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Post by sleepymom on Mar 19, 2012 11:28:03 GMT -5
I`m starting this thread with the idea that it could be a place for people to share & honor things that are really difficult to get rid off, before they are sent off to the trash or a new home. I`m going to edit & add to my post as I come across more things. I hope some of you will join me. Right now, I`m struggling with the baby carriage that was bought new for my eldest son. It was his only bed for his first month or so (we were moving & didn`t want set up the crib only to have to take it down in so short a time). It was the only stroller I used for him, and was also used for his brother & sister. We got a lot of use out of it! By the time we moved here, DD was still under 2, but mostly I used an umbrella stroller by that time because it was so much lighter & easier to get out. The carriage was put in the basement so I could still get it out if needed, but I don`t think it was ever used after that. Looking at it now, it`s still technically useable, but some of the plastic is torn and it isn`t nearly as nice as the strollers that are available now. DS told me if/when he ever has kids, he wants a stroller with a cup holder  The idea of getting rid of it makes me tear up, but it`s time. DS will take it out to the trash for me- I can`t do it. I don`t know if the trash company will take it, but things set out there tend to disappear, so I`ll pretend that someone who needs it will take it. Other things I`ve recently let go: A pad of paper that was sort of journal of a couple of weeks with a long-ago boyfriend. I read through it, then put it in the trash A couple of dried up flower arrangements from my deceased son`s funeral (17 years ago!). Also some of his medical records. They were in a folder in the basement & were all mildewed  |
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 19, 2012 12:08:55 GMT -5
I think this is a great idea for a thread, sort of a memorial to things hard let go of. I'm proud of you for making these hard choices.
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Post by Chris on Mar 19, 2012 13:17:49 GMT -5
Really excellent idea for a thread!
The things you listed sleepymom -- I can understand why they are sentimental and difficult to part with even if a practical/rational approach deems them no longer needed! I think at some point we become ready to let go of certain things -- but -- judging from the way I have trouble letting go of some items which I don't really judge as sentimental -- but yet I formed an attachment too -- I can well imagine how difficult items that truly are sentimental would be to let go of. I'm not sure what the secret it - because I've had very limited success with this.
I remember when I struggled a long time over an old favorite bathing suit -- I was really puzzled since I no longer would/could wear it it was so out of style and so hideous (I fit into it but it truly was hideous) -- yet I couldn't throw it away for the longest time. I finally realized it was my attachment to those years when I did wear it -- and I did find a picture of me wearing it -- so I knew I'd be able to remember it plus the good times that we had swimming in different places.... and finally I was able to put it in the trash but I swear it felt like I was throwing some pieces of me away. But that being said, it got a little easier after that to go thru similar processes with other stuff.
Right now I have this Nike hooded zip up sweat jacket I guess you'd call it which is definitely in the hideous category and I look at it and I know that I should let it go -- but I am still "processing" what it is about this gray and black piece of clothing that is tattered ---- the edges are worn from the sleeves and in fact the whole sleeve cuff has come apart (except for maybe 3 inches) on one of the sleeves -- and there are some holes in the back of it where my cat got to it. I love the material and I never hardly ever get name brand really nice clothing -- so I know that's part of it -- plus I wore the jacket so much everywhere - Texas, Vermont, Utah, Florida -- it's almost been like a security blanket. But right now if someone tried to get me to throw it away - I'm not ready. I know I hope to be ready to feel comfortable letting it go someday. But for now, I still wash it and put it on when I'm chilly and it's so comfy even though I look homeless in it.
Some other things I am finding it much easier to get rid of these days because I've been working on my "keeping" problem for a long time. I have more of a "keeping" issue than a "getting" issue at least over the past 3 years.
Some other things which were really hard to let go of (for me) were -- old comforter, sheets which for years were so perfect but ultimately got holes and were the wrong size for the new bed... old purses which I had carried a long time, my old car when it finally died I cried as it was towed away. I don't know ... but maybe some of this is healthy in a way ... while at the same time it isn't -- but at least if we are capable of caring for people, animals and things ... I guess I shouldn't judge too harshly - myself or anyone else.
There is a real incentive in my heart now about trimming away excess "stuff" because I have the dream of moving to my home state and I want that to involve a new start with only the things I most love and treasure.
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Post by Layla on Mar 19, 2012 20:37:50 GMT -5
I just threw away a mylar balloon that was given to me at the hospital when my son was born saying "Its a Boy" I saved it, flat and all. Its been in the garage getting shuffled around, I kept saying Id put it in his baby book or something, but no, I finally let it go.
Im dealing with some big stuff at this very moment, A Vehicle! My husband and I had 5 cars as of last year! I swear its a family trait with my side. He sold his first car this last year, its also what caused us to meet! Cause I was into this particular car and I walked over to him to ask to sit in it, and thats how we met. People said we should keep it because of that. It was impractical, a 2 seater, no a/c, needed work, etc. Im so proud of him for letting it go.
Next is my older vehicle. My brother brought it brand new, its been my most reliable vehicle for the longest time and fits us all as a family the best. Plus all our cars are paid for. Its not gas efficient, but other then that we were going to give it to my son who now his license. Its a stick, my son even though he has his license is NOT a good driver, to the point twice a week we are almost in an accident due to lack of awareness and hes driving stick. My husband and I had no problem before all this to give it to him but after what we have seen we both know we cant have him driving it, plus it failed smog and we spent about $500 to fix it,I couldnt sell it either without the smog and the program in our state to retire a car is temporarily stopped and when it was in affect the most I could turn it in for was $1000, the car is worth about $1000-1500.
Plus the tint is bubbling on all the windows, which makes visibility not the best, windshield is pitted bad which causes bad sun glare, and the driver side mirror is broke, Not all good things to give to your son who doesnt drive the best also.
But personally it always made me feel good to have a "Back up" car in case a car was not running or broke down. Its now smogged and running, but I put it up for sale, a classmate of high school came by and offered me $1200 for it. So hes coming over tomm night to purchase it. I do have anxiety doing this, but I know its hardly being driven and the more it sits is bad for it wear and tear wise, and especially after we spent $500 to smog it! Plus the $$ can go into our new home down payment $$. We are backing off on son and the car thing, he can either talk to his Dad or get a job and show some iniative if he really wants a car, and maybe then we can help him with some $$ later on towards a used car, but for now we will elimate one car, registration and car insurance which will also help financially!
And now,,, my husbands Moms car is next.... a collector car, project car, he finally said he needs to sell it. Hes made an ad but grew up in it and people when they come to see it ask when they hear about it why hes not keeping it? People are practically telling us to keep it who come to see it.
We have 2 reliable cars now, my husband got me one last year, all paid for, newer, good family roomy car, and he has my former car from my father with him working out of state. We can save so much money just having to pay ins, upkeep, registration on just 2 cars. But only the idea of a MOVE out of state got us really in gear to do this....
Im still anxious though, about tomm night... selling it.
My family tends to keep all their cars, my uncle has a car graveyard of every car that family has owned, my own father has given all his cars to us kids or relatives, keeps them in the family, so they make their rounds (My hubby has my Dads old truck now, and Im selling my bros old vehicle) And hubby has his Moms old car he grew up in.
So yeahhh....
I could go on and on with this thread...
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Post by rededen on Mar 20, 2012 6:24:18 GMT -5
Now this is bizarre. I inherited a wooded chopping board. I can remember making my mum lunch using this board. It was the year before I started school. I sliced some bread, buttered it and put tomato sauce (I think you guys call it ketchup) on it and cut the bread in half so it was easier to eat. Can you imagine it? Tomato sauce on bread for lunch ... hmm... anyway tonight I was washing up after dinner. Yep I've still got that same wooden chopping board but it has a piece, a chunk, out of it on the side. That chopping board is very old. I can remember it with green paint on the sides. It was used for cutting bread and I've still got the bread knife, it also has a green painted wooden handle and still cuts bread very nicely. I'm heart broken.  This chunk out of it is on the top but to the side and I suppose I could still use this board but it would be hard to clean. I'm going to have to say goodbye to this wooden chopping board. It reminds me of my mum, my life before I started school (ah yes, I can remember back that far !!) and I think there's so much emotion tied up in that chopping board. Winter is 3 months away here in Melbourne. We have a slow combustion heater and I think I will be giving that wooden chopping board a fiery fond farewell. .... But I'm still very sad. |
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Post by morningglory on Mar 20, 2012 7:18:19 GMT -5
sleepymom, reading your initial post made ME almost tear up! Wow, I really admire your releasing these items. I finally got to the point where I could let go over baby things. I have saved a few little outfits and toys as keepsakes, but the vast majority of the stuff I have either already gotten rid of or would be willing to. In fact, I was just yesterday looking at a baby gown in one of the many baskets of assorted cr*p in my bedroom. My stepmom had made it for our firstborn. I had folded it up and put it there because I had in mind that I would pass it down to grandkids or other family members. But yesterday I realized it wasn't necessary. It is a nice gown, but nothing exceptional, and my babies already got the use out of it. I plan to put it into the donation bag today. The journals and notes (even things like to-do lists and diet diaries) are another category of things that I find very difficult to part with. Recently throwing away 15 years worth of correspondence with a girl I was close to when I was growing up was a huge step for me. But, still, it was *her* letters I was throwing out. I find it even harder to throw away my own diaries and notebooks.  Obviously that is something I will have to work on as part of my aggressive tossing. I cannot begin to imagine the strength you needed to let go of the items associated with your son. It felt like a big deal to me to toss out medical records related to a beloved cat that died almost 16 years ago. I send you HUGE HUGS for allowing yourself to release the flower arrangements and medical records. You did the right thing. |
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Post by lizzie on Mar 20, 2012 23:23:46 GMT -5
Hi Refeden,
it isn't clear to me if you still use the chopping board or not - if you do, then you could probably sand it down with sandpaper/glasspaper on the raw bit, and smooth it down - I have sanded down my own wooden chopping board in the past to improve its appearance!
Otherwise, take a photo of it with the knife too - maybe with a tomato sauce sandwich on it - photograph it, keep the photo on your computer or in a scrapbook, and with your description of your memory of it just as you have written it above - I found your description very evocative, what a lovely memory... then burn the chopping board in a bit of a ritual, let it go with love....
regards, Lizzie
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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Mar 21, 2012 7:38:26 GMT -5
When my first daughter was a baby, my sister made a quilt for her. It became her favorite blankie, she held it every night when she went to sleep and it went back and forth with her to Daycare, got washed about a million times, . Then one day it just went missing. I didn't panic. She didn't seem to miss it, but I looked all around, checked with her babysitter, looked in all our cars, hoped it would show up. It never did. Years later I found it- at the bottom of a laundry hamper in the baesement. All mildewed and had brown-black stains. My daughter was now in school and certainly didn't need her old blankie. I knew mildew is difficult or impossible to wash out. So I threw it away. She's never asked for it. I think there's a photo of her with the blankie in her photo album. Throw it out. Repeat.
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Post by messymommy on Mar 21, 2012 14:09:14 GMT -5
Ahhhh. The baby things. I have a terrible time getting rid of my children's things. My basement is the only area left in my house that is full of stuff. It is all neatly boxed up in clear plastic bins but still, there is way too much. 80% of it is my children's things. I really don't NEED to save every drawing each child has ever made, do I? And yet, they are all down there. Looks like I have some ruthless tossing ahead of me.
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Post by 60isolderthanithot on Mar 23, 2012 5:43:29 GMT -5
What a great thread! When I moved (a year ago), I swore I'd let go of ALL my departed mother's things. I couldn't. I let it go a bit at a time. It can take time to get up the will and DO it. I'm still carrying/walking around piles/boxes/chests/trunks of it, several years after her death. Her favorite books and records seem to be alive, it's as if I must "rehome" things to let them go, as if they were pets who no longer fit into the lifestyle to which I'd like to become accustomed. I sometimes have trouble sleeping for days before and after a donation.
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Post by sleepymom on Mar 23, 2012 10:40:44 GMT -5
Morning Glory, it was your thread that made me think of this one It sounds like you think of things very similarly to how I do. 60, it is so hard to let go of things that belonged to a dearly loved deceased person! When the things you have seem to be the only tangible proof of the person`s life, and you know there won`t be any more, wow, just so hard! I will admit that the desiccated flowers & mildewed records are about the only thing I`ve been able to get rid of that related to my son- granted I don`t have a lot, but someday I anticipate being able to let go of a few more things (I still have his bouncey-seat, DD used it for dolls, and the plastic is broken, but I`m just not quite ready for that step) I helped clean out the homes of both my grandmas, and brought home way more than I should have. It`s taken quite awhile to be able to realize I don`t have to keep everything belonging to my grandmas, just because it was theirs. I`m trying to only keep the things I have, or anticipate having soon, a real use & appreciation for, but it`s hard, and I`m still in the process of shedding layers. If you`d like to list some of your donations here, to see if it helps memorialize anything you had a really hard time with, please do so. If it seems to make it harder you can always edit & delete! |
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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Mar 24, 2012 10:05:55 GMT -5
Years ago, while cleaning, I put a lot of excess books in a garbage can, plaxced it in my garage and sealed it with tape. I put a sign on it "books" and told everyone in my family to leave it there. Last spring I decided to look in it and see if I wanted any of the books (mostly cook books). Everything was moldy! Taught me a good lesson. If you use it, put it on a shelf INDOORS. If you don't use a book, trash or donate it and don't look back. If you need it again, there is always the library or Internet.
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Post by artax on Mar 24, 2012 12:38:35 GMT -5
I just recently had a similar experience, fluffernut. Put a bunch of boxes of good stuff I meant to donate down in the basement, only to find it several years later, the contents dirty and infested with spiderwebs/eggs.
I've several things that I've been having trouble letting go of; great idea to be able to post a memorial of sorts.
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