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Post by peaceb2thishouse on Dec 5, 2015 6:17:08 GMT -5
Hi everybody,
I guess I've hit bottom. No place to go but up, right? I'm sitting in a hotel room because my apartment is being cleaned by professionals brought in by the apartment manager after my place flunked inspection. I'm still feeling shell-shocked and humiliated. I feel anxious when I think about returning to my place later today. I hate the thought of total strangers violating my private space, rummaging through my things, wondering "how can anybody live like this?!!" But maybe the cleaners aren't like that - maybe they are compassionate. I didn't have to meet them, and I hope I never do! My manager is being very kind about it. I'm not the first hoarder she's had to deal with. But she did let it slip that my place was the worst she's ever seen. A second inspection is being done on Dec 15th. Amazingly, I don't feel completely overwhelmed and paralyzed at the thought. In the past I would've reacted differently, taking to my bed and escaping into books, putting off doing anything until the very last minute. But this time I feel like I'm finally ready to take action. I've even arranged for moral support from a friend who has her own squalor issues. She's agreed to come and just sit with me while I declutter. For me this is huge, because I haven't invited anybody into my apt for years. So, I do have hope, at last. Thanks in advance for your support. I don't have a smartphone or an internet connection at home so I have to take my laptop to a place that has wifi in order to post. But I'll try to get back on here every other day to post my progress.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2015 8:15:50 GMT -5
I think having a "clutter Buddy" helps a lot. I have one.
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Post by peaceb2thishouse on Dec 5, 2015 12:28:00 GMT -5
Just wondering - is your clutter buddy "one of us" or is she a tidy person? Because in my experience, naturally tidy people just don't get how my slob brain works!
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Post by grasshopper on Dec 5, 2015 13:32:17 GMT -5
You seem to be coping very well with a difficult situation. I bet this is the start of a new phase for you! There will be hard times, but if you keep posting and keep working with your available resources (your friend and your landlord) you will get through them. I hope that you will not have too much grief or anxiety when you go back to your apartment. Let us know how're you are doing.
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Post by mynicehome on Dec 5, 2015 14:35:41 GMT -5
Hello and welcome peaceb2thishouse! Hugs for what you are going through right now. Choose to see it as a positive, forward action that will impact your life in good ways!
I can relate to your feelings of violations, but they will pass once you get back into your apartment and assess the situation. Your own energy and vibes will fill the space back up quickly enough.
Keep us posted! |
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Post by peaceb2thishouse on Dec 5, 2015 17:32:49 GMT -5
You seem to be coping very well with a difficult situation. I bet this is the start of a new phase for you! There will be hard times, but if you keep posting and keep working with your available resources (your friend and your landlord) you will get through them. I hope that you will not have too much grief or anxiety when you go back to your apartment. Let us know how're you are doing. Wow, Grasshopper, how did you know?! I certainly am feeling anxiety about going back to my place. So here I am sitting in a Tim Horton's putting off going home. I thought about asking my clutter buddy to come with me for moral support, but I can't reach her. I know this fear (and probably the clutter) relate to a trauma I experienced almost 30 years ago which involved a violation of my home (and very nearly of my body). Maybe all my "stuff" acts like a security system, an intrusion barrier. Nobody could invade my home without me hearing them as they tripped over stuff! I'm thinking it's finally time to work on forgiving my almost-rapist and everybody else who's ever barged into my private life without my permission. Maybe that will help me move forward...
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Post by joyinvirginia on Dec 5, 2015 19:41:21 GMT -5
Welcome! I know you will get lots of encouragement and good ideas here! I have a good friend who helps me out a lot when I need someone to help me purge. She is really good, and tough, at telling me I have too much stuff, and helping me make decisions quickly. Friends always help, as long as they don't encourage you to keep too many things!
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Post by TML on Dec 5, 2015 21:08:57 GMT -5
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Post by Di on Dec 6, 2015 9:08:37 GMT -5
I know it's hard, and nothing truly helps, but perhaps you could modify a "mind game" that I use. I have finally convinced myself to be grateful for decisions taken out of my hands.
When I find something ruined by squalor, I take a moment to say "thank you" for one less decision I have to make, same when something gets broken or lost, etc. Of course, I am not thankful for the specific incident, but I really have learned to be grateful for not having to make a decision regarding that item. It's done. It's in the past and I can move on.
This situation is beyond your control. BUT, you now have some clean areas in your home. Try to focus on the positives and to see this as a blessing. It won't take away the embarrassment and the anxiety, but it can provide a positive focus rather than a negative.
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Post by ridoutrubbish on Dec 6, 2015 9:14:39 GMT -5
Welcome Peace. So glad you found this place. I had to rent a motel room for 2 nights at Thanksgiving even after getting rid of 10 contractors bags of stuff. I hope your friend can be with you when you go back and that you keep us posted.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2015 9:26:57 GMT -5
Just wondering - is your clutter buddy "one of us" or is she a tidy person? Because in my experience, naturally tidy people just don't get how my slob brain works! Actually, my clutter buddy is a very neat and organized person. But we all need some one to help us out of clutter sometimes, even neat and organized people. |
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Post by grasshopper on Dec 7, 2015 1:09:21 GMT -5
My MO is all about putting off what makes me feel anxious! Usually the reality is not as bad as I imagine it. I hope that was the case for you. Calling friends is a great way to cope. If they are unavailable, this site can be a good stand in.
Change is so hard for folks like us. Sending you courage, versatility, and acceptance at this time of transition.
I am not very good at forgiveness. Can't imagine forgiving someone who actively tried to do me physical harm. Perhaps what it takes is recognizing that we are complete, whole, and valuable people regardless of the harm that others try to inflict on us. That person who tried to do you harm will have to find his own difficult path to redemption.
Keep posting if you can.
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Post by Jannie on Dec 8, 2015 11:37:42 GMT -5
Dear Peace, You sound like you are doinmg really well with this. You'll be amazed what professional cleaners can do. Your place will look like new when you return- now, remember, enjoy the "empty spaces" they leave you. I recently re-modeled my downstairs bathroom, painted it by myself (Yay.me!) and had professionals put in a new floor. I went through everything in the bathroom closet (mostly cleaning supplies), threw out a lot, consolidated, got everything back together very neatly. I'm not totally done- still needs a towel rack and mirror over the sink. But there's a completely empty corner now- where I used to keep pet supplies (dog grooming stuff) and a basket full of rags, toilet paper, etc. With the rags gone and the pet stuff neatly stowed, I am so pleased to see "empty space"' for the first time in many years! And the "nasty" carpet remnant is gone!
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Post by peaceb2thishouse on Dec 16, 2015 6:52:33 GMT -5
Thanks everybody for yr replies and encouragement. :-)
I only have a few min before I have to leave this McD's for work. I had to face my apt alone because I couldn't get in touch with my clutter buddy. First impression: Wow, all this floor space!! The place smelled foreign -- like industrial cleaning products. And I still can't find my big box of tea bags! Luckily tea's on sale this week. To be continued....
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Post by ohblondie on Dec 16, 2015 12:56:48 GMT -5
Looking forward to the next installment
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