TOSSING AGGRESSIVELY (thread #6)

[cando]

MorningGlory - Thank you. and you are doing great! I understand your frustration re: the computer & the stuff that could be crucial, etc.

I guess, unwittingly, I was using a strategy. Thanks for pointing that out, MorningGlory! I just kept thinking that I will never get the project done if I start skipping around and clearing a bunch of other areas. This is my area of focus and I was determined NOT to get into cleaning other areas. Also, that is why it is so hard to do that area... the thought of where I am going to put the "keepers" -- having to declutter another area to find place or put where it should be.

Here's another 15 minutes update decluttering floor next to my side of the bed:

*Looked at a few books to see if I really want to read them. Were they given to me or did I buy them because I wanted to read them. Yes! I want to read them. I am leaving those there (in a bag) until I see if there are others that I will be keeping to read. There are a lot of book there. And, my idea is just to keep them together & eventually find a place for the keepers before I am done with this project.
*put 4 receipts in appropriate tax year boxes
*put 9 receipts/papers in recycle bag
*put my new pair of shoes that I just bought last week into my closet.

*2 more powders : both Elizabeth Taylor "Diamonds" -- I use these & they were given as gifts. It is hard to find powder these days (other than baby powder, etc), so I had asked for powder as gifts for my birthday & 4 people remembered & gave to me. So, now I have plenty and don't have to search & buy it, but doesn't need to be on floor next to my bed. , removed stuff from cabinet of back bathroom to put these in there.
*Tossed: zip bag & zipper pouch/bag thingy. (from back bathroom cabinet)
*Moved bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide from back bathroom cabinet to front bathroom closet
*Tossed empty liquid soap bottle next to back bathroom sink & replaced it with an old bottle that has been sitting in that back bathroom cabinet for many years.
*put hair brush that was in that zip bag in back bathroom cabinet in giveaway bag.

Hope to do more tomorrow!
CD

[morningglory]

Cando, it's great to read of your additional progress, using the same strategy. More and more things are going OUT of your house, and more and more things are being PUT AWAY, and more and more spaces are being cleared!

Last night I showed my husband a bunch of those items I had set aside for him. Unfortunately, we have to keep almost all of the adapters and cables. At least I have a method of storing them all together--in individual Ziploc bags (so they don't get tangled), on our living room shelves in canvas bins (so they don't look ugly lying around). That way when he needs them he knows were to look and can sort through them easily. (Although yesterday I was unhappy to find the canvas bin of adapters sitting out. In fact I found lots of different things sitting out--tools, cleaning cloths, shop vac, etc.--after he got done messing with the new computer he brought home. I am trying not to let stuff like that get to me.)

We did get to throw out a few things that I would have had a hard time with in previous years: very old cellphone, very old computer touch pad, very old laptops (actually have about six more of those to get out the door eventually), old CD-ROM player for a format that no longer exists (as my husband said, "It's a piece of history," but even he didn't try to keep it this time). We donated an old 35mm film camera and some old DVDs of movies. As I say, these would have been difficult items to let go of in the past.

One way I am encouraging us to make good decisions is by trying to assign a home to whatever we choose to keep. So when my husband says he wants to hang onto something, I say, "OK, where are we going to keep it?" For the items we decided to leave on the shelves last night, we only have until I finish with the shelving unit to decide. Once I move that, I'm not leaving the stuff in the room. I know there's a possibility he wil "temporarily" set the items somewhere like the living room--but I will get to that room, too, eventually. Probably sooner rather than later. And then they will have to look for an actual home or leave the house. Even though I don't like the idea of keeping things we don't really need, if he ends up putting them into a well-marked and stored box somewhere in the attic, at least it will be out of the way, instead of cluttering up our living space and collecting dust.

There are still a bunch of items in a bin on the shelves that will need to be sorted. I'm not looking forward to it, because once again it's a ton of cable, adapters, and assorted equipment and parts. On the other hand, it will be great to get that stuff taken care of. To think that all that junk was previously on the bedroom floor, dresser, nightstand, boxes, closet floor, shelves, and in drawers. What a cluttered mess everything was! In one area there were about 15 extension cords, adapters, and cables on the floor near a power strip--BUT NONE WAS EVEN PLUGGED IN! I was actually able to move that particular large, ugly, heavy-duty power strip out of the bedroom, because we didn't need it, but didn't realize it!

I also worked on the space by the dresser/bedroom door. Put the little sliding door back on the shelf, got rid of some dust and trash that was on and under the milk crate/file box. I'm thinking I can pretty quickly go through the files and either toss them or move them into the actual file cabinets. If the cabinet drawers are too full, I'll use Cando's strategy of tossing enough files from the drawers to make room for the ones I want to keep from the milk crate.

There are also two pieces of plexiglass leaning against the wall over there. I'm going to go ahead and put them back onto the rack with my husband's huge collection of plexiglass. After all--I'll get to the garage eventually, too.

Right now, dishes are piling up in the sink and clean laundry is threatening to take over the living room again. I'm having my kids do dishes at least once per day, in addition to my doing them, but it's hard to keep up with a family our size (we have three full loads of dishes per day). They are also doing most of their own laundry, but they tend to leave the basket in the living room. I told our 15-year-old that I wouldn't take him out until he showed me that the basket of clothes he just washed was all on hangers. He acted miffed, but he did it. :-) Now I've got to lay down the law with myself. I have so many other demands that I often just let those baskets sit and wait. But it's getting more and more important to me to have a nice living space. So I may slow down on the bedroom for a few days while I get caught up on daily living stuff.

[cando]

Thank you, MorningGlory!

I haven't even begun on the computer/electronics stuff but I know it is there! Great idea on the zip bagging of adapters, etc. Also, happy to read that ya'll got rid of laptops, cell phones, etc.

And, I've been doing the same thing with my DH when he wants to keep something, buy something or bring something home... I, too, say, "Okay... where are we going to keep it or put it?" I can tell he gets a little miffed at me, but I can't help it. I don't want more stuff cluttering up our house... So, I laugh and smile & say, "I really don't mind... as long as we have a place to put it".

Yep, I understand about the dishes. I know how it gets in my home without such a big family....

Update for today... I wanted to spend more time in the bedroom, but couldn't.

15 minutes spent decluttering floor in my bedroom next to my side of the bed:
*put bag of greeting cards & sewing bag where they go in my dresser (cabinet part)
*Tossed: piece of trash, monster hair/dustball, gum wrapper & jewelry pouch that I'd like to keep but all dusty/hairy.
*3 bags into bag of bags to be recycled
*brand new batteries put in Office Supply Closet in "new battery" box.
*pair of gloves & pen put in giveaway bag
*2 brand new, unopened DVDs - put in my den. I do want to see these.
*2 receipts to be shred
*1 picture card put in Memories box
* 19 receipts/papers into recycle bag
*9 receipts put in 2009, 2010 2011 tax boxes
*brand new make-up: mascara, concealer & really neat nail file put in make-up bag in front bathroom (The nail file caused me a little stress because I wanted to keep it out on the dresser where I would see it. Also, afraid it will get ruined in the make-up bag as occasionally something leaks out. I've been wanting one just like it and didn't even know that I'd already bought it!
*more books: several I am keeping, but was able to put 2 into giveaway bag

I actually barely started on a box that is on top of stuff on the floor next to my side of the bed. Well, I was brave enough to open it!...and deal with 2 papers. It is only half full from a previous declutter mission.

So, it is already looking much better (at least to me!). I can see more floor than previously! The goat trail now requires less stone stepping/hopping...

Also, one pile (although they kinda blend together) is gone, but left just with a grocery sized bag of keeper books. I will deal with that bag as one of the last things in this project.

CD

[morningglory]

As always, it's great reading about your progress, Cando. I am so excited that you are tackling all this stuff around your bed.

When you mentioned getting brave enough to open the box on top of stuff next to your bed, it gave me flashbacks of when I had all those boxes piled up in my bedroom and how nervous I felt about sorting through the contents. Wow. I had already forgotten that feeling (although I'm sure it will come up again as I deal with boxes in other rooms).

As for the nail file--is there any way you can arrange to keep it on or in your dresser, so you can more easily access it? Could you put a box or tray in or on your dresser for those kinds of things?

Going through my stuff has stirred up a lot of feelings that had been buried. I realize that is one reason I had put this off for so long--I just wasn't ready to deal with emotional issues (like letting go of baby toys represents the fact that my children's early childhood is gone, and whatever things I wasn't able to do for them or give them will never be made up).

One thing I found when I sorted through the stuff on those shelves was a book that a high-school boyfriend wrote for me in 1980. It was one of those bound paper notebooks and he had filled it with various creative writing focused on me and his relationship with me, but really about his own inner world and experiences. He had written me three of these books, altogether; the other two are stored elsewhere, but for whatever reason this one was just lying out among the piles in my bedroom. I haven't read any of them in at least 20 years.

The last time I read them I considered getting rid of them, since this relationship wasn't a very significant one (although he was a nice guy) and we hadn't even kept in touch at all. I felt that keeping the books made me responsible for part of his privacy (after all, I wouldn't want personal thoughts and feelings I had written at age 17 to be available for random people to read). On the other hand, I felt obligated to keep the books, because they were obviously made with love and I thought he might be hurt if he ever found out that I had destroyed them. So I ended up keeping them.

When I came across the book in cleaning the other day, I read through it. It brought back experiences from long ago, and they weren't necessarily all positive. In a more general sense, it triggered thoughts and feelings about my relationships with others over the years, and difficulties I have experienced but not understood. On one hand, this is a good thing, to ponder my life's experiences from the perspective of maturity. On the other, it is unsettling.

Anyway, I decided to see if this guy might like to have his books back, so HE could ponder HIS life's experiences from the perspective of maturity. If someone offered me things I had written at that age and hadn't seen since, I think I would be curious. So I Googled him and sent him a message asking if he'd like them. Haven't heard back yet. We'll see. I don't think I want to keep them anymore, either way.

[morningglory]

Forgot to mention. Remember I said I hadn't breathed a word to my dad about the clean-up effort? I finally said something to him the other day. I told him that I had been engaged in an intense decluttering and cleaning of my house for about three months now and had been able to maintain the spaces I had cleared. I emailed him the before and after pix of my kitchen counter (because he had seen the counter before, anyway, and it wasn't as disgusting as some of the other areas I have cleaned). I told him I had lots of other such pictures, if he was interested.

He was pleased, and said that neatness is not a virtue in itself, but it is a reflection of inner peace. I liked what he said and that he felt encouraged. But at the same time I felt, in spite of the fact that he has criticized my messiness and tendency to keep too much stuff for decades, he doesn't really appreciate how bad it was and what a huge change this is for me. For me it's analogous to if I had been an alcoholic and could say that for the first time I was three months sober.

So I kind of wished for a bigger response, and that he would want to see other photos. But, of course, I am not doing this to get approval from him or anyone else. I am doing this to make a better life for my family (myself, included). And it's better than if he had said, "Well, it's about time!" (I think fear of that response is one reason I hadn't said anything so far!) I think his positive but not effusive reaction was helpful for me in overcoming the tendency to be concerned about gaining his approval (which is a little silly for someone my age, anyway).

[toomuchstuffinne]

Hi Cando, My bedroom is in a similar state as your "before" pix. Your story of your progress is very motivating. I'll post when i do my own "15 minute" bites. Thanks for sharing.

[cando]

Hi and Thank you, MG & TooMuchStuffInne!

MG -- Thank you for reminding me... that is something that I had thought about doing when my dresser is cleared off. I had forgotten... Something to keep some things in that I use on a regular basis, if I don't keep them in the bathroom.

I can also understand now that association with keeping the toys... Yes, I had similar thoughts about things like you wrote, "my children's early childhood is gone, and whatever things I wasn't able to do for them or give them will never be made up".

I am glad to read that you've decided to part with those books.

About your Dad, I understand your thoughts related to him. I am glad that you do recognize that you don't need his approval. You are doing this for you and your family! And, you've done an awesome job!!!

TMSI == I am looking forward to reading your posts about your bedroom progress.

BTW, I put 5 books in giveaway bag. These books are from a drawer under my side of the bed. That drawer is almost empty, I believe... couldn't pull it out all the way to see it good due to the clutter on the floor next to my side of the bed..

CD

[morningglory]

Cando, I am excited to read your further progress. It was only a few weeks ago when I couldn't pull anything out from under my bed and now I feel like it has always been clean. Once you get that floor area cleared and can fully access the drawer, maybe you could use it to store the books you have saved to read, that you currently have in that bag.

[cando]

Hi MG! Thanks for the support!

I managed to put about 6 articles of clothing that were sitting on top of my dresser into one of the drawers.

As far as that drawer that is almost empty & may be empty that is under my bed.... I will probably put more of the clothes that are on my dresser into that drawer. I intend to move all the books either into the office or on the den bookshelves. (except for 1 or 2 that I am reading). Possibly into a drawer of my nightstand... if I clear out some room for them...

Haven't really worked on anything this weekend, except that little bit of clothes.

CD

[morningglory]

Cando, your plan sounds like an even better idea. Clearing up dresser space, putting books where books rightly go. This will all work out, bit by bit! I'm cheering you on!!

Believe it or not, I'm still working on getting caught up with daily stuff. I think one issue for me has been the high temperatures we had the past couple of weeks--in the 90s. We only have window air conditioners, and those only in some rooms, so much of the house gets hot and humid, which makes it very hard for me to do physical work.

I tend to SIT, or stick to the cooler rooms, and the kitchen is not one of those. In fact, I break a sweat peeling potatoes in there. Seriously. I guess it's even hotter because of stove and oven and no cross ventilation.

Anyway, today is MUCH cooler and feels great. So I am planning to tackle a lot of those piles of laundry and dishes, before the weather changes again.

[Di]

Cando, I see that you use powder too. When someone asked for it for Mother's day, I thought it was a simple request, one that you could just run out and pick up. After 3 days of searching I finally found a few boxes and bought all 3 of them for her because I knew that she had a place to store them without them being in the way.

I admire the way you are focusing on one thing at a time. I wish I had the focus to do that. I ping when I'm cleaning. It eventually gets done but unless it is a very small area no one area gets "finished" before doing something else. I tend to go into a bedroom to check for dishes and then make up that bed or pick up the floor and then grab the laundry and put the dishes on top of it and drop off the dishes on the way to the laundry room, then start the laundry or take a couple of things off the table and then need to pee and will sort of swipe at the bathroom while I'm there, etc... I often manage to accomplish a lot but it's never organized and consistent. I would love to finish something and be able to say, "look! visible difference!" I admire your stick-to-it-ness!!! WTG!!!

[morningglory]

I agree, Di Dreaming. I usually have used the method you describe of getting a little done in each room as I go, but never completing anything. That's one reason why I decided to change my strategy and focus on one very small area at a time. I can't describe how motivating it is to be able to see an area completely clean for once!

Also, it is forcing me to make the decisions I usually avoid because they are too difficult. Like, it's easy for me to go into a room and deal with things like dirty dishes, dirty laundry, and trash. I know exactly what needs to be done with each of those. But the things I am not sure about, or have trouble letting go of, JUST SIT. And that pile of stuff I am not ready to deal with just grows and grows until I end up like I have.

By committing to clearing an entire corner, counter, shelf, or whatever, I force myself to start addressing the items I have left for another time. In my mind I keep thinking, "That time has finally come." I have learned how to evaluate things more critically, how to deal with the emotions of letting certain things go, and how to find a home for the things I do want to keep.

I have also gained the wonderful experience of having a completely cleared an cleaned area, and that is becoming addictive! I keep seeing more and more places that I want to tackle and clear out. :-)

[Sunshine]

MorningGlory, that last post summed up for me so many of the thigns I learned and felt on this thread. Thank you.

CD, Di, and TMSINE, and all the other folks who post here - fantastic progress! CD, I just love hearing how you and DH are changing your thoughts and actions!

I'm on hiatus for about another week, house-sitting for my sis with no internet except when I connect the phone to the netbook, and that only allows a fairly small data use before it becomes prohibitively expensive. But I'm cheering for you all from down under!

[cando]

Sunshine, DiDreaming and MorningGlory... thank you, again.

Today, I had a major focus on something different. I had an Energy Efficiency test done of my home. Program funded by the Public Utilities Commission. They came out tested & then proceeded to make repairs, etc.

I had to have all the windows cleared so they could have access to them, also doors & outlets. This was very scary as my home is very messy. There is a window on my side of the bed, so I had to make more room next to my bed so that they could get to the window!

So, this is my update re: my side of the bed window
... Bagged up the loose stuff in front of the window & just kind of stacked piled what was left a little better so they could get to the window. There wasn't much in bags/boxes except for in front of the window since I'd already been working on that side of my bed. I put a couple things on top of my dresser.
*Dusted pictures that were on my nightstand next to the window. Also, dusted part of the nightstand. I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving all that dust/dirt where it could be bumped into & it was just an awful eyesore. I mean, my house is cluttered and not clean enuf, but this was terrible!
cleaned the windowsill & cobwebs of that window.
*Again, scooped up the dust/hair on that side of the bedroom next to my side of the bed

So, at end of day, I have 1 box moved into DD's room temporarily -- I want to go thru it & don't want to forget. Also, put 3 bags of stuff that I had gathered from floor next to my bed ... back in there.

I did not have time to go thru stuff or toss anything.
But, I will!
Luv,
CD

[morningglory]

Did some more TOSSING today. I went through my snood/scarf/hat drawer. I have a ton of pretied head scarves (they have elastic in them, so you don't have to tie them). I order them from online, so they don't always end up fitting me. I have a bunch that I really LOVE, because the fabric is so beautiful, but they are just too small for me, so I have never been able to wear them (or tried wearing them once or twice, but they didn't look right to me). I have been hanging onto them in hopes that my head would shrink, but it hasn't so far. So I put together a bag of the nicest ones and gave them to a friend who said she was intereested in seeing if they would work for her. :-)

I also put a bunch of snoods and hats in the donation bag that were older and that I had worn more, but don't really want to wear any more.

I have a big stack of longer snoods (that hang down the back). About 10 years ago I wore those ALL the time. I like the way they look, and they are still in fairly good condition (some need the elastic replaced, but that's not hard to do). But they aren't really in style any more, plus I no longer have long hair (which fills the "bag" in the back of the snood). I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them yet, because they can't easily be replaced (since they aren't in style). I really like them, but I don't know if I'll ever wear them again. For now I have stacked them neatly in one section of my headcovering drawer. Maybe I'll wear them if (1) I grow my hair long again, (2) I have an appropriate situation in which to wear them.

Probably I should just get rid of them, but I am not ready yet. I did well getting rid of the other headcoverings that were practically brand new and so beautiful but not working for me. If anyone wants to push me on getting rid of the long snoods, I'm willing to listen!

I also threw away a few headcoverings that were just too worn out to donate.