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Post by tablefor6 on Apr 26, 2015 17:08:48 GMT -5
Hi, friends. Tomorrow I'm starting a non-emergency crisis clean. (I say "non-emergency" because I know there are people here who have to deal with a much more emergency situation, like a CPS visit, inspection, etc.) My 12yo daughter wants to have some of her friends over for her birthday -- they want to meet over here, then go skating, then come back over here for cake and pizza. The downstairs is in about stage 1 - 1.5. We can use all of our surfaces, we can walk without goat-trails, and the dishes and trash are under control. But there is still stage 1 - 1.5 clutter scattered about; mostly stuff that I don't know what to do with. Mostly, it's in piles. KWIM? A pile of stuff in the dining room corner, a pile of stuff in the entryway, a stack of stuff on each kitchen counter. That, coupled with the fact that our carpet is stained beyond what we can shampoo out (nothing I can do about that at the moment -- we've shampooed it a few months ago, and it's just going to have to be a dirty-grey color until we can afford to replace it) and the furniture is stained, and it still looks like we're living in a not-too-clean environment. I have been to the houses of most of the kids who are going to be here, and their houses are definitely better-maintained than ours (not to mention more expensively decorated, but again, nothing I can do about that at the moment). There are two rooms upstairs that are more like a stage 2.5 or 3 . . . because we keep dumping the stuff we don't know what to do with there. You know. I'm going to just have to keep those rooms closed while my daughter's friends are over. But I'd like to get the rest of the house . . . the levels 1 and 1.5, as close to zero as I can in five days. I want to be like a regular mom whose kids can have friends over. I don't want to have to keep telling my kids that they can't have their friends over because of the embarrassing mess. So I told her that, yes, she can have her friends over, but that she and her siblings (four in all) will have to help clean up our piles of stuff all over the house. I am telling myself not to stress about it, because it's just a group of her friends, as opposed to something serious, like a CPS visit. But . . . sigh . . . I constantly feel so inferior to the other people in our area because of this mess. I go to other people's houses -- including the houses of my daughter's friends -- and their houses are MUCH cleaner than ours. Clean enough that I can tell it didn't get that clean just by them doing a crisis clean before I got there. Even though I know I shouldn't be, I am worried about these girls going back home and reporting to their parents what they see here. In my paranoid mind, what I see happening is that these girls are going to come over here, and, because they are used to living in perpetual cleanliness, they will be horrified at the mess. Then, they will go home and tell their parents, "You won't believe what S's house looks like!" and then their parents will promptly lower their opinions of me and start avoiding me. Yeah. . . . that's unlikely to occur.  ! But that's how my brain works. Probably because I grew up in a house where my mother was somewhat of an OCD cleaner . . . and she did exactly that: whenever we went anywhere, she checked out how clean or unclean the house was, and then when we got home she remarked about things like, "Did you see all the dust in her corners?!" Ha -- if dust in the corners were all I had to worry about, that would be great!! Apparently, one of our neighbors had a fish tank with green mold in it, and that was a frequent topic of conversation in our home. *eyeroll* Anyway . . . I'm going to devise a plan of action for us so that we can tackle our remaining downstairs clutter over the next five days. It feels like an overwhelming task, because, once I reached stage 1-1.5 in my decluttering I haven't been able to get any further, because it constantly feels like I'm trying to brush my teeth while eating Oreos! I don't seem to be able to do any more than maintain this level . . . unless I neglect my kids and other responsibilities. I used to be in stage 2 -3 clutter, but have been able to maintain 1-1.5 for several years now -- but I haven't been able to make any further progress! Any advice or encouragement y'all can offer is greatly appreciated. It makes me nervous just thinking about the Oreo-situation! |
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Post by womble on Apr 26, 2015 17:57:03 GMT -5
Well firstly well done getting to a 1/1.5 and letting your daughter having her friends over  I don't think kids judge houses the way some adults can, they will be excited to be going out together and having fun rather than the details of dust and clutter I understand your anxiety though as my house is usually about the same level, with the family dumping stuff rather than putting it away and cream carpets that have seen better days, someone visiting is usually the best motivation to get it sorted again. Hope it's encouragement to say I worked on the downstairs rooms for 3 days at the beginning of the month and it made a huge difference to how the house looked and I'm now at 0 again, I would just concentrate on the rooms they are likely to see and as you say shut the door on the rest for a later date and could you put a throw or quilt over the sofa maybe. It's great you've encouraged the children to help out too, really though try not to stress over it, I'm sure they will have a wonderful time x |
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Post by messymimi on Apr 26, 2015 17:57:32 GMT -5
Maybe this problem has occurred because you have gotten rid of the obvious stuff, and now you are only left with things you think you want to keep.
If that's so, it might be time to take a more realistic look at the items. Are they really that important to take up space in your house? Could you get another one if you needed it? If it's something that belongs to the kids, do they need it, really? If it's something from their childhood, are they really going to want it? (ask them, they may not.)
When we get to the things we just don't know what to do with, sometimes it's time to get someone from the outside looking in, or ask people here if it's something that should be kept, because we get decision fatigue and can't impartially look at our own things.
You can do this! Use some kid power, and remember that what you did before to reduce the clutter you can do again.
messymimi
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Post by def6 on Apr 26, 2015 18:28:50 GMT -5
Hello  Table4:6, I would like to just commend you right now for telling your daughter she can have her friends over ![]() I too have handyman projects that need to be done ,as well as, furniture/carpeting that needs to be replaced and the simple fact is : All of that stuff takes money! I guess we'll have to do like I remember the 1970's to be…just make do with what you already have. That being said , I've found when you clean and declutter It does make a world of difference. Also, careful focus on the most needed areas: Dining area where they eat cake, the designated bathroom, your child's room--other rooms they don't need to go into. Good on you for enlisting the help of the rest of the family. Maybe your daughter can be in charge of getting her room together and for helping to decorate the party table. You are really doing the right thing here…I'm very happy for you and your family! |
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Post by dtesposito on Apr 26, 2015 18:38:46 GMT -5
Hi tablefor6, you have a great motivation for cleaning, I'm sure your daughter will love having her friends over.
Mimi has a great point--are the things that are still sitting out not put away because there's no room in the closets and drawers for them? If so, some of the stuff that's out has to go, OR something in the closets, cupboards and drawers has to to go to make room for the more essential stuff. Some of those might be hard decisions to make.
Good luck and keep posting with your progress!
Diane
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Post by needmorecoffee on Apr 26, 2015 19:03:34 GMT -5
I just want to encourage you too! A big motivator for me is my kids being able to have friends over.
Kids won't notice the carpet unless there's something going on with their mom, ie like your mom was! But if you want to Spruce up furniture, clean throws and Cushions will help a lot if you have them.
Keep you task lists where everyone can see them, and good luck!
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Post by better on Apr 26, 2015 19:15:50 GMT -5
Your DD asked for this because she obviously believes in you- she knows you can make your home beautiful, so give yourself a big pat on the back for her really believing in you.
If you're not sure whether to keep or toss something, ask your kids for their opinion- and listen to them. Don't forget to set a good example for them to follow by getting rid of, or finding a proper home for things. Your kids will be taking in everything you do so set an example which you will be proud for them to follow in the future.
This is what I do when my DD 11 yo is watching- the last thing I want for her is for her to be too attached to things.
Kids love to help on special projects like this. Be cool and try not to get frazzled.
It is great that you have 5 days to do this, make a plan, you can do this, and your DD knows you can do this too- go Girl.
Also think if you can borrow something you need for the day- throws, tablecloths. Decorate your dining room nice and bright with those plastic party table cloths, balloons, coloured glasses, groovy music in background, coloured cellophane over light bulbs for atmosphere.
I'm sure your house will look beautiful on the day and everyone will love it- just Go Girl, make that plan.
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Post by wind on Apr 26, 2015 20:03:02 GMT -5
I would just concentrate on the rooms they are likely to see and as you say shut the door on the rest for a later date and could you put a throw or quilt over the sofa maybe. It's great you've encouraged the children to help out too, really though try not to stress over it, I'm sure they will have a wonderful time x That's what I would suggest, too. And yes on just covering the couch as attractively as possible. The neighbor's couches are probably just a lot newer. Re: the "stash rooms"...get to them whenever, and decide what you want the true purpose of the room to be. What do you want more? A decluttered guest bedroom or study or whatever, or a room that's for storing "stuff" you really like you might maybe use or want at some point? I don't think there's anything wrong with having a room that exists to store "stuff", btw, especially if it's a room where you can close the door. Stuff is awesome! Just get some wall to wall shelves and bins whenever and call it a storage room and make it functional that way. Or, declutter like mad and have a sparse guest bedroom/study. Or try to hit a middle ground of a storage room with a guest bed. The world is your oyster. You don't urgently have to figure that out right this minute. Sorry about your carpet. I doubt the kids will even notice, much less care. I feel ya' on the anxiety about judgmental OCD neat freaks. They scare me, too. Heh. Congrats on the impending sleepover! |
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Post by shellsncheese on Apr 26, 2015 20:36:04 GMT -5
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Post by lostchild on Apr 26, 2015 20:54:24 GMT -5
Yippee. I am having a sleepover for daughter in a couple of weeks so I know what you mean. I had a judgmental kid tell me my house smelled like cats during a birthday party so I opened the windows and went on with life. The kid is a real jerk. All the other kids stated the house was fine and one even came over and told me he didn't care about my house because I am a nice person and hugged me so have faith.
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Post by sparkle on Apr 26, 2015 21:15:05 GMT -5
Haha! - trying to brush your teeth while eating Oreos!
I'll be following your journey.
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Post by tablefor6 on Apr 27, 2015 9:18:06 GMT -5
Good morning! ![]() Thanks for all your insights, ladies! Well, today is our first day. Yesterday I made up a list of what piles we need to tackle each day, and we're going to do my Monday list today! I'm hoping to take pics of our progress and post them. I've been wanting to start a blog anyway, so maybe I'll do it there . . . but first I have to figure out how to get my pictures on a photo hosting site via my tablet because my card-reader is on the fritz. Oh, I do have to say: that thing about cleaning "one hour per person in the household per day" kind of scared me . . . because I have NO desire to clean for six hours a day!! ![]() Ack! Glad you followed it up with more practical ideas!! Going to see about getting pictures online now . . . |
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Post by better on Apr 27, 2015 10:31:14 GMT -5
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Post by tablefor6 on Apr 27, 2015 11:13:40 GMT -5
Thanks for the encouragement! I posted pictures of today's project areas in my blog in the private area (called Shelter for the Spirit). Let the clutter-clearing commence!
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Post by maggie on Apr 27, 2015 13:45:24 GMT -5
I have never had more than kitchen/living room/bathroom and MAYBE a bedroom clean when people came over, and kids will wander into the messy areas (usually because of my kids telling them to go into the messy areas). I've had kids tell me that my house is messy. I usually just say, "true, but on the plus side, I won't yell at you for making a mess". Mind you, I rarely have people over. Recently my brother and his family came over when my house was full on mess -- garbage all over the floors, counters covered in dirty dishes, bags of non perishable groceries piled up in front of the cupboard rather than inside the cupboard, etc. Normally I put them off when they want to come because it's usually so messy, but although it's pretty bad, it's actually slightly better than it used to be, and I figured whatever, I like to see them. So I just said it's a mess and my SIL said it didn't bother her, they just wanted to visit. So they came. I survived.
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