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Post by charlotteohara on Mar 17, 2015 7:13:42 GMT -5
HI all! I haven't been here in years. I don't have any clue what my former username was so I just re-registered. And no, I didn't go away cuz I "got better".. I just went away. Anyway I just needed to post to those who would get it. Currently in a crisis clean due to a pending CPS visit (Child Protective Services for those who don't know). An incident with our youngest child at school prompted the call, mental health related, and the caseworker is satisfied with how we're handling it but still wants to do a home visit. She showed up this past Friday afternoon and we put her off with something about how the gate where we have our dog run is broken so we had no way to "put the dogs up", and they don't like strangers (they don't bite but will bark NONSTOP making any conversation impossible inside).. We talked to her outside and she talked to our child and went away and said she'd get in touch Monday to set up a visit but then she didn't, so it's "up in the air". We're planning on telling her we're going to be out of town the rest of the week because Spring Break is in session, in order to buy more time. I can only hope it works. Seems reasonable though. Spring break is common for trips, no? Anyway been panic cleaning since Friday night. We have a 950 sf rented mobile home, with four people living here and 2 dogs and 3 cats. It's me, my spouse, our youngest child (12), and my adult son (22, he pays part of the rent as this town is kind of pricey).. We have made significant progress but still so much left to do I am feeling like it's impossible. I can't help the defeatist thoughts. I'm so stressed that I'm not sleeping but then too tired to actually work after a certain point. My 22 year old, bless his heart, has been busting butt and has done a LOT. He's terrified about the whole thing (long story, but there was CPS involvement when he was younger for something outside of our control and he remembers the panic).. The dumpsters in our trailer park are full, mostly us! We also put 2 gross box springs outside next to the dumpsters last night around 3 am and got "reported" by some nosy neighbor (we were quiet!!) and so we got a warning letter form the landlord today to remove them or be charged. Of course we have no truck... and we have other large item stuff that we need to toss and no idea how to do it unless we can borrow a truck. It's just feeling so overwhelming. Two bedrooms are decent now. Bathroom is perfect, I did that first. The hallway is clear (had piled up laundry) and I've washed probably 20 loads of laundry over one weekend. Haven't put it away yet. Twelve year old is working on her room and taking forever. The kitchen is way better than it was but still gross and the living room.. OMG. That's the worst and I haven't even started yet. I used to sell at flea markets so it's tons of discarded stuff I was going to sell and never did, and miscellaneous laundry and plastic tubs filled with who knows what. It's not gross garbage but lots of misc. papers and empty cartons and packaging and clothing and whatever. I mean, whatever. There's a string of Christmas lights and there's a sink sprayer we were going to install and there's a baby gate we were using for the dogs and it's all just jumbled. Most of it can be just thrown out so there's that but still.. it's up taller than the sofa which is only clear enough for one person to sit on. Worst thing about living room is an area where our senior dog has peed a lot. We do clean it up when it happens BUT the floors are not installed right (fake wood planks) and so it seeps under and smells. She's old and has always been one to bark to go out but as she has gotten older sometimes she just "goes" without warning. There's no cat pee or poop, we have always been on top of the litter boxes. Our walls look dirty because the landlord never painted beyond primer and every spot stays even after you wipe it/wash it. Painting would fix but no time really. We also have roaches and I have no idea how to fix that in the time we have.. what's the worst I guess is not knowing for sure how much time we have!? We have diatomaceous earth but that takes forever right? We have some roach bait gel stuff to put out but that also is slow-acting. Need them to not be visibly crawling on counters... but I also know that several of our neighbors with spotless houses also have roach problems. I know we can refuse the cps worker and make her "get a warrant" but unfortunately I know that's probably likely to make things worse and we just want to appease her and get this over with. The good thing about this crisis clean is that we are moving in a few months anyway so at least it avoids our typical last minute moving crisis clean, right? Trying to see the good side. Ahhh, so tired of living this way, being this way. That's for another thread though. Anyone have any stories about a crisis clean where you can share how you miraculously cleaned X amount of rooms in X amount of days with such and such level of mess? I could really use the inspiration right now. I am hoping we have about a week. My son is stressing out because he feels helpless while he's at work, knowing what needs to be done here. I work from home and my spouse works very part time so we're here working on it but my spouse also has physical limitations that make it hard to marathon-clean.
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 17, 2015 7:24:25 GMT -5
I am very sympathetic to your situation.
I have not had CPS problems, but thought I might at one point. I got trash bags and just threw stuff away as fast as I could chunk.
I remember reading here where one woman got a shovel (maybe a snow shovel), and literally shoveled stuff out.
Can you rent a truck from U-Haul?
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 17, 2015 7:25:56 GMT -5
Can you hire someone to haul stuff (box springs) off for you? That would save you time and trouble.
Can you rent a dumpster?
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Post by charlotteohara on Mar 17, 2015 7:30:28 GMT -5
Unfortunately, no, no money. Wife's hours were recently cut... we've spent more than we really could afford just buying the obvious (tons of trash bags, new mop/brooms, cleaning stuff)..
We went and retrieved the small box springs and put it in our van for now, and told the landlord we just couldn't do anything about the other (it's a queen size) and he'll just have to charge us I guess. He charges a fee/fine but maybe he'll bill us and we can pay when the rent is due.
My mother has a truck.. but she is VERY judgmental and will want to know why I need it and it will end in a discussion I honestly don't have time or emotional energy for right now. She knows "how we live" but any opportunity she gets to hash it out, she jumps on. I'm keeping it in mind as a last resort though.
We have a particle board desk to toss, some particle board bookshelves, some VERY heavy solid wood shelves that are gross, an armchair, and some folding louvered door things. I am thinking we can break up the particle board stuff to put in the dumpster without breaking any more rules about "furniture in the dumpster", and we can stick the louvered doors under the porch if need be. The armchair can be vacuumed and put into another room if necessary, not ideal but the CPS worker wouldn't need to sit on it (it's funky and has been used as a repository for misc. crap for the past year, not actually sat in). The biggest problem is those heavy wood shelves that are one big stair-step type unit (like cubby holes) that is about five foot by five foot. They are so sturdy I can't even figure out how to break them up.
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Post by charlotteohara on Mar 17, 2015 7:33:06 GMT -5
I think the dumpster company comes today so it will be empty again so at least we can use it for anything bagged up and within the range of "normal" trash. The landlord's issue is furniture and super heavy stuff going in there. I knew it was a no-no and I've actually never violated the policy but it was a moment of desperation.
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Post by charlotteohara on Mar 17, 2015 7:42:43 GMT -5
I'm struggling more right now with the mental "this cannot be done!!" aspect of things.
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Post by charlotteohara on Mar 17, 2015 7:44:50 GMT -5
I need to get off the computer and get back to it but I'll be back later and maybe I'll have some progress to report! Washer just dinged so at least more laundry is done.
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Post by cyn on Mar 17, 2015 8:23:36 GMT -5
Yay for the dumpster being empty just in time! Yay for having access to a truck - even it it means singing the happy, "I know you're right, yeah yeah yeah - please hand me the keys!" song. Yay for having the spring break excuse to postpone the visit! You're going to be very exhausted, because it's so emotionally draining - but you're going to do it! I'm sorry you have to rush like this, but like you said - your move will be that much less stressful once this is taken care of. Good luck!
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Post by charlotteohara on Mar 17, 2015 8:36:09 GMT -5
Thank you!! I really needed to hear that I CAN DO THIS. Even though we've gotten an entire crazy bedroom done, and the bathroom, and the kitchen about halfway, and it's been 3 days, so logic tells me if we can buy time we CAN finish in four more days, it seems unreal and impossible.
Part of a song stuck in my head for days.. "I can't go on. I will go on." I'm learning this nonsense is harder the older I get (and I'm only 43)!
I am still worried that somehow we won't get away with postponing the visit or she'll just "show up" out of the blue, old fears and paranoia but not entirely unfounded. Everyone else is asleep, we're all on different sleep schedules, it's wacky. Since I posted before I got a bunch of washed sheets put away and started another load, filled a bag of trash, and cleaned off my filthy filthy computer desk! Thank goodness for having a huge front load washer!!! I wish they'd come empty the dumpster already. Usually they annoyingly do it at 3am! (who does that!?) and make all kinds of racket but now it's still full.
I am okay with being exhausted as long as I can make it through this. Everyone is tense and griping at each other. My son (the 22 year old) actually got physically ill the evening after the CPS worker came.. it made him throw up. He keeps wanting to skip work but can't afford to.
Okay, onward!! Need to get focused again. Now to tackle UNDER my desk. Yuck. I"m trying to move through the house systematically (started at the back since that's where the bathroom is). Desk is in the kitchen, but my spouse is SOLELY handling the kitchen right now while we work on the rest because it's really bad... so next I need to start on the nightmare living room after I finish my desk area.
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Post by immaculata on Mar 17, 2015 8:36:30 GMT -5
Welcome back and thanks for posting.
I understand completely how overwhelming it feels and I totally sympathise.
I am sorry too your best shot at getting a loan of your mother's truck might well involve having to deal with a load of waffle you understandably don't want to have to deal with. I would still suggest you borrow her truck though - I imagine it will the quickest and most inexpensive way to proceed. You can always say you want to get rid of some larger items as preparation for your upcoming housemove - which after all is the truth.
Well done, you, and your family, on getting so much done already. I think it's brilliant and I wish you all the best of luck with the rest of the clean up. Please keep us posted as you have time.
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Post by charlotteohara on Mar 17, 2015 8:55:27 GMT -5
Thanks for your support, immaculata! I think right now our biggest problem is inside trash that can be bagged so that's what I'm trying to focus on. What will be bags and bags of clothes and whatnot. It's just a huge relief to tell people who "get it". I have a good friend I was telling about the CPS thing, and about the house cleaning, and she has known me since I was 17 but honestly this is the worst our house has been in a LONG TIME. The last time it was this bad was another house (we owned, and ended up walking away from due to overwhelming repairs we couldn't afford and no ability to borrow).. and there, we never had a single person over in five years. In between houses/apartments have been much better and my friend has seen those and says "I know how you are, I've seen it!" but I'm trying to tell her she has NO IDEA how bad it is THIS time. I've realized that aside from the root causes of this mess which are psychological and deep and varied, the sad thing is we do much better when we truly fear "discovery" at any time. Our last place, we were there 2 years. Gorgeous apartment in an old historic building. It was always messy but never gross enough to not have close friends over and never out of control to the point that we couldn't fix it in a couple days. Well, I realized that in that place, the apartment maintenance guys were ALWAYS around, working on this or that unit, because the building was 115 years old.. so their trucks were present, their voices audible, and sometimes they needed access to our kitchen to check plumbing or wiring stuff going on elsewhere in the building. So because of the ever present fear that they might need to come in, and because we HEARD and saw them all the time, we kept it moderately under control. In our house that we owned we had a chain length fence around the entire property with locking gates and because we owned it we had no fear of anyone having the "right" to come in and we let it get insane. And now, here, we rent, but we discovered very early on that our landlord is afraid of our dogs so I think that's been in the back of our minds.. he is also very non-confrontational (leaves notes, doesn't answer the phone but responds with another note).. we have heard rumors from other people around here that he is known to let himself in to people's trailers when they are not home and he thinks they don't know, but we've also heard that he won't do it if he's afraid of the dogs. Our dogs don't bite but bark like mad and our oldest is a big old black lab, so he's scared of them, and I'm glad that's kept him from illegally entering but because we know this we let it get bad again. Bad for us too because we never call him to fix stuff. Also bad because when we move next we're moving to a place that will be ours.. another mobile home in a nearby town that my mother owns and is giving us. It's from 1977 and ugly but safe and big enough and she is tired of using it as a rental due to the types of tenants she keeps getting. So, while it will be awesome to have our "own" place again, even if it's a 70's ugly trailer, and it will save us tons of money because we'll only have to pay lot rent there of $300 a month, and the landlord there will only be able to tell us what to do if it concerns the outside of the property (yard and whatnot), it's going to be a challenge to keep it clean and somehow we have GOT to break this cycle. I fear I've screwed my own children up irreversably.. but like I said I think that's for another thread. Okay back to it!
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Post by needmorecoffee on Mar 17, 2015 9:01:18 GMT -5
Wow, what a huge situation, I really feel for you. It sounds like you're a pro at crisis cleaning though! You most certainly CAN do this. You'll get there.
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Post by wit on Mar 17, 2015 9:14:20 GMT -5
You can do this, charlotteohara! It sounds to me like a lot of the stuff is not highly emotional for you (trash, packaging) and that is going to make it so much easier. Get it out! I hope the dumpster gets emptied soon. IMO you should do everything you can to get a truck for the big stuff. Even if you find some way to deal with it for this inspection, you will need to get them gone later, so might as well do it now. I know what you mean about doing better when fearing discovery at any time. When you move, could you set up a more pleasant type of discovery? Like maybe having your child's friends over once a week, hosting your friends once a week, a book club, something like that? When you do it quite often there's much less to clean beforehand and then you get the reward of a nice experience! You can do this! Try the timer method: 15 minutes in one area, then switch to another for 15 minutes, then another, then a 15 minute break. I've seen messymimi recommend it and it works! You don't want to be so exhausted after this crisis that you cannot maintain. You can do this!!!
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Post by charlotteohara on Mar 17, 2015 9:29:17 GMT -5
Thanks everyone.. wit, I will try that! I am amazed that even in this crisis situation I can still mentally check out and sit here and read Facebook posts for 30 minutes!? Ugh,me. And yes, I forgot to mention that but I have never been messy due to attachments to stuff. My mother is like that actually, and has 2400 square feet where only about 1/3 of it is usable, but her stuff is boxed, stacked, and she has no "dirty" areas or trash so she judges me anyway. I didn't grow up in a messy house and she was a hoarder then but had it all in the garage or rented storage and the house was always neat and I had to clean every Saturday and she was a "white glove" style drill sergeant about it. I constantly hear how she "didn't raise you like this!". I am just really really bad about throwing stuff away. I don't care about it, I just don't take it to the trash can or out to the dumpster. I am really fond of hanging out watching Netflix with my family and I guess my thinking is "why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?" Some would call me the L word for sure. I was like that as a kid too. My room was always full of stuff and I never wanted to clean it, I would get overwhelmed just looking at it. My spouse was raised in squalor, with a neglectful mother who abused drugs and never cleaned.. this is "normal"..and "normal" was cleaning clothes in the bath tub to get the cat pee smell out, for school, because mom never did laundry.... but for me with my childhood it isn't /wasn't "normal" at all but as soon as I moved out and had my very first place at age 17 it started. I know for sure depression isn't helping. I like your idea of setting up pleasant "discovery" scenarios. Too many years of not having people over makes me sad. Ok I am REALLY not posting again until I get some more done!!
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Post by charlotteohara on Mar 17, 2015 9:30:59 GMT -5
Oh I do have one specific question though.. any thoughts on how to "crash" the damned cockroach population somewhat? I know that the stuff that works best takes time which I don't have. They are the small German roaches. Lots of people have problems with them but then again lots don't so I am really worried about the worker seeing them. Of course, as we clean, we take away their hiding places so I see them all over now and it's upsetting.
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