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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Jan 13, 2015 3:15:39 GMT -5
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Jan 13, 2015 6:23:38 GMT -5
I tried the technique of having everyone around me from SOS. I felt very frozen by the thought of my TRAUMA CORNER, so much that I did not want to iron my clothes even. I pretended the Squalorees with all with me. It worked a treat! Working closer towards this. My clothes are now ironed and I also faced making a list of what needs to be said to someone tomorrow. Now those things would normally never freeze me. So, I am sticking with this technique of imagining the Squalorees filling the house watching and cheering me on. Today will be a slow day, but I will keep trying for the next hour to get a bit more done.
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Post by wynken on Jan 13, 2015 7:12:07 GMT -5
Kimmy - I totally get your reaction to RE Agent's comments. I love Swampy's suggestion. I'll pick who will be my imaginary friends here when I need them too.
My suggestions Just baby step it. At one time - If you can pick up a one or a few "precious, must keeps" and start a separate collection place for that type of category, tell yourself you are making progress. One day it might be the keep sake Christmas Cards - just the ones you can see sticking their faces out. And that is it for that little while. Big slow breaths. When you can - next few things. Or just to think about the where they might go - some of these categories of things. A pretty box for some. An iron clad file that locks perhaps for some nasties that you wouldn't want to let loose to run amuck again.
A gp once told me when she told me my symptom was a flash back - to tell myself it wasn't happening now. How I have used that over the decades. Sometimes screaming in a traffic accident flashback that wasn't happening at that time, but driving anyway.
I am so easily put off doing stuff. One time I'd worked for what seemed like hours all morning (well many inroads of clearing floor - hauling things out to carport so 'floors could be done') and domestic asst /meant to be helper came in and pointed to one of my big heaps remaining to tell me that was my next project. I went a bit stir crazy. The heap is still there. Maybe I've trimmed it a little. We have had 'the talk' about what is helpful and what is not. We are still meant to be working together. This week I was psyched up for extra time with here to tackle one of my nightmare kitchen zones, and someone else came instead. It was all she could do to help w basics. There was no time to get to that corner. I find getting help so stressful, but probably more gets done than if no one came.
Sometimes I just need pull on the disposable gloves and aim at just doing a little bit. If it is irksville. Without making everything worse, and spreading the disorder.
Do you have a good person to talk to? After 'seeing people' almost continually since the early 70s, I have someone who seems to get the how I am in all that complexity.
Remembering real disorder here years and years ago. I'd be taken in by a paytv proposal/promotion/contract, but put them off installation once cos of the mess. In the end I figured it was the only way to get me to clean up that 1/4 or maybe just 1/8 of LR, and that the monthly $42 was the ongoing fee for getting headway started in my LR. Eventually I battled my way out of the paytv connection, but that was another production of offer and counter offer.
I think trauma means different things to different people. Make sure to protect yourself if that is what you need to do. Pace yourself. Have no extra stressors at the same time. and help available where you can reach out to it if needs be, or safe shut down in a safe place to take time out if that is what you do.
D ptsd here. That's had many different letters applied to it over the last little while. It does lead to multiple ptsd situations and triggers though.
Sending you strength and courage for your battle in your corner, for your corner, and your future, and your future todays.
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Post by wynken on Jan 13, 2015 7:13:15 GMT -5
ohh - just saw this page - well done Kimmy.
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Post by Irisheyes on Jan 13, 2015 7:52:54 GMT -5
I really have been here with you the past few hours, Warrior Kimmy. ;-) I've been reading and re-reading these posts. I even wrote a long (probably too lofty) response. I decided it was more for myself than you or the group. Maybe not. Perhaps I should share my philosophizing, but I got shy and dumped it into my ponder pile in email drafts. ! I also must do something about some of my trauma corners. MUST, as in critical, with very little time to get it done. So why am sitting here reading and commenting? Yep, I Am Frozen. Argh! Why can't these epiphanies and breakthroughs and jolts of inspiration stick with us and keep us going and on track? They simply fizzle out, instead of doing the "good conquers evil" thing as they should. They should be far stronger than silly little things such as our traumas and the resulting avoidance, procrastination, depression, resistance, etc. Dang it. Pfft. Okay, so today and the rest of this month, I'm having a party just like you, Kimmy, and inviting all of you to come inspire me and cheer me on. I'll MAKE room for everyone! ! Thanks for keeping us updated. Hugs to you!
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Post by spaciousliving on Jan 13, 2015 11:32:15 GMT -5
Dear Friends i never said it was easy or meant to trivialize it. it it couageous to enter that room. i understand. You know how some people separate their lives as before the fire and after the fire. The fire, or 9/11 or the car accident becomes the marker that forever splits their life, usually from good to sad.
My moms death was like that, Everything i looked at was "she was alive when this movie was made", i mean everything was BC or AD (Before cancer/after the death) it took me years to stop dissectng the world using Feb 4, 1990.
Maybe this might be a step. Get an pro organizer and have her put items that seem similar to her, like cards, medical papers, photos in neat bins or boxes. Not throw out anything. Get the place in order. Then when YOU tackle it, if ever, you can open one box at a time and also close one box at a time. Without dealng with beng physically overwhelmed by the chaos and emotonally overwhelmed by the thoughts. Make it neat and bite size. What do you think? Go to one of those organzaton places and get nice organzers, No really big boxes, that you will avoid. Also on the walls or door, make somethng beautiiful that honors the good memories. De-haunt the area. Make it a place of comfort, meditaton, joy. Take the power away from the unbearable thoughts you have attached to a "space" and celebrate the space. Use all five senses. smell, visual, music, art, sayings, quotes.
For me, i would prefer someone else to "organze it" into smaller pieces. For me the clutter alone makes me too overwhelemed. NOTHiNG THROWN OUT. You wlll likely never wake up one day and say, im putting that corner in order today. its too much. Give yourself a break, get help, that alone will get your breathing better. Good luck dear ones Marian
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Post by imamess on Jan 13, 2015 11:34:56 GMT -5
Kimmy, I have been with you in spirit today and thinking that if you saw my corner, you would say that it is not nearly as traumatic as yours and you would help me with it. So I'm going to go tackle one or two boxes in your honor.
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Post by spaciousliving on Jan 13, 2015 11:49:22 GMT -5
if i spent half the time i spend on thinking, over analyzing, resenting, re-livng. magical thinking of what if,feeling sorry for myself, tired, procrastinatng, i may be a academy award, olympic gold, nobel prize winner waitng for Metropolitan Home to come photograph my livng room . i love when my creativity beats up my PTSD. it seems everything is in technicolor. BTW i am in Florida anyone else?
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Post by cyn on Jan 13, 2015 12:15:11 GMT -5
Kimmy, would you like to come to the Landfill Party that swampy & I are having? This was swampy's idea, and it's *perfect* for me - it hits the nail right on the head: Bam! How it came about, was that I was talking about how hard it was for me to toss something. I looked at them, and then put them back into their hidey hole. Swampy has the identical articles, with the same reluctance to part with them. So, the Landfill Party was born: those objects are meeting tomorrow, forevermore to be joined at the Landfill, where we'll party together and have a great time - and unite our marvelous crap, instead of keeping it in our hoards. The more, the merrier! If you have any used birthday candles, that's the very special guest - but I'm also bringing unwanted gifts and empty boxes, and whatever else I toss atm.
I had a moment of clarity this morning, as I staggered to the bathroom at 4am. I wasn't tripping over boots/books, the counter was gleaming under the night light, and everything looked fine. My sleepy brain said, "WTH, why are you so obsessed with desqualoring? Don't you have anything better to think about? Are you *seriously* going to spend your days worrying about tripping over stuff? Why? This place is fine! Just do your best, and be done with it!" Those were my subconscious thoughts, because I wasn't awake. But I was awake enough to walk to the bathroom, and I was awake enough to talk to myself. And I think I made sense, on another level. I'd like my subconscious mind to have a say in my purging, because I think that part of me is more willing to get on with it. My conscious mind is dragging things out, remembering things on another level. My subconscious mind would disagree, and probably not have the patience for all this.
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Post by cyn on Jan 13, 2015 13:59:41 GMT -5
Another revelation of mine, that I just discovered: I can't be in the middle of my gloom, and concentrate on making easy decisions. That box that I'd pulled out the other day, and then put back - without purging anything - was in the worst room that I'm avoiding. My doom room, my museum, my nightmare...I should probably stop making negative comments about this hoard of mine, because it's more than likely only adding to the stress of dealing it. Maybe I should call it my "Extra Goodies" room, and celebrate my wealth of crap, . But anyway, I took that box right out of the room, to go through it again today. I was going to grab the candles, for sure, but wasn't expecting much more to get discarded without an inner fight. Huh, it was much easier than I thought, to get rid of stuff in the kitchen. My kitchen was a disaster zone in Sept. and that room was where I started - a crisis clean, having people in the house, first room you see, etc. so that room has happy desqualoring connotations connected to it. Surely I'm not going to keep utensils with RUST on them?! Who wants scrambled eggs with rust flakes in them? And who needs a whisk anyways, when you can use a fork? I only kept half the contents of that box, hurray! Without getting miserable about it , either! Oh wonder of wonders!
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Post by dtesposito on Jan 13, 2015 19:41:11 GMT -5
Cyn, WOW, what a great idea! Take the things you're sorting to the room you've already decluttered, so that you're seeing the items next to what a clean, uncluttered room looks like. That has to change your perspective on the stuff. I'm so excited that you and Swamped are getting rid of things! Diane
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Jan 13, 2015 19:56:11 GMT -5
Oh you are all making me laugh Cyn, you could call it the Temple of Doom, or The Treasure Chest - I have a doom corner but I am now trying to look at it as hidden treasures in a cave! I think the more we joke, the better we feel. I kept a rusty cutlery set for 6 years, because I paid hundreds for it. Somehow, it vanished in my Squalor back then and I have yet to find any trace of it. I suspect it rusted to dust!! Sometimes the decay is a good sign to say, "Hey, what is this trying to tell me?" The Landfill Party is superb! I always think of "what if" we allowed fellow Squalorees into our homes and swapped, with the guarantee NOTHING would be thrown out, but everything would be organised? Imagine how scary that would be, but imagine coming home to it all organised and having a Landfill Party afterwards! I agree, mind over matter is often the case Cyn. Looking back at my Squalor days, I think now I would have just grabbed a spade and quickly dumped it all in boxes and opened one box at a time like Spaciousliving's idea of opening one at a time. But back then I painstakingly went through every single item, until I ran out of time, then threw it all in boxes. Oh Imamess, excellent idea! You can do it!!! ANd I do feel very honoured indeed! Hey you have great ideas Spaciousliving, I only wish I was my former self and as firm as you can be with yourself. I am learning a lot from your posts as I think a lot of us are little turtles when it comes to Squalor. I know I am. But just looking at my TRAUMA CORNER now I do spy some "easy" targets, like the mobile phone box - which is empty - which has been there a year - which I can look at and probably find all the info on a website anyway. I just grabbed the box. I will keep the Warranty but depart with the box I think. Wasn't even scary, but I have been staring at that for a whole year!
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Post by dayeanu on Jan 13, 2015 20:23:26 GMT -5
A therapist once suggested that I view my house as a Swamp to explore. "Swamp" was a pretty good analogy, and more positive than negative. It made it more of an adventure.
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Post by Warrior Kimmy on Jan 13, 2015 20:27:24 GMT -5
Yes Irisheyes, it is actully fun having the Squalorees in the room with you!!! And that Landfill Party looks like it is right up your alley too! If I can't make it, please throw out a few things in my honour as I do have a bit on tomorrow. I may have fallen in my Landfill Cyn and Swampy ha ha! Yes Wynken, the word for it is flashbacks...I feel like a Vietnam Vet at times. I just can't cope. It has taken me over a decade to get this far and I am thrilled my kitchen, toiletries and bedroom, laundry etc are perfection and maintained very well, but that TRAUMA CORNER has to go! I really have to free myself of it this week. Your suggestions are many and great, like a box of chocolates, I can take my pick from them! I walk on fragile ground at the moment. I need to take care not to slip into a mess again. And I must say this site is now repaying me tenfold this year. And I think it was Swampy who said they couldn't bear to take photos yet. And Irisheyes, I think people enjoy the long posts as you find so much in them. People venting is sometimes the raw moment of honesty that we all can relate to, but have never had the courage to say. Swampy, as strange as it sounds, my photos liberated me. All that angst about hiding the mess was gone once the photos appeared. In fact, nobody thought the photos would be that bad , didn't I have a shock for them all here???!!! I once walked into someone's home who said, "Hey it's a bit messy, but come on over". This "a bit messy" was 7 ft high mounds of items piled almost like crushed cars all throughout the house. The paths through them were many trails and led everywhere. I understood the gentleman's mother had passed away and he was distraught. I made no fuss about it, but I really, really wanted to take photos. But I didn't. I acted as though it was the most normal thing in the world. I made a few suggestions, and left it at that. To see these wonderful towers of stuff was quite amazing and my heart went out to him. The only trouble was the inhalation of the air in there caused me a very infected throat for 2 weeks afterwards. I think how easily my mounds may have multiplied had I not sought help here. I would love to see a thread start here for the magical towers like these. It would be so hard to get started and continue on, but I am sure everyone here would help and the mounds would start to get lower and lower.
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Post by spaciousliving on Jan 13, 2015 20:44:08 GMT -5
May i just interrupt for a scream please.....i ordered an over the bed laptop table, like a hospital table. i ordered it in like in 2013 and said, all inspired lets assemble it. ok imagine ikea instructions, but not remotely as good and written entirely in Chinese with no usable photos. i know they are getting even with us for all the iPhones they assemble. After configuring it 5 ways. it rolled like 1 foot short of over my bed. While assembling it my one dog threw up and the other peed on he floor. I have Chinese packing materials all over the living room and another garage sale item. i want Ben and Jerrys or a automatic weapon. My letter i will not capitalize. And i waited too long to return it. Thanks for letting me rant
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