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Post by nekomom on Nov 28, 2014 7:31:18 GMT -5
I hate paper clutter but I can't sort fast enough. I don't want to or can't make myself throw it out without looking at it all.
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Post by lostchild on Nov 28, 2014 15:41:52 GMT -5
Maybe give yourself permission to glance rather than deep reading everything.
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Post by nekomom on Nov 28, 2014 20:48:24 GMT -5
It doesn't matter anymore. I had the rooms empty by 10am. but it was too late. He's going through everything. Even my keep boxes that I moved out of the area weeks ago. He even read a few 'dear diary' letters I had in a notebook but didn't think to tear out and burn. My parents used to throw away all my things when I was younger. I can't keep the tears away. I pray that I don't hold any negative feelings towards him.
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Post by Louie on Nov 29, 2014 6:14:57 GMT -5
oh nekemon, I'm sorry that he is going through things, I get how awful that is, I have had similar experiences growing up and been humiliated by having things I'd written read out in public, just wanted to send you a hug, I hope things improve tomorrow.
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Post by nekomom on Nov 30, 2014 11:01:47 GMT -5
Thank you so much. I am feeling somewhat better now. Thankfully at last moment he is letting me take a box, a notebook and a pen with me and I am the one burning my paper. I feel better about that. Only whatever I decide to keep in that box I will need a good reason to keep and my reasons are never good enough :/ and one banker's box is not big enough for me to keep all I want to keep. There is plenty of trash bags packed with papers to be burned. And he is still going around the house finding more papers to go through and filling more trash bags of papers and some books as I type this. I say I am feeling better only because now I will get to see what is leaving my life myself and maybe I will be able to keep a few pieces. Before with it all going I would have been clueless as to what was stolen from me and what was still able to be in my life going forward. We have been married for nearly 19 years. This is the first time he's ever done this. He has complained a lot. I was making progress but not as fast as he would have liked. I had been saying that it would be done by 7am Friday morning and it wasn't done until 10am. So this is what I face now. Now I know don't ever state anything will be done by any strict deadline because I have no clue how long it may actually take me. I was just so hopeful that I'd have it done oh well. Hard lesson learned. Thanks for your understanding reply. It means so much. I really like this little forum here. No where else may I go and have anyone understand or fathom why I would have such a huge amount of paper. I just hope that he doesn't go get started on the garage next. For now he just keeps finding papers to sort making me uncomfortable. I hope it doesn't rain as all my papers are bagged up outdoors in the elements waiting to be put into the fire. I can't wait until this is all over. I am thrilled that the room will be able to be done I was just hoping to get this all done on my own. Now my inlaws think that my husband is the one who 'fixed the problem' and had to keep getting rid of papers for more than 12 hours (they kept texting and calling to see if sheetrock was going up yet and husbands answer was always "no I am still getting rid of papers" - ugh)
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Post by Louie on Nov 30, 2014 13:59:34 GMT -5
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. It's good that you can look forward to the room being done, even though it hasn't happened how you would have preferred it to. Maybe try and focus on that as you're burning the papers. Sending you positive good thoughts, hang in there
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Post by nekomom on Dec 1, 2014 7:53:46 GMT -5
Thank you, Louie.
He really is only trying to help me in his own way even though he has no clue how to help pilers/hoarders.
It is all done. I burned most of it all. He did sit nearby and started tossing paper into the fire too since I would not have finished at a decent time without help. A few pieces of paper did get burned that I would have kept. I did have tears running down my face for most of it.
I am thankful that I was able to rescue most of my papers from departing my life prematurely. Now I can release those from my care at my own time.
He has lived with me and my piles for all these years. He really wanted to burn my stuff over a month ago but did not. He wanted to accept my dad's offer to help us with the sheetrock but says that helping me with my papers was more important.
Maybe he needs to listen to an audiobook on having a spouse who has difficulty with papers (or what to do and how to live with a spouse who has hoarding tendencies in one or two areas), if there is such a book.
I honestly have no clue what all remains. I will find out this week. We didn't touch my filing cabinet so that is still in tact. It's just my piles and the papers in totes and bins that got purged.
Next will be the garage. I will start on that.
Beginning today I will give 2 sessions of 15 minutes to the garage and 2 sessions of 15 minutes to figuring out what papers remains from my piles and creating a home for them in my portable plastic filing boxes if need be. Possibly I could purge paper from my filing cabinet to create room for my keep papers.
The papers that left were not in proper places. They didn't have a home which is why this happened. All things important and worth keeping should have a home. Most of what is in the garage is not in proper homes. Everything should be in a findable format so that any of us would be able to find something easily. I was in the process of doing that with my papers but I was too slow and had too huge of a backlog.
Now I have to concentrate on getting ALL keep papers (I have a few boxes that survived) in a findable format and keep up with all incoming mail. I know how. I just need to implement a system. First is to show the family where incoming mail and all papers are to be put and consistently sort and purge out the junk and take action or file away the keep papers.
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Post by nekomom on Dec 1, 2014 9:56:58 GMT -5
I looked through the bottom drawer of my filing cabinet this morning and I easily found over seven inches of paper that I no longer need. It is being released today. Attachments:
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Post by hollyhock on Dec 1, 2014 10:18:39 GMT -5
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Post by Louie on Dec 1, 2014 13:28:32 GMT -5
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Post by lostchild on Dec 1, 2014 22:35:25 GMT -5
Trust me when I say if you don't dwell on what's missing but on the feeling of emotional lightness of being rid of stuff that isn't doing you good you'll feel better.
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Post by cando on Dec 2, 2014 7:39:43 GMT -5
HI nekomom . I am so sorry that you had to get rid of papers in this manner. That would have been so very rough for me. Although, most of my papers that are in bags and boxes are actually my families (junk mail, bills, papers re: things with family members, medical stuff, etc)... there are some papers that I would want to keep in these bags/boxes but it is all mixes and jumbled together. The bags & boxes are results of multiple sweeps of sink counters, tables, surfaces -- basically. Whenever we needed to clear an area, etc. I would feel so bad, too, if someone got rid of them and went thru them ... especially since I feel it is my job as Mom to go thru them and file/keep whatever is needed, important and memorabilia. I would feel so violated and humiliated, so I think I know a little of what you probably have been thru and are going thru. I hope that the feeling of having these things off of your shoulders, now, and having empty spaces will relieve some of the emotional pain that you have. I hope that you will get some enjoyment in the end from the release of the papers & maybe end up appreciating what your DH did. I've been working alot on my papers but sorry that I haven't kept up on this thread or the other paper thread in the General Forum. I am concentrating on dealing with stuff once & for all rather than bagging and moving things from here to there but never really finding places for them. Getting rid of them continues to give me the greatest satisfaction. Luv and hugs, CD
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