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Post by blossoming on Oct 5, 2010 16:47:30 GMT -5
a few years ago, i let ghost squalor down me into real squalor. i was maintaining and one day opened up the fridge and there was a mouse inside! i freaked out. i hadn't lived there long. but i never opened the fridge again for like a year. i am not afraid of mice at all, it was the horrible shame of somehow i was so bad that i had a mouse in my fridge. forget the fact that i lived in the country in an old house with holes that went straight outside. . so, yeah, it wasn't my fault, but i still let it make me make bad decisions out of fear and shame. recently, something happened where someone else created a mess on my property and was very slow at getting it off. i noticed over a period of two months how my housekeeping got sloppier. becuaes i felt terrible everytime i saw THEIR mess. like somehow i was bad. now, i am better and when odd things happen, i am making better, wiser, more realistic and rational choices. glad there is a name for it.
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Post by Dee on Oct 6, 2010 0:42:45 GMT -5
Isn't it wonderful how all our near of kin are so perfect and above reproach in all areas of their lives! I needed to hear this. Thank you.
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Post by neveropentheclosets on Oct 6, 2010 21:26:18 GMT -5
Thanks Courageously - this is exactly what I'm struggling with, in terms of our landlord/new house issue. We haven't been here long enough to cause any of these problems (even, assuming, that we would) yet I am ashamed...
And interestingly, this post has given me some new insight into DH's behavior. He's been insisting that the house be "put together" before we have our landlord over, in what I think is a completely unreasonable way, considering we haven't been able to really unpack/move in due to the issues in the house - but I think he's got "ghost squalor" issues and is afraid that if we don't look like a Better Homes and Garden decorating layout, then the landlord will try to pin this stuff on us.
I think I appreciate most that this post has opened my eyes a little to DH - I'm so used to overthinking my situation, it's nice to look at his perspective for a change!
notc
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dazymae2
New Member
Decluttering one day at a time
Joined: September 2010
Posts: 95
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Post by dazymae2 on Oct 9, 2010 17:48:35 GMT -5
I understand the concept of "ghost" squalor, when it comes to dreading something. I haven't opened my fridge in 3 years and we were using a mini fridge to get by. When desqualoring my kitchen last weekend, I "peeked" in the fridge and it wasn't as bad as I "thought " it was. Just needs to be emptied of condiments and scrubbed out. But even though my head see's this, I still am afraid to confront it, i keep putting it off!
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Mar 2, 2011 11:03:35 GMT -5
bumping up to the forefront ... this old thread
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Post by ontheway on Mar 2, 2011 17:02:59 GMT -5
Courageously - Thank you so much for bumping this thread AND for today's posting. How on target - and relevant it is! I am entering the Mostly Maintenance stage for the first time in this apartment (okay, maybe my life?). I have de-clutter SO MUCH stuff and I am almost at the point of being about to say everything in here I have chosen to have or re-affirmed I want to keep.
But, I didn't go from levels 2 and 3 to level 0 overnight. I was speaking to my sister not long ago about how much I've just done and how much better I feel - and she said that she didn't think my place has looked all the bad for quite a long time. That FLOORED me! She has helped me over the years de-clutter and move and clean - so she knows how bad it has been - and has a very good (almost photographic memory).
And just like you said above, I have been living with that ghost squalor in my mind's eye for a long time - even when my apartment has been level .5 - 1 depending on the room, which frankly, I think is livable considering the way I have lived in the past!
I still don't know what other people would consider as acceptable or okay or typical when it comes to my own home. In the past, I have always had to get it to perfection since I didn't/don't know when people would start thinking badly of me or the place, or god forbid, make comment or as you say, suspect that I am really living in squalor. And the truth be told - I am not perfect and the strain of trying to keep it that way would send me over the edge!
Anyway, thanks for the insights. I will try to look objectively rather than emotionally at my rooms from now on!
Ontheway
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Post by sidestep on Apr 13, 2012 8:33:50 GMT -5
Why is it thought, that when I first think about my apartment I STILL think of it as a Level 2 or 2.5? Bringing this thread back for relevance . . .
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Post by ontheway on Apr 13, 2012 9:41:28 GMT -5
Sidestep -
Thanks for bumping this - I had forgotten completely about "ghost squalor".
I think it is kind of sad that after 1 year of living in a fairly maintained apartment - I am still struggling with this issue.And I mean still!
The door bell rang yesterday while I was resting after doing some major de-cluttering in my bedroom. I did not open it. I was not expecting anyone. I suppose I could have just said that I was doing spring cleaning - but even that would have made me uncomfortable. I was afraid of being being judged by the state of my apartment - even though it was truly okay (most of the mess was in the bedroom). The only sign of clutter were the the bags of books to be recycled neatly stacked in my "granny" shopping cart.
So I didn't open the door.
Thanks for reminding me of why this happened. Maybe next time I will work through my fear and open the *** door!
Ontheway
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Post by artax on Apr 13, 2012 10:51:52 GMT -5
Another thanks for the bump.
It's uncanny, how timely and apt these threads can be.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 11, 2012 21:54:24 GMT -5
bumping forward yet again
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Post by flymomrn on Dec 12, 2012 11:31:11 GMT -5
Thanks for bumping this...i needed it.
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Post by Freedom on Dec 12, 2012 14:20:33 GMT -5
Bookmarked Ghost squalor has prevented me from seeing just how much progress I've really made.
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Post by splendidcakes on Nov 21, 2013 14:51:04 GMT -5
Bumpetty bump bump
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Post by wind on May 21, 2014 3:51:58 GMT -5
Another bump.
I want to add that, in my experience, the nasties ghosts don't linger after a few years. I LOVE my bedroom now, and it's unreal to imagine that the same room...(I wrote the dirty details and decided to delete...it doesn't matter. It ONLY exists as a memory now).
Anyway, the ghosts of squalor past do fade to nothing, eventually.
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Post by lucie on May 21, 2014 7:06:47 GMT -5
Yes, ghost squalor does fade away eventually - but it strenghtened my inner perfectionalist, because now I want to have everything done perfectly, because I am scared I will end up like my old home. So my room sometimes looks like no one lived there, if I gice my perfectionalism free reign. I love Erasing Evidence.
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