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Post by gillian on Sept 12, 2014 13:26:32 GMT -5
Her tenancy officially ends on Sunday, but Sunday is always a busy day for us, so she is actually leaving tomorrow and moving back here until she finds a place of her own. She has loads of stuff and I've been trying to find space for it all in her already very cluttered, very small room. We have hired a container unit for her furniture, but I can see a lot more than that going into it. I think she could rightly be called a hoarder as she is reluctant to give up much stuff, especially anything with sentimental value.
Gillian
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Post by ohblondie on Sept 12, 2014 13:29:46 GMT -5
Good Luck Gillian!!!!
When my daughter moved out this summer I told her she always had a place to come back to. When she found out I was turning her room into a craft/sewing/guest room she whined a little and said "I thought you said I could always move back home - that my room would be waiting for me" I told her her room would always be there for her - it just mmight not look like her room when she left!!
I am certain everything will work out - maybe this will be a good experience for her to learn how to pare down...
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Post by messymimi on Sept 13, 2014 9:58:00 GMT -5
Gillian, we have had the same thing happen with our #1 Son.
The mistake we made was in not sitting down with him before or right after he moved in and having him sign an agreement, spelling out what he would be required to do and by when he would be moving out.
If you can get such an understanding, written, it will help everyone in the house.
messymimi
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Post by gillian on Sept 28, 2014 4:46:27 GMT -5
Thank you Ohblondie and Messymimi for your replies.
We have made several trips back and forth since my last post, but still haven't got everything shifted. The biggest item needing shifted is a sofa and I have got quotes from removal van firms to get this done, but the apartment is a mess as dd and her friend are both messies, so we're going to have to ask the friend to clear a passage way for the sofa to be taken out. There are some other items in a cupboard which also had things in it belonging to the friend. The last day we were there, we were able to persuade the friend to move her things out so that we could get at dd's belongings that were in the cupboard. In fact, we just asked her to move enough to get one box out, but she started flinging everything out, making more of a mess in the hallway of the apartment than there was already. The one good thing that came out of that little exercise was that dd's camera, which had been missing for months, showed up. That was such a relief and we were full of thanks to dd's friend for unearthing the camera. We had thought it was gone. Dd said staff must have put it there when they were tidying but hadn't told her.
Meantime, there are loads of boxes and bags here to be sorted and we're doing that very slowly. I am also trying to get dd to help around the house, especially with washing dishes, but she keeps getting tired or her leg gets sore or she loses interest quickly. These are all issues for her as she has anaemia, which seems to come with her coeliac disease, she has neuropathy in her leg and she has add, but it doesn't make it easy when it comes to doing her share of the work in the home.
Gillian
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Post by lucie on Sept 28, 2014 10:00:54 GMT -5
I second what messymimi said, do sit with her and write down an agreement. It will make your life much easier. |
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Post by turkeyhill on Sept 28, 2014 11:18:33 GMT -5
Thank you Ohblondie and Messymimi for your replies. We have made several trips back and forth since my last post, but still haven't got everything shifted. The biggest item needing shifted is a sofa and I have got quotes from removal van firms to get this done, but the apartment is a mess as dd and her friend are both messies, so we're going to have to ask the friend to clear a passage way for the sofa to be taken out. There are some other items in a cupboard which also had things in it belonging to the friend. The last day we were there, we were able to persuade the friend to move her things out so that we could get at dd's belongings that were in the cupboard. In fact, we just asked her to move enough to get one box out, but she started flinging everything out, making more of a mess in the hallway of the apartment than there was already. The one good thing that came out of that little exercise was that dd's camera, which had been missing for months, showed up. That was such a relief and we were full of thanks to dd's friend for unearthing the camera. We had thought it was gone. Dd said staff must have put it there when they were tidying but hadn't told her. Meantime, there are loads of boxes and bags here to be sorted and we're doing that very slowly. I am also trying to get dd to help around the house, especially with washing dishes, but she keeps getting tired or her leg gets sore or she loses interest quickly. These are all issues for her as she has anaemia, which seems to come with her coeliac disease, she has neuropathy in her leg and she has add, but it doesn't make it easy when it comes to doing her share of the work in the home. Gillian I suffer from fatigue too what about gently using Flylady type of tools, but instead of 45 min with a 15 min rest, set it for 15 min with a 45 min rest, find 27 things but change the number to something lower like 5 to donate, swish and swipe the bathroom. Another thing I do is take out the trash (kitchen and bathroom) every time I leave so it's small bags nothing too heavy. I use paper plates for everything I can. |
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Post by turkeyhill on Sept 28, 2014 16:17:03 GMT -5
I thought about my post more - this is your dd I know you are are used to adapting things for her health - I'm sorry if I sounded like stating what you have probably tried 100x! I had just remembered back to a time when a 40 min kitchen clean up (as soon as I woke up) would send me to nap for hours.
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Post by gillian on Oct 16, 2014 5:34:36 GMT -5
No, I hadn't tried that idea, turkeyhill. When I told dd about it, she said,'I think I like that lady.' Unfortunately we haven't been able to implement the idea fully. Occasionally we spend short times sorting through boxes, one at a time, but we do well if we have one of those sorting sessions in a day.
Dd is great at agreeing to do something, but will often forget about it, especially if I make these requests when I am going to bed and she is still up.
Dh is taking our motorhome away at the weekend and on Tuesday he decided that everything belonging to dd that was in the motorhome would have to come out. That was a bit challenge, to get everything out and find temporary homes for it all. Now dd is complaining that she can't find various things that she had, such as dvds, but seems overwhelmed at the thought of actually looking for them.
Gillian
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Post by crazycatlady on Nov 23, 2014 21:43:05 GMT -5
How is it going, Gillian? My daughter and grandson lived with us for 4 years. She isn't exactly a hoarder, but she brought a lot of stuff. We paid for a storage unit, too.
I agree with putting thing in writing. I wish that we had done so! She ended up thinking that she could stay forever for free, despite us setting a rental amount. We gave her expectations to clean up after herself and son, but that was a wash, too. I have to say it is a relief that they finally moved out!
Hope that things are going better for you!
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