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Post by dayeanu on Sept 21, 2014 20:17:31 GMT -5
I have been thrown into absolute panic by empty space in my home. Well then, no wonder you're avoiding clearing out your LR! You'll have to figure out a way around that. Diane I know.
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Post by cricket on Sept 21, 2014 20:39:00 GMT -5
Yes. As I cleared out, the new open spaces made me very uncomfortable. The house looked so bare once my boxes and piles gone, seeing all those baseboards I hadn't had an unobstructed view of in so long. I expected the work of clearing out to make me uncomfortable, but I was surprised that the clean house itself, the very thing I'd been dreaming of and working for, would bother me.
My first instinct was to address it like something wrong with the house. I figured that I needed to get some floor plants or occasional tables to fill the voids, but someone here suggested I try just living with it a while, not to make any decisions or purchases right away, which was great advice because I did adjust to it quickly. It was really just the change that was unsettling, I think, not the actual look of the house, because looking around now, I have no idea where exactly I was going to put those plants and tables. There are no unusual bare areas.
So I suggest just acknowledging the feeling, as you are, and then letting it pass, because I'm sure it will. This is your new normal, and it will feel that way soon.
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Post by larataylor on Sept 21, 2014 21:09:05 GMT -5
I had a really cute canopy over my daughter's bed that hung from the ceiling. You could hang a canopy over the bed, or even over the couch. Moveable screens sound good, too. Remove clutter and put in things that look nice and make you feel enclosed.
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julieanne
New Member
Joined: September 2014
Posts: 27
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Post by julieanne on Sept 21, 2014 21:47:36 GMT -5
I don't have "open spaces" yet, so much as I have "expanded goat trails" . I have astonishingly little furniture, although one of my motivators is to be able to buy some bookcases and stuff to be able to give my place a "look" when it's finally cleaned out. Right now, my living room/kitchen area furniture consists of: 1 rolling kitchen cart 1 metal futon that is my couch, that desperately needs the mattress replaced (will be throwing mattress in trash as soon as I've cleared enough trash to reach it) 1 desk (no chair) 1 TV with stand My bedroom/loft furniture consists of: 1 queen bed (no headboard or footboard) 2 dresser drawers. That's it, so I've been fantasizing about what I'll do to make my place warn and inviting once it's clean. I happen to not be veryp creative, so I haven't come up with anything, but it's fun to imagine.
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Post by dayeanu on Sept 21, 2014 22:43:58 GMT -5
That's a great goal to have! I look forward yo hearing about your decorating in the future.
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Post by lostchild on Sept 21, 2014 22:45:11 GMT -5
I still panic occasionally but I remind myself that cleaning is achieving my goals and I won't get there unless I am uncomfortable.
That said I am leaving my bedroom for last. I have walking space and clear surfaces... but confronting the paperwork is what's making me uncomfortable. It reminds me of failure because I can see where I have not done what I should. That said it I try to use it to inspire me.
I am dealing with two rooms at a time right now...storage/ laundry and bedroom. Try to confront what about the empty space is making you uncomfortable. Say to yourself I don't like empty space because... Fill in the blank and then figure what you can do to feel comfortable...maybe some pictures on the wall or changing things temporarily so it seems crowded but isn't. Try moving only one item at a time so you aren't overwhelmed by too much change...remember the only thing constant is change!
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Post by aquamarine on Sept 22, 2014 1:43:57 GMT -5
Try to convert feelings of anxiety to feelings of expansion: you have room to stretch your wings; you have room to manoeuvre; your personality can expand to match. You are like a re-potted plant. There is a difference between normal empty spaces that give you room to walk around and bareness: boxes with coloured clothes, plastic storage drawers on wheels may help to fill places where furniture should be.
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Post by moonglow on Sept 22, 2014 3:35:01 GMT -5
Hi Julieanne:
I think I know what you mean about the anxiety of "more open" spaces. I had it a lot at the beginning of my journey, less so now. But the big one for me was when I cleared out the area around the couch (where I was sleeping). I had a dog kennel next to it and boxes and stuff piled on top of that, and only a little area big enough for one person to sit on. So when I laid down to sleep, it was like I was in a cocoon, safe and hidden away. It took a while for me to connect the feeling of safety with being surrounded by my clutter. And to realize that when (some of) it was gone, I felt more vulnerable. On a subconscious basis, yes, very much so, but also in a real, what I called "logical" basis. I would tell myself that if someone broke in to my house, I would be able to get away from them because I knew all the goat trails, where to step, where to turn, what to avoid, so I would be able to get out of the house ahead of them, while they stumbled, fell, cursed and ran into things behind me.
I really thought that.
Then I had to start being honest with myself. My clutter was more a danger to me than a protection. There was all likelihood that I would fall and hurt myself. It was a safety concern for emergency medical personnel, it was a fire hazard, it made my asthma worse. And so on.
When that barrier came down in front of my bed (probably faster than I should have cleared it out), I felt very exposed, very vulnerable, very anxious. Even just sitting there, or coming into the room, made me a little anxious. I had trouble sleeping. But I was determined to overcome this, to wait out the anxiety and learn - one night at a time - that I was safer without the stuff. I reminded myself over and over, "Your stuff does not protect you."
It does take time, but you can get used to it.
Slow down if you need to, move your focus elsewhere, whatever you need to do. You can keep making progress in spite of this.
Since you said that you grew up in a chaotic and violent home, it may be that the clutter and the goat paths give you some sense of protection and safety. It's hard to find (or hurt) someone in the midst of all this chaos we have created. I didn't even have to go hide under the bed or in a closet, my house hovered over me and hid me! But it was a ruse.
I have double deadbolts and 3 large noisy dogs, so I feel pretty safe. But if there are any concrete measures that you can take to increase your sense of safety, consider doing them. New locks? Re-keying the locks? etc. etc.
As far as figuring out what purpose the clutter serves, in my case I think there are multiple contributors. Bottom line however, it doesn't matter -that- much. Keep moving down the path, and as things come up you can deal with them. Don't let it get you stuck.
You are doing a great job!!
ETA:
BTW after I got used to the "more space", it was a tremendous joy to be able to walk from room to room without twirling, dodging and dancing. It requires a LOT less energy - physical and mental! And I am still creating space....
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Post by Di on Sept 22, 2014 3:44:36 GMT -5
After getting my room totally cleared out--years ago, I put my dresser in front of my bed and the other side of the bed against the wall. It was only there for a bit but I needed the transition.
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Post by aquamarine on Sept 22, 2014 4:47:38 GMT -5
Thinking about what you will do to make the revealed spaces more attractive is a very good idea. It is best to wait until the clearing and cleaning are finished before actually buying anything, but there is no harm in looking at what is out there in terms of pretty rugs, vases, rolling plastic storage etc.
Like Di, I have made two secure areas in my studio flat: my desk is part of an L-shaped arrangement of plastic storage and so is my bed, which has one side up against the wall. I am quite high up, so there is no real danger of invasion, but sometimes we like to feel safe anyway.
Most of my stuff is against the walls though, so there is a big open space in the middle of the room. I really enjoy being able to feel spread out here.
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Post by larataylor on Sept 22, 2014 7:40:28 GMT -5
DH and I used to laugh at the thought of a burglar trying to navigate our house. But then, we had three cats, and we got used to ignoring the crashing noises anyway. We would probably ignore the burglar until he started swearing.
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Post by dayeanu on Sept 22, 2014 8:02:51 GMT -5
I very much identify with what moonglow said. On the occasions that I have had my bedroom totally clean, I loved the openness, but I could not sleep in it - I felt afraid, like I was going to die. I recall the old saying that my mother and a lot of housewives used to joke about back in the 1950's, "I can't die yet - I have to clean up my house!" Or "If I died, I'd have to come back and clean up my house first, before they could bury me!" I wonder if, in my little child mind, I associated having housework to do, with immortality. I know that I feel much more secure hidden in that cocoon of stuff. The feeling that no one could find me. I like the idea of a canopy over the bed temporarily, for that cocoon effect. I also remember one night when I had to jump out of bed and rush out of the house - half asleep, in the dark, I didn't know my goat trails nearly as well as I thought! I realized very quickly, as I tripped and fell repeatedly, and things fell into my path, that if it had been a fire, I would have been doomed. Therapy to overcome the traumas might also be a better solution (for me) than hiding in clutter.
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julieanne
New Member
Joined: September 2014
Posts: 27
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Post by julieanne on Sept 22, 2014 11:24:07 GMT -5
I love hearing everyone's thoughts on this! It's helpful and interesting.
I was thinking today, and I think I came to a realization that a huge part of the issue for me is that, although, I'm happy to start seeing results, I'm absolutely terrified I won't be able to maintain them, and in a year's time I'll be back where I started.
The floor is now clear (not clean yet, but cleared of trash anyway) in my tiny kitchen, and I realized that seeing it makes me worried about how I'm going to manage to keep it that way once The Big Clean is finished. My head fills up with thoughts about being overwhelmed with another huge mess in the future, and I get anxious.
It's a big relief to have figured that much out. I know that for now, I just have to put it out of my mind and focus on my Big Clean. Worrying about maintenance will have to wait until I've reached that stage. It's just difficult because I know how I've behaved in the past, and it's hard to imagine doing something different in the future. I'm very demand sensitive and resistant, and I tend towards being very self-indulgent.
Sigh. I think the physical work is going to be a piece of cake compared to the emotional work I have to do.
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Post by ohblondie on Sept 22, 2014 12:57:26 GMT -5
Wow....this is huge.
Growing up I used to love building blanket forts. I felt safe and secure. I always dreamed of having a canopy bed.
Ok. Trying to figure out how to construct a canopy for my bed as a reward for cleaning out.
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Post by dtesposito on Sept 22, 2014 14:01:08 GMT -5
Wow....this is huge.
Yeah, this is one of those threads that should be in a "self therapy" section!
I think the physical work is going to be a piece of cake compared to the emotional work I have to do.
Another very wise statement! True of the whole journey.
Positive thinking is good, so do tell yourself that you'll learn the new habits you need to maintain, even though they may take a while to completely take hold. But, if you keep feeling freaked out about it, you can always tell yourself that even if you never even clean the floor once, you're already at a better place--having space to walk around, fewer things to trip on, less junk in your kitchen!
Diane
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