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Post by wind on Mar 17, 2017 13:52:35 GMT -5
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H2H
Banned
halfwaytohoarder gets rid of it all!
Joined: February 2017
Posts: 2,041
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Post by H2H on Mar 17, 2017 13:55:44 GMT -5
wind great idea .... I have 2 of these and feel less guilty putting junk in those, out of site until I can get rid of them.
and your "minimalism phrase" is really influencing me to clear stuff out.
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Post by wind on Mar 17, 2017 16:15:45 GMT -5
and your "minimalism phrase" is really influencing me to clear stuff out. Ha! Thanks. Pretty sure my version of "minimalism" is other people's "only slightly cluttered", but we're 4 people and 2 large dogs in a 600 sf house, so it is what it is. I am pretty strict about "dish minimalism" ( 4 people = 4 coffee cups, only a few tupperware containers, etc) because it's the only way I've been able to permanently abolish "sink pudding", and I do have numerous surfaces on which nothing "lives". |
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Post by notanotherdecade on Mar 17, 2017 16:24:40 GMT -5
Gosh, soooooo can relate to wishing the problem could just be finished with by burning it up.. I've sat outside my place in the car many times not wanting to go into the house.
Moving out will give a fresh start, letting you relax.... moving might give a new goal to look forward to,,,, changing the emphasis from shifting stuff around ➡➡ to instead being rid of unwanted stuff..,, to keep ONLY what you really love...... I don't have the bravery to go minimalist, but I am starting to relate to a wish to par down my possessions much more than I have so far..
Sorry I meant to say something more profound, but can't get my brain in gear tonight.
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Post by notanotherdecade on Mar 17, 2017 16:38:54 GMT -5
Not sure if you've come across Gayle Goddard yet, she is very realistic about decluttering and tidying. Think i'll be listening to her videos at the weekend again to shake myself out of the procrastination zone I've fallen into. I like this one as it talks about how to achieve something even when feeling overwhelmed
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Post by Di on Mar 17, 2017 17:14:27 GMT -5
Do you have dumpsters that are shared by the complex? Do you have a limit on how much you can get rid of at once? I asked because I lived in a horrid 2 bedroom apt. Mine fluctuated between "OMG, HIDE!!!!" And fairly acceptable with one ROOM OF DOOM.
My advise is to get a cheap luggage dolly, you can often find them at thrift stores, now that suitcases have integral wheels. Put a tall kitchen trash can in each room, even the bathroom, and toss 10 items EVERY TIME you walk in a room. Set your alarm for 10:30 and use the dolly to roll the full cans to the dumpster-- start by getting rid of that litter.
Of course this is if you insist on hiding. My opinion is that you really shouldn't care. This comes from the person who challenged the good nature of the garbage men by putting out 4 wheelie bins, half a dozen full and running over large moving boxes and numerous bags and praying that it would just "go away" It did, and I was never charged extra. I would honestly just dump it and not worry about it. Shame has no place in this process, and at this point, the only person who matters is YOU!
It seems like a silly place to start, but after removing visible trash, I would clean the bathroom.
1. It's probably the smallest room in the apartment.
2. I'm a bit of a hedonist. Having a fiercely protected clean bathroom gives me a clean, welcoming place to start and end my day-- a very private me space.
Take a huge, heavy duty trash bag and an empty hamper with you. Throw out all the "miracles" that you bought that didn't work. Keep ONE SMALL basket of makeup (replace the ancient brushes, and too old carp.) Keep the soap, shampoo, and conditioner that you like and use. Put it in ONE basket under the sink. Toss the rest. Pick out the cleaning products that you use (in my case that is Scrubbing bubbles, toilet wands, a bottle of cheap alcohol for mirrors and faucets, and a spray bottle of cleaner for the vanity. That is ALL. Toss the rest. Put all dirty clothes in the hamper. Take down the shower curtain and wash or replace it. Clean the sink and vanity, polish the faucet. Clean the tub and shower surround. Clean the toilet. Mop the door. Hang clean or new curtain. Get out the biggest, fluffiest towel you own. Shove hamper and trash can into the hall. Light a candle on the vanity. Fill tub with hot water and climb in and relax. Link around and experience what clean feels like. Enjoy and fiercely guard your progress. I still NEED this space. There is NOTHING IN OR ON THE TUB AND NOTHING BUT ONE BOTTLE OF HAND SOAP ON THE SINK. it is bare and easy to swipe. Even when I am overwhelmed, I can say, "Well, the bathroom is clean"
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Post by notanotherdecade on Mar 17, 2017 17:25:34 GMT -5
I would second Di's suggestion to start with the bathroom .. it will make personal care easier, which is great for self esteem,,
I've sat on the bathroom floor a few times to eat breakfast, simply because there was nowhere else uncluttered to sit.
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Post by wind on Mar 17, 2017 17:53:00 GMT -5
Back when I had really bad squalor issues, I always found it easiest to start with getting all the obvious, dry (as opposed to a half-filled coke cans) trash in bags and out of the living room, specifically starting with the area around wherever I usually sat. After that, I'd pick a wall or corner, sit on the floor, and move along there. By the time I had 5 or 6 bags out, the visual difference was very encouraging, and I was able to SEE some of the things that would be easiest to do next, like getting the half-filled cans to pour out and put in a bag, make a pile of laundry, etc.
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Post by dtesposito on Mar 17, 2017 20:00:38 GMT -5
Disheveled, if you already feel that your neighbors are talking and saying mean things about you, what difference does it make if they see you taking garbage out? The worst that can happen is that they say something mean (which you say they already do) and the best thing that could happen is that they think "oh good, she's cleaning up her apartment". AND, if you take out enough garbage, your apartment will be clean and they will no longer be able to say anything about it.
You will never get out from the situation you're in if you don't force yourself to take your garbage out regularly. So take a deep breath, take the garbage out, and if the neighbors see you, ignore them. Or wave hello and say good morning.
Join in a working thread and get started, we will encourage you!
Diane
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Post by hollyhock on Mar 18, 2017 7:41:49 GMT -5
Hi disheveled and welcome. You have received some excellent advice already. I am in maintenance. However EVERY day I have at least 1 small bag of garbage to toss. I use the bags I get at the grocery store mainly. I live in a large apt building and I see others in the hall also going to the chute to toss their garbage almost daily. (I can hear the door to the garbage chute closing often too.) We also have outside recycle bins, and many use them at least weekly. On cleaning days I often have 3 small bags of garbage to toss. So throwing OUT garbage is a GOOD thing! AS dtesposito said - they are already talking - so what difference does it make? Maybe they talk too because they don't see you taking out garbage. If they see you then they know you are trying. Yes, getting the big heavy litter container might be something you want to do after dark, but I think tossing a bag or two of regular garbage every day would just be viewed as normal. You can do this!!!!! |
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Post by notanotherdecade on Mar 18, 2017 8:13:14 GMT -5
Hi, how did the garbage bagging go?
If I were a landlord I would be esp concerned about the cat waste, that is a MUST to tackle.,
At my worst times I had to categorize priorities ➡1st thing that could die. ➡2nd things that will/are rotting ➡3rd things that are potentially toxic ➡4th things that I could trip over and break my neck on.. . You need some way to prioritize the zillion things that need to be put right to help you cope and not be overwhelmed by the quantity of stuff needed to be done..
The horrible neighbour will probably find an excuse to be horrible ,,no matter what you do, it's like the school bully, they will find anything to pick on.. please don't let her stop you doing what you need to do for yourself.
Ok, not wanting to be over scary, but the landlady needs to visit eventually, and worst case scenario she gives you notice to leave, or gives you a set time period to improve the place... if she warns you to improve hopefully she will state clearly exactly what she wants to see, and that will give you set targets to work towards.... ... Can you write down targets and priorities for yourself? Put them in order, somehow writing down on paper makes things less scary, and more doable..
If the worst comes to the worst It will be a case of sleeping on your mums couch for a while.. if you think that is likely the unwanted and unloved possessions you don't want following you to the next home can make their way into the trash/recycling/donations box, and be out of your life now.
The neighbour will be a cow regardless,, ignore her goading, i'm tempted to suggest actually making a point or walking past her.
You are probably asleep right now. Hope you have rested and are fresh for a new start after breakfast.
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Post by purpleangel on Mar 18, 2017 8:45:12 GMT -5
disheveled - I just read this thread and wanted to say WELCOME!   You've already received great advice, but I wanted to send you a big hug and say - You are NOT alone.  The people on this site can help make the difference between being stuck and moving - ever so slightly - forward. One piece of trash removed from you home can start the spiral UP. There's tons of "how-to" advice. But, I've written a few thoughts about the "feelings" part of all this: What has helped me: Keep coming back to this site. It so informative and encouraging. You need friends who accept the real you, even if it's just in cyberworld. Create your own blog. Even when I've felt embarrassed about revealing too much or talking about unrelated life-stuff, writing in my own page has helped me be honest with myself. And to quiet those voices in my head that make me confused and guilty. It's a safe place to hide. Put up a red brick wall: You wrote that you are "too sensitive." But, I disagree completely. YOU are the reason that beautiful music, incredible poetry, amazing paintings exist. Feeling IS a good thing, it just does open you to Bad Vibes, too. When I feel threatened, I imagine a big, red brick wall around my heart and around my body. Protect your heart. It IS valuable.  YOU are allowed to take up space in the world. YOU are allowed to be Whoever you wish to be. You don't need the approval/love/respect of your neighbors. You are OK without their approval. You've got your Mom and now us here. We approve of you. The neighbors say unkind things but don't offer to help a woman who is alone? They can all just cram it.  Dream BIG but Plan SMALL: From this site, I've learned to make small, concrete steps that I can achieve. "Clean the kitchen" has become 1. wipe down flat surfaces. 2. Throw out trash. 3. Sweep. 4. wash dishes. Otherwise, I can get stuck scrubbing the stove top with a toothbrush while the rest of the kitchen stays a disaster. Listen to what your brain is repeating. Try very hard not to let Others' Critical Voices take off and play in your own head. I've started listening to the running dialog in my brain. This is helping me to STOP and change the words to something more positive. For example, "This is just too D*** much. I can't do it." has become "I have the strength to do A, B, C."  Give it Time: I keep thinking that I should be done by now. But, this job is not a one-time project. It is slow moving and I must repeat the same stupid steps over and over again every day. Just to tread water. Keep trying a little more. Some days are more productive; some days aren't productive at all. Hugs. Hugs. Hugs. To YOU.  You sound like an intelligent, funny, sensitive woman. Those characteristics far, far outweigh how your home looks. You CAN do this. One babystep at a time!
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Post by joyinvirginia on Mar 18, 2017 18:24:34 GMT -5
Welcome disheveled!
Many hugs!
Can you take out smaller bags? Double some plastic shopping bags and take out the litter that way?
You can do this!
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Post by hannah on Mar 18, 2017 20:16:09 GMT -5
I have to admit that I take my garbage out after dark, when no one can see me. I started doing that when I had a woman living next door to me that had some serious mental health issues---she would scream and shout hateful and nasty things at me whenever she saw me---I often had to call the police to come and talk to her so I could be outside long enough to take care of my lawn. She has since moved on, but the habit remains. Do you feel safe where you are? Can you quietly slip out and carry the trash out either late at night or early in the morning? I second Joy's recommendation of carrying the litter out in doubled up grocery bags---can you carry two out every night before bed?
If doing it during daylight hours with the neighbors watching you adds unnecessary stress or anxiety, try to find a way to make it easier on yourself.
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Post by dustylady on Mar 18, 2017 23:28:51 GMT -5
Hi Disheveled, don't give up. You have friends now. We are with you. We will help you with ideas and make lots of rude comments about your neighbors.
I suggest looking at "You Are Not Your Brain," in the Overcoming Squalor area. Several of us have found it helpful.
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