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Post by shellsncheese on Apr 25, 2015 10:50:47 GMT -5
I occasionally start a thread and don't follow up much or but my 2 cents in somewhere and then disappear. I like to think of it as "internet amnesty" and just let it go. Just like I give myself to permission to get rid of things I might need or could clean, if a thread isn't working for me or I get sidetracked by cleaning and never go back then that's okay. And on the flip side, it's okay when others do the same. I'm sad when someone does return, but I prefer not to get angry about it
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Post by creativechaos on Apr 25, 2015 11:25:44 GMT -5
i hope you keep posting, anewleaf; i enjoy the posts of yours that i have read. i wish i could partake in more posts, and i try to. people have been so good to me here. i think we all try to participate in encouraging each other in forming better lives for ourselves and our loved ones. knowing my own tendencies to dodge what i need to do, sometimes i find it an avoidance when i need to take action - as a hoarder/squalorer with 2 paid and 2 unpaid storage units plus a full apartment - when i so often divert my attention from that and read and respond to posts. because so many of you are people i wish i could respond to more, and the newer ones, get to know better or encourage (as i am encouraged) on days i can, i do respond. on working days or desqualoring days, i don't so much. on depressed days, i don't do much at all. now i am working again in a lot of different areas, and i'm just so tired i can't even see straight. keep posting things that interest you - i have often dreamed of some type of creative thread on byways, and we have some. but the truth is, i get to create so little and that is due to the state of my home and life, due to poor habit choices. so the action threads, chat, and some blogs are where i focus. and introductions. |
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Post by creativechaos on Apr 25, 2015 11:28:38 GMT -5
wind - what you said about the "like" button. i want you people to know at least i read your post. but you are right, wind. it was better i think when we actually responded - even with just a hug emoticon. and i just gotta say - not having read this whole thread because i must leave soon - you all are some of my favorite people on sos - there are so many wonderful fascinating people on these boards who are my favorites - everyone whose posts i have read. we are a tribe, a family. i guess i think that in ways we are so lucky because we have things in common collectively that speak to us both as individuals and as a collective. for instance, most if not all of us are creative in our thinking, have too many possibilities we want to try, are intelligent, have a desire for order, are sensitive, caring people wanting to be aware/awake/spiritual, etc. and we are here because we WANT to change and develop healthier habits in all aspects of our lives, because they all overlap and hoarding/squalor is just one manifestation of self neglect or depression or health problems ETC. i want to respond to you all, and you deserve responses.  cc (who is not shy at all about posting) 
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Post by larataylor on Apr 25, 2015 11:41:00 GMT -5
I've gotten a bit frustrated by people who ask for help and then don't appear to come back. But of course these people are having a tough time. It can feel like our efforts to give someone a warm welcome are wasted. But we really don't know … maybe our responses meant a lot to them, and they're just too overwhelmed to respond and keep participating at that point. Maybe months or YEARS later, they'll remember that warm welcome and come back and be in the right space to get something done. I think we need to just throw the love out there without expectations. And of course, don't feel *obligated* to do that all the time … but don't stomp off mad, either. ![]() |
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Post by bobolink on Apr 25, 2015 14:13:57 GMT -5
larataylor throwing the love around without expectations is not a bad way to live in general.
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Post by prettybad on Apr 25, 2015 14:28:19 GMT -5
Embarrassment-yes and all the hindrances that bring a person to a site for people with clutter and cleaning issues. It might be the nature of the beast. I am saddened by the fact that I have been a member since 2009 and I have not yet moved forward in decluttering or cleaning except in very small and quickly undone instances. Many members have chronic health issues who have better and worse days and a very frequent problem, depression, more often manifests as a weeks or months long decreased ability to participate. And I sometimes wonder if learned helplessness isn't an additional unwanted by product of extended periods of illness. To be clear, I speculate this about myself alone and no one else who uses this site. Bless all those who do post in action threads for being an inspiration for those of us struggling just to get moving even on the smallest things. Please keep posting.
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Post by tablefor6 on Apr 25, 2015 16:24:25 GMT -5
Thanks for staring this thread. It's good to know what people think about this issue. I can also share what happens with me, in case it helps explain for anyone else who has similar issues. I have depression, and some days are more difficult than others. Some days I try to post, or to respond to my OWN posts, only to find that everything I say sounds really down and depressing . . .and that I don't have the energy to try to slap a tone of optimism into all my posts. Worse, -- and I know that THIS PLACE is not like this -- but I have had the experience in other places (other msg boards, FB, etc.) of people telling me that I complain too much, or that I just need to "suck it up, buttercup," stop whining, etc. So, I have sort of learned that, if I'm not feeling positive, or if I'm not in a good place emotionally, that I shouldn't say anything. Sometimes I have been guilty of doing what was mentioned earlier -- of posting, and then reading, or even RE-reading the one or two responses I get to my post, and not responding. I am really sorry for that -- usually, it is because I care about the responses, want to read them and understand them, maybe I am thinking over what was said . . . but I am not sure I should respond, because responding right away to my own post just makes it sound like I am looking for attention by forcing the conversation to continue . . . or trying to get the people who responded to my post to say more, when they've already said what they wanted to say. Does that make any sense? Like I'm afraid people are thinking, "Gee, I already responded to you; what more do you want?!?" See how my brain works? Not always in a sensible or reasonable way, I'm afraid. ! I'm glad the people here are so friendly and helpful; maybe I'll be able to overcome the feeling that I shouldn't post unless I'm feeling like a fountain of optimism! ! |
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Post by mynicehome on Apr 25, 2015 16:27:52 GMT -5
And I sometimes wonder if learned helplessness isn't an additional unwanted by product of extended periods of illness. prettybad...that's an astute thought. I think you are right. Maybe not in all cases of extended illness, but some I'm sure. I don't mean posters here necessarily, just in general. I'm going to think about this in my own case. Thank you.
I have a naïve question (just posted another similar question in general). Some are talking about using the "like" button. As a newbie to any forum in the vast internet world, I wasn't sure exactly what this button meant. I understand it implies a kind of approval or sympathetic agreement, but is it also used just as an acknowledgement for a tag? I've only used it twice because I wasn't sure.
anewleaf...I love posts like this that somehow morph into something else. Kinda like the "haywire" slots, and no, I don't gamble.
tablefor6, and all the others upthread who explained their feelings so well...thank you. Please post. Achievements, thoughts, moods. Whatevers.
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Post by wind on Apr 25, 2015 16:46:27 GMT -5
I'm an "oldbie" to the world of forums who got used to them before they had like buttons, I'm not sure, either. . I just push it sort of liberally since I figure it can't hurt. As far as I know, there's not one Official Protocol there. Back before the like buttons, people on forums used to just quote people a lot of times and just post the word "That!" Maybe the like button is an alternative to doing that? Heck if I know. . |
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Post by razy on Apr 25, 2015 16:54:14 GMT -5
mynicehome - I use the 'like' button if I read something that resonates with me in some way, it may not mean I like what I have read (for example if someone has written about something painful). I also use it when I do like something and to acknowledge the poster. I really like the 'like' button. I respond to posts way more than I did because of it. I often just do not feel articulate enough to post words and the decision about the right emoticon is too hard so the 'like' button is a great choice for me. It's way quicker too - I've got things to clean! 
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Post by larataylor on Apr 25, 2015 17:16:45 GMT -5
"Learned helplessness." DH has ways of showing love, like offering to drive me anywhere I want to go, even though I'm fully capable of driving myself. What's the harm in that? Well, driving myself somewhere reinforces feelings of independence and freedom. Sometimes I feel almost euphoric driving myself somewhere. Being a passive passenger reinforces helpless dependence. It's not *good* for me. And all those little instances add up.
I fear he will be hurt if I tell him that this way of showing love is not good for me. I would much rather he showed love by picking up his own messes and doing some of the housework. But I think that driving me around makes *him* feel good, and picking up his own stuff doesn't make him feel good. And if I tell him that he could show me love that way, he will see it as manipulation.
I also "learn helplessness" by having all my work undone almost immediately, over and over again. I get discouraged and frustrated, and give up. And then he offers to drive me somewhere, and at least he's offering to do *something.* Ugh, these patterns.
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Post by anewleaf on Apr 25, 2015 18:21:10 GMT -5
I have depression, and some days are more difficult than others. Some days I try to post, or to respond to my OWN posts, only to find that everything I say sounds really down and depressing . . .and that I don't have the energy to try to slap a tone of optimism into all my posts. Worse, -- and I know that THIS PLACE is not like this -- but I have had the experience in other places (other msg boards, FB, etc.) of people telling me that I complain too much, or that I just need to "suck it up, buttercup," stop whining, etc. So, I have sort of learned that, if I'm not feeling positive, or if I'm not in a good place emotionally, that I shouldn't say anything. [...] I'm glad the people here are so friendly and helpful; maybe I'll be able to overcome the feeling that I shouldn't post unless I'm feeling like a fountain of optimism! ! , I really felt the need to respond to your post. I, as well as many others here no doubt, struggle with depression and it really infuriates me, the whole "Suck it up, buttercup" attitude (in fact, I just used that very phrase to describe this expectation recently). I've been told the same: that I'm negative, complain too much and so on. And to "Fake it 'til you make it!" But pretending to be positive when I feel anything but doesn't help. It just exhausts me further. The expectation that one must be upbeat at all times, the cult of positivity is ridiculous. You should never feel the need to "slap a tone of optimism" on your posts, IMO, though I must admit, I have felt the same at times. I've even apologized for having expressed negative feelings on my private blog. It shouldn't be this way. I hope you overcome the need to project nothing but optimism and even reach out to others for support here, if you need to. |
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Post by needmorecoffee on Apr 26, 2015 1:25:21 GMT -5
Hi I'm Belle, ADD, self medicating with caffeine. Sometime I struggle to stay focused and I saw a possum when I was eating icecream in the front yard one evening and...
Uhm yeah. Then other times I hyperfocus and I'll post only in my blog because I'm so darn single minded on getting to a point and logging it.
I agree with the statement that facebook has done bad things to forums. I was a mod on a very large and active one, which is no all but dead. The busy mod team of 8-12 is now one chick. Sad but true. I'm glad though that this particular niche, where anonymity is almost imperative, forums can and will survive.
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Post by lucie on Apr 26, 2015 8:18:49 GMT -5
tablefor6 and anewleaf, do not be afraid to post your feelings, negative or not. Everyone needs to vent sometimes and most of us did it right here. Me to. And I love to be able to do it somewhere. You can always post: Warning: negative thoughts follow. And then finish with: End of a rant. I have seen it here more than once. That is the reason why this forum helps so much. We can stop hiding our real emotions. And anybody who does not feel like reading it, can skip it this way. ![]()
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Post by Ally on Apr 26, 2015 17:00:48 GMT -5
Lucie, you are such a sweetie.
I have wasted some time trying to write a cohesive paragraph about how this should be a safe place to share our real feelings, without being afraid of the backlash. We should support one another.
On the other hand I think sometimes people need to be gently confronted when they are not being genuine, or when they are using learned helplessness as an excuse not to make positive changes in their life.
Does that make sense? Can we do both?
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