julieanne
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Joined: September 2014
Posts: 27 
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Post by julieanne on Sept 21, 2014 12:40:21 GMT -5
When beginning to tackle the huge mess, and bits of space open up, and you can start to see more of the floor? When your goat trails widen, and you can move more freely without having to pay so close attention to exactly where you're stepping?
There's a sense of relief, for sure. But I'm finding that seeing the results of the little bit of work I've done so far is slightly anxiety-provoking. It's almost like I'm more exposed?
I've evened out quite a bit since last week when I posted my introduction, and have been making steady bits of progress, mostly by just removing trash from my apartment. And I realized when I left this morning that having the area around my doorway so much clearer was a little unsettling.
Anyone else experience this?
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Post by larataylor on Sept 21, 2014 13:21:29 GMT -5
Not at all, julieanne!   I live for clear spaces. But we all have different reasons for having clutter, sometimes radically different. I'm sure some people here will feel exactly as you do (or did, when they were clearing). I guess your nest makes you feel secure in some way … until you get anxious about being found out. A few sessions with a therapist might help you feel better about it. Or maybe you'll get some free therapy here. |
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julieanne
New Member
Joined: September 2014
Posts: 27
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Post by julieanne on Sept 21, 2014 13:35:57 GMT -5
It's like it's the most backwards security blanket ever. My hope is that this is just a phase. It very well could be. Just one week ago, I was terrified to take out the trash, but now that I've pushed through and done it 5 days in a row, I'm amazed at how much easier it is for me. I still don't like doing it, (who does?) but it's beginning to feel like a normal activity to me, and that's pretty cool.
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Post by aquamarine on Sept 21, 2014 13:43:05 GMT -5
This is exactly why it may be best for some people who start the operation to go slowly in the early stages: it gives the subconscious mind time to adjust to the wide open spaces! We need to become accustomed to the new vistas. The more cluttered you are, the more this applies. Our subconscious minds take the clutter etc, as the status quo, and attempt to reinstate it if we change something. We may feel that we have been robbed!
Sometimes it is just the change that is disconcerting, sometimes it is the feelings of exposure and loss of protection that cause feelings of anxiety.
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Post by bigrae on Sept 21, 2014 13:45:11 GMT -5
I found it strange at first and it made me uncomfortable but it is easier now , I don't miss walking on stuff and being a foot above floor level , and now I enjoy putting out as much rubbish as I can , but yes I understand that weird exposed feeling.
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Post by dtesposito on Sept 21, 2014 13:58:40 GMT -5
Julieanne, many people here have experienced this, they speak of the walls of stuff as "protection" against the outside. I agree with aquamarine, that if it starts to get too uncomfortable for you, slow down and work in another room, or concentrate on drawers/closets etc. for a while. You don't want to get to a point where you stop working altogether. You DO get used to changes over time, so it will feel less strange after you live with it for a while. I'm the opposite in a way because when I walk into a room and see a newly exposed space I get a feeling that's almost exhilaration. Although, as we've been discussing in the minimalism thread, I know that would only continue until a certain amount of space opened up--I don't like the idea of very few possessions. Not that I'm anywhere near being worried about that!  While getting some of my books out this past summer I was able to clear a whole corner of boxes, and then I didn't like that it was empty--because the other side of the room had more stuff and it looked unbalanced. So I moved some boxes from the other side of the room into the cleared space, then it looked more balanced!  But I think that's a different problem, that's my weird preference for symmetry! Diane |
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Post by aquamarine on Sept 21, 2014 14:15:36 GMT -5
You just never know what you will stir up when you start removing stuff: you can protect yourself against dust and maybe mice and spiders, but bad memories and feelings of insecurity are not so easy to deal with. It is good that you are getting the rubbish out and are starting to feel that this is normal procedure.
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Post by Unswamping on Sept 21, 2014 15:51:50 GMT -5
Julianne, welcome! I feel the same way as you. There are certain places in my house that ive cleared and felt tremendous anxiety. The advice to go as slow as you need is very good advice. Also ive found that once ive cleared a space, i work at making it look nice.
In my case, i painted the foyer, hung up a pretty mirror, arranged some thing so it looks nice (and was functional). Then, and this was the important part, at least once a day and in the beginning, more frequently, i would take a break from whatever and go admire the foyer. Looking at it and appreciating how nice it looks helps reinforce a positive message in my brain. Its an active looking and admiring the space, telling myself i deserve this beautiful space. It felt silly at first but it really helped.
There are certain other spaces ive cleared that i am very anxious when they are cleared. My hallway was cleared and immediately recluttered as the anxiety was too much. It wasnt a conscious decision, the clutter just creeps back. I grew up in an abusive household and clear vs cluttered hallways hold traumatic memories for me. So i am dealing in therapy with that.
I think if you can "sit" with your anxiety a bit and try to understand what is behind it, it will help. What exactly is that "exposed" feeling about for you? I have the same feelings about my clutter and i am learning what it means for me. Everyone is different. The clutter is serving a purpose. If you can look at what the purpose is, it will make it easier to get rid of it and keep it gone.
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stella
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Joined: September 2014
Posts: 2
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Post by stella on Sept 21, 2014 17:21:24 GMT -5
I grew up with a moderate amount of clutter - nothing like the current state of my house, but not pristine either. The only time serious cleaning got done was when guests were expected. For me as a kid, those were super stressful times. So yeah, I totally get finding different moments of progress, visible floors or whatever, sources of anxiety.
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julieanne
New Member
Joined: September 2014
Posts: 27
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Post by julieanne on Sept 21, 2014 17:30:48 GMT -5
You are so right, swampedbystuff! I know my clutter has been serving me a purpose, otherwise it wouldn't be here! I can't, for the life of me, figure out what that purpose is.
I have read on this site about demand sensitivity and demand resistance, and I am hugely affected by both. It's actually pretty helpful to understand that, but I really feel like there's still something I'm missing about it all, and it's probably something along the lines of me not feeling worthy enough to live in a nice, clutter free environment.
It bothers me that that's likely the key. I'm very resourceful, and can figure out almost any situation. I grew up in a chaotic/violent home, so I'm good at figuring out people's motivations for their behavior. I've had a lot of therapy, so I know what you mean by sitting with my anxiety, but admitting that deep down, I feel so worthless, is something I don't know what to do with.
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Post by 7sweetbabiesgranny on Sept 21, 2014 17:56:47 GMT -5
I've said this before but I do like a "nest" / protection/ hiding spot around me
Just now I'm having one that is "ok"
Lots of pillows, throws, stuff on the walls etc
Thinking of even doing a mosquito net thing somewhere
To hide in?......
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Post by dayeanu on Sept 21, 2014 18:37:12 GMT -5
There was a discussion/thread about this topic several years back.
I have been thrown into absolute panic by empty space in my home.
One recommendation was to fill the empty space with empty boxes. Then gradually remove a box occasionally.
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Post by dtesposito on Sept 21, 2014 18:52:56 GMT -5
One recommendation was to fill the empty space with empty boxes.
I think it would work better to get one of those tall, decorative screens--it would look better, and you could do the same thing--move it back a little at a time.
Diane
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Post by Jannie on Sept 21, 2014 18:53:24 GMT -5
My bedroom was terrible, piles everywhere. It all got real bad when my younger daughter moved back home and reclaimed her bedroom. I had been using it as a "spare room" to hold all my clutter. So all the clutter had to be moved into my bedroom. It blocked the closet door completely and covered most of the floor. Several times I stepped on my dog Molly who sleeps on the bedroom floor. There was no room for me to walk. But I've been removing stuff gradually for a couple of weeks. I'm not done- not nearly- but at least there is a big WIDE path to my bed. Molly appreciates the extra space. I do hope to see the entire floor soon. It will make vacuuming much easier.
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Post by dtesposito on Sept 21, 2014 18:54:42 GMT -5
I have been thrown into absolute panic by empty space in my home.
Well then, no wonder you're avoiding clearing out your LR! You'll have to figure out a way around that.
Diane
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