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Post by dtesposito on Jul 4, 2012 21:12:32 GMT -5
I'm glad your day turned out okay, it could have been worse, right? And you even did the dishes!
I've heard so many wonderful things about hospice although I've had no direct experience with it. I'm sure your MIL is relieved that she doesn't have to go through any more useless therapy or treatments.
Diane
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Post by Chris on Jul 5, 2012 7:22:09 GMT -5
July 5 - Thursday   cat care - fed and cleaned litter boxes  breakfast put away towels  continue with shredding - PM after husband is home 2 boxes packed: photos and small albums + another one with things I want to keep but not pack in my suitcase pack box - books and handful of movies talk to mom at some point target area: 2 drawers in office bookshelf - need to go thru stuff and sort - organize better remove "school supply" type stuff to one dedicated area secure/store wedding ring read more in Tough Transitions, and The Verbally Abusive Relationship - notes and contemplation on both affirmations and denials regarding family and personal issues wash dishes prepare memorial bookmark copy and picture Yesterday was emotional. The family member visiting had a lot of things to talk about all rather difficult in regard to motherinlaw, and her possessions and distribution of them AND about the persons work situation. Today I will refocus on my tasks and goals - the best I can. I need to write some affirmations and denials that will help me very specific ones. It feels like a Monday. Expecting very high heat indexes today so I am not keeping the car. |
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Post by messymimi on Jul 5, 2012 10:24:55 GMT -5
Chris, i'm still peeking in to see how you are doing, and praying for you.
messymimi
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Post by dtesposito on Jul 5, 2012 12:25:18 GMT -5
Chris, does your MIL have a will?
Diane
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Post by Chris on Jul 5, 2012 13:34:20 GMT -5
Chris, does your MIL have a will? Diane No. Unfortunately, she was never interested in doing that. She used to say the two oldest (who were the only ones helping her) could have everything and give $1 each to the other 3 (horrors)- I tried my best to have her go to the same attorney that helped us do our wills but she never would. She doesn't have any titled property - just contents of her room here and her room at the daughters (which is largely dis-assembled now - mainly just books and yarn and some small furnishings remain there) the checking is joint with the 2 oldest but the nursing home gets all but $60 a month of her check now - and we hope there will be enough money for final expenses - there should be because she paid for her cremation ahead of time in a pre-need contract. I think wills are important and I am nervous because all her clothing and small things are mainly here - the daughter has all her jewelry. She had given away her dishes and other things a long time ago when they cleaned out her trailer. |
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Post by Chris on Jul 5, 2012 13:36:26 GMT -5
Chris, i'm still peeking in to see how you are doing, and praying for you.
messymimi Hi Mimi- Thank you prayers are good! I feel stronger but stuck. But I have faith that I will unstick myself soon. ~Chris~ |
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Post by Chris on Jul 5, 2012 18:12:18 GMT -5
The family here has a tradition of not putting their obituaries in the newspaper - it is/was the wishes of my mother + fatherinlaw. But we started the tradition of making a memorial bookmark -- which reads a lot like a regular obituary but is a bit more personal. When it came up in 2010 for my fatherinlaw I really was the only one besides my motherinlaw who knew the information and so together we worked on it. Today, I decided to prepare the information and just have it ready and select a photo as well to have ready for when the need comes up for my motherinlaw. It is a good thing I decided to start on it because it was harder than I thought it would be without her here to ask - I was so used to always being able to ask her everything. But she kept good clippings and I pieced things together to come up with her 3 sisters names and one brother. The family tree is not simple on her side. Anyway, I feel glad that I can do this for her if it is needed this month or next year -- it's prepared and won't have to be done when we're under stress to do it. I hope the others like the photo I found. It is one I took in 1992 at their 50th wedding anniversary party. (she was 73) It's a good older picture but not at too young of an age so that everyone will recognize her well even the grandchildren. The funeral home that the family uses does the first 10 bookmarks free and then we had to order 30 more when Pop passed. Anyway. Even though it is a sober task it feels good to be able to do this -- and the others can add or edit - whatever they need to do. It meant a lot to everyone the one she and I did for when Pop passed.  |
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Post by dtesposito on Jul 5, 2012 20:58:42 GMT -5
Chris, are these like the "holy cards" I remember from when I was a child? They had a religious picture on one side and information about the deceased person on the other side (and a prayer, if I remember correctly). Or was that just a Catholic custom? Is this a nonreligious version of the same thing?
I know obituaries have gotten to be so expensive. Doing something like a memorial card is a good idea.
Diane
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Post by Chris on Jul 6, 2012 7:32:07 GMT -5
Chris, are these like the "holy cards" I remember from when I was a child? They had a religious picture on one side and information about the deceased person on the other side (and a prayer, if I remember correctly). Or was that just a Catholic custom? Is this a nonreligious version of the same thing? I know obituaries have gotten to be so expensive. Doing something like a memorial card is a good idea. Diane Hi Diane -- these are actually really pretty heavy duty laminated bookmarks with a nice border they measure 3 inches wide by 8 and 3/4 inches long. On the back they print whatever we want - we have to decide what to print on hers. On Pops they put a prayer of some kind. I think they charge $1 each (except for the 10 free ones) but they are really a beautiful keepsake. |
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Post by Chris on Jul 6, 2012 7:40:21 GMT -5
Friday July 6 -- shower + dress feed cats + scoop litters mowed front lawn + on side in back + behind garage + cut high weeds along one corner section in the back  breakfast tidy up bedroom + make bed Review category: dishes Review category: books/dvds plan something to do fun for the weekend work in book - Tough Transitions try to talk to Dad ask husband if he wants to go to Spiderman movie later More later -- gotta get this day started |
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Post by Script on Jul 6, 2012 9:59:47 GMT -5
these are actually really pretty heavy duty laminated bookmarks with a nice border they measure 3 inches wide by 8 and 3/4 inches long. On the back they print whatever we want - we have to decide what to print on hers. On Pops they put a prayer of some kind. I think they charge $1 each (except for the 10 free ones) but they are really a beautiful keepsake. We had these for my grandmother, Very nice. PS: when my granny was getting "near the end" it just so happened that I was booked to go to music camp [July 1-8]. My mom wanted me to go: but on A FEW CONDITIONS: I would call twice a day [and leave if "anything" happened]; and I would WRITE the newspaper notice. This was a very GOOD USE OF TIME: as it really is AWFUL to do this "at this last minute". As it turned out, grannie "lasted" until July 18, and the day I got home I went RIGHT OVER THERE and played some of my pieces for her, even though she was already in a slight coma. You are a very kind-hearted daughter-in-law |
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Post by Chris on Jul 6, 2012 10:20:51 GMT -5
Hi Script  -- I am really glad I didn't leave this to the last minute because I had to dig for the names of her sisters and I had forgotten the brother she had - but her bible had all the clippings from when her birth father passed and her brother whom I had forgotten. Because my motherinlaw was raised with her aunt and uncles as if she was a sibling - it's always been confusing when sorting thru the family tree.  |
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Post by Chris on Jul 7, 2012 9:26:03 GMT -5
Well yesterday was not all that productive. I only got the front lawn done + minor inside chores. I'm going to try and get more done today. mowed the back yard and cut weeds along 2 sections of fence. I can only do a little at a time or I get blisters on my hands and sore legs from bending. DH went and did tree limb cutting at his sisters and was too hot and tired to weedeat here when he got home. fed cats and scooped litters my breakfast maintenance in our room - made bed etc. waters shower + fix hair + get dressed pick up loose shredding mess that fell on the floor more reading and journaling - 30 minute intervals is all I can do emotionally make a plan for Sunday - I am not sure I can handle so many days home alone with no car and feeling extra lonely - even though I like solitude this is a bit much (for some reason I haven't wanted to return to church at all) pre-plan a healthy supper for tonight ?? lunch Well -- I did really enjoy doing the yard even though it was very hot 90 already -- I only had to mow the back portion so I was able to water front and back some and trim along the side fences 2 sections worth. I had the birds and cats as company - one neighbor cat that insists he lives here plus my aging little momma cat Marble .. they love to watch me work. It is a real blessing that in this concrete hot place at least I have some green grass in the back and a beautiful shade tree I planted some years ago. I miss the country something wicked. |
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Post by Chris on Jul 8, 2012 7:34:36 GMT -5
Sunday July 8, 2012 sorted clothes + started load of towels + lights fed cats checked oil in van checked tire pressure in van (need a new gauge!) drove van out of yard to front put shoes on scoop litters drive husband to nursing center/ he drove but I got to keep the van get tire gauge taquito finish laundry/ DONE more password work call Dad call Mom ? possible picnic + drive to see brotherinlaw in hospital in nearby town ? not sure at all decide about dinner - last night I put together cardne guisada + had rice leftover + beans frozen = so it was a great meal with only having to "cook" the one dish and heat up beans and rice! It is Sunday - notoriously my hardest day of the week. But I will keep moving and keep trying to change that. A lot of what gets to me right now is likely the amount of time I am home alone. I'm going to attempt to keep the van. |
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Post by dtesposito on Jul 8, 2012 8:28:42 GMT -5
Good morning Chris, good luck keeping the van, let us know how it goes.
Diane
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