|
Post by junkyardsaint on Oct 28, 2014 16:24:41 GMT -5
Hello, Just thought I'd introduce myself as I peruse the posts here. My situation became a problem about a year ago when I split up with my wife. We had moved into my apartment and lived together briefly before she left. I went into a pretty deep depression and I'm still trying to recover. My house is just an ongoing battle - it's a complete mess and though I've made a little bit of progress - progress is painfully slow on a good day - and when I'm depressed there is no progress at all. I've been getting help for my depression, and there's been some improvement, I don't know if I need to find better meds or what but I try to be happy with what progress I've made. Anyway it's clear that this messy house is a constant source of unhappiness for me - for multiple reasons - I feel terrible about keeping the place such a mess the landlord would not be happy to see it like this. I don't have a nice place to offer guests in fact I'm so ashamed of my place I won't let anyone see it. I seem to have developed some weird block about cleaning my house I don't understand it. Am I afraid of cleaning? I don't know - but I will lay on the couch all day not doing anything - I have a dog and a cat that I swear if it wasn't for them I wouldn't even get up at all. My depression has made it difficult to stay employed which only adds to my feeling of worthlessness. It's an uphill battle for me right now - and I could use whatever support I can find. Maybe some day I can conquer this, but for now I'm looking for help - it's one of the toughest things I've ever encountered - and God knows I need whatever help I can find. I'm glad to see there's a place like this for those of us who struggle with this. I'm pleased to meet all y'all.
Junkyardsaint
|
|
|
Post by desireelafleur on Oct 28, 2014 18:16:07 GMT -5
Hello! Very many of us are in/or have been in the place you are now. You can and will beat this. There are so many threads to give you encouragement/perspective/hope/support. There is no right place to start. For you, though, I would recommend you start in one of two places. 1)Your bed. Seriously, this is place you sleep every night. Launder your sheets, dust your mattress with baking soda, let set, vacuum, and remake your bed. Make sure your bed is made before you leave from work so it will be an inviting oasis instead of the place you avoid until you're too tired to keep your eyes open. 2)Conversely start with your entry way. It'll give you a place to set your keys, coat, shoes etc etc which will relieve anxiety in the morning when you go to work and the clean entry will be the first thing you walk into when you come home, instead of chaos. (I am working on making those two thing habits myself so please don't think that I am an expert. ) Or you can eat the frog. The frog is whatever chore gives you the most anxiety. Litter? Taking the garbage out? Whatever chore you dread doing the most do it first. There are many threads on helping and getting treated for depression. So many smart people. Sometimes just talking helps! So many places to brag about your accomplishments! You can do this! *hugs*
|
|
|
Post by larataylor on Oct 28, 2014 19:15:15 GMT -5
Welcome!
|
|
|
Post by sue5000 on Oct 28, 2014 21:17:12 GMT -5
You came to the right place!
|
|
|
Post by larataylor on Oct 29, 2014 7:41:46 GMT -5
junkyardsaint - a lot of us here are battling depression, and that can be a major part of the problem, if not the whole problem. I lived in a home with very little natural light, and did not realize that my depression was seasonal until I moved. I'm on an antidepressant, but it's not enough. I recently bought a full-spectrum light bulb at a pet store (pet reptiles need full-spectrum light) and set it up to use while I'm on my computer. This seems to be helping me a lot as the days are getting shorter and I'm spending less time outside. I'm just mentioning this because it only cost $24 and may be worth a try. When my depression is controlled, I clean my house. When it's not, I don't. It's that simple for me. I have other issues and problems, but when I'm not depressed I can work on them, and that makes all the difference. Of course the mess just makes you feel worse. But please try to avoid negative thoughts about yourself. If you had the flu, you would stay in bed all day and not clean the house, and focus on taking care of yourself and getting better. Think of this as an illness like that … it does not reflect on your character or your value as a human being. Push yourself to get some bags of trash out or clean a small area because it will make you feel better. Come back and tell us what you've done, and we'll cheer you on. We know how important these small steps are. Hugs.
|
|
Twix
New Member
Joined: August 2014
Posts: 31
|
Post by Twix on Oct 29, 2014 8:23:54 GMT -5
Welcome!
|
|
|
Post by hollyhock on Oct 29, 2014 9:30:12 GMT -5
Welcome junkyardsaint. @laqrataylor above has given you some very wise advice. I hope you find something that works, and keep posting and work along side of us as you are able. Even picking up 1 extra thing a day is going in the right direction.
|
|
|
Post by lostchild on Oct 29, 2014 10:00:20 GMT -5
Try explaining to your doctor if you have one that you need more effective medicine. That would help.
I got effective medication and pulled myself out of third degree squalor. It took literally 10 days of intense working at about twelve hours a day. I was determined.
My point is effective medication is a boon. I went back over the house again. I have no squalor now except for backyard and stuff there is going steadily.
|
|
|
Post by desireelafleur on Oct 29, 2014 10:26:56 GMT -5
Try explaining to your doctor if you have one that you need more effective medicine. That would help. I got effective medication and pulled myself out of third degree squalor. It took literally 10 days of intense working at about twelve hours a day. I was determined. My point is effective medication is a boon. I went back over the house again. I have no squalor now except for backyard and stuff there is going steadily. When you did this what did you do about child care? Were they old enough to help? Did you get a sitter? Unless I want to use the computer or TV as a sitter the little DS will try to take may attention. Looking for alternatives to electronics...
|
|
|
Post by lostchild on Oct 29, 2014 10:40:20 GMT -5
Desireelefleur I made kids help when they came home from school. Everybody had a job of some sort. I had son who is disabled hold bags open while daughter and I tossed. We packed containers with donate as much as possible and got it put constantly. If I went to school I dropped donations off early. I liberally trashed about 40% of stuff. If it was broken I didn't try to save it.
I was very brutal. I didn't try to make excuses to keep things. I didn't make excuses to save for family nor friends. I had daughter sorting recycling and we literally sorted as we went. We only saved the ones that were redeemable.
We filled the recycling over 7 times. In ten days. This is large wheeled can. We were able to get it done because we cleared everything we could. Trashing 40% meant we didn't have to clean it.
Children can go thru some of their things like clothes they know are too small and broken toys and incomplete sets are immediately tossed. Socks with holes are trash!!! Clothes you know you won't sew trash. Many times many people on the site try to justify keeping stuff...I can give it away,I can mend it, I will eventually fit it...Trash. I don't justify keeping them!
|
|
|
Post by larataylor on Oct 29, 2014 12:10:44 GMT -5
junkyardsaint did not mention children. But I think that if you have motivation/health/energy on your side like Lostchild did, but have kiddies too small to help, plunking them in front of the TV for a week to ten days would not be a bad tradeoff for a clean house. Then throw a sheet over the TV and tell them it's broken, and play with them for a week in the clear space! The point being that the kiddies are not thriving optimally in the squalor anyway …
|
|
|
Post by lostchild on Oct 29, 2014 12:19:56 GMT -5
Exactly well said. Kids don't live well in chaos. Read my last few posts in my blog.
|
|
|
Post by larataylor on Oct 29, 2014 12:33:04 GMT -5
Also, little kids can do some chores, but the house needs to be clean and organized first. Even older kids -- heck, even adults -- are just confused and overwhelmed by chaos. My own DD and DH are much better about pitching in when the house is in order.
|
|
|
Post by desireelafleur on Oct 29, 2014 13:48:43 GMT -5
junkyardsaint did not mention children. But I think that if you have motivation/health/energy on your side like Lostchild did, but have kiddies too small to help, plunking them in front of the TV for a week to ten days would not be a bad tradeoff for a clean house. Then throw a sheet over the TV and tell them it's broken, and play with them for a week in the clear space! The point being that the kiddies are not thriving optimally in the squalor anyway … Woops. Forgot which thread I was in! Didn't mean to hijack. Sorry. JYS didn't mention children but he did mention pets. I guess it is worth noting that our furry friends don't do well in squalor either.
|
|
|
Post by def6 on Oct 29, 2014 16:47:07 GMT -5
hello Junk Yard Saint and Welcome to our group, You will find many tips about cleaning/decluttering here that will help you get cleaned up and feel more in control before you know it. I have one tip for you, even if you have a "down day." Before you leave the house take the trash out or something similar. Jobs like that add up and before too long you've covered all of your bases. I wish the best of luck to you. I'm sorry you are feeling depressed , I hope that you will get help for it .
|
|