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Post by serenitynow on Mar 11, 2012 13:05:24 GMT -5
Must blushingly admit I too was guilty of the earring spree years ago. I think it had to do with the Someday Syndrome and (if I delve in more deeply) feeling unworthy and non deserving.
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 11, 2012 13:28:36 GMT -5
A few years ago, another member posted a thread entitled something like "Buying things for a life I don't lead." She had purchased many pairs of pierced earrings, even though hers weren't pierced at the time. [/quote] I do the same thing! For a while I bought nail polish. Mostly cheap nail polish. Mostly $2-$4 a bottle nail polish. Even though my nails are rarely fit to be polished. I didn't feel too bad about the nail polish. Felt it was a rather harmless indulgence. It's inexpensive, small, doesn't add much to my clutter. One shoebox can contain every bottle of nail polish I own. THEN ONE DAY IT OCCURRED TO ME . . . I must have $150 -$250 or more tied up in NAIL POLISH in that shoebox. I keep looking at that. Would I rather have all those bottles of nail polish? Or $200? While reading this thread in by-ways: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=other&action=display&thread=16263I had further realizations about my shopping: (an exerpt from my post on that thread): "I was thinking about the (shopping) process. I'm walking through a store/yard-sale/booth-with-freebies. I see all these lovely/useful/clever/handy things. In my mind, I see me (or whomever I'm acquiring for) using/enjoying/benefitting somehow from the possession of the item. I see positive situations and circumstances surrounding the item. I DO NOT see the mess in my home that I will be bringing one more thing into. I do not see the dust that covers all the former useful/clever items I brought home in the past. I do not see the goat trails that these items form on my floor. I do not see the sorrow of not being able to use my home for my personal enjoyment, or the enjoyment of my family and friends. I do not think of the struggle I will endure with basic acts of living (cooking, bathing, sitting in a chair) that have resulted from too many things brought in. No, I only see the good, positive benefits and advantages of having the item. Such a wide gap between what I imagine, and the reality of my obtaining one more thing. . ." (I might also add that I don't think about the money I will no longer have use of when I buy stuff.) When I was at the store yesterday, I found myself shopping for "someday." I remembered the thread, how my shopping is out of touch with my reality. I asked myself what can I use TODAY, THIS week? I put it all back, except for 3 dishrags - because it was all for "someday."
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Post by hiding on Mar 12, 2012 21:25:04 GMT -5
Day,
What are you and I, twins separated at birth? It's rather uncanny at times. It seems like you are "copying and pasting" right out of my mind!
All,
At the suggestion of some of you, I am trying to sign up for Pinterest. Is there any other way to sign up other than through Facebook or Twitter? I have my own reasons for not wanting to sign up with Facebook or Twitter. I emailed Pinterest with the above question, but I thought some of you might know.
Thanks!
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Post by omgwhatisthatsmell on Mar 12, 2012 21:41:24 GMT -5
I used to shop online for clothing often.
I like to put items in my shopping basket and see if I still want to buy it a few days later.
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 12, 2012 22:18:39 GMT -5
Day, What are you and I, twins separated at birth? It's rather uncanny at times. It seems like you are "copying and pasting" right out of my mind! I know! So many of your posts sound like mine! I realized some other out of touch with reality shopping that I do. I buy groceries for the week, and I don't buy too many groceries, but I buy stuff for fantasy meals; meals that involve more prep/cooking time than I am going to have in the week. "Fantasy meal shopping." I end up having to freeze stuff, or try to find a quicker, simpler way to use fresh produce.
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Post by hiding on Mar 16, 2012 18:27:06 GMT -5
I've done a lot better the last 2 weeks with not buying any clothes online. But then I am low on $ right now, so I don't know if that counts. Actually, I don't really have as much compulsion to buy as I did when I first started the thread. I think I am improving.
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 16, 2012 18:32:35 GMT -5
I found that, for me, the compulsion comes and goes. I don't know why. I can do well for a while, then, boom, before I realize it, I've bought a bunch of stuff. Maybe it's an anxiety reaction. Maybe it's just plain insanity. I really wonder sometimes.
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Post by hiding on Jun 14, 2014 21:52:43 GMT -5
I want to revive this thread because I am still having trouble with clothes and I know that others here have that problem also.
The former title of this threat was, "Please help me with one of my hoarding addictions." I was asking for help with my online clothes shopping. I have gotten much better about the online although I still do it occasionally.
The problem now is that I plain have too many clothes. I have nowhere to put them all. There is one clothes closet in Sweetie's junk room. He has so much stuff piled up in there that we cannot reach the closet. So besides my clothes in that inaccessible closet, most of my clothes are folded and reside in stacks and stacks of bankers (file) boxes. That's an inconvenient way to store them. It's nearly impossible to remember what all I have. It's often difficult to slog through the boxes to find what I want to wear. And the whole process takes a lot of time, time that I could spend on something that adds to my life rather than frustrating the hell out of me.
I have already taken many bags of good clothing to the homeless shelter thrift store but it is not enough. I must get rid of more. One thing I have come to terms with is the notion that I should keep the clothes I like that are too small now. I may or may not fit into them "someday". In the meantime, they are taking up valuable real estate. Also they mock me every time I look at them, "You want to wear me but you're too fat, fat, FAT." I really need to get rid of these too small clothes. If I ever do lose enough weight to fit into them, I can have the enjoyment of replacing them then. It is so painful to even think about donating clothes that I love that are too small. It's not just dumping things that I like. It's also saying that I give up on ever losing the weight. That's probably the most painful part. Perhaps my perception, interpretation is wrong. I can't tell.
Then there are other clothes that fit me and I like but I don't wear them. Why is that? Maybe I don't like them as much as I think I do? I seem to end up wearing about 30% of what I own. Lately I have been forcing myself to wear the garments that fit me but I seldom pick to wear. I was hoping to get some answers and I think I have received some. I wore some pants yesterday that although they are new, I am going to pass along. They fit but I don't like the way they look and feel on. I was ill at ease all day. They are going in the donate bag as soon as they come out of the dryer. So I am improving but I have a long way to go.
Oh, one other thing. I have to break myself of buying clothes on sale that I would probably not buy at the regular price.
I would like to hear of others' love/hate relationship with their clothes.
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Post by Arid on Jun 15, 2014 0:38:01 GMT -5
Just as an aside, . . . how do you have your clothes stored in the banker's boxes? That is, do you have them organized into complete outfits? Are they color-coded (e.g. all items are blue, or black, or red, or . . .)? Do you have only one kind of item per box? For example, one box might be filled with T-shirts only; another might be filled with skirts; a third might hold slacks only, etc. Would sorting your clothing into one of these sorts of categories make it easier for you to find what you want? (You could label each box according to what is inside: skirts, blouses, summer clothing, flannel nightgowns--whatever works for you.)
Arid
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Post by hiding on Jun 15, 2014 12:34:01 GMT -5
Arid,
I have items separated by type: sweaters, shirts, etc. I do have a label on the outside of the box, but my general categories are not specific enough. Which shirt box holds the lilac, long-sleeved cotton shirt? Even if I know which box, it always ends up being the box at the bottom of the stack of 7. How do I do that? Some perverted talent of making the wrong decisions! Why not wear whatever is in the top boxes? I often end up doing that. As you can see, my system, if you can call it that, is not working very well. It is a source of anxiety and frustration as well as being at the root of arguments with Sweetie.
However, it is somewhat of an improvement over what it was. I formerly had piles of loose clothing. Now, at least the garment are all clean, folded neatly, and stored in boxes. I suppose I should give myself partial credit for making progress.
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Post by Arid on Jun 15, 2014 13:10:54 GMT -5
That sounds like *GREAT* progress to me . . .!
You'll get it figured out, hiding; I know you will.
Take care,
Arid
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Post by Unswamping on Jun 25, 2014 19:14:58 GMT -5
hiding i am new to SOS and am reading through some blogs. I found yours and can definitely relate to the clothes hoarding issue. I have been seriously working on decluttering, not just clothes but everything. I have too much of everything. I read in a decluttering book or maybe online, "to pick a number and stick with it". Having grown with little and as an adult having a good job that i could afford to buy lots of clothes, i had no idea what a reasonable number would be. I asked my therapist for help and she asked me how many pairs of sox did i have. (Decided to start with sox since that is one of my least emotional areas). So i went home and counted them. I had 83 prs of sox (unfortunately i actually had more in totes in the basement that i had forgotten about). When i saw my therapist again, i said i counted my sox and i 83 prs. She said that was probably too many. I asked her how many she had (she loves sox, she has a bunch with printed holiday designs, etc. i think of sox as a necessity, shoes are uncomfortable if you dont wear them). She said she had one drawer full. She wouldnt give me an exact number but asked me to see if i could reduce it down to a level i felt comfortable with. So i did some paring down and got down to 57. Its taken a couple of rounds of purging but i am now down to having every sock i own folded neatly in a small drawer with room to spare. I still have way too many clothes but i am making some progress. The first step for me was to cut down on buying. I went through a time recently when i had no income. I couldnt afford groceries and other necessary items. I wouldnt suggest this as a way to break a habit. Once i had money coming back in, i did go back to buying clothes. Two things that helped 1) working on the issues of why i "need" so many clothes 2) because i had so many bills that i needed to catch up on, i didnt really have the money to buy clothes (and as my therapist pointed out "do you really need another tee shirt when you have 173 tee shirts at home?"), i started returning clothes i bought. Sometimes i wouldnt even take them out of the bag (it was easier that way). This worked for me but every one is different. If you would like to work together on this, i would love to work with you. I think it would be great to have someone who really gets what i am going through. Because i may have gotten my sox and tee shirts down to a reasonable amount, my throwdobe is another story. Oh yeah and the six large rubbermaid totes stacked in the bedroom and the coat closet that is so crammed i cant get anything in or out (and i live alone). By the way the picking a number and sticking with it hasnt help me, at least not with the clothes.
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Post by papermoon on Jun 25, 2014 20:12:38 GMT -5
Unswamping, your therapist sounds wonderful! I tried a couple of unsuccessful clothing purges, but ended up always hording the same old stuff... I couldn't seem to let go of those things, and yet never wore them. I was so frustrated and discouraged! I hated opening my crammed closet full of "nothing to wear", hated getting dressed, and usually ended up wearing the same old schlumpy frumpy stuff. Then this past January I decided once again to focus completely on clothes. This time, however, I made a big chart, and then methodically proceeded to review and evaluate EVERY SINGLE ITEM of clothing, including all accessories, by trying on each item in front of a full-length mirror. SCARY! I asked and answered each question on my chart: 1. Does it fit? (right now at my current weight, not at some future fantasy weight) 2. Do I love it? 3. Do I love how I look it in? 4. Does it feel good? (not itchy or uncomfortable) 5. If damaged or dirty, can it be cleaned or repaired? Each item had to be a YES to all 5 questions. If any answer was NO, the item went to Goodwill, NO exceptions. It was a looooong process, sometimes quite stressful, but I did it slowly and carefully over several days and took breaks whenever I felt anxiety or resistance. Pretty soon I got in a good happy groove, and I made well-thought-out decisions, all documented on my chart to keep myself on track. Ultimately I purged nearly half my wardrobe, mostly to Goodwill, some to trash. Now my closet is a thing a beauty to behold, along with my dresser. The drawers open and close easily. The closet doors no longer scrape against too much stuff crammed inside. There is actual *sliding* space between my hangers... no more crushed clothes. Everything fits! Everything looks good! Everything feels good! I discovered some new combinations I'd never thought of before. And now I'm actually getting compliments on how I look... it's wonderful!
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Post by sunshineshouse on Jun 25, 2014 20:54:17 GMT -5
Hi Hiding! I used (the heavy cardboard) file boxes at one time, but I used the kind that have drawers. I stacked them 3 high and a few across. Not sure if it is within your means to get something like that or if you are looking to reduce your clothing so that you don't need file boxes (such as if you have a closet or dressers or chest of drawers available too). But the sliding drawer eliminates the stacking and unstacking of boxes.
Swampedbystuff - great post! It sounds like you have a good therapist to work with. I, too, have a serious clothing hoarding issue. I have stopped buying clothes because of tight finances. At least I have stopped the inflow. I counted one category of my clothing - skirts - and I stopped counting when I got to 60. Those were just the ones hung up. It was an eye opener. I have only gotten rid of a few things so far, but I have no interest in acquiring more. Progress! (Welcome to SOOS by the way : ) )
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Post by Unswamping on Jun 25, 2014 21:04:17 GMT -5
papermoon my therapist is wonderful. Not perfect but wonderful. She is a CBT psychologist but also has a humanastic/existential approach. She is also willing to work on the hard issues, not just gloss over the top like my previous therapist. I did do a three day purge about a year and a half ago. I managed to get my clothes horde down to what i thought was a third (it was still alot). Then when i moved, i found a whole bunch of rubbermaid totes in the basement. My washer had broken and i didnt have money to get it repaired or even take clothes to the laundromat. So i was putting the dirty clothes in totes thinking it was just a temporary situation and as soon as it got solved, it would get them clean. Unfortunately, it took an year to resolve. I forgot about them because of all the other things i had to deal with. There were at least 10 large Rubbermaid totes. Then i had to move and the totes wound up moving with me (because they were clothes i actually wore and loved. At the new place, i had a working washer and dryer and eventually got caught up on the laundry. With so many things to deal with between the new place and the old place, i just put the clean clothes back into boxes and totes. I was very depressed this past winter and havent been able to deal with the sorting/purging. I did have similar criteria to your list for anything i kept from the 3day purge. First i picked out my favorites and then went thru a similar list. No point in keeping a favorite item if it was stained or torn. So now i want to work on the remaining clothes and get to the state that you are in. I just find it too overwhelming to go it alone.
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