dancingimp
New Member
Joined: January 2017
Posts: 8 
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Post by dancingimp on Jan 24, 2017 19:19:30 GMT -5
Hi, all. {waves shyly} Someone on another message board I frequent recommended this site in a thread about cleaning and I've been eagerly gobbling up old and current posts. I definitely need accountability, though, so I figured I ought to de-lurk and become active. I've been working on decluttering for a while (and by a while, I mean years), but I also have chronic depression and anxiety which affects my energy / motivation / progress. And I recently read there's a link between clutter and depression, joy.  I definitely have emotional issues getting rid of things -- it still has "use" and I feel guilty "wasting" it, I might need it someday, it brings back memories, I just can't be faffed to deal with it right now, etc. I've had bouts where I never invited anyone over because it was a mess and too much to clean to get into "presentable" shape. I've improved both on keeping it clean/tidy enough to not need a complete overhaul just to let someone come in and in lowering my standards so that I'll let people see my imperfections, but there's still a lot of room for progress. The past few months have been chaotic as I left a toxic job situation and went out on my own. It's a very very very good thing to be away from there, but at the same time, the "on my own" isn't going so great. And then I get depressed. And then I don't get up until mid-afternoon. And then I putz around the internet until the wee hours of the morning. And then I get more depressed. And then I have panic attacks. Soooo. Yes. I plan to start a blog in the blog folder as soon as I come up with a cute name for it. In other words, I'm procrastinating, so cute or not, I'll be there soon. |
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Post by purpleangel on Jan 24, 2017 19:38:30 GMT -5
dancingimpI saw your post and so - WELCOME!  You have taken the best step forward in organizing/cleaning your home (and your life). The women here are so friendly and helpful; I'm sure you will find the help you need to achieve your goals. You've done the hardest part - to speak up and be "real." I do recommend starting a blog as soon as you decide on a name. I love having the freedom to hide out here and write my secret thoughts and ideas. Plus, writing down my cleaning goals for the day keeps me on target. The single best advice I've taken from this site is: START. Just start somewhere, anywhere, and work the "cleanness" outward. I think it's not just the starting that gets you motivated, it's because you can SEE that you are spirally UP instead of continuing the discouraging spiral down. Even when I get stalled on some days, I know I am slowly moving forward.  Joining a work-along thread is also helpful for staying on task. Somehow, making a public post encourages me to actually complete the projects. Oh, and one more thing. I've learned not to say "Today I will clean the kitchen." I don't make vague, open-ended project lists any longer. Because I can bog down cleaning the stove with a toothbrush, while the rest of the kitchen stays a disaster. Instead, I say "Today I will wipe the flat surfaces in the kitchen, sweep the floor, clean off the kitchen table." Concrete, manageable steps that I can complete. So - Welcome, again. You can do this! Start small and pretty soon you will see BIG improvements. 
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Post by momof3boys on Jan 24, 2017 19:47:03 GMT -5
Welcome! I think you will find this site a great source of support. Many of us have some of those same issues.
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Post by hiding on Jan 24, 2017 23:35:12 GMT -5
You sound so much like many of us here. You have come to the right place. Welcome!
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Post by joyinvirginia on Jan 25, 2017 22:23:50 GMT -5
Welcome! Many of us have depression or other problems that make it hard to get and stay motivated. I never would have gotten my act halfway together without antidepressant meds!
You will get load of great ideas here!
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Post by creativechaos on Jan 25, 2017 23:30:08 GMT -5
welcome, dancingimp; we're so glad you are here! re blogging: if you start a blog and then come up with a more fitting name that you like better, you can change your blog name anytime! so come on in, the water's fine.  cc |
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dancingimp
New Member
Joined: January 2017
Posts: 8
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Post by dancingimp on Jan 28, 2017 23:36:40 GMT -5
Thanks for the warm welcome. I started the blog and even found a creative commons licensed picture to make an avatar that goes with my blog title!  |
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Post by quietbird on Jan 29, 2017 15:19:01 GMT -5
Welcome, dancingimp!
Yes, there's definitely a link between clutter/squalor and depression. I think you'll find that the majority of us here suffer from depression, anxiety, or both.
I personally find that because my brain is very prone to scanning my environment constantly, clutter in that environment becomes absolutely exhausting. It makes processing harder/impossible so my brain runs over and over things like a broken record. It can never relax. My own goal is to have all my spaces be ones my brain can process easily, and so relax in. There has to be room to move around and a feeling of lightness.
Stuff is weight we carry with us; our homes help us carry it, but we still to some extent "carry" everything we own. Is it TRULY worth the weight? How much is that stuff worth when compared to our mental health? What kind of space do we imagine feeling happy and free in, and how does that compare to the spaces we have now?
Not sure where you're at with your mess, but there's someone here in a similar place. Sharing the nitty-gritty details we don't feel able to with people IRL is so freeing; give it a try.
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Post by quietbird on Jan 29, 2017 15:44:48 GMT -5
Here's some of the most valuable pointers I've gotten from this site:
1. "Progress, not perfection!"
A lot of us with depression/anxiety are frustrated perfectionists. Our lives and homes don't seem to be perfect, so we give up all together. In order to make headway in our squalor, we MUST work through this mentality. Do not worry about things looking perfect or spotless! Just do some work. Get the big stuff; move on to the little stuff down the road. It is very easy to spend fifteen minutes doing the bulk of a task and then forty-five perfecting some little area. Don't do it! Move on, and come back down the road to make finishing touches. (And realize that it is absolutely ok to live in a house that is "good enough". Perfect is the enemy of good enough.)
2. Amnesty
Amnesty means that you do not have to find the perfect home for everything. Do you have piles of things you're saving to mend before you give them away, or looking for the right home for them? Are you waiting to find someone to buy certain things? Are there things that you don't really like but can't bring yourself to throw away? Give yourself amnesty. Your priority is to give yourself freedom from the weight and anxiety of clutter and squalor. Give away without mending, throw away what will take too much energy to deal with, let go of the money you spent on that item / release the guilt (it's not worth it! your mental health is worth so much more!), give yourself permission to be free of those things you don't like. Give yourself amnesty; you deserve it. If it helps (and it does help me), keep in mind that in the future when you are less overwhelmed by stuff you can choose to find perfect homes for what you have, make those mends, etc. But for now: are you overwhelmed? You have Stuff Amnesty. Do what you need to.
3. Defend!
Many people here start by picking one area - a corner of the living room, the area by your bed, the bathroom - getting that clean and tidy, and then defending that area. Having one area of your home how you'd like it can be so motivating to doing the rest. Allow yourself to enjoy that area. Make it a priority to keep it to your ideals. Then other spaces can follow!
4. Give yourself some beauty and comfort
Cleaning and tidying can be physically and emotionally exhausting. What do you find beautiful and comforting? Incorporate that into your work. Engage your senses. Do you like incense or scented candles? Get your favorites for your de-squaloring session. Make a playlist of music you find inspiring or comforting, or turn on your favorite radio station. Stop every now and then for a cup of tea. Set yourself up for success by eating something sustaining before you work. Consider getting some well-made and attractive cleaning gloves and an apron, if you don't have them. If you find that you get lost in your head, consider turning on a familiar TV show etc that won't make you stop cleaning but will give you a little "company" (I did that last night and it really helped me feel less depressed as I worked.) It is important to not dread our de-squaloring... if we can find little things to bring beauty to what can sometimes be painful and gross, we deserve it.
5. Celebrate little victories / share what you've done
It's amazing how gratifying it can be to come here and post your victories, no matter how small. Sometimes throwing away a few pieces of trash and cleaning one plate is a victory. That's great. Share it. Little victories turn into big ones here.
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Post by creativechaos on Feb 23, 2017 0:08:50 GMT -5
so dancingimp; what is your blog name? how are you doing? wtg for getting going on that! good wishes and vibes your way.  well said, quietbird. those are great pointers for us all! |
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Post by ohblondie on Feb 23, 2017 12:29:13 GMT -5
Welcome and happy to have you here~!
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Post by nonchalant on Feb 23, 2017 17:26:23 GMT -5
Hi, all. {waves shyly} Someone on another message board I frequent recommended this site in a thread about cleaning and I've been eagerly gobbling up old and current posts. I definitely need accountability, though, so I figured I ought to de-lurk and become active. I've been working on decluttering for a while (and by a while, I mean years), but I also have chronic depression and anxiety which affects my energy / motivation / progress. And I recently read there's a link between clutter and depression, joy. I definitely have emotional issues getting rid of things -- it still has "use" and I feel guilty "wasting" it, I might need it someday, it brings back memories, I just can't be faffed to deal with it right now, etc. I've had bouts where I never invited anyone over because it was a mess and too much to clean to get into "presentable" shape. I've improved both on keeping it clean/tidy enough to not need a complete overhaul just to let someone come in and in lowering my standards so that I'll let people see my imperfections, but there's still a lot of room for progress. The past few months have been chaotic as I left a toxic job situation and went out on my own. It's a very very very good thing to be away from there, but at the same time, the "on my own" isn't going so great. And then I get depressed. And then I don't get up until mid-afternoon. And then I putz around the internet until the wee hours of the morning. And then I get more depressed. And then I have panic attacks. Soooo. Yes. I plan to start a blog in the blog folder as soon as I come up with a cute name for it. In other words, I'm procrastinating, so cute or not, I'll be there soon. 
Welcome aboard and best of luck! |
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