Eeny, meeny, miny, moe

[disarray]

Hi Long time member, occasional poster here! I'm happy to say I'm definitely not a hoarder anymore. But I'm still far from being what I want to be - a minimalist.

I highly doubt any of you remember me since I rarely post, but on the rare occasion that I do post, one or two people always seem to remember my username. So maybe those people might remember that I have a problem with children's books.

I'm a child care teacher, so books have been something I've been collecting since college. I've now decided that I can get all the books I need from a library. Also the place I work already has plenty of books.

I have zero children of my own and do not know if I will ever have any. It seems silly to keep things for an unsure future. And again there's always the library. (My sister takes her daughter to the library twice a week. This seems like the way to do it. This way your child is introduced to a variety of books but without the clutter.) A few favorites around the house is all my (as of right now nonexistent) children need. If I even have children...

So anyway, obviously books are pointless for me to be keeping. My brain sometimes protests "But I need them if I switch jobs." But again if I ever work somewhere that's lacking in books, there's always the library.

I've donated dozens to work. I've donated hundreds to Good Will. Yet I still have more than I want or need. It should be easy. Bag the remaining ones up and dump them off at Good Will. Right?

Ah, but I'm down to my favorites. (Hundreds of favorites...) It's harder now. These are the "best." Deciding is more difficult. It takes longer. It took me two and a half hours just to convince myself to get rid of 25 books this afternoon.

When I'm not in the book room I tell myself "Just throw them all in a box. No big deal. Make it speedy. You have this minimalist goal in mind so you know they're all going to go eventually. Just be done with it. You're making it too hard and taking too long."

But when I'm actually looking at them I have to read them. I have to think about them. I have to think about how much I spent on them. How much I think they're worth (both in a monetary sense and an intellectual sense.) I have to think about what the story means to me. (I don't know why. It's not like you can lose a story... A book, yes, but the story can always be with you.) I have to decide the best place to donate them. (Best books = niece. What she doesn't want = work. What I don't think is suitable for work = Good Will.) It's all such a drag, and it always seems like it should be so much easier.

Like I said, I'm down to my favorites, and since all the books are pretty much in a tie for favorites right now, picking one book over another seems arbitrary. They're all worth about the same to me, soo do I just get rid of them all?

My tubs full of Cliffard, Froggy, Franklin, Little Critters? The giant tub of Dr. Seuss with all the matching Dr. Seuss character stuffed animals? Do I throw out all my favorite author collections (Jan Brett, David Shannon, Steve Jenkins, Leo Lionni, Kevin Henkes, Robert Munsch, etc.)? What about all my Christmas books? Each little individual collection has it's own labeled tub. Some books are even signed. Do I just put them all in a black bag and head down to Good Will? It sounds easy enough, but it's so hard. I guess the hardest part is worrying that I'll feel regret after I do it.

What if the very next day I say, " Wow, I had the best children's book collection ever and I just gave it away." Will reminding myself that other people out there (people with children) will have a better book collection now because I let go of mine make me feel any better?

I'm just at that point where I don't want to nitpick through my books anymore. I want to throw them all out, but then again I don't.

[dtesposito]

Hi disarray, I remember you and your cute avatar!

I'm also struggling with my last hoarded item right now, it's also books!

Can you try to pick your least favorite 10 percent and donate those? Maybe you can donate 10 percent at a time as you are comfortable letting them go.

On the other hand, I'm only partly successful letting mine go so you probably shouldn't listen to me!

Diane

[disarray]

It's a good idea. I let go of 25 today. If I can do that every day, I'd make progress. It still seems kind of silly though to spend so much of my time and energy on something that I know could be done in two minutes if I just had the "balls." Something that could be done in two minutes may take me...who knows how long, and yet I'll still end up with the same result - empty book room.

I guess I get frustrated with the whole process, and I want to just either chuck it all or keep it all instead of being so painstakingly thorough in my decision process.

[dtesposito]

if I just had the "balls." Something that could be done in two minutes may take me...who knows how long, and yet I'll still end up with the same result - empty book room.

But you can turn that around and say "if I'll end up with the desired result, who cares if it takes a little longer, as long as it's easier to do this way"?

Maybe it's a slightly different version of the perfectionist tendencies that make us say "if I can't do this absolutely perfectly, I might as well not do it at all"?

Anyway, good work letting some of them go.

Diane

[dailystruggle]

Some is better than none in my opinion. I'd say keep doing what you can do. If you can't rid of all of them at once, that's okay. You don't need to spend time feeling bad for not taking them all out at once. I call that initial feeling when you see your house decluttered as "non squalor shock". It's kind of scarey. I think that gradually decluttering lessons that feeling, because you start to get used to it beforehand. Whereas if you take it all out at once, you get shocked and you feel like something is missing and you want to refill it. I don't know about you, but certain things make me feel safe, and when they're gone, I feel vulnerable. So, getting rid of everything at once is not an option for me.

[howardsgirlfriend]

Hi! I remember you!

Sounds like you've made great progress.

I'm not sure what would be most helpful to you regarding your books. It does sound as though having a complete set is quite important to you. Does that sound correct? If so, you should respect that when you give them away.

Is there also a belief that if you give away certain books, you're "closing the door" on future possibilities in your life? I can certainly relate to that.

What is it about minimalism that appeals to you?

[immaculata]

I can certainly relate as I'm doing similar things myself, trying to be a minimalist and having major book collections too.

Your book collection sounds amazing!

Like yourself, I am not sure I'm having kids myself, sadly, so I found it comforting to donate my childhood favourites to my little niece.

Another suggestion would be to donate your primo stuff that your niece already has read to your local library (or another library nearby). I could be wrong but most libraries seem to welcome donations. My library seizes gratefully on them. Or places like dentists' and doctors' waiting rooms would be ideal. I found this a bit easier than giving them to my local charity shop.

If you belong to or know of a local faith centre (synagogue, church, temple...), it/they could well have a kid's group that would be only too delighted to have your books. My local church has a creche during the week and a Sunday School, so I could talk to the creche and Sunday School leaders about giving them some books. I realise it's only July so you probably don't want to leave it until then, but at Christmas, my church has a gift service where everyone brings wrapped presents with a suitable age (i.e. for a child aged 5-7) on the outside and leaves them under the Christmas tree. Then the churchwardens collect the gifts after the service and they are donated to disadvantaged children. Similarly, at any time of year, children's charities, like Barnados over this side of the pond, would be thrilled to receive your books.

One other thing - if you're feeling uncomfortable about getting rid of your books, then don't get rid of them, for a while at least. If you have decluttered and simplified every other aspect of your house, return to the books and make a decision then. It might be easier by then to decide!

Good luck, whatever you choose.

[lizzie]

Hi Disarray, I remember you too! I wonder if a different donation place might help - is there a children's hospital that you could donate some to? What about an old folks home - where people might like reading stories which are easier to read, or remind them of their childhood, to having books that visiting grandchildren might enjoy. Would you like to donate them to a women's refuge? When women have to leave home in a hurry with their children, they usually have to leave books behind.

And you say you have hundreds of favorites - well that sounds okay to me, LOL, but is there a particular number of favorites that you think would b an okay number to keep? For example, as many as would fit on three shelves, or one hundred book in total, etc?

I am interested to hear how you make the decision to release some of them. Maybe you do want to read them all again first, that is okay. If you read one a week, and then release it, then 52 of them will have gone in 12 months' time.
Regards, Lizzie

[messymimi]

Of course i remember you, Disarray!

Speaking of children's books, doesn't the tortoise beat the hare every time? Some people have the brain that gets rid of stuff, but isn't as good at some other things. We have brains that are good at other things, not getting rid of stuff. If it takes us longer than it would others, so what? We get there.

If you don't castigate yourself for not having a calculus mind when math isn't your strong point, why do it over this issue. Your strengths are in other areas, but you can become stronger in this one.

That means a few at a time, like a few reps at a time build muscle.

You will get there, you will get stronger with repetition, and you will remember the cost and not let it grow back again.

messymimi

[einsteinsdesk]

I know that my son's school really appreciates book donations. THey give them to kids who don't have books at home because of economic status. You could look at your local school district(s) and see if there are any literacy programs or schools that could use them. With all the cutbacks in funding in many places, I am sure they would be more than grateful to have those collections.

In regards to the "slowness" of getting rid of things, it takes as long as it takes. Be kind to yourself. It's ok to be frustrated with the process too. But it will get done eventually. Setbacks are temporary.

Good luck!

[einsteinsdesk]

ALso, there's this:
www.facebook.com/LittleFreeLibrary

The little free library of freely given books. Set one up in your community perhaps?

[ramatama]

Hi disarray,

some people find it easier to let go of something after they have taken a photograph of it.

Perhaps if you took a pic of the front and maybe even back cover of a book you are hessitating about, it might make it easier to give away?

you have a pm too

[seashell]

Hi, disarray! It's good to see you.

Books are the hardest thing for me, as well, especially books that relate to the work I was in and hope to return to. I pared down to my absolute favorites and decided to keep those few (about 50-75 books and booklets). Last fall, my apartment flooded and I lost nearly all of those books. So far, I haven't missed most of them and have only replaced a few.

[Layla]

Hey there, I just recently have had to move, I still have stuff at my old place to go through, but I began going through my books some time ago in anticipation of the move. I sat down and did like you did.

I parted with a stack, its gone in my yard sale pile, had the yard sale and didnt sell one book. So they went to my donate to goodwill pile.

I did start paring down years ago, but my more newer recent books, I put on half.com and sold a lot that way. Now my OLD ones go in my antique store booth(I rent a space) so thats where some of the ones that are tough for me are going.

But I get your whole process, I have done it with clothing and my bathroom/toiletries/makeup you name it closet. It seems I go through it one day, throw some stuff away, some goes into donate piles.

then it seems Im revisiting the same stash again, like my clothing and once again asking myself if i need them and one by one, its been a process but each time I get rid of some more.

Another good mindset is to say "If I had to move which items would i REALLY want to take with me and what do I NOT want to pack and move?" even if you arent moving, just play the what if game.

I do know for me once I decide there are items I dont want anymore I want them out RIGHT AWAY, like I dont want to see or think about them, so I want to drop off for donations or put a free ad up to get them out ASAP. I dont like to look at them once Ive decided to let go and I guess in some strange way I fear I may want to keep them if they sit around so I want them to go away before I change my mind.

I have found in my case a lot of things are out of sight out of mind once I let them go (On my terms)

[howardsgirlfriend]

Thoroughness is very important to you, even when it's possessions less dear to you than books. I remember when you were considering what to do about the Avon bottles. It wasn't just about finding the "perfect" place for them to go--it was also very much about the process of researching their value.

I don't know if this is true for you, but I feel a great sense of responsibility towards my possessions. When I damage them, or discard them when they're "still useful," I feel like a failure. I feel as if I'm being cruel, selfish, and wasteful.

I attempt to assuage my negative feelings by finding the "best" place for my possessions to go, but that doesn't relieve all the pain, plus there# a point of dimishing returns. I was sacrificing my life in a futile attempt to have my possessions achieve self-actualization. As if I could!

For you, children's books seem to be a powerful symbol of your past and possible future. When things have that kind of significance to me, discarding them feels as if I'm denying my past, or squandering possibilities for my future. Does that resonate with you?

If I'm trying too hard to get inside your head, just let me know. I don't have good judgment about that sort of thing. My sister calls it "going counselor on" her.