|
Post by mynicehome on May 21, 2015 16:45:00 GMT -5
I can't say I've been here for long, but I've read a lot of the posts...oldest, older, old, to recent and new.
I've noticed how hard it is for a lot of us to clean up our squalor, or organize, declutter the mess because of family. Children. And husbands. And significant others. I'm going to just forgive the children point blank. Although, they too can help, after a certain age.
It's the DH's that I'm focussing on. Or the DSO's. I'm wondering just how much help they do give.
Without going into detail (unless you want to) how much help does your husband, or significant other give you in the war on reclaiming your homes? A simple scale of 1 - 10 will do. Men, you can post too.
I'll go first.
My now ex-DSO --
2 out of 10
|
|
|
Post by dayeanu on May 21, 2015 18:32:59 GMT -5
-0.5
|
|
|
Post by Arid on May 21, 2015 19:04:56 GMT -5
My DH will do *ANYTHING* that I ask (or more to the point "let") him do to help.
Does that mean that he rates a 10?!!
Arid
|
|
|
Post by larataylor on May 21, 2015 19:18:16 GMT -5
Where are they on the scale if they *make* most of the clutter?
I would say maybe 1 for helping clean up, and -5 for hoarding and cluttering.
Today I tried *telling* DH: "Clean that litter box and put the bag in the garage" as I left the bag & scoop next to him. I'd done the others, and he was blocking my access to the last one. I didn't say "please" or "I would like you to do X" or "I want X done." Because he's always made fun of how his mom said things like that, and the kids responded with "why would we care what you want?" He's told me that he thinks polite requests are manipulative.
So -- he did it. I guess that works. No more polite requests!
|
|
|
Post by wit on May 21, 2015 20:44:15 GMT -5
Hmm...8 for cleaning, 4 for tossing stuff and bringing in new stuff (there's a new-to-us juicer in the basement; don't think I didn't see it, C!)
Because I'm feeling frustrated today, may I add that baby (now toddler) is a -10?
|
|
|
Post by lostchild on May 21, 2015 22:20:33 GMT -5
Daughter four out ten can go up to eight depending on how cooperative. Grandson -8. He is big mess make at twenty three months.
Autistic son four of ten. He makes big messes and only cleans certain things.
|
|
|
Post by openwindows on May 22, 2015 10:03:25 GMT -5
In the squalor house, pre-separation Hubby was 1 on a 1-10 scale. As in he was as completely unhelpful as humanly possible, wouldn't take out the trash, pick up his dirty laundry, help with pet care, do yard work, nothing. I was the slave, can't say maid, maids get paid. Now, in the new place together under a trial reconciliation, he's a 4, maybe 5. He does maintenance things, puts his dirty laundry in a basket and clean laundry in drawers, feeds and walks the dog, drops trash in the dumpster on his way to work, washes dishes once or twice a week, he's even swept the kitchen twice and mopped once in almost 2mo and last night he washed his own work clothes. It's no where close to equal but he's not going around making messes and expecting me to clean up after him anymore either so I can live with it.
|
|
|
Post by Script on May 22, 2015 13:40:05 GMT -5
My DH is very involved with all aspects of our home care. There are many things which are in his dole domain. Gardening, car care, most shopping, lots of cooking. Etc
I believe that he gives 100% to our life.
I am a little neater than he is.
He is a lot handier than I am.
He is not at all l@zy, but there are things he doesn't see
I give us both 10 out of 10 in what we gave accomplished in our downsizing marathon.
Ps. DH is 77 years old. He is thrilled with his new wheelbarrow provided by Mr Hunk. I would never dream of rating he as less than 10000000000% active and helpful and responsible and supportive. Etc
|
|
|
Post by ohblondie on May 22, 2015 13:43:19 GMT -5
Script...this was beautiful! My daughter is being an 8-9 right now. She is cleaning the kitchen because she wants to have company over for a little cookout/bonfire on the deck! We can get away with having company on the deck and they only have to access the kitchn to get to the bathroom. It is a beautiful thing.
|
|
|
Post by angela on May 22, 2015 13:48:01 GMT -5
Today I tried *telling* DH: "Clean that litter box and put the bag in the garage" as I left the bag & scoop next to him. I'd done the others, and he was blocking my access to the last one. I didn't say "please" or "I would like you to do X" or "I want X done." Because he's always made fun of how his mom said things like that, and the kids responded with "why would we care what you want?" He's told me that he thinks polite requests are manipulative. So -- he did it. I guess that works. No more polite requests! Well I'm glad you got him to do what was needed. You reminded me that DH would say similar things to me when I'd ask him something. He'd parse it out by literal meaning, of course being rude the whole time. I finally pointed out that I didn't have the time or energy to try to figure out the EXACT right words to say and he was plenty smart enough to figure out what I meant. Too bad your DH and the other children had such a disrespectful attitude towards their Mother.
|
|
|
Post by angela on May 22, 2015 13:49:55 GMT -5
openwindows, glad to read of such an improvement in DH. Hope it continues and hope the trial reconciliation works out.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: January 1970
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 22, 2015 18:40:55 GMT -5
It goes up and down but today he cleaned the garage without me even asking or knowing about it!!!
|
|
|
Post by larataylor on May 22, 2015 19:58:44 GMT -5
openwindows - that's amazing. Pre-separation DH sounds just like mine. Maybe I need to move out … angela - yes, his tales of how they talked to their mother are fairly appalling. Really sarcastic and rude. And yet, shortly after we were married, he seemed to become extremely attached to her … someday I'll tell the story of my first Mother's Day as a mother … okay I'll tell … he got gifts for his mom, and told me that I wasn't *his* mother so … ask my 3-month-old baby for some acknowledgement? These mother issues have been a big problem in our marriage … I don't really understand them, but I know they are.
|
|
|
Post by mynicehome on May 22, 2015 20:47:06 GMT -5
Very interesting so far....
|
|
|
Post by lostchild on May 22, 2015 22:42:19 GMT -5
Down rating autistic son. Put him at two to three this week. I was wondering is someone stealing towels. Son had them all in his room. At least ten full size towels. My linen closet is almost empty.
I had them sorted in groups by color neatly folded.
His room stinks. He took all the bed linens off. I am doing all of his laundry tonight.
|
|