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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Jan 11, 2015 8:00:55 GMT -5
What is a TRAUMA CORNER? A TRAUMA CORNER is an area of your space that you constantly avoid. It may TRIGGER horrible memories. You may TREMBLE at the mere thought of entering that space. Examples of a TRAUMA CORNER are: A space where your departed loved one's belongings are, or where they used to frequent. A space where you have thrown paperwork/items from a particularly traumatic event. A space that you have dreaded facing for so long, you simply pick ANY area except that one. A space that.... (you fill in the gap).... Sometimes, part of us dies inside from a TERRIBLE event in our lives. Our bodies protect us by going into denial and we avoid facing the issue for self-preservation. Even seeing something that reminds us of it is enough to wipe us out for days on end with misery. This thread will hopefully help some of us to heal a little bit and choose to: Continue avoiding it as it is just too painful right now... Choose to chat about our fears at a comfortable level... Crack open the walls and step in and face the TRAUMA CORNER and get it under control... My TRAUMA CORNER is my desk area with paperwork and a nearby bookshelf with more paperwork. It is traumatic, because facing the contents of that paperwork is way too much for me - it brings back horrible memories, it triggers thoughts that hurt me and it is like the worst part of my life is there just haunting me. I need to continue avoiding it a bit longer, but speaking about it may help me just be brave enough to delve in and start facing some of it. I have to find certain papers and this is hard. It is like trying to walk through a war zone to pick some apples from a tree and somehow not see casualties as you go. I have another day's grace to just plod through the rest of the house without facing my TRAUMA CORNER. But next week, I do have to dive and go through the whole lot to find the pieces I need. It's enough to make me sick the thought of it is so daunting, I feel like Superman trying to fight Kryptonite! What is your TRAUMA CORNER?
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Post by ohblondie on Jan 11, 2015 8:38:56 GMT -5
I have a trauma corner in my basement. Stuff I moved that for various reasons I can't address. I am scaredc to go through it for fear that I list something or ruined something. But I cant touch it because its better to NOT know I lost or ruined something. does that make sense? as I read this further. ..this corner represents my total failure as an adult a parent a wife. By clearing it out i will admit my failures. you would think I would want to REMOVE any reminders. Because every time I walk by the pile ir taunts me. But touching the items will validate my failures.
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Post by PaperGrace on Jan 11, 2015 12:59:09 GMT -5
I went through a 'box of failure' just before the end of the year last year. It hung over me for days. The following week I had to do a quick search of boxes in a similar geological strata to find some old resume information to help me in creating a new one. You would have thought these other boxes had literal bombs or something in them I was so careful not to stir up anything painful. It really slowed me down. What should have been an exciting new start was colored by old wounds. Thanks Kimmy. My wounded self went in the direction of " See! I shouldn't have tackled those boxes yet, I wasn't ready! That's why it was so hard to dig for my old resumes after." but really I might not ever feel ready, and I will need things that are in those stacks. I wasn't wrong to react that way, but it won't help me get rid of those boxes. So instead I'm working toward this goal: I should deal with my boxes of trauma on my own terms instead of waiting until I need something in them and then letting those feelings cloud whatever new projects I am working on.
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Post by cleanbee on Jan 11, 2015 13:02:06 GMT -5
Oh yes. I have several but finally 8 to 13 yrs later I just recently Sorted papers and stuff stashed in boxes in a cabinet and closet and actually got thru the worst of it. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, but I was motivated and I found important documents like title to house and cars, birth certificate, etc. some of it with a little water damage but thankfully salvageable. It was really hard, I kind of had to pretend like I was sorting papers from someone else's life to get thru it, and in the weeks following It brought back several PTSD episodes that I can see now were related to facing all that stuff. So I think if possible and when necessary, if emotional well being is at risk, it's ok to put it off until you're ready to deal with it. Obviously it was time for me to deal with it, and I guess I was as ready as I could ever be, but a month or so later and I'm still feeling a bit sickish about,,however,,I'm sure that ghost will go back into hiding with time.
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Post by cleanbee on Jan 11, 2015 13:28:34 GMT -5
I should deal with my boxes of trauma on my own terms instead of waiting until I need something in them and then letting those feelings cloud whatever new projects I am working on. I like this In a way that's what I was doing! even tho I didn't realize it at the time. I wasn't looking for anything, but I was for some reason motivated to do it, and so I did. Now my important documents are in a more appropriate and easily accessible place, and I'm going to keep this thought with me now to help calm the sick feeling, and pat myself on the back next time I need my birthcertificate and know exactly where it is. Thank you PaperGrace I have been focusing so much on the negatives of the experience.
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Post by angela on Jan 11, 2015 14:47:11 GMT -5
Uh..most of my house! Seriously, there are ghosts everywhere right now. Housemate's stuff in the living room, my Doom Room of Dead Dreams, my paperwork files of financial mismanagement and squalor, my shabby, unmaintained living spaces....
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Post by Unswamping on Jan 11, 2015 14:58:25 GMT -5
Uh..most of my house! Seriously, there are ghosts everywhere right now. Housemate's stuff in the living room, my Doom Room of Dead Dreams, my paperwork files of financial mismanagement and squalor, my shabby, unmaintained living spaces.... Yes, this is me. I have ghosts and monsters living in my house. What a great name for your doom room, angela. That is exactly what my doom room was/is. i like PaperGrace idea of sorting through it on your own terms. Im so grateful for my therapist who i can haul some of this stuff into her office and she helps me sort it out. I just need to be brave enough to get it in there. Warrior Kimmy thank you for starting this thread and for being the first squalor survivor. Someday i might be as brave as you and post photos.
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Post by Louie on Jan 11, 2015 16:23:29 GMT -5
I had heaps of paperwork 'trauma' stuff - I call them my 'emotional time bombs' and when I came across them I put them aside for one day when I would be able to cope with them. I thought I had worked my way through them all over the last year with my paper decluttering but I stumbled across one a few days ago and because it had been out of sight for years I found I coped well with sorting through it and then tossing it all out. I think the trauma stuff is such a trigger that it's important to acknowledge that, and that it's OK, we can set them aside for another day. The main thing is not to force ourselves to do it, get triggered and then end up incapable of much of anything for days/weeks - what I used to do! now I pace myself, use distraction, limit the time and check in here to reduce the (very real) anxiety. it's great having you posting again warrior kimmie, I remember finding your original photos and how much they helped me, all the best with your trauma corner, if you want to join our paper clutter thread your most welcome, if not, thats OK too,
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Post by cyn on Jan 11, 2015 20:22:05 GMT -5
I *wish* I had a trauma corner! That would be so wonderful, to have only a single area that I could avoid. Instead, I have masses of messes. I'm like a bulldozer, when I clean: pussshhhhhing everything out of my way - and into: drawers (unopened mail), closets (can't put clothes away now, duh), my museum (aka doom room), the back porch (frozen 'till spring), or any little nook or cranny that's not packed - it'll *get* packed, whenever I'm cleaning another area. I have a major problem with getting rid of things! I'm just moving them around, and that's *my* trauma.
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Post by dayeanu on Jan 11, 2015 20:33:39 GMT -5
My trauma room is the room where my mother died. It's at the end of the hall. I haven't touched a thing in there since she passed. I don't even want to look in there.
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Post by dayeanu on Jan 11, 2015 20:39:47 GMT -5
Uh..most of my house! Seriously, there are ghosts everywhere right now. Housemate's stuff in the living room, my Doom Room of Dead Dreams, my paperwork files of financial mismanagement and squalor, my shabby, unmaintained living spaces.... I can ditto this. Afraid of what I will, and in some cases, won't find.
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Post by spaciousliving on Jan 11, 2015 20:59:51 GMT -5
i have trauma rooms, trauma boros in NYC, trauma decades, Trauma cities.
One thng about trauma is that it already happened. The worst of it is over. When i feel strong ot feel unemotional, and can look at it as paper, pens, wrappers, go on a clean sweep. quickly throw out that which you have had no use for for decades...its like going on cleanse. And when its cleaned, it becomes a corner.
Not saying this to trivialize the trauma, but would not want a reminder living with me. Have a friend help. if there is really nothing you NEED to sift thru, have a paid maid just throw it all out. And then buy something beautiful to put there. A lovely scent. Take the power away from the corner and feel the freedom of the release. The police remove the body and you have to even wash away the chalk outline. Put a plant there to grow.
Let it go, let yourself grow. When throwing it all out, dont look at it, read it, think about it...it is just stuff, it holds no demons. Big pails and leaf bags, Quick like a bandaid. 30 mns later..you get back years
good luck marian
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Post by dayeanu on Jan 11, 2015 21:15:06 GMT -5
....... <snip> One thng about trauma is that it already happened. The worst of it is over.
........ <snip>look at it as paper, pens, wrappers, go on a clean sweep. quickly throw out that which you have had no use for for decades...its like going on cleanse. And when its cleaned, it becomes a corner.
Not saying this to trivialize the trauma, but would not want a reminder living with me.
Have a friend help.
And then buy something beautiful to put there. A lovely scent.
Take the power away from the corner and feel the freedom of the release. <snip>
Put a plant there to grow.
Let it go, let yourself grow.
When throwing it all out, dont look at it, read it, think about it...it is just stuff, it holds no demons. Big pails and leaf bags, Quick like a bandaid. 30 mns later..you get back years
good luck marianLove what you wrote here. I do have one comment. If you think there is *any chance* you might have a flashback, please don't do it alone. Have someone with you, or have someone else do it.
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Post by spaciousliving on Jan 11, 2015 21:27:24 GMT -5
Dayeanu great name...ENOUGH! Marian
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Post by Unswamping on Jan 11, 2015 21:27:56 GMT -5
One thng about trauma is that it already happened. The worst of it is over. When i feel strong ot feel unemotional, and can look at it as paper, pens, wrappers, go on a clean sweep. quickly throw out that which you have had no use for for decades...its like going on cleanse. And when its cleaned, it becomes a corner.
Not saying this to trivialize the trauma, but would not want a reminder living with me. Have a friend help. if there is really nothing you NEED to sift thru, have a paid maid just throw it all out. And then buy something beautiful to put there. A lovely scent. Take the power away from the corner and feel the freedom of the release. The police remove the body and you have to even wash away the chalk outline. Put a plant there to grow.
Let it go, let yourself grow. When throwing it all out, dont look at it, read it, think about it...it is just stuff, it holds no demons. Big pails and leaf bags, Quick like a bandaid. 30 mns later..you get back years
good luck marianMy therapist constantly reminds me of this. I had found a two year old grocery store receipt. I started crying. That one little piece of paper, that should have been throw out two years ago, brought back all the horrible memories of that traumatic year. My therapist gently reminded me that that year was over, i survived. I wasnt likely to return the food i bought, it was gone a long time ago, the receipt could go in the trash. That i didnt need this receipt to remember that difficult time, it was a part of me, yes but it was a part of my *past*. I can let it go. i think part of why that receipt seemed so powerful was i spent that year just trying to survive, i didnt have the energy to deal with the feelings about what was happening to me. The feelings got stuffed down. Then when i was in a safer place, i could deal with the feelings and then let them go. I could let all the papers related to that year go. i like spaciousliving s idea of putting a plant or something beautiful in that corner. I will do that when i finally clear it out.
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