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Post by gifted on Mar 7, 2017 15:55:28 GMT -5
I am worried because I am having impulses to shop. I don't want to buy a lot of things and fill up my current room like I did my previous house.
This weekend, I received a manatee tea infuser from Amazon and used it today for the first time. I felt cheered by it, and then spent 45 minutes shopping online for more. Intellectually, I know a drawer full of cute tea infusers will not bring long term joy. (I did find that this manatee would still be among my top choices.) I did save these to a list, so I do "have" them.
I have bought about seven books and four music CDs in the past two weeks, so this shopping could be a trend.
For background,I estimate that I had 200 books before I sold my house. And this was AFTER I disposed of about 80% of my total, and I felt satisfied with devoting that amount of space to my books. When I had a health crisis and decided I could not live alone, I again gave up about 80% of the books I owned.
I kept four boxes of books which are now in storage. I also kept three big binders filled with CDs. Also DVDs,which are hard to quantify. (Now I can't remember, but I think much of my other media is included in those four boxes.)
I know part of the solution is to get what I have out of storage. Then I can be more realistic about what I do or do not have space for. The problem with that is my son has stuff in my storage space, and emptying the space is not a high priority for them. I wrangled with my son over this two weeks ago. I was going to hire someone to empty the storage unit and transport everything to the house. But after getting some bids, my son would not trust anyone who would accept what I was willing to pay.
I am really tired of living minimally. I stopped living in my house last May or June, either staying in a room in my neighbor's house or living with my sun and his fiance and sleeping on a fold out couch. We have moved into a house two or three weeks ago, and I have a space that is "mine". (Though a few other things are now in my room, but I don't want to make an issue out of it. At least, not yet.)
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Post by wind on Mar 7, 2017 16:41:20 GMT -5
I think buying things is fine as long as you know where it will "live" before you buy it. Having and choosing nice things you enjoy is one of the most pleasurable parts of life. I get a LOT of joy out of the $50 or so a month I spend on Amazon. I like reading the reviews and playing with moving stuff in and out of my cart, "save for later" section, and wish list, too. It's kind of a hobby of mine.
I can say for sure that I'm not a hoarder or have serious issues with compulsive shopping, though. When I had way too much stuff, it was a simple lack of insight and lack of skills to declutter at the root of the problem - not some extreme emotional attachment to objects. Everybody's different. I don't think there's anything wrong with having more than one tea infuser, though, if you're really into tea.
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Post by casper on Mar 7, 2017 17:06:26 GMT -5
I wish you could shop through your storage items. Probably enough things in there to help satisfy your urge to have more things in your room.  |
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Post by hollyhock on Mar 8, 2017 6:11:59 GMT -5
It sounds to me that you now have a bit more space and are trying to make it 'your own'. The tea infuser was probably a 'just for me' nice thing, and you want to recreate that good feeling. Since you can't get your stuff out of storage right now, you're trying to get something to make your space your own. If you brought those books there would you be reading them? Could you get books from the library in the meantime?
Is there another way to make your space feel like it's really just for you now? - a pretty corner display, a bouquet of flowers?
Of course if random buying has been a problem in the past, then you need to find a different solution or distraction, and I'm not much help there.
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Post by shellsncheese on Mar 8, 2017 8:32:26 GMT -5
I agree about "shopping" through your storage items. I do that with clothes and shoes and some other things. I also agree that finding a new hobby might be helpful. Other things you might want to consider: removing any stored credit cards on sites like amazon so you have another step to go through before purchasing anything or shopping at brick and mortar stores. For me the up side is I get to browse stuff, it takes more time than online shopping, and if I make an impulse buy, I can return it when I come to my senses. If I order something online, chances of backing it up and sending it back are slim to none.
On the flip side, there is nothing wrong with making your home a happy place for yourself now that you have decluttered and have your own space again. Just keep reminding yourself you want to keep a happy and peaceful space for yourself (You deserve it!)
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Post by gifted on Mar 8, 2017 12:06:12 GMT -5
Thanks for the support from everyone!
Today I am planning to buy some new bedding for my new bed. For this, I shopped at both Amazon and Overstock online. Additionally, I shopped at 3 brick and mortar stores.
I found two choices that I liked a week ago. Planned to go back five days ago, but plans did not work out. I found matching bed sheets and comforter, hope they still have both! There was only one of each item. There were two different styles I liked, so hopefully, at least one style will still be there.
This may go a long way toward making me feel more settled.
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H2H
Banned
halfwaytohoarder gets rid of it all!
Joined: February 2017
Posts: 2,041
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Post by H2H on Mar 8, 2017 15:12:37 GMT -5
Hello gifted... I just read thru so much of your house decision last year, and the other responses by people who have the SAME dang issues..keep a shabby(or needs many repairs/too big to maintain) house we own, needing a lot of maintenance, or breaking free... you are now on the other side!! I'd love to hear more if you have the energy. It has not been long, and now you have a "room of your own" The urge to nest and create a space that is ours is strong in most humans, and especially with those who tend to acquire and hoard. you said and others had the SAME comments: "My largest concern is whether I can care enough about my house to repair and maintain it. And I am sure this is tied up with my disability of major depression. ******Would a nicer, less shame inducing house help me stay out of depression? ***** To some extent. But is it enough? That I don't know." I must have gone around and around 100 times on this... i try to IMAGIEN being in a sweet little apt somewhere, with no responsibilities, but when I face reality all there is are $1.000 month 500 sq ft. no storage junky places in not good areas...and I'm in a smaller town, so rents in larger cities is unaffordable. AND there are women I know in their late 60's who live in CONVERTED GARAGES, with barely a window, or natural light, working 3 part time jobs..so KEEPING a shelter we are ALREADY in seems safest. I Look on ZILLOW and get notices of sales and rentals..and that helps me compare if I would sell, what do I face? A leaky roof over our head that we control is often the best choice. I'd love to hear from others who stayed, and what is going on now. I will open a new thread and hope to hear back. "Keeping/Selling our Home as we age" takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/29598/keeping-selling-home-agePLEASE join in if you want to share or learn... thanks to all as we face this journey! |
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Post by hannah on Mar 8, 2017 15:40:06 GMT -5
I remember reading the posts you made as you cleared out your old house and got ready to move, and I was inspired by them. I don't know what your health situation, etc., is, but would it be possible to find a new hobby? I don't say this sarcastically, but instead of spending time shopping online, could you get out and join some kind of club or exercise (walk, for example)? When I think about getting rid of my own hoard, I realize what a huge change in lifestyle and habits this is going to take, and I imagine that maintaining it when/if I ever manage to clear this house out is going to require HUGE changes in my mindset and actions. I commend you on being aware and thoughtful of how much you are acquiring---when I look back on all the years of shopaholic behavior that got me into my mess, I could just kick myself. Maybe a trip to the library---my library has several book groups, programs, and social activities, and everything there is free.
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Post by notanotherdecade on Mar 8, 2017 16:04:07 GMT -5
Hello gifted, is the storage one you can freely access?
On the one hand taking the contents home to sort through will save on monthly rental costs, but .. I'm wondering if your son's reluctance reflects his fear that there is far too much stuff in there? ,,, can any sorting be done before it comes home? ... If it's a smaller home there will be less room for storage...
You mentioned there being other stuff in your room that might become an issue, .. ? ?
Anyone would get a nesting instinct in a new home, esp after having to live out of a suitcase for a while. Enjoy the fresh new joy-sparking duvets, glad you can finally relax in a settled home once again
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 10, 2017 23:51:27 GMT -5
hi gifted; if there is not clear access to your things in storage, i wonder if your son would help make it accessible for you to have a little sorting area there - with a table and chair maybe? if you sat down and had a heart to heart talk with your son; if you told him what you've just told us here - your thoughts, your fears of starting compulsive shopping as a habit again, and your desire to have your room feel something that is "yours" again - do you think that would help him understand and to see how hard you're trying, and how important it is to not have that "empty" feeling? Nesting after a move seems like a natural instinct. If your son understood things more, perhaps he would help you to "shop your stash" and together, come up with a plan that allays any of his fears while filling your needs as well. you've done so much to release so much, in a way that was pretty harsh and stressful - it's natural that you want some comfort of having a space that is yours. it's wise of you to recognize the tendencies to start shopping too much again - and to nip that in the bud if that is what's happening, and recognize the tendency to self-soothe through shopping, after all you have been through. the bedding sounds like a need - physically and emotionally. i hope the bedding you like is still there when you go to buy it. keep us posted how things go ! |
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Post by gifted on Mar 17, 2017 18:38:47 GMT -5
Sorry I haven't been posting. I have been sick for over a week and I am now playing catch up with dirty laundry. Not that I have much, with only three pairs of pants.  . I did buy bedding. I was tired of shopping. I found something that was extremely inexpensive, $30 for a set containing both sheets and a comforter. I bought it mostly as an experiment to try a polyester set. If I don't like it, or it doesn't hold up, I have not lost much. For right now, I have replaced the shopping. I am researching home electronics on the Web. I discarded everything, since it was old. All of it was either from the early 90's, or given to me. I only kept a Playstation 2. Everything was big and bulky and I was uncertain if it would be appropriate in my new, uncertain home. I kept the Playstation because I have a lot of games for it. Kept the games too. Deciding my electronics would be replaced was part of the decision for discarding the old stuff. I have a lot of research to do and choices to make. Listening to music is important to me. Do I choose speakers, headphones, or both? Will the speakers or headphones plug directly into my pc, or do I hook up to a traditional audio system? Do I choose a desktop computer or laptop? Do I want the components to be wired together, or wireless connections? New or used? So far, I have decided that traditional stereo suits me better than the newer home theater systems, so I have made some small progress here. |
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Post by Di on Mar 17, 2017 18:52:55 GMT -5
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Post by phoenixcat on Mar 18, 2017 8:14:40 GMT -5
Not to confuse you further but the Amazon echo is pretty neat if you have the internet connections to support it. DH is a tech junkie and he got me the echo dot for Christmas. It is about the size of a hockey puck and you just talk to it. When I'm working in a room - I can just say play Rod Stewart and it just keep cycling through all of his songs until I tell it to stop. However, I haven't found a way to link "my own music with it". So, if you are trying to download your own CDs - connecting them as Di posted might be more helpful. But the Echo works with a bunch of music download sites. Pretty smart personal assistant too.
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Post by gifted on Mar 18, 2017 14:32:10 GMT -5
I kept my previous stereo for about 25 years, only replacing components that broke (until I decided a VHS and cassette players were relics. ). So I rather be confused for a little while because once I spend money on something, I am likely to hang on to it. |
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