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Post by messyang on Nov 9, 2008 1:37:32 GMT -5
My name is Angie and I live in squalor. Usually , a level 2, but increasingly my house seems to reach a level 3. I haven't always been this way. At age 36, after 14 years and four children , my husband left me for another woman. I fell into a depression, but tried to maintain a "slightly messy" home and to pick up the pieces of my life. Though he was a terrible husband, my ex was a wonderful father, but sadly, two years after he left our home, he died in a car accident. My children no longer had a dad, and the task of raising four young kids fell solely on me. (It is a long story, but I have no real family to help me.) It is now 8 years later since my hubby first left, and six since he died. I am now 43. I have gained almost 100 pounds (yes, you read that correctly), and I have completely let myself go. I struggle for reasons to get out of bed. My two older children (16 and 17) constantly fight (sometimes physically), and my youngest (11) is slightly autistic. My home is not only a war zone emotionally, but also in reality. I do not have the money or handyman knowledge to maintain my home. I live in a mobile home that is solid, but has plumbing, electrical , and cosmetic problems. Holes in the carpet, walls, abound. Two windows are cracked. My AC unit quit working three years ago (we live in Florida). A year ago, cockroaches came to live in my home, and not only have I not been able to get rid of them, they have taken over and are everywhere. The dogs and cats that we have lovingly adopted have brought fleas too. My home is filled with dirty dishes, papers, dust, cobwebs, and lots of fingerprints everywhere. The bathrooms smell like urine. I have a college degree, and a decent job, but raising four kids on my salary is tough. I love my kids immensely, but know that I am a bad role model. Depression has taken over, and I don't even care if I comb my hair anymore. I know that no man will ever look at me again. My only concern at this point is for my kids. I am frightened to call a plumber, or exterminator, for fear that they will report me for having the level of bugs or house problems. I know I am better than this, but need help. My children are always clean, never sick, and always loved, so this is not the issue. At work, and out in public no one would ever guess that we live this way. I feel like my life is over, and any dream I ever had is gone. A clean , repaired home might make me feel better,...is there hope for me?
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Post by lessismore on Nov 9, 2008 1:57:42 GMT -5
Absolutely, there is hope! It sounds like you've been through some tremendous struggles. You said that your children are clean, healthy, and loved. You have obviously made them a priority and should take pride. You'll find lots of understanding and support from the individuals in this community. I lot of people wind up here because we are depressed and feel like we can't possible dig our way out, but we can and do. I'm glad you're here.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Nov 9, 2008 2:06:51 GMT -5
- There is HOPE! Yes, you can do this. Each person on this board is unique. But many of us have experienced at least some parts of what you've written about -- and overcome. Your life isn't over. It's just beginning! here's a cyber-hug for you: -
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Nov 9, 2008 4:53:04 GMT -5
There is hope for you! There is so much hope! Just that you are taking the time to post and explain your life, and all that is going on shows that there is hope! I could have a million suggestions for you, but I am not going to overwhelm you with everything at once. But the reason why I could have a million suggestions is that there are a million things you can do towards making your life better. Lets just choose one thing for today! What will you choose?
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Post by Script on Nov 9, 2008 8:24:44 GMT -5
Dear Angie: I read your introduction and instantly noticed all kinds of reasons to have hope:
*you have a job *your mobile home unit is solid *your kids are loved *you have a big heart (witness your adoption of rescue pets) *you have survived terrible tragedies *you live in a state (Florida) with beautiful scenery and no real winter *you have a college degree *you are able to 'contain' your squalor, in that 'no one would ever suspect' your lifestyle *you have found US: so you are computer savvy and were obviously out there LOOKING for help *maybe you are ready to make small changes that will add up to huge improvements
I am sure there are MORE reasons for you to feel hope, but that's all that Script can find for now (Sherlock Holmes would do better, I'm sure).
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Post by zinnia on Nov 9, 2008 13:05:46 GMT -5
Hugs to you- your life is NOT "over". You are starting a new part. Things have been rough- and you have some changes to make and some work to do. Welcome!
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Post by ivorytower on Nov 9, 2008 13:33:36 GMT -5
Angie, you're still young and have a lot to look forward to. Don't give up - life won't always be so hard. Two of your children are almost grown up and could put some of their fighting energy into cleaning. Your children are cared for, you have a good job and can get yourself out every day looking presentable - this says a lot of good things about you. This site has lots of good ideas and support and you'll find things that work for you.
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Post by lilith on Nov 9, 2008 13:46:43 GMT -5
Oh Angie, How I wish I could dispatch a night in shining armor to Florida, roses and air conditioning parts in hand...
But if I had one one I would probably keep him for myself. Alas, no knight is headed to either of our doors. I don't know about you but I'm going to have a cookie and go back to bed. This isn't the life I planned nor even wished on my worst enemy. Our stories are the same other than the details. In my case: gained 120 pounds, personal and family illness, death of most of family, financial hole I can't see out of and a husband in name only. He probably wouldn't spit on me if I was fire. Worst of all, I wake up to the ever worsening mess everyday. I do OK for a couple of days with the dishes or laundry and then (fill in the blank happens) happens and two steps back.
I REALLY needed to hear your story today. I read your post and feel nothing but compassion for you. I look at what you have lived through and am nothing but awed by your ability to live through it. Any one of the things you've gone through could break mere mortals. Indeed, those things do break people everyday. People drive into walls, disappear or just disappear into a bottle. You haven't run, you haven't given up and you manage to get up everyday. I don't care how fat you are or how many roaches call your house home, you are my hero.
Auntie Script, our resident wise-woman, made you a very good list of all of the reasons you SHOULD have hope-I have only only one to add: your record. Angie lives. Angie survives. Angie overcomes. Knock her down-she gets back up. Steal her husband-she gets back up. Kill her children's father-she gets back up and picks them up. It is JUST a dirty house. No one is leaving or dying today.
You can find plenty of posts on how to get rid of roaches and we can probably talk you through the needed repairs. There must be someone here who knows how you can get some more money. Can't the kids get social security?
Welcome home Angie. At the very least, you will never be alone again. We are here 24/7 to help you dream a new dream:
Angie and her four kids live in a beautiful comfortable home with their pets. When they get ready for school and work in the morning, their clothes are clean and at hand. Lunches and backpacks, packed together the night before, sit by the door. Angie is happy in her job but can't wait to come home to her family's little sanctuary. It is nothing fancy but the whole family can't wait to be together again. The older ones help the younger ones with homework while Angie makes a healthy but simple dinner for the family. As they all sit around the neatly set table, they share stories of their days and occasionally reminisce about their dad. Everyone helps with dinner cleanup, relaxes on comfortable furniture and then head off to bed knowing that love and peace live in this house.
That is just my version of your dream. Any woman who can live through what you lived through can dream her own dream. I KNOW you can do this.
Love,Lilith
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Post by messymimi on Nov 9, 2008 21:34:54 GMT -5
Welcome, Angie !
As long as you keep reaching out, getting up and trying for one more day, there is hope.
Pick what you want to work on first. Ask for advice on how to handle it. Put the advice to use in baby steps. Watch as hope builds and you find yourself answering questions, not just asking them.
I'm glad you're here.
messymimi
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Post by messyang on Nov 10, 2008 0:53:04 GMT -5
:)Wow! I have read each of your replies many times over, and I feel alot less alone. THANK YOU so much. In fact, I felt so buoyed by your love, that I picked up four large garbage bags full of trash in my living room and kitchen today. Just making a dent in things made me feel better. All of the kids pitched in , too. To answer one question presented: My children DO receive social security, and I am an elementary school teacher (hard to believe, I know). As you know , teachers aren't the best paid careers that require a college degree. I am VERY thankful that my job, and the children's SS allow me to pay the basic bills and put food on my table. (Many single moms cannot make any ends meet). I do not make enough, however to afford expensive repairs. I know that I am just wallowing in a depression. I need to pick myself up, lose a bit of weight, and get myself together. THANKS AGAIN for helping me feel better. It feels good hearing it from others. Love to all of you.
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Post by lessismore on Nov 10, 2008 1:42:38 GMT -5
Four bags of trash! That's awesome, Angie!! That's a terrific start--I'm so glad you're feeling better. Sounds like you have some wonderful children who are willing to help and support you. We'd love to see you join in one of the chats in listzilla. They've helped me tremendously. It's a shame that pay rates aren't based on the importance of the job. I admire the fact that you teach elementary school. Keep up the good work!! Less
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Post by heylady1 on Nov 10, 2008 17:03:04 GMT -5
Welcome Angie! You've been through alot, still going through alot. Raising kids on your own is no easy task and I think it's wonderful that you obviously love your kids so much!!! Your life certainly isn't over, in fact you have a new beginning ahead of you! Finding this site and posting is the first step of the journey! Welcome again from a fellow Floridian!
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Post by crazycatlady on Nov 10, 2008 22:18:20 GMT -5
What a great start! And the fact that the kids pitched in means that you will conquer this. I just know it. Because my kids were pivotal in helping me, too.
You are teaching them great things, by having them help reclaim your home.
My goodness, I wish that I was your neighbor. I would come right over and knock on your door, and come busting in! I'd give you a little hip bump (I'm about 100 pounds overweight, too-light as a feather since losing 20 pounds! !) Then I'd just pitch right in with you and your kids. Cobwebs? I laugh at cobwebs. (Often, because my house has lots of them.) Dirty dishes? Bah...we will scrub half of them, and throw the rest away! Pee smelling bathroom? I have 5 cats...I specialize in pee removal! Let me at it!
Welcome to the boards. There will be ups and downs as you reclaim your home. Do not lose heart...just keep posting. You will always be able to find some encouragement here!
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Post by skatters on Nov 10, 2008 23:55:52 GMT -5
Ang - you are definitely among friends here. Take advantage of our knowledge. Use us. Abuse us. But mainly - just ask for what you need. Need a kick in the butt? Need roach removal ideas? Need to know how to clean urine deposits off of ceramic tile? Oh wait, that was my question... Congrats on removing the garbage sacks! WOOT WOOT! Everytime you get discouraged, think about how easy it was to remove that garbage. Easy enough that you can do it again? Or bad enough that you want to never let things get that bad again? Welcome... pull up a chair. But don't get too comfy in your chair, because we like to be up doing something!
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Post by notsomessyshell on Nov 14, 2008 0:57:22 GMT -5
Welcome Angie! What a great start you have made. I am sorry I was not here to welcome you right off the bat. Had my own demons to deal with. You are definitely not beyond hope. . You can do this. I have to take medication for my depression. Is that something you are doing or have thought of? I am fighting the black hole right now something fierce and reading your story was very encouraging to me. You are struggling and you are succeeding! Thank you for sharing your story. Keep up the filth fight!
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