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Post by dayeanu on Apr 4, 2012 8:41:08 GMT -5
Thanks, Casper! It really does help to know that I will have to come here and fess up. That Neo-on-the-go doesn't look quite as necessary when I know I have to list it here! I know!!!! Apparently I shop when I am stressed and I am stressed as all get out at the moment and surrounded at work by equally stressed people - the office was verging on complete hysteria this afternoon. On the way home from the gym I decided I needed to by all the things I have been thinking about getting and a pillow. The appliance shop did not have the answering machine I chose so I didn't get that but in the next shop I bought a pillow I didn't know I needed.(it was half price and I'll do something with the old one) Luckily the next appliance shop was closed  At the next shop 2 long sleeved tees and jacket (all 30% off) and Easter eggs. I am going to throw away the old tee I wore to work today - it seems smelly. And ya can't have too many long sleeved tees...... That's right! You can't have too many long-sleeved T's! At least you are heading into your cool season, right? I always buy winter stuff just as summer's beginning. then it has all summer to get shuffled and float around my house!  I'm sorry about the work situation yesterday. Sounds awful. I'd be taking a shopping break too! I think we all shop more when we are stressed. Also, I think I shop impulsively when I'm lonely or disappointed (I think I am being nice to myself; giving myself a treat.) I shop more when I've done really well, as a "reward." And I tend to shop excessively when I have extra money, because I feel like I can afford to splurge. I think I also shop because I want an instant fix. And if I buy clean laundry, my laundry is instantly done. If I buy new dishes, my dishes are instantly clean. (and of course, I'm a big shopper for "my life someday." But I think that may be fueled by disappointment in my current life. I think that still falls under "disappointment" shopping.) I think these attitudes become habits. It's almost automatic - I've had a rough day, I'm going to do something nice for me, and automatically I'm looking to buy something nice and clean and pretty. Because I want to be surrounded by nice, and clean, and pretty. I am working on re-defining what "being good to me" is; what a "reward" or "treat" is. I am working on finding other things that are more positive rewards. I am working on seeing shopping and acquiring as an ugly thing, a thing that promotes a dirty, nasty, ugly, unpleasant home. Recently, when I am at a store, I try to envision professional marketers, huddled together in a back room; evil, vile people, watching me on the store's hidden cameras, rubbing their hands together and gloating about how they are making me buy things I don't need. That may seem extreme, but so has my acquiring been! Whatever works to break the habit! I started this thread because I thought it might help those of us who acquire too much to have accountability. Sure I could talk to my therapist, but once a week accountability is not enough for me. I read the thread in By-Ways, about how writing a paragraph can change your outlook and results. I thought maybe I should do that. I guess that's what I'm doing here. |
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Post by dayeanu on Apr 4, 2012 18:56:15 GMT -5
I went to two stores today; one store to get another prescription for Mother; the other store to pick up a few more things I need. I made a list. I got the items on the list. I looks at and touched a few things, almost forgot and put one in the basket, then remembered that I am only buying what is needed.
It helps to have a list, made out at home ahead of time.
Today was not too much of a temptation. IDK if it's because I am all stressed out about getting Mother to the doctor tomorrow. Too stressed to shop? Is that possible?
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Post by eagle on Apr 5, 2012 11:08:20 GMT -5
Too many long-sleeved tees? Well, yes, I CAN have too many. But I bought a couple myself while on this trip to California. I packed only one, thinking it would be enough, forgetting how cold it can get in the forest in the Spring. I remembered well enough to bring 2 long jeans & one pair of sweats, but somehow thought I could get by with one long johns top. Oh well, at least I got them at a thrift shop so they didn't cost much.
When I get back home, I'll get rid of 4 other tops. (My One-In-Two-Out Rule).
I also bought something new. My carry-on bag for my computer was in need of replacing, so I bought a new one. I did look in several thrift stores for a suitable replacement, but couldn't find anything that met my needs. The new one is better than the old one because, although it's really about the same size, it's shape makes more of what I want to fit into fit better. I can now add my camera case without struggling to get the zippers closed. That's partly why it needed to be replaced. It had started ripping apart at the seams and everytime I tried to close the zipper when the camera case was in there, it ripped more. So it's now gone and the newer one is ready for my return flight home in a few days.
I've already eliminated so much excess luggage, I'm probably not going to try to find a second luggage item to toss, but I will try to find something similar to toss, like a handbag or some such thing that is luggage-similar. That'll keep me in line with my One-In-Two-Out Rule.
But I did buy another pair of cowboy boots. Now when I get home can I get rid of two pair of cowboy boots? Well, I will have to really work on that. I can, and actually think I might put them up on ebay for sale. Anyway that's the tentative plan. It would be nice if I could sell them, as they're still in excellent condition. Mostly I just donate my shoes, but I do have at least 3 really excellent pair I've thought of selling because I believe they would sell for a good price.
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Post by womble on Apr 5, 2012 11:39:47 GMT -5
 Well done everyone for sticking to lists This thread is really helping  All I've brought into the house in the last week is a shower body puff thingy so threw the old one out and I was given some gifts today, new placemats and coasters, old ones just thrown and hubby got me a flour sifter, will have to find something later to throw for that. Oh and forgot I did pick up a paint chart so will find some old ones to throw next. I am going shopping tomorrow and do have plans to buy some tumbler glasses to replace some shabby plastic ones. I'm trying to apply the same principles to eating rubbish now, chocolate will always be available I don't have to eat it all today 
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Apr 5, 2012 12:22:40 GMT -5
I read about someone ....
Every time she resisted an unnecessary or impulsive purchase, she put that amount of money in a piggy bank or jar or something. I think that's a kinda cool idea. You can see your self-control paying off! - |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Apr 5, 2012 12:48:27 GMT -5
I think we all shop more when we are stressed. Also, I think I shop impulsively when I'm lonely or disappointed (I think I am being nice to myself; giving myself a treat.) I shop more when I've done really well, as a "reward." And I tend to shop excessively when I have extra money, because I feel like I can afford to splurge.
I think I also shop because I want an instant fix. And if I buy clean laundry, my laundry is instantly done. If I buy new dishes, my dishes are instantly clean.
(and of course, I'm a big shopper for "my life someday." But I think that may be fueled by disappointment in my current life. I think that still falls under "disappointment" shopping.)
I think these attitudes become habits. It's almost automatic - I've had a rough day, I'm going to do something nice for me, and automatically I'm looking to buy something nice and clean and pretty. Because I want to be surrounded by nice, and clean, and pretty.
... In the above paragraph, you could substitute
"drinking/alcohol" for "shopping"
and substitute
"buzzed/high" for "nice/pretty/reward"
and substitute
"alcoholic grandiosity" for "someday plans" ....
and it works eerily well.Recently, when I am at a store, I try to envision professional marketers, huddled together in a back room; evil, vile people, watching me on the store's hidden cameras, rubbing their hands together and gloating about how they are making me buy things I don't need. I am working on re-defining what "being good to me" is; what a "reward" or "treat" is. I am working on finding other things that are more positive rewards.
I am working on seeing shopping and acquiring as an ugly thing, a thing that promotes a dirty, nasty, ugly, unpleasant home.
I read the thread in By-Ways, about how writing a paragraph can change your outlook and results. I thought maybe I should do that. I guess that's what I'm doing here.
takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=favorites&action=display&thread=16215
In that thread, I attempt to rephrase
pages 24-25 of the Big Book of AA
defining "squaloring" as "neglecting messes"
and then substituting that concept for alcohol.
I did that as a way to define my addiction.
And then I tried to figure out what behaviors would be
"abstaining from squaloring" --
or "abstaining from neglecting messes".
Perhaps you're experimenting with a similar thing ...
attempting to define for yourself --
"What is compulsive acquiring?"
~AND~
"What is abstinence from compulsive acquiring?".
And yeah, my writing that abstinence thread for myself was key to my recovery. (It took me several months before I put my thoughts into actions ... but I needed to go through that particular thought process.) I think the Byways thread's concept about writing a paragraph to change your thinking -- is quite useful.- |
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Post by downandout on Apr 6, 2012 13:07:42 GMT -5
well we just got back from wal-mart and altho we did buy some clothing some of our old torn stuff was tossed so i feel okay about it! hubby needed new jeans cause the old pair had a big old hole in the buttocks area and he also got a new pair of shorts and i got two new tops and two new shorts. i have thrown out his old pair of jeans and two of my old tshirts but no shorts were tossed only because we dont have that many to start with and since we do have the room for them i thought okay thats alright. got a new fan for the porch since the old one has been grabbed for use elsewhere. got another new fan for the family room but the old one was tossed so thats okay too. got a new clock for the kitchen because the old one died the other day. tossed the old one out too. and yes we had a list! we did not buy any movies books magazines computer stuff plants car parts/accessories etc... |
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Post by ramatama on Apr 6, 2012 16:25:17 GMT -5
Last week, while in another city, we happened on a loungerie shop and they had the underpants that I was looking for, in my size and in the colour I preferred and they had a special offer: 4 for the price of three. Need I say more?. Out (to be rags) go two very mended ones. I didn't really need the undies, they were not on my list of musts, but when presented with that kind of offer, how could I not buy them? Somebody tell me it was Ok? |
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Post by casper on Apr 6, 2012 16:45:10 GMT -5
ramatama I would sooo have bought the new undies to replace the old mended ones. You did good! |
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Post by dayeanu on Apr 6, 2012 17:06:06 GMT -5
Last week, while in another city, we happened on a loungerie shop and they had the underpants that I was looking for, in my size and in the colour I preferred and they had a special offer: 4 for the price of three. Need I say more?. Out (to be rags) go two very mended ones. I didn't really need the undies, they were not on my list of musts, but when presented with that kind of offer, how could I not buy them? Somebody tell me it was Ok? I think it is GOOD, even PREFERABLE that you replaced your worn and mended ones. As long as it did not hurt your budget, and most importantly, you either got rid of the mended ones, or moved them to the rag bag. I think it is good for us to have nice things. It makes me feel better (especially when it's clothes) to have things that are in good condition, as opposed to torn/mended/worn out. As long as we can afford them, and as long as we dispose of the worn-out items. This controlling shopping is about having a reasonable number of possessions, and about not spending money we don't have. Even if you have something that is perfectly good, and you find something you like better, and you have enough money to comfortably afford it - I think it is fine to buy the item you like better, as long as something(s) of equal volume leaves the home to make room for it. My problem is that I spend money I really should be saving, to buy something I like - then I get home and just add it to the collection. Nothing goes out the door to make room for it. And then when I want to take DGS on a trip, I'm taking extra jobs to pay for it! This thread is helping me in so many ways. Reading and thinking about everyone else's posts is helping me formulate my own rules for acquiring - when it's ok, and when it's not, and why it is or is not ok. I've never seen a "List of Rules for Acquiring." Maybe after this thread has been going for a while, and we've all had time to mull it over and think about it, we can write an "Official Guideline for Acquiring." Because no one ever explained these things to me, and I am just now figuring it out, with the help and thoughts of everyone here! |
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Post by ramatama on Apr 6, 2012 17:27:51 GMT -5
Avec ma gratitude was wondering...do they sell 's l og g i s' in the usa also? and if anybody knows them, aren't they wonderful? |
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Post by dayeanu on Apr 6, 2012 18:05:49 GMT -5
Avec ma gratitude was wondering...do they sell 's l og g i s' in the usa also? and if anybody knows them, aren't they wonderful? I'm not sure what that is. Can you explain? |
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Post by messymommy on Apr 6, 2012 18:31:18 GMT -5
Sloggis are a brand of underwear, daye. Sold in the U.K. and maybe elsewhere in Europe. I've never seen them sold in the states.
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Post by dayeanu on Apr 6, 2012 20:38:26 GMT -5
Sloggis are a brand of underwear, daye. Sold in the U.K. and maybe elsewhere in Europe. I've never seen them sold in the states. Thanks! |
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Post by wordfish on Apr 6, 2012 22:45:55 GMT -5
What a neat idea this thread is. And, I could have used it in the past month or two. I have to say I have way overspent, past my comfort zone, on hobby stuff. I already have a ton. It's one of my two "controlled hoards." I do have rules about it and for the most part I follow them, but this shopping lately has felt sort of not right to me, so I know that it isn't. However, I noticed a pattern in that last year I overspent on my hobbies from say, February to May, and then pretty much stopped (or was reasonable) until December or so. I don't begrudge myself spending money on my hobbies. What I do mind is if I start to feel uncomfortable about it or if I don't use a lot of the stuff I buy. That is not cool. What I ended up doing was taking first a small box (like a USPS large flat rate box), then a bigger box, and finally a 13 x 20 x 12 box and filling it nearly to the top with things for a friend who has lost her job and fallen on some hard times. I very much enjoyed doing it, and it was a good exercise for me. I got in touch with some of my cool things that I haven't seen or used in a while, and I also enjoyed putting little packages of things together for my friend to enjoy. Technically, I probably sent off close to the amount of what I brought in, at least in terms of volume. But $$ wise, it was just not a cool thing. I guess it sort of felt like it was out of control, and I don't like that feeling. So I think I am ok now and that the "storm" has passed. I don't want to repeat the same pattern again, though, so I want to get to the bottom of why it has developed into one. I compare my "hobby stash" to other people who have been doing the hobbies as long as I have and my stash is not out of proportion in general, but I think I will enjoy it more if I pare things down even further. My other "controlled hoard" situation is Christmas stuff. I suspect I am not alone in this. I figured it all out years ago, though, and I am good now. I spent more than I have in a while last December after Christmas, but I had a list of things I was after, and I stayed fairly close to it. In general, though, I just replace things that have worn out/gone bad/will electrocute us, etc. My husband threw out one of our artificial trees after Christmas 2010, so I did replace that with a Target display tree I found for a spectacular price after Christmas of 2011. I also bought a tree topper, which had been on my list for several years, and a Radko ornament, which I usually buy every year. I almost never get more than one per year and sometimes I don't even get one, but in general I tend to add one Radko per year. As for other stuff, I could go to Walmart every day and not have a single problem in terms of bringing home too much junk. I cannot stand Walmart and it's strictly a "only go when I absolutely have to" sort of place. I go in and I come right back out as fast as I can. If I'm lucky, I can send someone in my place. My trigger stores are mostly online shopping, or a place like HomeGoods that has lots of home decor items. Or a hobby shop that supplies my passion. I mostly shop for that stuff online, though. Or Target. Luckily, the closest one is 80 miles away so it's not much of an issue. I just spent $100 on clothes in the past month, but I actually needed what I bought and they were great bargains, so I stocked up a bit. I am a person who would be happy if we all wore uniforms (as long as I liked the uniform, I guess). Clothes are not a high priority for me. I like to get basics that are fairly classic and then wear them until they drop. As long as I have enough underwear to fill my underwear drawer (it's a small drawer) I am happy--especially if it's not holey! We are getting ready to go into a season of lower income if my husband does not find employment after his temporary job ends. He has actually been out of work (temp job excepted) for 2 years, but we have done ok up to this point because I had 3 jobs up until recently. Now I have 2, and the loss of the third will make things pretty tight. Doable, but tight. We have an emergency fund still, and a nest egg that we could access if things were desperate, but boy they'd have to be really desperate. At least I will have tons of hobby stuff to work on, right? |
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