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Post by closetofchaos on Mar 10, 2017 4:38:30 GMT -5
Surely all or most of you can relate to not wanting to answer the door. Even though I'm no longer hoarding and don't have to do 2hour cleanings, my home still gets plenty messy, stuff still happens, I'm still a person dealing with a lot of mood swings that go with what I'm going through. Currently, my perimenopausal emotions cause my energy to be fleeting so I do my best with the cleaning. I try to get in an hour per day. I also have PTSD and a mental health worker came unannounced to check up on me today. I have told her numerous times that people dropping in on me is one of my triggers. I heard her knock and I just stood and stared at her through the peephole until she gave up and left. She has my number. She could have called. I'm not sure what to do. I've been having a lot of problems with this worker saying odd things to me which insult my intelligence, and then she acts puzzled when I get frustrated with her and expects me to explain why. I don't think I should have to tell a psychologist how to do their job. I think she ought to function at a higher emotional level than I do, so I don't understand why she is behaving this way. Should I go to a third party about this? Clearly she is not listening or understanding me as she is making the same kind of mistakes with me repeatedly. I have known her for a very long time. She has been working with me on and off for years but only recently has she begun to behave in this manner. What could be happening and what should I do.. (besides not answer the door?)
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Post by closetofchaos on Mar 10, 2017 4:50:57 GMT -5
Let me reiterate that I try to explain things to her but she goes on to say the same kind of rude assinine things and does the same things I have specifically asked her not to, always with some excuse.
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Post by closetofchaos on Mar 10, 2017 4:52:04 GMT -5
She never seems to "get" the point or is just playing along to patronise me, one of the two, and neither are ok.
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Post by closetofchaos on Mar 10, 2017 4:53:03 GMT -5
I honestly am stumped and can't tell which one it is.
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Post by closetofchaos on Mar 10, 2017 5:05:49 GMT -5
One of the things she does which really bothers me is that 9/10, when she sees me, she'll tell me how pekid I am looking. Perhaps I will only be tired from a walk or hungry or actually sick (which is appropriate ) but she says it a lot. It's hard for me to believe that I am looking that badly so much of the time.
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Post by closetofchaos on Mar 10, 2017 5:06:51 GMT -5
Here's the most recent picture of me taken the other day.
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Post by closetofchaos on Mar 10, 2017 5:09:04 GMT -5
If anything, I'm looking even healthier than before.
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Post by closetofchaos on Mar 10, 2017 5:13:57 GMT -5
My anxiety has been a lot better since I have been clearing the hoard but it seems this woman wants to find something wrong. Am I imaging things?
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Post by closetofchaos on Mar 10, 2017 6:27:21 GMT -5
It was empowering though, I must say to come to the full realization that I am not required to answer the door. She is not the Police. She does not have a search warrant. I haven't done anything wrong. In fact, it is she who is blatantly disregarding the many times I have told her not to drop by unannounced. I was glad that the house was messy and that I was in a foul mood and refused to get the door because I allowed myself a boundary instead of fighting every battle. After she left, I got in the shower, got dressed, did my make up and hair. Then I went out and took care of some business. When I came home, I felt proud that I had not allowed her to bother me. It had truly sunk in by that point. I made dinner and worked on my room. I threw away more things, and set more things aside to consign. Purging is always a big step, necessary and worth it:)
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Post by hollyhock on Mar 10, 2017 8:43:31 GMT -5
Only you can decide how to handle your worker - and if she helps you or hinders you.
However - I personally NEVER open the door unless I know who is there. Because you never know. Now that I'm in an apartment it never happens. At my old house most of the time it was someone soliciting something - or people answering a kijiji ad and got confused on the address (happened about 10 times.) There I usually called out my bathroom window above the front door asking who it was - but I did not have people normally just show up. Once in a while it was an emergency thing with a neighbor and I went down and dealt with it. But I did not owe anyone anything when they showed up unannounced. Even my kids made prior arrangements to meet with me. In this age of cell phones and texts, where communication is so easy, there is no reason not to.
How does your worker even know WHEN to come if she doesn't call first? You could have other appointments, be sick in bed, be out getting groceries, etc. I doubt she changes unless it becomes inconvenient for her. Just keep not acknowledging her until she makes an appointment.
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Post by shellsncheese on Mar 10, 2017 11:26:34 GMT -5
I still have anxiety about people in my home and probably always will.
I'm not sure in what capacity she is there to check on you (did you hire her or is she checking on you for some other reason?) but there is no reason she should be disregarding what you say and dropping by unannounced or telling you that you don't look well (you look lovely BTW). I would request a change. Perhaps leave it vague at first and say you would prefer to work with someone else and see if that gets things changed. If not list 2 or 3 short concrete reasons why you do not want to work with this person. 1. They have commented negatively on my physical appearance. 2. I don't feel that they are listening to me.
There are plenty of mental health workers that are not a great fit for certain people or are just plain bad at their jobs (they are people too). But you do not have to subject yourself to them if you do not think it is a healthy situation.
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H2H
Banned
halfwaytohoarder gets rid of it all!
Joined: February 2017
Posts: 2,041
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Post by H2H on Mar 10, 2017 12:51:12 GMT -5
Hi..ohh grrrr I am infuriated FOR you.... I doubt she is a "Psychology-Trained" person of any kind..if she is MFSW or other alphabet councelor from mental health then she is not super trained at THAT level of therapy. and THOSE people don't do what she does in manner of questions or showing up like she did.
" I think she ought to function at a higher emotional level than I " << indeed...more proof she is not adequately doing her work of "people" contact!
I do NOT answer the door or the phone, unless I want to open it and deal with them..(house clean or not) and I tell people to go away if it is inconvenient as they invariably embarrasses me by acting surprised if am in my PJs at 9:30 or 11;30!! ..not knowing a thing of my health issues. Or I just don't answer...just because my car is there doesn't mean I am home.
You never have to be beholden to anyone ..my crabby neighbor does this, walks over to my door, or if he calls it is always something he blames me for ( like a fence he built too weak, is leaning, and he says my "heavy" flower boxes caused it..gee that is a great way to get me to pay for half of the repairs! (and they are light wood "collars" over the tall plants, resting on the ground, so he irritated me beyond belief with his geezer negative assumptions.)
She would ASK you if you are feeling tired, to draw you out and let YOU say the words..not push buttons. I feel she is BARELY competent at her job..she may be protected as a government employee?
The only thing I can offer is most people are clueless...in their own world in how they see things, not thinking at all.
You DID do very well in going about your day, YOUR schedule..and empowering yourself.
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Post by def6 on Mar 10, 2017 14:53:17 GMT -5
Dear closetofchaosYou might be better served by changing workers. You need the support of people who recognize how much effort it has taken for you to get to this stage. The great thing for me about being at the menopause age is I know what is working , I know what does not work and I don't mind letting people know it.
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Post by Arid on Mar 10, 2017 15:35:36 GMT -5
I have a "friend" who does this to me **ALL THE TIME**: "Oh, you look *SO* TIRED!!"
Invariably, she does it on a day when I'm feeling pretty well for me.
These days, I choose to ignore her remark whenever she makes it. (I just think to myself, "Yeah; right . . . whatever, lady."
Arid
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Post by closetofchaos on Mar 10, 2017 17:27:45 GMT -5
H2H She must not have any kind of real training and be socially awkward amongst regular people on top of it because I can't imagine her saying the kinds of things she does to them and getting any kind of positive response. Yes, protected as a government employee is right. You hit the nail on the head.
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