TOSSING AGGRESSIVELY (thread #6)

[morningglory]

Cando, I feel for you having to have people going all through your home. At least the energy efficiency test was a motivator to quickly deal with some of the dusting/cleaning issues.

[cando]

Thanks, MG!
You did great going thru your headcoverings and I can understand all your reasoning involved. I thought it was very funny that you thought your head might shrink. I was tempted to ask you to send them to my DD who has a very small head and is likely growing her hair out, again. (She grows it out very long and then gets it cut short & donates her long hair. She has done this 3 - 5 times. She got it cut about a year ago, so I'm sure it is getting longer). She also has a very small head. But, then I remember she doesn't need to cover her head yet as she is not married. Good job, once again!!!

I wanted to let you all know that I have maintained my cabinet that had all the tupperware type items, etc. that I totally cleaned out a couple Tossing Aggressively threads back. I am really happy about this as it must mean that I arranged it in a good fashion in that I can keep it up so easily! It is not like I am spending time going thru it ever so often or anything. I am just only keeping the current containers and not adding any more containers such as margarine or sour cream containers. Also, as I put things back in the cabinet after cleaning them... I don't just throw them in, any more. I actually set them where they go... including the lids! If I notice someone other than me has messed something up in there, I don't complain... it just takes me a second to fix it back. No biggie. I am so thankful to you for starting these threads. I no longer have to worry about clean things falling out of that cabinet onto my dirty kitchen floor. It may sound small... being just one cabinet... but it really did impact my day to day life.

The kitchen counters have not been maintained as well, but there is only 1 paper on them and that is my grocery list! Part of the problem is that my DS moved back home & needs his own cabinet or something to put his stuff in.... there is not that much more on the counters though and it would be very easy to get it back to Level 0.
Now, just need to get with the program for the area next to my bed & my dresser.

Will hopefully have an update later.
CD

[morningglory]

Woohooo, Cando! I am so glad to read that you are maintaining the container cabinet! Isn't it a great feeling? I can't wait until you have more and more areas like that.

I know it sounds funny about me expecting my head to shrink, and I did mean it partly jokingly. But there is some truth to it, as well. It turns out that head circumference can change when a person gains or loses weight (I guess because of fat cells in the skin on the head.) I found this out when I used to sell headcovers.

One woman told me that when she was young and extremely thin, she used to have to pad hats to hold them on her head, but as she put on weight, she had trouble finding hats to fit. Likewise, my skinny clients needed padding or very small hats, whereas my heavier ones had larger heads. Plus, my own experience was that I used to be able to wear ordinary, off-the-rack hats when I was skinny, but now very few hats are large enough for me, and if I wear a wig it has to be a special large size. (Luckily, snoods and scarves stretch!)

MORE TOSSING: Another book sold on ebay and I shipped it off today. I relisted three that haven't sold yet, but I'm going to donate the others that haven't sold so far. Then I also have a few more I intend to list once I get these cleared out. So far I have made over $30 selling books on ebay and another 40-something selling a textbook to Amazon. Not bad for the few minutes it took to arrange online and the time to wrap and ship them. (I didn't have to pay any of the postage, and I reused some packing materials from things shipped to me.)

[cando]

Great job with the books, MorningGlory! I'm glad you are making some money from them.

Today I spent 15 minutes going thru a bag that contained stuff from next to my side of my bed - Some of the things that I hurriedly put in bags that were on the floor the other day, just before the Energy Efficiency people came.

1 paper to be shred
1 book entered on spreadsheet, then book put in giveaway bag.
1 book put on bookshelf in den
3 books into giveaway bag ore re-sale them
2 bags, packaging, pencil & pen tossed
3 books will keep to read
1 receipt put in 2009 tax box
make-up in make-up bag put in back bathroom
3 small boxes put in recycle bag
18 papers/ booklets/completed seek a word book put in recycle bag
4 papers kept to work on & then recycle

This stuff was from 2009! and, am done with that bag!

CD

[morningglory]

Woohoo again, Cando!! I am so glad that you have gotten another bag dealt with!

I have been dealing with some emotional backlash regarding writings I have unearthed in the bedroom cleaning--things I wrote years ago and things others wrote to me years ago. I could use some advice.

I have diaries in which I recorded some really unpleasant experiences, and also just a lot of thoughts and feelings that I don't like to remember now. Does anyone else have experience with this kind of thing and figuring out what to do with them?

[Hurricane]

Yeah Glory, I have something similar. A few years ago I had an extremely traumatic miscarriage. I wrote a diary about my feelings afterward for a few months.....it is an intensely angry and sad reckoning of what I went through. I was saving this diary as a remembrance of this lost child, however I'm not sure I want this kind of BAD remembrance....every time I re-read it I'm re-traumatized. I threw it back in the drawer and walked away the last time I saw it, but I'm thinking it's time to trash it. What if I die and someone reads that diary.....is this the kind of thing I want to leave behind for loved ones to see? No it is not. Is it helpful for me to re-read? Absolutely not. I think it's time to let go....what about you?

[cando]

Yes, I advise you to trash the diaries if you would NOT like anyone to read something you've written in them. I did this a few years ago with some of mine. I forgot what triggered it, but realized if someone went thru my stuff or found these... it does not paint a pretty picture.

Also, my grandmother wrote diaries for many, many years. She saved them all... she had several drawers full of them. The really old ones were very interesting... especially the one about the baby that she had in the car when going over railroad tracks. And, during the depression, etc. She had a big family, but still those diaries were never published or made into a book. My Mother and I did key some into computer and printed them and got them bound together at Kinkos... it was very expensive and extremely time consuming. We ended up not doing all of them as the later ones were getting repetitious. Family members had to pay if they wanted one put together for them. Not everyone was able to pay. And, where are the diaries now....it was a big conflict for her 6 children after she died. Finally most agreed for my DMom to keep them at her house. Where they have been sitting now for many years along with her comic strip books, hand-made recipe books, etc. In boxes and in drawers and on shelves. My DMom feels guilty for keeping them all, and has loaned them out to different members of the family -- checking them in and out like a library. It doesn't really matter much what she thinks as she has to keep them and she would like to give them to others. It is very complicated... but the diaries were wonderful but also a source of pain for the family. Also, most everything written was nice but there were a few criticisms and/or remarks made that if gotten in the wrong family member's hands ... well, they might have a different opinion of my Gramma. . . or they might just be very hurt.

So, I would think very hard about whether you want to keep them ... and possible future ramifications, if any, of keeping them. I used to think diaries were wonderful and I do love to read auto-biographies...

Also, forgot to mention... that when I re-read my diaries... they just upset me all over, again. Re-living bad experiences and bringing back those old emotions and feelings, etc.


Hope this post helps, somehow.
Love,
CD

[lizzie]

Hi Morningglory, if you have access to the technology, you could scan them and store them online, password protected, and destroy the originals. Then you could access the information again if you ever wanted, but no-one else could.

Sometimes diaries are a personal history, and sometimes they are a place to release all of the distress, anger, and emotional stuff that may be too personal or hurtful to share with someone else. If the latter, then that diary has done its job - maybe a ceremonial burning is the way to go.

Regards, Lizzie

[cando]

My update:
Spent 3 minutes going thru a bag that was from the quick pick up of the floor next to my side of the bed before that Energy Efficiency test/updates. That was how long it took me to go thru one bag. Never dreamed that I'd be done with it that quickly.

*Tossed: old blood pressure monitor & cuff (not accurate and very old--already replaced it), packaging from new bp monitor, a pencil, assorted trash like tissues, 2 plastic grocery bags and 1 sock.
*put empty box & 1 2012 receipt in recycle bag
*1 2010 medical bill to be filed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grabbed a book from the next bag from floor next to my side of bed. That one took me a while to make a decision on. I finally decided to keep it after looking that book over really well... it is called, The 3-Hour Diet by Jorge Cruise. Put that book on bookshelf in den.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Took me 4 minutes to go thru the next grocery sized bag after I had removed that book. Much faster than i ever dreamed, once again!!!
*2 receipts into 2009 tax box
*1 paper to be shred
*put brand new unopened nice nail file in back bathroom drawer
*2 papers into recycle bag
*Tossed: 1 tall kitchen trash bag that had lots of dust balls in it, 3 plastic grocery bags, 13 pads and tampons (unused, of course), a pen, a brand new "Chill Tie" unopened, pair of sunglasses, tissues, and a pony tail holder. All of these things were very dusty, hairy, dirty!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11 minutes spent on the next bag from stuff gathered from floor next to my side of my bed -- This time, it took a while... 11 minutes to go thru 13 papers. Arrgghh!
*All 13 papers/brochures/catalog into recycle bag. Hard for me to toss without reading these papers from when I visited and went to Orientation at University that my DD is attending. She is now a Junior. At least, I was able to part with all of them!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spent another 15 minutes on that last bag -- still not quite done with it. Lots of papers, again, from University of Minnesota and visits there.
*1 catalog & 1 brochure re: student loans... put with DD's college stuff -- filed in her file box.
*bag into trash
*1 Gopher luggage tag into giveaway bag (brand new in packaging)
*16 brochures/papers into recycle bag

CD

[cando]

Update for Late, late Saturday night:
Finished going thru bag from area next to my side of bed:
4 papers to be filed
1 into Office in a Bag
30 papers/brochures into recycle bag. I had saved maps, etc.... but since I've had them for a couple years and have not referred back to them... tossed them.

Went thru some more stuff that was on floor in front of my dresser:
empty bottle in recycle bag
16 papers/receipts in recycle bag
3 receipts in appropriate tax year boxes
Tossed: assorted trash (batteries, lid, 3 socks, etc)
3 bags into bag of bags to be recycled
put brand new wallet in nightstand drawer
put new toothbrushes in back bathroom cabinet
put new bottle of conditioner in front bathroom closet
put assorted brand new never opened mascaras, eye shadow, etc. in my make-up bag which is in the front bathroom (No more buying make-up!!!)
put brand new (beautiful) small nail file in my purse. (one that is special glass and actually a piece of art... well, kinda?).

Finished going thru loose stuff on floor next to my side of bed & finished going thru a box that was also on that area of the floor!
Wrote name & address in address book
9 receipts/papers in 2009 tax box
Found $7.05
Tossed: big white plastic bag to cover hanging clothes, button pin with DD's band picture on it that was damaged, comb, some kind of eye mask, part to an old blow-dryer that I no longer have, plastic zip bag, a pen, and a highlighter.
Put button pin with DD's band picture in my jewelry box
Package of unopened batteries, flashlight and package of notepads will be put in Office Supply Closet (hopefully, tomorrow)
4 papers to be shred
65 papers (receipts, calendar, unopened mail from 2009, many to-do lists, magazine, and other papers) into recycle bag

All I have left on the area of floor next to my side of bed & by dresser is 2 boxes to go thru & 1 grocery bag of books that I want to keep and read. Oh, and a lot of dust/hair/lint.

You can really see a difference now. No longer a problem walking on that side of room next to my bed, now! Mostly floor there!

CD

[Di]

It's not actually out the door yet but I filled 6 tall kitchen trash bags for various destinations and one medium wicker basket and one very large wicker laundry basket with stuff from kiddo's closet.

[morningglory]

Di Dreaming, 6 tall kitchen bags plus two wicker baskets is a ton of stuff! Fabulous!! It will be great when they have "left the building" (like Elvis).

Cando, I am so impressed with all your lists of stuff that you have dealt with so far. (I laughed out loud at your "unused, of course".) Your bedroom must really look quite different at this point. What a great feeling! (Three Hour Diet, eh? I'll have to look into that one!)

Hurricane, Lizzie, and Cando, thank you so much for input about my diaries. I actually feel very relieved and reassured to know that I am not the only one who pours out negative feelings into diaries and who has felt horrible re-reading/reliving those experiences later! I was really worried.

Lizzie, I like your idea about a ceremonial burning, because that is exactly the image I have had in my mind. Recently I ceremonially burned a hurtful letter I came across in cleaning. "Tossing" it in that way helped me purge the pain I had related to it. Other hurtful letters I have just tossed in the trash, almost as a way to symbolize their triviality. But the writer of this letter no longer had these negative feelings toward me and was embarrassed by the letter, so burning it was sort of a purification.

Cando, your description of your grandmother's diaries (the positive part) is pretty much how I pictured in my mind that my diaries would be a legacy for my family, an interesting history that would also give insight into their ancestry, etc. But a lot of parts ended up being what Lizzie described as the other function--a place to pour out negative emotions and private experiences that I couldn't talk to anyone about.

Hurricane, it's like you said. Although I originally wrote these things down thinking it would help me process it later, I mostly feel re-traumatized reading them. For that reason I don't know that I want to scan them in, even with a password, although that is an excellent idea for personal things I might wish to hold onto but keep private.

However, there are some of those good and interesting things I do want to keep and make available to my family. For instance I wrote about my first pregnancy, and so forth. I think I need to go through the diaries, and either cut out or scan in the pages I wish to keep for my family, and burn the rest! This is a hard decision to come to, and I never thought I would feel this way about diaries I wrote. But I think I will feel better when those "chapters" of my life have been closed in this way.

Thanks for your help, ladies. I will update you once I have dealt with them.

[Di]

MG, I do both when it comes to writing, I have a journal of things we do and the fun we have and the family stories that we want to share.... Then I have cathartic writiong that I put on loose leaf paper in a "temporary folder" I write drafts of "nasty letters' that I will never send, I write out hurts and injuries to my soul. I keep that folder in the bottom of my underwear drawer -- the one place NO ONE will snoop. Then a few days or a week or two later, I rip out the therapeutic and either burn or shred it (depending on my feelings about it at the time) The regular journal has sad topics, ... deaths, etc... but no vitriol. The nastiness is for my eyes only and the therapy is putting it into words and putting in down on paper, not rehashing it later. Something similar may work for you.

[cando]

All this talk about diaries just reminded me of what I used to do and wish that I had kept up with it and done it more often. I had a separate diary that I called "Smiles & Giggles Journal". In it, I wrote anything that made me smile or giggle. Some would be very short entries and others quite long. Tales of something that happened that made me smile or laugh with the kids, dogs, or just anything at all.

Thanks for writing about the diaries, MorningGlory. That is what I am going to do, get back to my "Smiles & Giggles Journal".
CD

[morningglory]

I love that idea, Cando. That way you know it's all stuff it will make you HAPPY to remember! :-)