anonsally
New Member
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 7
|
Post by anonsally on May 25, 2013 14:24:45 GMT -5
I don't know what to do. My house is always been a bit messy but it overflowed when my husband's parents died and we inherited all of their stuff. We have five people in 1900 square-foot house. After having my daughter last year I had severe postpartum depression, and the house got worse.
I'm so depressed I don't know where to begin. And I'm scared to death they'll take my kids. Anyone been through this? Anyone have any advice?
|
|
|
Post by boyswillbeboys on May 25, 2013 14:42:03 GMT -5
Hugs, the first thing to do is pick up a garbage bag, and fill it with any obvious garbage.
Since your immediate concern is CPS, don't worry about your room right now, unless the baby also sleeps in there. We aren't going for perfect, aiming for perfect will only lead to failure, I aim for good enough, and a lot of people aim for better than it was.
There are several methods of crisis cleaning, my way is far from the only way, but I found my crisis cleaning method worked for me in such a way I now use it for daily cleaning. My attention doesn't allow me to do a whole room at once, so I have a list and I roll a dice, and go in that room for 10 minutes, I set a timer, and pick up the most visible things, garbage, toys, laundry and blankets.
I hope this helps.
|
|
Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
|
Post by Blackswan on May 25, 2013 14:43:13 GMT -5
I've been through it. Make sure you have plenty of food in the fridge. Make sure each child has their own bed and safe place to sleep. Look for safety hazards. Throw away all visible trash. When the cps lady came to my house my house had a lot of papers and little bits of paper all over the living room floor. I told her we had been working on art projects and collaging and hadn't had a chance to clean up yet. The first time she came, nobody was home and she looked in the window and saw a bunch of used plates on my table. They were covered in bean burrito red sauce. She made a remark later that my son must like to eat lots of ketchup cause she had seen the plates. She said it was good though cause she could see I had been feeding him well. So some things aren't as horrible as you would think , even if they are messy. Do what you can do, and let go and let god. If the house is too messy, you will most likely be given time to clean. They don't just take your kids away over anything. I had my son taken away later after the messy house visit(she didnt even bother to tell me to clean the house, that was fine). He was taken cause I had a major drug overdose with lots of hallucinations and crazy stuff going on. And when they did take him, there was a hearing determination meeting type thing too and they were trying to come up with another solution. It's hard to lose your kid. A messy house will not do it unless it is pretty horrific with bugs and vermin and no running water or stuff like that. No food in the fridge, or moldy dangerous food everywhere, no place to sleep, safety issues. Those things will do it. So if u have any thing like that going on, work on that. Otherwise do the 20 percent of the job that will make 80 percent of the difference and let the rest go. You can explain that you've had some mild post partum and you've recently been having a harder time keeping the house clean so you've been exploring hiring some help. You know, make it sound good. You have my amnesty to lie a little. Your kids are possibly at stake. Go for it. Do your best.
|
|
Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
|
Post by Blackswan on May 25, 2013 14:46:57 GMT -5
And by the way, when I lost my son, it was awful but I got him back early and things worked out fine. I used to live in sober living and got to see lots of parents get their kids back.
It is extremely, extremely unlikely you would lose your kids over a messy house but if you were to, you would get them back and things would be ok.
There was a couple on hoarders once that had Cps involvement and were going to lose their kids but they were given time to clean up and never lost them. Their house was absolutely packed in, no place to move around, bugs, rodents, animals, moldy food etc.
|
|
|
Post by Celeste on May 25, 2013 15:16:37 GMT -5
One helpful post is this one in the "Crisis-Cleaning Suggestions" thread. It boils down to keeping the child's bed, kitchen and a bathroom clean, plus making sure exits aren't blocked.
|
|
|
Post by heretoday on May 25, 2013 16:09:52 GMT -5
Can you get someone to help you? I went thru all that - I was a single parent with 2 kids and was always working - had 2 jobs for yrs. Best to have it as clean as possible in my opinion otherwise they will make return visits for who knows how long. Once they took pictures of anything that was the least bit messy in my house ignoring all the clean areas. Then they phoned back and said they wanted to take more - I got the advice of a lawyer who told me to tell them no they had already been and taken pictures.
|
|
|
Post by CaringFriend on May 25, 2013 16:13:30 GMT -5
Anonsally, I am so sorry that you have this stress on you right now. All I know about CPS taking children away is from what I've read and seen on TV. And like Blackswan said, it involves lack of food or moldy food, no bed or no access to a bed, human or animal feces in places it shouldn't be, and dangerous situations such as children having easy access to drugs, knives, guns, exposed electric wires, etc. Make sure cleaning supplies, alcohol, and medicine are out of reach of kids. Do not have doors or windows blocked with stuff. I don't know how old your other 2 children are, but even a 3 year old could help you. Get hubby involved, too. Young children can pick up trash and put into a garbage bag. Disposable dirty diapers laying around? Kids can find those, too, and toss. Kids work better if you tell them specifically what they are to find..."Go to every room and bring back all the dirty diapers......Go to every room and bring back the soda cans......etc." If you don't have a dishwasher, dirty dishes can pretty much wash themselves in the sink with HOT sudsy water. Fill the sink and put in glasses, cups, and silverware to soak while you work on something else. Before you leave to work on that something else, fill every dirty pot with hot sudsy water and let them sit on the counter & stove top letting the sudsy water do the work until you can get to them later. Another job you can give your youngsters is to go on a "Treasure Hunt" and search every room for dishes/etc to bring to the kitchen to be washed. After you have finished another task, return to the kitchen, quickly swipe off what's in the sink, rinse, and set aside to dry by themselves. (I often say that God dries my dishes.) Then fill the sink with plates to soak for the next round. Once all the dishes are clean (and put away by Wednesday) can you use paper plates from now until after CPS leaves? That will take some stress off. Also, plan easy meals for the upcoming days - hamburgers, pizza, etc. So, the dishes are washing themselves, the kids are on a trash hunt, that leaves you to declutter the fridge of old food and put things away in the kitchen. A timer is your best friend. Don't have one? Use this: www.online-stopwatch.com/countdown-clock/full-screen/?ns=../../s/11.mp3&nslen=3 (I had trouble creating a link.) Set it for 50 minutes and when it goes off, take a 10 minute break. Drink water to keep yourself hydrated. Have the kids take a break and play after every job you give them. Laundry? Wash one set of sheets each day and put them right back on the bed. Thursday morning have the kids help you make all the beds. Pets? Scoop the litter box every morning and every night from now on, even after CPS leaves. This job can be delegated to the children, too. One child can do the morning and one can do the night. Living room: Work with the kids to put all toys in boxes or baskets at the end of every day. Even plastic laundry baskets are great for this. This is enough to get you started. Take a deep breath. You can do this. Just picture all of us here cheering you on in the background. After each little task is completed, give yourself a pat on the back from us. Check back every once in a while to share your progress with us because we care.
|
|
anonsally
New Member
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 7
|
Post by anonsally on May 25, 2013 17:56:56 GMT -5
Thank you all for such great advice! I am lucky in the sense that my house doesn't have mold or dog poop on the floors or anything. It's just clutter and toys and literally 15-20 loads of laundry. The kids are twin 4 year olds and an 18 month old and the twins like to take food and hide it. That's part of my problem, we've also been working on them not peeing on the floor. The dogs are fine it's just the kids, they cause a lot of destruction and are hard to keep up with.
I sincerely appreciate all the advice and non judgment there aren't many instances where I can talk about this problem openly without ridicule. Thank you again!
|
|
|
Post by oust on May 25, 2013 18:16:16 GMT -5
I was thinking of so many things to write that you could do before they come. If you can use the sink start hand washing clothes when you have a load in the washer, then after you have rinced your clothes run them through the spin cycle on the machine so you can do two times as much in the same time. I would hire a Rug doctor or pay for someone to come clean all the carpets asap if your kids are peeing on the floor. You need to get that smell out. Open all windows that you can and don't use any cleaning stuff with pine in it........it makes pee smell far worse. Make sure all the family is clean, soap water deodorant clean hair and teeth cut nails etc. Get any trash out get rid of most of the toys, people have far too many are they are a big trip hazard. Any electric cords or wires.....get rid of them. Any food in the fridge that was not bought this past week......trash. clean and scrub the fridge and sink. Clean the kitchen floor use baking soda in the soap to get the smell out. Re do it as many times as you can. Vacuum all the floors use baking soda for the smell. If anyone smokes, don,t do it in the house. Open doors and windows for fresh air. Clean off all these finger prints from glass anddoors It makes it look like the kids are trying to escape. Good luck. Don't forget no nasty odor's is the way to get a good impression when someone walks in.
|
|
|
Post by CaringFriend on May 25, 2013 20:05:21 GMT -5
A trick from Pinterest for a really nice scent that fills the house: pinterest.com/pin/408068416206594662/. Here is another easy homemade air freshener: www.thefrugalgirl.com/2011/12/a-simple-air-freshener/. But don't make both at the same time! Engage the twins in helping you in every way possible. Make it a game for them. They can help you sort the laundry before it is washed. "Bring me all of the _____." They can help sort after the clothes come out of the dryer. "Twin1, what would you like to find - all of Daddy's socks or kid socks? Twin2, what would you like to find - all of Daddy's undershorts or _____ (whatever twin1 did not choose)" Talk it up before doing this. "You are getting so big now that you can do what other 4 year olds can do - help Mommy sort clothes. Just wait till Daddy gets home and hears how much you grew up today!" When you have time (HA!), get a large piece of paper and print on it: "We can..." Sit the twins down and ask them what they have been doing to help Mommy: sort clothes, pick up trash, put trash in bag, pick up toys, put toys in box, put napkins on table, put silverware on table, get diapers for baby, etc. Then have each twin draw themselves in the top corners of the paper. You can print each one's name beneath for them (kindergarten teachers do this all the time). It may make an impact on the CPS worker if she sees this posted on the fridge when she comes. You will not be judged here. After CPS leaves, please come back and request help with getting control of your house. You have your hands full with 4 year old twins and a baby, but there are some things you can do with the little time you have left after dealing with the children.
|
|
anonsally
New Member
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 7
|
Post by anonsally on May 25, 2013 23:46:25 GMT -5
We have a rug doctor but haven't been able to get the smell out, even using an enzymatic cleaner and a pet urine smell remover That's one area I'm worried about. And the good smell is a great idea! Someone suggested cookies, but we eat gluten and processed food free so it would be a huge pain in the butt to make them the vanilla in the oven is a great idea!!! The support here is amazing, all of your ideas make me pumped up to get this done. I've already cleared almost the entire bottom floor! I just need to do about 2 more hours of work down there and shampoo the carpets. thank you, thank you, thank you! And you bet your buttons I will be back for help getting our day to day stuff under control . I'm also a full time student and my husband works in surgery so our time is limited and any way that we can get things done quickly is a lifesaver for us.
|
|
|
Post by CaringFriend on May 26, 2013 1:50:44 GMT -5
Off topic............ I discovered this site tonight and have been exploring it: fountainavenuekitchen.com/category/gluten-free-options/. To my surprise, I discovered several gluten-free recipes. Since you mentioned your household is gluten-free, I thought I'd share it with you. Although I know you do not have time to explore it or experiment with recipes. Perhaps you'll want to bookmark it for a later time.
|
|
|
Post by immaculata on May 26, 2013 4:50:33 GMT -5
The only suggestion I'd add to the advice above is that if you have 20ish loads of laundry to do, it might be quicker to throw out/donate some of those clothes if you don't need them. It's faster to chuck stuff in a bag and bring it out to the trash/charity shop than it is to wash/dry/fold/put away the same items IMO. Of course, if you find sorting items to get rid of or donate very stressful or takes a long time, then of course, ignore me. You can always stash the items in garbage bags in the back of a wardrobe or under a bed if you have to, just until the inspection's over. I think you have a great attitude - more power to your elbow! I wish you all the best of luck. Let us know how it goes. We are all wishing you well.
|
|
|
Post by Jannie on May 26, 2013 7:09:46 GMT -5
One of my "dirty secrets" is I use my car , back seat and trunk, to hide bags of stuff I don't want others to see. Like bags of laundry, picked up miscellaneous papers that I need to sort through but just don't have the time. On the day CPS is coming, move the car and park it away from your house. Good luck! I've never been involved with CPS but I believe they are looking for dangerous situations, not the overall neatness of a home. Make sure all obvious garbage is gone. CPS does require each child to have a clean bed, and a functioning bathroom in the home. Make sure that the house doesn't smell. Open the windows for even 5 or 15 minutes is enough! Good luck and know a lot of fingers are being crossed for you, plus a lot of prayers!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: January 1970
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 26, 2013 7:15:41 GMT -5
I like the laundry hiding idea. I think if you got that out of the house, it would be a big improvement.
|
|