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Post by creativechaos on Mar 20, 2015 1:24:41 GMT -5
Unswamping - 85. huh? you might have me beat there! i'm afraid to count though - i don't want to know! kudos to you for facing it and making some decisions. i'd maybe keep a few very small lightweight "pocket" sized sketchbooks that you can carry in a small purse. i find those handy. i pay more attention to whether i like to sketch or paint in them and how the paper feels to me, than their cost or quality. i do my best work on cr*ppy paper anyway, because i'm not so worried if i screw up! most of my pads are nothing too high quality.
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Post by needmorecoffee on Mar 20, 2015 6:22:56 GMT -5
YES! *imagine me dancing and singing* Let them Go! Let them Go!
I bet there's a teen out there who'd buy them second hand from the charity shop to sketch in! Or find a community art class to donate them to?
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Post by needmorecoffee on Mar 20, 2015 6:41:38 GMT -5
Should I keep Kids clothes, the ones still in good condition? I enjoy being able to say "yeah I have those sizes!" I'm pretty sure I'll never have another boy, as I'm 99.9% certain I'm done with babies. I have some special things put away and I do have friends with little boys, but it's a long time between them being able to use.
Am I answering my own question here?
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Post by Unswamping on Mar 20, 2015 14:11:28 GMT -5
i tried to clear a little floor space to sort through those blank books. I picked up a small box to move it but first looked inside. 16 more sketckbooks and blank books. So i have 101. Im going to work on paring it down now. Even i know thats just crazy. needmorecoffee i would let them go. Maybe you can give them to the people whose kids are almost at that size or will be in a year or so. Kids go through growth spurts and it would be handy if the kid woke up one morning and was in the next size. Mom would have the stuff there in her house so it could be put right to use.
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Post by phoenixcat on Mar 20, 2015 15:55:24 GMT -5
Great job on letting go Swampy - not only are you helping out those that can't afford the materials for their creative expression but as evidenced by what you have found - there will be more in your future too as new notebooks discover you! You will need to make room for those friends! Need More Coffee - Erma Bombeck said the fastest way to get pregnant is to give everything away and tell everyone you aren't having more children I'm not sure of your financial situation but if you were fortunate enough to be blessed with more than you needed - it may be because people gifted or handed them down to you. Maybe it would be easier if you thought of it as paying it forward. And, hope that the universe will reward you if an ahem "accident" happened down the road. Great jobs on HARD DECISIONS!! I'm sure that I have a few to post as I finally (sigh) finish my unpacking. PC
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Post by danny15 on Mar 20, 2015 16:04:59 GMT -5
Here's my dilemma ~ a lot of stuff here in the computer room is my DD's. Remember I mentioned a few weeks ago I was tossing stuff in here and she saw one of her high school notebooks in the trash and wanted to take it out and I said ok?
Is it wrong of me to toss her stuff without telling her? If it was really worthwhile I would let her make the choice. But of course what is worthwhile or not to me will be different to her. And I can pretty much guarantee that she would keep most of what I would show her. At least for awhile before she might agree to toss or donate. Example ~ a box of super nice drawing pens with neon colors, fluorescent colors, stuff that writes on black paper, etc. Most are probably dried up (15 years) but it was sent to her from a friend who we have since lost touch with.
Decades ago as a kid when my mother would toss something of mine I felt extremely violated and angry. I know a lot of issues started there. If my ex ever tossed any of my things without asking I went nuts. Looking back I can see how unreasonable it was but.........
It's *my stuff* and I want control of how, when, if it's disposed. Unless I specifically say you can do want you want with this bunch.
Shouldn't I respect my DD's stuff and her feelings about it as well? How can I do to her what would send me into feelings of 2 year old raging tantrums and feelings of powerlessness?
We could take the time to sit and sort together but the decisions would take a frustratingly long time. Again, it's why I don't want to impose my dejunking sessions on anyone else. What a colossal waste of their time waiting on me to turn the item over in my hand, reminisce about it, hem and haw..... you know what I mean.
So, opinions please.
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Post by razy on Mar 20, 2015 16:09:46 GMT -5
Should I keep Kids clothes, the ones still in good condition? I enjoy being able to say "yeah I have those sizes!" I'm pretty sure I'll never have another boy, as I'm 99.9% certain I'm done with babies. I have some special things put away and I do have friends with little boys, but it's a long time between them being able to use. Am I answering my own question here? Let them go. Your friends with kids will appreciate your advice and support in child rearing more than a pile of clothes. You can enjoy that any time, you don't have to wait for the kids to grow into it.
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Post by razy on Mar 20, 2015 16:15:20 GMT -5
danny15 - IMO, let her make the choice. You could box or pile up all her stuff and tell her you only have space for her to keep X amount. Then give her a time frame eg you need it done by the end of a week.
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Post by wit on Mar 20, 2015 16:25:39 GMT -5
danny15, my opinion is that she probably needs to learn the skills to let things go, and this is a great opportunity. Tell her that you want to declutter the computer room, and much of it is her stuff. Ask her if she would prefer you to make the decisions, or if she wants to set a time for you to do it together. Don't let her just put a bunch of dried up markers etc in her room to postpone the decision. Then if she wants to do it, sit with her and talk it through like we do here. If she were using all of this it wouldn't be in the way in the computer room, right? So probably a lot of it should be thrown out (dried markers) and she can think of other ways to remember that friend, even send him/her a letter and be back in touch again. If she doesn't have time to do it all, maybe she can delegate certain categories to you, which will be easier after you work on it together and she sees how you respect her belongings. Long for you yes but maybe worth it if you think about what she's learning from you? But this is only my opinion and my kid is only a year old so my opinion is probably not very informed!!! Also, I think you do deserve someone to sit and listen to you while you dejunk. Good luck with this room.
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Post by Unswamping on Mar 20, 2015 16:28:52 GMT -5
danny15 i think you should respect her feelings about what to keep or toss. You know from your own experience, you didnt like your mom getting rid of your things. I dont know how old your dd is but she is probably old enough to do her own sorting and tossing. That said, here is my suggestion. When you come across stuff like that, put it in a box. Put all your dds item in one box. Clear the space you are working on. Decide what you are goung to keep and find homes for them. Give the box to your daughter. Tell her you found these items and its her decision whether to keep or toss the things in the box. The requirement is that it has to go in her room and that her room is not allowed to look like a warehouse. That way she can make the decisions about what is most special to her, and she will be learning skills that will help her when she is out on her own. I dont know if you share with her your particpation in this forum. If shes over 18, maybe she can get her own account. As for dried up markers and pens- its ironic that they may not be able to write on paper but ive had the experience of dried up markers leaking and ruining other good things. Then i had to throw out the markers and other items that i wanted to keep, plus clean up a mess. I know its hard but this is just my opinion,
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Post by razy on Mar 20, 2015 16:55:27 GMT -5
danny15 - thinking more about your situation, yesterday G (my partner, a hoarder) had a big fight about tidying up the sitting room. This is our usual pattern. He has so much stuff he struggles to keep it under control and when I police the boundaries we have agreed on he reacts by becoming angry and unreasonable. I believe this is some sort of secondary reaction to feeling overwhelmed or out of control in some way. (he would never acknowledge this). It is always an unpleasant experience to ask him to be responsible for his stuff. Sometimes it makes me hesitate to do it but I know he needs to be. Sometimes life is tough. For him and for me. For all of us. Unfortunately big piles of stuff does not protect us from that. It will catch up with us eventually. My point here is, in my opinion, people need to be responsible for their stuff and they need to be held to account for it. In your case danny15 your daughter's stuff is in your home, she needs to be responsible for it in a way that is acceptable to you. It may not be pretty but it will be a worthwhile experience, in my opinion. More optimistically, of course, your daughter may happily agree to sort through her stuff and cull it down to a manageable amount and the 2 of your could have a thoroughly enjoyable time doing it.
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Post by danny15 on Mar 20, 2015 18:34:30 GMT -5
razy, wit, and Unswamping Thanks for your good advice. My DD is 35 years old with developmental and physical disabilities. Wit, even as a mom of a 1 year old your opinion is very informed. I knew raising my kids that I should have been taking the time to teach them living skills but it was easier and faster to do it myself. I didn't learn those skills as a kid either. You are all right and I appreciate your perspectives to get mine more balanced. I'll set aside a time next week for us to sit here together and do a surface sort. When we know what's hers and what's mine I'll ask if she wants help with the next level of dealing with hers. Maybe DD watching me make decisions about my stuff will help with her own decisions. And I can be here if she has a question about hers. I've known for a very long time that I need to be more proactive in helping her become more independent. My married DD is prepared to take her sister to live with her family upon my death but the more DD can do for herself the smoother everything will go. So, time for both of us to stretch past the discomfort. Thank you all!
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Post by Unswamping on Mar 20, 2015 20:18:21 GMT -5
Blank books and sketchbooks. Did first pass and put 15 in the donate basket. That brings me down to 86. Still working on it.
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Post by Di on Mar 20, 2015 20:47:41 GMT -5
How many sketchbooks do you use in a year? One or a dozen? Would it help to put a limit on yourself? For example: I fill up 5 sketchbooks in a year. If I carefully store 25 of these, I am stocked up for the next 5 years.
There are senior citizens art classes available here that you'd love a donation.
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Post by Unswamping on Mar 20, 2015 21:28:34 GMT -5
Di im not sure how many i use. I havent been doung any art because of depression. I need to start doubg it again. When im actively doing art, i can use a book a month. Blank books maybe one every two or three months. I take a look at it from that perspective. I dont have space for a lifetime supply.
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