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Post by dayeanu on May 1, 2012 16:26:50 GMT -5
Thank you very much! I read this last night on my way to getting some much overdue paperwork done. I've started on my place and have done something each day and my frustration at the state of it has helped me bat some bad self talk away. However! not my excuses and not when it comes to desqualoring other areas of my life. My squalor is really squeeeeezing my life.  I went to bed with work undone. But I woke up really early (it's still early here) and your 'one envelope in the trash' story chrystalised!! So I decided to do just one of my 6 specific writing tasks, and that would do! It is now 2 hours later and I've done 4.   I've time for one more before I have to move. Great life advice and support!! Thank you RK RK, that's wonderful! It makes me very happy that you were able to nearly complete all your goals, looking at it "one envelope at a time." I hope you're having a great day! |
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Post by rknott123 on May 2, 2012 5:12:21 GMT -5
My day was better for having done my work! So simple!  RK
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Post by dayeanu on May 2, 2012 8:37:01 GMT -5
My day was better for having done my work! So simple! RK That's wonderful! There's a saying, "What we do today, will determine the kind of day we have tomorrow." I forget that, it's so simple - but it's true. If I wash my clothes today and have them clean and stored neatly, if I wash my dishes today, if I plan my meals and buy my groceries, if I put my car keys away where I can find them, if I do my 'job' work today - I will sleep better tonight knowing I don't have to dread anything tomorrow, and I can start tomorrow in a peaceful and calm way. Gosh - that sounds so nice, maybe I'll try to do that today! |
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Post by PaperGrace on May 2, 2012 8:49:08 GMT -5
Day, just finally getting a chance to chime in. This thread was perfectly timed for me. I had gotten to a point where even the delightful, no pressure Working in Threes was feeling like too much. I had gotten so used to what it feels like to be making progress that slowing down/backsliding felt like a huge failure. Thanks to all who have added their thoughts to this for helping me regain perspective!
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Post by thisisnotme on May 2, 2012 11:25:45 GMT -5
I think I belong here. I'm so overwhelmed. On one hand, I am paralyzed about my basement. On the other hand, I am do things in the living area because I'm scared it will soon look like the basement.
I find all sorts of ways to procrastinate going down those stairs... I have to go down there to do laundry, but I try not to look at the stuff that's just thrown around, one thing on top of another, with no rhyme or reason... and the room in the back of the basement: It took some water at some point -- maybe last spring. And just thinking about getting the boxes repacked and the floor clean makes my asthma kick in.
I know I have to do one thing... maybe just getting some boxes to take home...
I hope that works for me the same way your "just one thing" did for you, dayeanu. Thank you for starting this thread!
(BTW, what does DBG method mean?)
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Post by dayeanu on May 2, 2012 12:05:51 GMT -5
I think I belong here. I'm so overwhelmed. On one hand, I am paralyzed about my basement. On the other hand, I am do things in the living area because I'm scared it will soon look like the basement. I find all sorts of ways to procrastinate going down those stairs... I have to go down there to do laundry, but I try not to look at the stuff that's just thrown around, one thing on top of another, with no rhyme or reason... and the room in the back of the basement: It took some water at some point -- maybe last spring. And just thinking about getting the boxes repacked and the floor clean makes my asthma kick in. I know I have to do one thing... maybe just getting some boxes to take home... I hope that works for me the same way your "just one thing" did for you, dayeanu. Thank you for starting this thread! (BTW, what does DBG method mean?) BDG was a member here. Originally her name was Bad Domestic Goddess, but she later changed it to BDG to be more positive. Her thread, and her wonderful method, is posted in our Favorites. Here's the link to her thread: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=favorites&action=display&thread=16222I can pretty well understand what you're feeling about your basement. These areas become huge to us, they take on an oppressive power that makes us dread whole areas of our homes - our homes where we are supposed to be able to relax and rest, and let down our guard, that are supposed to shelter and protect us! But instead, in the sanctity of our very homes, we have these areas that cause us dread. Pretty oppressive way to live. Of course, we all have to find what works for us, and if what I suggest makes you uncomfortable in the least, please ignore it. Here is what I have sometimes done. I decide that I am NOT going to clean up the basement, and I am NOT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT THE MESS IN THE BASEMENT. I completely dismiss all thoughts of cleaning up the basement. But I do decide that the next time I have to go to the basement, I am going to pick up just one thing, a piece of clothing or a bit of trash, or a tool, or a toy, one *small* item that is lurking there, and I am going to take it upstairs to daylight. I am going to look at it, and think about it, and decide if it's something I want to keep, or not. ***If you can't decide what to do with it, come to the board and post about it. We'll be happy to tell you what to do with it.  *** Once you have our opinions, then YOU can make a decision that works for YOU. If we all say, "throw it away," but you don't think you can do that - that's fine. I posted about my dishes FOREVER. Everyone said get rid of them, but I couldn't; I kept putting them back. Over 150 glasses! A year or two, maybe. Then a few weeks ago, I opened the cabinet, and realized I just didn't care that much about all those dishes anymore. Some of them could go, and it didn't bother me a bit. (This is what I think Dr. Steketee means about handling things until we have developed our own internal rules about stuff.) The important thing is to not let the stuff in your basement intimidate and bully you. Take one thing out of there, and do something with it. Sometimes I play games with it. Pretend you are sneaking one item out past the basement bully. Maybe do a daring rescue of an item for a needy person at the thrift shop, or to put in the trash so the trash guy gets to keep his job, and his sick wife and 5 children won't be homeless! Be as creative as you need to be, to get that one thing out of the basement. Every time you go to the basement, sneak out one more thing. You'll be moving in the right direction, and even if you only remove one thing day after day, eventually your basement will be empty. But more likely, one day, you'll realize you don't dread the basement anymore, and you might find yourself feeling strong enough to remove several things, or even an entire pile! But my suggestion is, just start with one thing. (Also, sometimes, I set a timer for 8 minutes, and work for just 8 minutes. That's ALL I have to do. I don't look at how much I do or don't get done during that 8 minutes, I don't look at how much there is to do, or how much there is LEFT to do. I just focus on moving in a working motion for 8 minutes. When I have done that, I have achieved my goal, and I give myself a tiny reward, a check mark on a piece of paper (or calendar). I have permission to work as many or as few 8 minute sessions as I like, but I do not have permission to look at how much there is to do before I start, or how much I did or did not get done during that 8 minutes, or how much is left to do after the 8 minutes. Because that will defeat me. I only look at working for 8 minutes, and as I accumulate check marks, I feel a sense of accomplishment, which is very good.) |
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Post by messyme on May 2, 2012 12:27:55 GMT -5
Sometimes I play games with it. Pretend you are sneaking one item out past the basement bully. Maybe do a daring rescue of an item for a needy person at the thrift shop, or to put in the trash so the trash guy gets to keep his job, and his sick wife and 5 children won't be homeless! Be as creative as you need to be, to get that one thing out of the basement. I love this idea of making it into a game!  The easiest time I've ever had cleaning/de-cluttering, by far, is when my sister came to help me. She was right there all the time motivating me, and we had some fun. I have trouble doing it on my own, and I've been trying to think of ways to motivate myself (ex: maybe if I make up an imaginary de-cluttering "friend" and actually talk out loud to her!) |
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Post by dayeanu on May 2, 2012 12:32:22 GMT -5
Sometimes I play games with it. Pretend you are sneaking one item out past the basement bully. Maybe do a daring rescue of an item for a needy person at the thrift shop, or to put in the trash so the trash guy gets to keep his job, and his sick wife and 5 children won't be homeless! Be as creative as you need to be, to get that one thing out of the basement. I love this idea of making it into a game! The easiest time I've ever had cleaning/de-cluttering, by far, is when my sister came to help me. She was right there all the time motivating me, and we had some fun. I have trouble doing it on my own, and I've been trying to think of ways to motivate myself (ex: maybe if I make up an imaginary de-cluttering "friend" and actually talk out loud to her!) Also, sometimes I pretend I'm at some poor overwhelmed squalorer's house, and I've come to help them out. I can clean someone else's house! Flylady always says, "If it's not fun, it won't get done." SO TRUE! |
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Post by ramatama on May 2, 2012 12:36:01 GMT -5
Also, sometimes I pretend I'm at some poor overwhelmed squalorer's house, and I've come to help them out. I can clean someone else's house! That is something we have in common. Wonder if it has anything to do about the need or desire to have our work appreciated.  |
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Post by dayeanu on May 2, 2012 12:44:16 GMT -5
Also, sometimes I pretend I'm at some poor overwhelmed squalorer's house, and I've come to help them out. I can clean someone else's house! That is something we have in common. Wonder if it has anything to do about the need or desire to have our work appreciated. IDK, but Tolin, Frost and Steketee write about this in their book, Buried in Treasures. Apparently, it is a common characteristic of hoarders. Their explanation is that the things in someone else's house have no meaning to us, so it's easy for us to deal with other people's squalor. |
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Post by Di on May 2, 2012 13:00:49 GMT -5
I have often wished that we lived near each other so that we could help each other in person. I work so much better with a cheerleader on site.
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Post by dayeanu on May 2, 2012 13:06:39 GMT -5
I have often wished that we lived near each other so that we could help each other in person. I work so much better with a cheerleader on site. It would be wonderful if a trusted fellow squalorer lived nearby! I'm too ashamed to let anyone else in! But I am very VERY glad we have this web site. I can remember when I felt I was some sort of freak of nature - THE ONLY ONE. |
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Post by thisisnotme on May 3, 2012 12:27:18 GMT -5
I thought about what you said, daye. And I'm still having a hard time. I can make so many excuses...
I thought about the "one thing" from the basement and told myself that I rarely go up and down those steps without carrying something -- mostly laundry. And then I looked at the things I could "grab" and realized I'd probably just be moving the clutter to my "clean" area... I really do need the basement for storage, but it's such a mess there's nowhere to put anything where I can get to it...
I put 3 file boxes in my car yesterday, which is a start. But with friends coming today, I went into the "just make the living area look nice so they won't think about you being a slob" mode. I have been friends with this couple for almost 40 years, so I know they love me and are willing to accept me... but they've been visiting with my daughter the last few days and I'm just sick wondering what horrible things she's said to them... And, of course, I'll get to hear about how wonderful her home is -- because it is... But mine? It'll never be good enough...
I'm going to go over to listzilla and post some of the things I've done. It'll do me some good... but I still know I was motivated by shame...
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Post by messyme on May 3, 2012 15:01:59 GMT -5
Also, sometimes I pretend I'm at some poor overwhelmed squalorer's house, and I've come to help them out. I can clean someone else's house! I've tried that one! So far, I haven't been able to be convincing enough for myself! |
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Post by dayeanu on May 3, 2012 21:03:09 GMT -5
I thought about what you said, daye. And I'm still having a hard time. I can make so many excuses... I thought about the "one thing" from the basement and told myself that I rarely go up and down those steps without carrying something -- mostly laundry. And then I looked at the things I could "grab" and realized I'd probably just be moving the clutter to my "clean" area... I really do need the basement for storage, but it's such a mess there's nowhere to put anything where I can get to it... I put 3 file boxes in my car yesterday, which is a start. But with friends coming today, I went into the "just make the living area look nice so they won't think about you being a slob" mode. I have been friends with this couple for almost 40 years, so I know they love me and are willing to accept me... but they've been visiting with my daughter the last few days and I'm just sick wondering what horrible things she's said to them... And, of course, I'll get to hear about how wonderful her home is -- because it is... But mine? It'll never be good enough... I'm going to go over to listzilla and post some of the things I've done. It'll do me some good... but I still know I was motivated by shame... Maybe you could put one empty box and one empty trash bag in the basement. Pick up one thing per trip, if it's a keeper, put it in the box. If it's trash, put it in the trash bag. That way, you'd be packing or discarding, without it ever having to leave the basement. Only take it upstairs if it's something you want to use now. Maybe that would help. How much of it do you think is stuff you want/need to keep? |
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