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Post by hurricane on Aug 26, 2014 19:51:32 GMT -5
I was 34 when I was diagnosed with two crippling, progressive autoimmune diseases. Massively simplifying my life is the only way I could survive and even remotely keep up. I have chronic depression that no med will fix, as it is miserable being in constant pain and disability. I had to make a lot of very difficult decisions to get to the point where I could manage myself, and some of the decisions weren't popular with others. One of the decisions I came to was that I could not be a caretaker to sick family members/friends anymore....I can barely care for myself. This has been crushing to me as I WANT to help my family, but ultimately they are adults that need to solve their own problems, OR they need to get outside help involved so they can manage themselves. It's taken my own serious illness to understand that is not my responsibility to save the world or other people.
I also decided no more pets. I understand your animals are income animals Angela, but you may at some point find it necessary to cut down on the numbers of them.
It was essential for me to get rid of all non-necessity possessions....currently about 5% of my possessions are non-necessity, and that seems to be about all I can handle. Every item you have takes work to maintain it, and if you're sick (mentally or physically), it's tough to keep up.
Perhaps you might want to reconsider all the side jobs you're doing. From your blog it seems like you demo products for income, dye wool and sell it, work a retail job, farm for income.....I don't know if there's anyway to give up some of those but it doesn't seem possible to manage it all unless you're very healthy or have lots of help.
Can you work a job, farm, and be the caretaker to an extremely sick person all at the same time? I don't think so, not without compromising your own self to a great degree. Being overextended is the road to disaster even for perfectly healthy people. At this moment you might not think going "smaller" will help, but I can tell you it certainty saved me. I even cut down on obligations to the point where I have a small bit of time for things I enjoy, which keeps me sane for the rest of my very hard life.
Good luck with getting it worked out....all the best to you.
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Post by aquamarine on Aug 27, 2014 2:03:39 GMT -5
angela, it may seem that you couldn't manage even if you were living in a studio flat, but there are many external factors affecting you and your viewpoint at the moment. Without such a heavy load, things might look very different and you might feel much better.
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Post by ClimbingPyramids on Aug 27, 2014 3:11:09 GMT -5
The last few weeks I have been so run down that I've seriously doubted whether or not I could even manage to maintain a studio apartment or a rented bedroom. It has made me wonder when downsizing doesn't really help. No matter the size of my environment, there will always be those things that I have to do to maintain my person, hygiene, eating, clothing... I guess when one can't do those things for oneself on a regular basis, there is something really out of whack. For me, it is so often a lack of physical energy and the subsequent thought that "I can't" so I don't do the task. I don't doubt that there are plenty of folks that are just as tired but still do those things. Their internal dialogue does not include concession for not doing those basic things. Their "why" is firmly answered and they slug it out despite fatigue. When and why did I decide that I could just pass up on doing the basics? Was it when I learned that the sky didn't fall if I skipped the dishes? How do I get back that internal line in the sand that says, these things must be done, even if at a crawl, even if I'm sitting in a chair to do them, even if I'm tired. I should downsize and will, but I do wonder about those times I slip up on even the basics. i dont know that the answer is down sizing as much as streamlining. i struggle with lower energy levels and ability to keep up, too. i understand where youre coming from. the difference between downsizing and streamlining is streamlining can be done no matter what size house you live in. for instance, handicapped/disabled people often have to learn different ways to do things. i dont see this as any different. you have realized you are not ABLE to do certain things, and i applaud that. i think brutal honesty with oneself and being self aware of limitations is the only way to come out ahead in these situations. next, i think one has to adapt, figure out ways to make things work that WILL work, instead of trying to force yourself to do what hasnt worked before. for instance. if you know you wont have energy to fix meals or clean up afterward, opt for simple, no mess solutions to eat. instead of cooking, opt for raw veggies and fruits and pick up precooked meat from your local deli (at ours you can get fried chicken, pork chops, meatloaf, etc. cooked fresh every day). use disposable plates and cutlery. buy frozen dinners. there are many options to streamline meals and keep the mess down. another instance would be dusting (and i already know this is a difficultly for squalorers and hoarders, but its still a very valid point). if you dont have the energy to dust, then get rid of the stuff you.d have to dust. streamline your space. every thing in our homes requires energy in some way or another to maintain. get rid of/let go of stuff until you have a home that matches your energy level. this includes clothes, books, knick knacks, dishes, pots, pans, furniture, whatever. if you dont have the energy to maintain it, its nothing but a ball and chain around your neck anyway. another way to cope is to hire help, if you can afford it. theres no reason we have to do everything ourselves. also, learn to work smart, not hard. if theres little stuff all over the floor and bending is a problem, then use a rake or a broom to get it all into one pile, then use a small stool to sit down and go thru the stuff. these are just a few examples, but hopefully enough to get the idea across. find what works for you, not you work for it. good luck, i know its tough, i.m struggling right now myself. "It has made me wonder when downsizing doesn't really help." It doesn't. I appreciate the discussion of streamlining vs. downsizing. I will keep this in mind today as I organize stuff. |
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Post by ClimbingPyramids on Aug 27, 2014 3:13:57 GMT -5
angela I understand what you are saying here. If I had 1 room (and only owned 100 things), I don't think it would be any easier for me to cook the meals, wash the dishes, do self care, etc. At least that is how it feels now. I can't imagine how others do all that they do. I read the lists that others here work through, and shake my head in amazement. I vaguely remember a time, many many years ago, when I had energy. And then the few weeks on that diet, when I had energy and was not depressed. I really did not know what to do with myself. I remember looking back on my life and thinking, "So that is what depression does." I think it must have been the first time in a very long time that I was not depressed. The stark and amazing contrast was that, even though we had a huge ugly family incident, and I was very sad about it, I did not feel overwhelmed or hopeless. I felt strong and capable. Instead of sinking, I looked at it very practically and knew I could handle it. So, I really think the size of the place or the quantity of jobs to do, is not the problem. I think it is depression that pins us to the ropes. Absolutely, "depression that pins us to the ropes." It sucks the life out me. My cluttered, disorganized domestic, and office, and van environments reflect how messed up I am inside me, particularly my cluttered and disorganized mind. |
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Post by moonglow on Aug 27, 2014 5:34:44 GMT -5
Not directing this at anyone in particular but I would like to add that our mental health deserves a higher priority than we sometimes give it. If you had a serious physical illness, your priorities might (would) shift (a lot!) and you would suddenly find the time, resources, whatever you need, to get adequate care for your illness. We tend to brush off mental health issues as less important or urgent. But those issues in fact affect every facet of your life.
The "system" is far from easy to navigate and I had to fight to get help, even when I was suicidal. But you can fight for what you need.
Depression can be a life-threatening illness. Never forget that.
Finding some way to see someone, even for a brief time, can help because depression often puts blinders on us. Someone with a fresh outlook can offer options you may not have seriously considered. They may also know of additional resources that you can plug into.
My workplace offers an EAP - Employee Assistance Program - where you can get 3 free visits to a therapist for any reason, totally confidentially. This may be a benefit that you have but are unaware of.
One of the mental health clinics in town caters specifically to low (or middle) income clients and offers sliding scale therapy.
Another MH clinic in town has a Nurse Practitioner who specializes in psych meds. For me this is a better option than a psychiatrist (who I assume would be more expensive and harder to get into) or an MD (who doesn't have the experience and knowledge that my NP does).
Health care practitioners in general, and especially MH practitioners, are very sensitive to confidentiality issues.
Anyone who is struggling with depression, I urge you to make it a priority to take baby steps towards getting help!
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Post by wit on Aug 27, 2014 16:54:42 GMT -5
I don't know a lot about mental health resources in small towns (I live in the city) but my friend is a psychiatrist who treats people via a webcam, she's in her home and I think they're at a clinic in a rural area. She has worked for more than one company that does this, so they exist. Maybe if you search for "remote psychiatry"? Also, my therapist has done phone sessions for me. It might be worth finding someone you can afford even if they're not nearby and asking about phoning in. Look into your state's Dept of Mental Health for more resources.
Just some thoughts from someone who hasn't been on the site in a while!
You're in my thoughts...
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Post by angela on Aug 28, 2014 12:22:35 GMT -5
I've learned a lot from everyone's replies. What I've heard:
Yes, smaller really can be better (also from Script's blog) though I can't see it now.
One can streamline even before downsizing. Jettison extra duties, responsibilities, activities, possessions. Fewer animals would help.
Use modern conveniences when necessary (paper plates, deli or take-out food).
Ask for help.
SO MANY of us here are suffering with the effects of our depression and we've HAD ENOUGH!!
RE: Mental health, it is important and worth it to pursue treatment just like we would pursue treatment for a broken leg. It is important.
We are all different physically, acknowledging what we need to stay functional and healthy and then providing it for ourselves is important. As is building our lives to fit our capacities.
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Post by aquamarine on Aug 28, 2014 14:10:52 GMT -5
A poster called Hollyhock considered downsizing, then decided to stay put. However, things changed and she has sold her house and is looking for a smaller apartment. Sometimes we do start to think the unthinkable. She is now streamlining in preparation for the eventual move.
It is not easy to decide how much depression is caused by external or situational factors and how much comes from inside and would remain even if we solved all the other problems. So although downsizing is not in itself guaranteed to make things easier in all cases, it would transform the lives of many overstretched people.
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Post by lostchild on Aug 28, 2014 19:19:22 GMT -5
My next big goal after the storage is to go thru each room on a second pass and see when I can get rid of. In my kitchen I decided that having both Rubbermaid and ziploc containers were too many so I am getting rid of the impermanent Ziploc containers and just keep one set. My family is smaller And I need to prevent refrigerator squalor from happening by not letting the leftovers build up which I can easily do by portion control. Everyone has some excess even if they don't acknowledge it. Before you say you want to go smaller consider this idea.
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Post by lostchild on Aug 28, 2014 19:21:09 GMT -5
Streamlining also makes cleaning easier because there is less to clean so cleaning doesn't require marathon sessions.
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Post by ClimbingPyramids on Sept 4, 2014 4:10:25 GMT -5
Not directing this at anyone in particular but I would like to add that our mental health deserves a higher priority than we sometimes give it. If you had a serious physical illness, your priorities might (would) shift (a lot!) and you would suddenly find the time, resources, whatever you need, to get adequate care for your illness. We tend to brush off mental health issues as less important or urgent. But those issues in fact affect every facet of your life.
The "system" is far from easy to navigate and I had to fight to get help, even when I was suicidal. But you can fight for what you need.
Depression can be a life-threatening illness. Never forget that.
Finding some way to see someone, even for a brief time, can help because depression often puts blinders on us. Someone with a fresh outlook can offer options you may not have seriously considered. They may also know of additional resources that you can plug into.
My workplace offers an EAP - Employee Assistance Program - where you can get 3 free visits to a therapist for any reason, totally confidentially. This may be a benefit that you have but are unaware of.
One of the mental health clinics in town caters specifically to low (or middle) income clients and offers sliding scale therapy.
Another MH clinic in town has a Nurse Practitioner who specializes in psych meds. For me this is a better option than a psychiatrist (who I assume would be more expensive and harder to get into) or an MD (who doesn't have the experience and knowledge that my NP does).
Health care practitioners in general, and especially MH practitioners, are very sensitive to confidentiality issues.
Anyone who is struggling with depression, I urge you to make it a priority to take baby steps towards getting help!
Thank you for this post, moonglow. I hope your post will also guide those who are struggling to raise the awareness of the people around them who don't understand their struggles, or even try to understand. Further, perhaps many of us who do struggle try to brush off struggles because of the broader societal discourses that minimize and trivialize mental health issues. Mental health and wellness requires continual management. And finding a team of care-providers is tremendously important. I, too, prefer seeing a nurse practitioner than a physician whenever possible: [/p] Another MH clinic in town has a Nurse Practitioner who specializes in psych meds. For me this is a better option than a psychiatrist (who I assume would be more expensive and harder to get into) or an MD (who doesn't have the experience and knowledge that my NP does).
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Post by angela on Sept 4, 2014 14:15:04 GMT -5
I'm thinking about that list of intangibles from the blog post that papermoon posted. There are so many things I don't do now, even though from the outside it looks like I have a big, busy life. I've never thought I do nearly as much as some other people out there with children, full-time career jobs, etc. I don't deep clean the house, I don't exercise, I don't meal plan...even with my 3 part-time jobs, I would rarely hit 40 hours a week. Critter care, sure there is time there, but no more than what those with children would do I think. So what would I gain from downsizing? Well I know for absolute sure that I could cut my housing expenses. In fact, mostly the immediate, tangible benefits would be financial not necessarily in maintenance or cleaning time since I don't do those tasks now anyway. Intangibles, I wonder if I experience some kind of mental oppression because of all the "mental tending" to quote ponygirl. And the denial and ignoring of all the property and outbuilding repairs. And the little bits of sadness that I feel knowing that the barn is dying due to a leaking roof and powder post beetles. And the shame of knowing that it all could have been made better had there been more sensible choices made with the money when Grandpa was there. The intangible of being available to react to crises or needs, I think in my life has had more to do with whether or not I can pay for them. And in my current circumstance, having stupid jobs that I can quit without losing much more than a measly paycheck (I'm not losing benefits like health insurance or a 401K for example). I would be losing some intangibles too. The farm animals have given me a social life by having a way to connect to people that are interested in the same activity, also companionship, meaning. The property itself, for all the problems still has some absolutely sublime benefits, the view in the summer looking at the sunsets, space. The very occasional scents that take me back to the time when Grandma and Grandpa were here. Taking a bit of a tangent since I think the die is cast. |
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Post by lostchild on Sept 4, 2014 14:28:46 GMT -5
Angela we all have intangibles. My mother and I know I have the intellect to do more than I do but what I do as an Ihss provider has the intangible that I am here when my children need me. I need retirement sure but I need happy healthy loved children more.
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Post by PaperGrace on Sept 4, 2014 14:29:08 GMT -5
I can't take the credit for that blog, its a good one! papermoon was the poster! |
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Post by angela on Sept 4, 2014 15:14:13 GMT -5
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