run to build up a more quality wardrobe with staples and some good accessories than just the latest impulse random buy i never wear. Anyways, seemed to help me a bit. Online clutter still seems better than physical clutter and in this case it is organized!
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Post by hiding on Mar 8, 2012 18:52:58 GMT -5
Back to the shopping list to be accountable. I have to be honest. I wasn't able to completely abstain from online clothes shopping. At least I am now buying only if the item is useful with what I already have and I am not buying it just because it's on sale.
Since last I wrote about this in mid - Feb, I have purchased 1 pair of shoes, 3 bras, 6 tanks. It seems like a lot, doesn't it? Well, I had no tanks. I picked colors that go with everything else I have, the shoes are tan leather, low chunky heals, and I was badly in need of bras. Now some clothing items need to leave. That's much harder, but I'll do it.
I have taken the advice of window shopping online. That is, I pick out things I like and put them on my Wish List. I may or may not ever buy them. The looking, picking out, and adding to Wish Lists actually seems to satisfy most of my buying urges. But apparently I am not ready for cold turkey quite yet.
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Post by charis on Mar 8, 2012 19:49:52 GMT -5
There is an article on Slate just now talking about Pinterest. The author comments that Pinterest actually helps people NOT buy things. The article's claim is that the hunting and aquiring habit that Script notes as hard-wired into us is appeased by 'pinning' the articles on the site, thus satisfying the psychological need to actually possess the article. I have a slightly different hypothesis. I think that when everything is 'pinned" in one place and can be seen all at the same time, it aleviates our hoarder anxiety that we will somehow lose something if we let it out of our sight. I read things on the internet all the time that I like but I do indeed forget about them. Have you tried making a pinterest clothing page so that you could pin any clothing item you were interested in to that page? Then you would always be able to go back and get every single thing you ever liked with one click if there was something you truly wanted or needed after the initial impulse passed. You could make a pinterest page of clothes you didn't buy
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 8, 2012 23:58:32 GMT -5
Charis, I agree with what you wrote: "I have a slightly different hypothesis. I think that when everything is 'pinned" in one place and can be seen all at the same time, it aleviates our hoarder anxiety that we will somehow lose something if we let it out of our sight."
I had almost completely filled my iPhone with icons linking to web sites or articles of interest to me. I have apps or links to about 365 sites. I actually access maybe 8, from time to time. I saved them because I didn't want to forget them.
I have also noticed while viewing another weakness of mine, eBay, that if I save an item to "watch," even though I may really, really want it at the time, if I just hold it in the "watch" section and go back to look at it from time to time, it typically will begin to look less attractive to me, I will begin to notice flaws I overlooked initially, and I typically end up being very glad I didn't buy the item. Often, if I continue to look at the item for a few weeks, I will decide that I downright dislike it. Incidentally, the same thing tends to happen if I buy it.
I agree that at least some of the issue is that we don't want to forget.
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eternal
New Member
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 57
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Post by eternal on Mar 9, 2012 7:20:56 GMT -5
Well, i get online, put the stuff i want on a wishlist or virtual shopping cart, and make myself wait 3 days.
Usually, by that time, i don't want it, have forgotten it, or can't even remember the website where i saw it!
This is a great idea. I've used it successfully in the past (but I'm not very good at sticking to it!) and would recommend it. I have bought a lot from Amazon in the past, and for a while I made it a rule that instead of buying things right away I would put them in my shopping cart and buy them at the end of the month. You see, I worried that I would forget about them if I didn't buy them straight away. If they were in my shopping cart, I didn't need to worry. Sometimes I'd come back at the end of the week or month and find that I'd forgotten why I "needed" that item so much. Another thing with Amazon is that they have a facility to allow you to resell the stuff you've bought from them. Clicking on that button is a shocker, when I see the history of years and years of unnecessary purchases. Some of the things I don't even remember buying. Thanks for starting this thread, Hiding, as it has made me realise it's time to look at my own habits again.
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Post by puppybox on Mar 9, 2012 9:36:25 GMT -5
I have discovered the hard way that I can have a lot of willpower sometimes. however, that way lies misery, for me. I can sometimes be good at depriving myself. but, as other people have pointed out, you replace one thing with another. Given that you are going to replace one thing with another, you can consciously decide what you are going to do instead. you can't fill a void with Nothing! you should look for something else to do that is PLEASUREABLE. you can't replace shopping with, say, dieting.
i like the tracking idea def6 suggested. but don't forget to be KIND to yourself. there was a recent study that proved that the way to get over bad behaviour is to forgive yourself for it, to not beat yourself up. if you say "i MUST stop shopping, i'm WASTING money, i'm OUT of control, i'm borderline NUTS" you will feel bad. this is not a pleasurable substitute for the shopping.
i'm trying to replace my negative behaviours with MAKING stuff. easy stuff. colourful stuff. happy stuff.
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Post by puppybox on Mar 9, 2012 9:48:26 GMT -5
need to add that reading and posting on SOOS has been an excellent substitute! thinking about other people's problems and how they might solve them is interesting and makes me feel compassionate feelings. it also helped me to be able to analyse my own problems.
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XO
New Member
Joined: January 2012
Posts: 8
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Post by XO on Mar 10, 2012 0:41:06 GMT -5
On-Line Shopping and I have had our battles. It started with watching QVC for a few minutes here and there while channel surfing on the t.v. I remember thinking, this is dumb. Then while lonely and bored I started watching a little long and wanted to find out what it was all about instead of just thinking what is this crap? Well guess what? It turned in to watching for hours at a time. I got to know the personality of the hosts and hostesses and all of a sudden, I did not feel so lonely any more. I felt like I had people who were there around me right in my own living room. I live alone and had recently moved into my condo (which I haven't quite moved into yet in 2006) By 2008, I was watching and actually made my first QVC purchase in 2009. What a high. The package comes in the mail long enough after you order it,, that it's like getting Christmas presents delivered. I got to open the package and wow, got something usually new to wear. I started buying things for myself. Then the jewelry started looking real good. The prices seemed so reasonable that I could not pass up a deal. After a year or so I was shopping on HSN and SHOPNBC also. I got into tiffany style lamps, reasoning, I was depressed and pretty colored light was therapy for me and made my new condo look more like a pretty home. I got fairly deep into my addiction where I was shopping for everything on line, could not go to the stores any more because I am disabled, and did all my gift shopping on line too. If it exists and I need it, between the 3 channels I could find it. It was to the point that I had a row of unopened boxes stacked to the ceiling without the time or energy to even open them. My credit cards went sky high. I also ordered cards for each channel. I used the payment plans and substantiated the easy way to pay with no interest. Finally after many hours of counseling and thought and reality, I was finally able to stop bringing new things into the house. I could still watch, and buying slowly came to a halt. It will never completely be out of my life since I still enjoy the convenience and selection plus the quality. There are things that you just don't find at department stores. My biggest fetish is watches. I love time pieces. All of this behavior was of course a substitute for something that felt missing inside me. It added to more stuff to put away in a smaller place to live that I am still having trouble finding places for. The end was bankruptcy. Spending on department stores at the end really got me like Sears, K-Mart, Wal-mart, Target, Penney's. I'm still in my funk of that missing piece but have got my habit of spending under control (for now). I think once a junkie always a junkie and I must use self discipline for ever now. Thanks for bringing up this topic. I enjoy the interaction with writing posts on the channels I shop on to rate and review the products and feel this is helping people which I think makes me feel useful. Being disabled, I need a way to feel useful. To all who have your problems in this area.....I understand. If you want to ever contact me direct, pleasae feel free. I'd love more of the I feel useful stuff. Here's to all Gina
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Post by puppybox on Mar 10, 2012 9:27:24 GMT -5
great post, XO
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Post by serenitynow on Mar 11, 2012 13:00:22 GMT -5
A few years ago, another member posted a thread entitled something like "Buying things for a life I don't lead." She had purchased many pairs of pierced earrings, even though hers weren't pierced at the time. [/quote]
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