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Post by disheveled on Mar 17, 2017 10:22:11 GMT -5
Hi everyone. Much like my apartment and my life right now, I don't really know where to begin with this introduction. Things are bad. Super-bad. I wake up angry a lot of the time and have a burning desire to just toss a match at my whole apartment (though I figure the other tenants might frown on that). The thing is, even though I am super angry about it, I do absolutely NOTHING about it. I'm paralyzed. Today was the day when the fire inspector comes to look at the alarms in all the apartments. Of course I didn't get the notice because I just let my mail pile up. Not that it would have done any good, really. I am still surprised I haven't been evicted, not that I want to be. The thought terrifies me. I hid under my covers. I pretended to be asleep. I heard the landlady coo to my cat 'you poor thing'. I feel like a poor thing too. There is so much. Too much. Where do I begin? I have tried to begin before but it always backslides into worse. I haven't allowed people over for years, except one friend and she hasn't been over in a year. I have hermit-ized myself. I am better that way though. I used to be scared to leave the house. Not so much anymore. I am pretty poor at self-care too. Seems I am pretty poor at doing anything. This sucks.
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Post by bub on Mar 17, 2017 10:24:44 GMT -5
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Post by bub on Mar 17, 2017 10:33:23 GMT -5
Ok- don't burn down the apartment. I understand the feeling though. The good news is that you're in an apartment, which makes me think it's not a huge space. This can be cleaned up!
You did the first step towards cleaning up for you and your kitty by posting here. You both deserve a clean, safe living space.
Tell us about the mess- do you think it's mostly clutter or garbage? Are you physically able to gather up three items right now and throw them out or put them away? 3 Pieces of paper, 3 unopened envelopes, 3 dishes, 3 things for laundry or recycling? Just three items, then report back and we'll cheer you on. You're not alone and WELCOME to the forum!
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Post by def6 on Mar 17, 2017 10:49:37 GMT -5
Hello disheveled and Welcome I hear how very on edge you are right now. You are hyper-sensitive to each and every little thing that others say and you are even very sensitive to your own self- talk. You have turned so far inwards that even curled up in your bed with the covers pulled high is no comfort. You are hurting pretty bad right now. If you saw another human being in this sort of distress what would you tell them?
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Post by shellsncheese on Mar 17, 2017 10:56:28 GMT -5
Welcome and big hugs to you! We all started right where you are. It's okay to be overwhelmed. It's okay to be sad. You are okay. YOU ARE NOT YOUR MESS. I suggest you start either in chat or a workalong thread. (working in threes, weekday workalong) Or if that is too much, just post here and we will respond. Start small. Can you pick up 10 pieces of obvious trash and put them in the trash can? Whatever you do, keep posting here and you will find lots of support and encouragement.
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Post by disheveled on Mar 17, 2017 10:59:38 GMT -5
Ok- don't burn down the apartment. I understand the feeling though. The good news is that you're in an apartment, which makes me think it's not a huge space. This can be cleaned up! You did the first step towards cleaning up for you and your kitty by posting here. You both deserve a clean, safe living space. Tell us about the mess- do you think it's mostly clutter or garbage? Are you physically able to gather up three items right now and throw them out or put them away? 3 Pieces of paper, 3 unopened envelopes, 3 dishes, 3 things for laundry or recycling? Just three items, then report back and we'll cheer you on. You're not alone and WELCOME to the forum! It's both. I DO have too much stuff for my space (a 2-bd apt) but a great deal of it is garbage. I have a half-full garbage bag sitting behind me right now. One full one in the hallway and another half full one in my bedroom. It doesn't seem to really make a difference (how is that even possible??) According the squalor site I am now in 3rd stage (( I had a big rubbermaid container I was using for cat litter that my cat would jump down in. It is so caked now and weighs a thousand pounds, I am just waiting till the warmer weather when I sneak out in the middle of the night and try and drag it to the bin. Her little litter box that she's been using for a few months now gets cleaned pretty frequently, but the flyaway poops that seem to escape her little box are still around. So gross, I know. The big litter box that hasn't been used for months now grows flies every once in awhile! UGH. How did my life come to this? It's the poop thing that gets me.I'm sure the landlady and fire guy were horrified. I am horrified. It doesn't help that everyone one in my building talks about me and makes me feel awful so I don't even like leaving my apt unless I think the halls are clear for me to make a mad dash. This is a really crummy way to live.
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Post by disheveled on Mar 17, 2017 11:00:48 GMT -5
Hello disheveled and Welcome I hear how very on edge you are right now. You are hyper-sensitive to each and every little thing that others say and you are even very sensitive to your own self- talk. You have turned so far inwards that even curled up in your bed with the covers pulled high is no comfort. You are hurting pretty bad right now. If you saw another human being in this sort of distress what would you tell them? Yeah it sucks. I started to cry when I read you message. I really don't know what I'd say.
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Post by disheveled on Mar 17, 2017 11:13:14 GMT -5
Welcome and big hugs to you! We all started right where you are. It's okay to be overwhelmed. It's okay to be sad. You are okay. YOU ARE NOT YOUR MESS. I suggest you start either in chat or a workalong thread. (working in threes, weekday workalong) Or if that is too much, just post here and we will respond. Start small. Can you pick up 10 pieces of obvious trash and put them in the trash can? Whatever you do, keep posting here and you will find lots of support and encouragement. I can easily fill the two garbage bags I have going now and probably at least one more. The problem is taking them out to the bin. I don't like to do it in daylight because of crappy neighbors who make their distaste clearly visible. I think a good portion of my problem is just that... they compound the problem so much it's horrible. I hate feeling like I have to sneak around at night to throw out garbage for pete's sake just to avoid all the side-eye glances. My mom hasn't set foot in my place for years now. She would probably die if she saw it. If she is coming to pick me up I will wait outside. A couple years ago my upstairs neighbor started yelling at my mom about how can she not know how awful my place is, etc etc. I started bawling uncontrollably and couldn't even talk, I had to come inside and leave my mom outside arguing with this lady. The lady said something like, "haven't you seen her garbage room?" (which is my 'office' that faces the street) My mom, god bless her, said "what are you doing peeking in her windows anyway?" which shut the lady up but still. She still lives upstairs and I will avoid her and anyone else at all costs. On Christmas day I got an eviction notice slipped through my door. I have a really huge suspicion it was her - giving me a lovely Christmas present I knew right away it wasn't real - it was just one of those forms you can print off and it was just slipped through my door with no envelope let alone a stamp. The neighbors complain a lot about my small patio because it is out front. I WILL be sweeping it up (probably in the middle of the night) on a night when it warms up. So yeah, this is where I am. My goal is to clean up my place and move OUT of this place. My mess is one huge problem (hurdle). But my neighbors are another which just makes it all 10xs worse so I need, NEED to get out of here.
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Post by def6 on Mar 17, 2017 11:19:08 GMT -5
Praying now that you will break through these chains that bind you. Or sending positive vibes to you when you need them. or
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Post by bub on Mar 17, 2017 11:24:46 GMT -5
Welcome and big hugs to you! We all started right where you are. It's okay to be overwhelmed. It's okay to be sad. You are okay. YOU ARE NOT YOUR MESS. I suggest you start either in chat or a workalong thread. (working in threes, weekday workalong) Or if that is too much, just post here and we will respond. Start small. Can you pick up 10 pieces of obvious trash and put them in the trash can? Whatever you do, keep posting here and you will find lots of support and encouragement. I can easily fill the two garbage bags I have going now and probably at least one more. The problem is taking them out to the bin. I don't like to do it in daylight because of crappy neighbors who make their distaste clearly visible. I think a good portion of my problem is just that... they compound the problem so much it's horrible. I hate feeling like I have to sneak around at night to throw out garbage for pete's sake just to avoid all the side-eye glances. My mom, god bless her, said "what are you doing peeking in her windows anyway?" which shut the lady up but still. She still lives upstairs and I will avoid her and anyone else at all costs. On Christmas day I got an eviction notice slipped through my door. I have a really huge suspicion it was her - giving me a lovely Christmas present I knew right away it wasn't real - it was just one of those forms you can print off and it was just slipped through my door with no envelope let alone a stamp. The neighbors complain a lot about my small patio because it is out front. I WILL be sweeping it up (probably in the middle of the night) on a night when it warms up. So yeah, this is where I am. My goal is to clean up my place and move OUT of this place. My mess is one huge problem (hurdle). But my neighbors are another which just makes it all 10xs worse so I need, NEED to get out of here. Your mom sounds awesome. Your neighbours are bullies. Your rent pays for your right to use the garbage. What do the nosy neighbours do with their garbage? If they can use the bin then what right do they have to shame you? That's what a garbage bin is for, for Gosh sakes. My neighbours kick their garbage out the door so it blows onto our lawn- I would love to have someone like you next door who wants to use the trash service! Who cares what the bullies think- no one is perfect- and you shouldn't be scared to live in your own home. Bleep them- they aren't worth the stress you're experiencing! You can do this!
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Post by disheveled on Mar 17, 2017 11:35:01 GMT -5
I know I am really super-sensitive. I always have been. Even my family made fun of me mercilessly when I was little because of it. I dunno - it's just the way I am. No amount of trying to toughen me up ever worked. I would just withdraw and become depressed.
I finished filling the 2 other garbage bags. There is no room in the hall for another one until I take the other ones out. Maybe I can muster up the courage to do it soonish? I just don't want to run into any neighbor OR the landlady I avoided this morning...
I am having a coffee now and trying to figure out how to get into the chat thing.
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Post by notanotherdecade on Mar 17, 2017 11:56:47 GMT -5
Hello dishevelled . Welcome to the group, I've got to dash now, but wanted to send you good wishes, will write more later.
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Post by wind on Mar 17, 2017 12:45:53 GMT -5
Welcome! You're in the right place!
As far as where to start, just take out those 2 garbage bags, keep your head down while doing it if you need to, and that's a fantastic start!
After that, I'd aim to clear enough space to clear the patio, since you suspect that's where the worst of the judgment is coming from. Honestly, I'd guess most of your neighbors don't really care nearly as much as you're worried they do. Some probably don't care at all (seriously). The truly awful upstairs neighbor? Try to just feel sorry for her for having such hateful spirit. She can't be a happy person.
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Post by shellsncheese on Mar 17, 2017 13:20:43 GMT -5
Nosy neighbors are the worst! And needing to find a way to covertly get rid of your trash is NOT an uncommon issue. I'll give you some ideas based on what I did. It's helpful to look at your everyday life and see how you can incorporate getting rid of trash into it. Do you work? Go to school? Regularly leave the house for anything?
I was in a multifamily house, with shared trash and weekly pickup. My neighbors were not overly judge (which was a god sent) but still I had SO MUCH TRASH.
Trash Strategies: - Use plastic shopping bags and take one with you every time you leave the house, deposit the shopping bag into a public receptacle. (The trick is to not overfill it so it looks less suspicious and will fit through the top easily.) Gas stations are great for this as you can often pull up to the vacuum/air area and drop off several small bags. -Going to the grocery store? Small bag of trash goes in the can at the front of the store. -I'd stay up late on trash night, fill my can to the brim and then put a few trash bags in my neighbors bins (questionably legal) -I filled up my trunk with trash bags (2 or 3) and drove them to a nearby apartment complex and put them in the dumpster (definitely not legal) -I had a much larger recycling bin then trash bin, so I recycled everything that I could.
Look into your local resources. You may be able to do a bulk drop off somewhere. It's worth seeing what is out there. But basically I consider trash removal an "eating an elephant" strategy. (One spoonful at a time).
After a while I had a system. Plastic bags of trash where stored in a large plastic tub and 2 or 3 went with me every time I left the house. I became good at spotting places I could get rid of them. I knew that the 2 public bins on my street where picked up the same day as my trash, so if they weren't full on trash night, I filled them. Double bag stinky stuff.
Hope something in this helps.
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H2H
Banned
halfwaytohoarder gets rid of it all!
Joined: February 2017
Posts: 2,041
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Post by H2H on Mar 17, 2017 13:21:31 GMT -5
Hi, I LOVE your moniker... Someone here posted the term Socophobia fear of being watched and seen!! I also have neighbors who are grimly judgmental..I can see the 76 yr old *** walking by every day and glaring at my side of the yard...finally stood up to him over a fence issue he blamed me for (it was not me for once!) Lucky for them both we are exact opposites and I feel like my messes punish them without me saying a word.
People will do this, be snarky and mean, and nothing can be done for it but toughen up a bit ourselves.
If it is affordable locating a new living spot, and taking what you want, even in small amounts over to the new place, will allow you to come back and disconnect from the old. make it easier to clean? Maybe?
Possibly wear a mask and gloves scoop out the big litter tub into to trash bags you CAN handle, and get rid of as smaller amounts?
Lastly..here is a phrase I TRY hard to remember..."people dislike in others what they dislike about themselves"
Wiki: Scopophobia, scoptophobia, or ophthalmophobia is an anxiety disorder characterized by a morbid fear of being seen or stared at by others. Scopophobia can also be associated with a pathological fear of drawing attention to oneself
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