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Post by onwardandupward on May 25, 2008 20:11:56 GMT -5
Here's a little about me:
Yes, I know my name has a typo. This happened when I rejoined Squalor Survivors a couple of years ago. At first I wanted Pigpen to delete it and let me start over, but then I realized that the whole perfection thing is part of my issue, so I left it as a reminder to myself. Then when we moved to this board, I wanted to keep it for sentimental reasons. My avatar is Sir. Edmund Hillary and Tenzig Norgay, the first two men to reach the summit of Mt. Everest. I chose it because I am one of those people who tries to do everything on my own and I wanted a reminder that most accomplishments are achieved with the help of others.
I have been messy most of my adult life, sort of as a rebellion against the childhood I had. It was not a loving childhood. I was physically and mentally abused.
My parents made sure to tell me that whatever I did was "not good enough" - a phrase that echos in my mind to this day. I was made to do housework and yard work to a ridiculous standard. Regardless of how hard I worked, there was never praise or acceptance. Just harsh words, beatings and then having the task "undone" to be done over (clothes from all the drawers in my room dumped on the bed because Mom didn't like how the shirts were folded)....or pulling weeds for 6 hours on the day of my prom.
In the past I was living in 2nd degree and some 3rd degree (food). Moved with the help of some friends. Last time I alowed anyone to help and that was 12 years a go. Stayed 1st degree for a couple of years before back to solid 3rd degree. Lived in terror of someone finding out and taking my kids. Lived in terror of what I was doing to my kids. We had one clean bedroom where we all slept...we ate out. Found Kimmy's photos and had hope....Still, trauma for them and for me. Moved again for a fresh start. Kept two apts for over a year. Finally went back to clear out the old place. Mostly doing well at the current place....but down to 2nd degree a couple of times. Definitely too much when the landlord put a note on the door saying it was inspection time. Found SS during this period and used it a couple of times, but then when I got things clean, I drifted away. Now realize the need to keep in touch for maintenance.
Current situation- I am successful in my career. My kids managed to grow up into very cool people in spite of me. DS is 18 and DD is 12. Current level 1 to 1.5. Each time I get on track, I don't slide back quite as far before. Getting prepared to move across town to solve some traffic/time problems. This means I need to be SERIOUS about cleaning and culling for the next two months.
I will always be greatful to Squalor Survivors, especially Pigpen, Peppermint, AngelinaHedgehog, Inga and Courageously Lion. I am looking forward to my continued progress on this site, and I appreciate that it is here for us!
Onward
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Post by crazycatlady on May 25, 2008 21:12:44 GMT -5
You impress me, OaU! Keep up the good work! Nice to see you here!
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Post by onwardandupward on May 25, 2008 23:09:35 GMT -5
Thanks CCL!
One more thing.....I was onwardandupwawrd from Jan 1, 2006 on ss, but that wasn't my first experience. I had lurked and then joined with a different name (I can't recall what it was!) at least a year earlier.
Anyway, I am hopeful, so very very hopeful, about this phase of my journey. Thanks to all of you for being there.
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