|
Post by wileycoyote on Oct 10, 2017 13:01:48 GMT -5
I have no idea if this is the right place. But I am in need of some serious help. I am going to give a link to an album of photos. This is the first time I've shown ANYONE what our kitchen looks like.. imgur.com/a/c7ar7I guess I should give an intro.. I am a 24 year old guy living with my 25 year old boyfriend (fiancee now). We live in a 2 bedroom basement and have been here for a year and a few months. We can have the house clean, but somehow we always end up with laundry everywhere, I mean the dirty laundry piles up so I spend 2 full days cleaning it all (tiny washer) and then task him with putting it away. It sits infront of the closet in baskets until he needs to find clothes to wear then he digs through and after only a few days its ALL OVER THE Floor. And he doesn't put it away still. I know it's half my fault for not just doing it, but I can't do everything... We keep our main room tidy most of the time because of our cats but the main issue due to health and many other reasons is our kitchen. I don't know why or how but our kitchen ends up full of dirty dishes. To the point where we have bins we put so the dishes can be partially off the counter. We have a tiny kitchen but somehow all of our dishes end up dirty and we have none clean. It's been 3 to 4 weeks now where the kitchen has no clean dishes and we keep using Tupperware lids as plates and then the weird serving spoons or chopsticks or even measuring spoons to eat. I can't go into the kitchen because of the smell now. We have bins of dirty dishes. The counter the sink all filled. The bins are moldy now and the kitchen smalls so bad. I just don't know where to start. He says he will do the kitchen and then he does a bit and then it stops there. I keep saying I'll keep up with the ENTIRE REST OF THE HOUSE and he just has to do the kitchen but it doesn't *** work!! I take care of our cats (2 boys 6 months old) and keep the house clean where they are as well as my own pets, my 2 guinea pigs and 7 rats. I keep them happy and in a clean environment that I make sure of. I don't know what it is about our kitchen that just kind of... Explodes. An edit. Here is what happens with laundry. imgur.com/gallery/hbWqs
|
|
|
Post by Nael_C on Oct 10, 2017 14:07:56 GMT -5
Hello and welcome to the forum! I used to have the same problem with the dirty dishes. Cleaned all at once, then waited until an amount gathered and then cleaned everything again at once. The problems with that system of doing the dishes are: First, it's a tedious cleaning. It takes time and it's boring to spend so much time infront of one sink. Second, there is no way you'll ever going to have a clean sink, except for the next half an hour or so, until you eat or drink something again. The solution for me and one I have been using is the Shine your Sink from the flylady routine. That was the start. Then, every, (but every time) someone eats or drinks something, the plate or the glass gets washed, or just rinsed and put into the dishwasher. With that I mean you have to return to the sink and every time do just one bit of a job. Because all those bits of work added up mean a loooot of work if you leave everything to be done not daily. I also STOPPED entirely to ask for anyone's help. It is tiring to trying to force everyone to commit to something when they are unmotivated, and it only adds to frustration and endless nagging. It was something that I took RESPONSIBILITY of, so I let go of the reminders etc. The reminding and nagging is another problem added to an already existing one and quite frankly, I don't need any more stress added. Do something now. And do it every time you go to the kitchen. That is called the BDG system, from the member that invented it. You go to get something to eat. While you're at it, eg getting an egg boiled, use that time to wash a plate and a glass. You get the point. Do something in bites, not in mouthfuls. It made a huge difference and now when I wake up in the morning, no more piles of plates and dishes and dozens of glasses on the counter. I can have it shining again in ten minutes and enjoy a cuppa without getting self judgmental and feeling guilt. Good luck to you!
|
|
|
Post by bub on Oct 10, 2017 14:40:22 GMT -5
Good news- you have enough hampers! Why do you think the laundry winds up on the floor instead of in the hampers? Is the opening big enough if clothes are being tossed? Are you and fiance trying to sort by colour or type? Habit? Are the hampers in a place that works for both you and fiance?
I'm not scolding you, gosh no, just asking. My fiance strips off his work clothes the minute he walks in the door so we put a nice, big fabric hamper by the door. No one knows dirty clothes go because they're contained in a 3 foot tall black rectangle thingy (Winners/TH Maxx/Marshals sells them). We have a second hamper in a hallway with the bed/bathrooms for the other clothes. Tip- do a load of laundry a day, every day (wash-dry-put away) and it gets caught up. Use timers if you have the option to wash during the day or overnight.
Do you have the option of a countertop or portable dishwasher? If not, wash-dry-put away one dishrack a day helps. It's frustrating when a partner isn't on board with helping out or holding up their end of the cleaning deal. I'm sorry.
Edit- looked at your kitchen pics, you can so do this! Give yourself amnesty to toss, not recycle, if you need to. What is the garbage situation like? Is it complicated to get the garbage out of the apartment? Otherwise I'd say start there and you'll feel better in under 5 minutes. Honestly. We're all here cheering you on!
|
|
|
Post by sillycanuck on Oct 10, 2017 14:43:16 GMT -5
First tackle the trash---junk anything smelly ie rotten food. Wear a mask if weak stomach.. Empty the sink--stack the dishes anywhere for the time being- clean sink with hot soapy water- pick a random number that will be the number of items you will wash at a time. Every commercial break wash that numbers of items then set to soak the same number---refill with hot soapy whenever needed. It will seem like a lot to tackle at the start but stick to the # and every break===it up adds up. Alternate person with each break so no resentment will be attached to the task. Welcome to the site--everyone has been there--no shame to any question---feel free to vent and visit the site often for supportive cheering
|
|
|
Post by phoenixcat on Oct 10, 2017 15:49:12 GMT -5
Cute cats We've all been here. As everyone has suggested, trash out first. Scrape plates, empty fridge, garbage off the counters. The plus side of a small kitchen - it will go quickly. The down side of a small kitchen - it will dirty back up pretty quickly too. Once trash is out - stack all the pots/pans/other somewhere. Put all the plates, glasses/mugs, flatware on the stove - do those first. Easier to soak and get the most done quickly. Run a full sink of soapy water- throw in all the flatware/glasses/mugs. Set a timer for 10 minutes - soak. Hopefully soaked enough to do a light scrub, rinse and put in the dish rack. Take a 5 minute break - drink a glass of water out of one of your clean glasses Dry dishes in rack, put away, repeat, repeat, repeat. Can you move all the laundry to a couch or bed and fold/sort from there? Then carry it in one category at a time to be put away in drawers or closet? I'm going to suggest something radical - accept that it is your responsibility. All the laundry, dishes, etc. are your job. I know it is incredibly hard and feels horribly unfair. But in a crazy way it works. My DH and I are both housekeeping challenged. He simply won't do certain things and what's more - he can't see the mess. Instead of color blind - he is mess blind. But he will help if directly asked and if we are working together. Or, in the case of some stuff - he takes full responsibility and I don't do it at all. For some reason, DH will do the floors. He will do the cat litter. He will take out garbage to the street. All of that is without asking. He will help me lift, move, carry things. He will do a crisis clean with me if we have company. One caveat - we've been married almost 28 years so this is a result of a lot of give/take and compromise. I would suggest that you and your partner work together on getting it back to "normal" in clothes and dishes. Or start working on it and hopefully he will feel guilty enough to help you. Or be specific, you gather up all the trash and hand him the bag to get it out of the house. Or you wash, he dries. Whatever works for you but you take full responsibility and hopefully he will take some direction. Same with clothes - hand it to him in small amounts and tell him where it goes. You put your own away. If you continue to be the "heavy lifter" on household chores - look at everything that needs to be done and see if there is anything he is already doing that you don't typically do. Grocery shop? Cook? Cat litter? Vacuum? Manages the budget? Pays the bills? And, if you don't find anything - then start negotiating - if he won't help around there - will he pay for a laundry service or a housekeeper? Grocery delivery? I used to think it was unfair in the beginning because the small amount I would do - I did by myself. But over time, DH started picking and choosing what he would do and he would quietly help me when asked or when he could see I was stressed (as long as I didn't ask in the middle of a game!). And, we can now afford a monthly cleaning service and DH didn't complain about it at all. All relationships have that give/take - even in housekeeping. But if you have one partner that doesn't see it or doesn't care and the other side is resentful that it all falls on them - it is literally a recipe for having a stalemate of a mess all the time. Five cat's story is here about digging herself out of a mess. It is an inspiration. takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/123/hi-fivecatGood luck - you can do it!! PC
|
|
|
Post by notanotherdecade on Oct 10, 2017 16:26:02 GMT -5
The rest of the house looks good,,,
Has the kitchen become the centre of a conflict between the two of you?
is it more than about plates and coathangers?
|
|
|
Post by lostchild on Oct 10, 2017 18:25:37 GMT -5
In terms of getting stuck in first sort all the dishes all the plates together all the bowls all the silverware and all the pots. You may have to use floor space to start.
When you have the sinks empty put a stopper in both sides then fill with the boiling hot water and bleach and dish soap. Scrub the sinks free of mold when the water cools down. Upon getting a clean sink wash the first load of plates till you finish every one. Next bowls then cups till you hit silverware. Soak them first then clean them. Trust me get stuck in. When all the dishes, cups and silver are done start all the pots and pans. You have amnesty to toss them if you can't clean them.
By now if you follow these steps the majority of your kitchen should be cleaned.
By the time you've washed and dried all but the pots you should be able to dry and put away because there more than likely nothing on the shelves and I say this from experience not sarcasm.
After getting all the cabinets filled and everything put away scrubb the fridge. This will generate another two to three loads of containers. Toss anything out of date or likely not spoil rather than eaten.
By the time you have those things soaking the fridge should be empty enough to scrub down with soap and bleach. If there are lingering odors put a chuck of charcoal in to absorb them. Wipe it down lastly after the soap and bleach Scrub with white vinegar and don't forget the seals and vacuum the coils. It kept the fridge in good running condition.
Don't wait on your fiancee because if he's ignored it for this long he doesn't care or is clutter blinded. That's when something has been dirty for so long you accommodate yourself to the situation accepting it rather than dealing with it so it's up to you.
By now you can scrub counters and stove then have the floor left. Just charge in and may I suggest that once you get the kitchen restored you limit yourself to two plates cups and silver plus pots and pans afterwards in terms of what goes in the sink before you clean. That should keep it manageable.
Avoid the blame game and scrub like your life depends on it because it does. Your emotional health depends on a clean environ so get stuck in and give yourself that present 🎁.
|
|
|
Post by wileycoyote on Oct 10, 2017 19:34:48 GMT -5
"Good news- you have enough hampers! Why do you think the laundry winds up on the floor instead of in the hampers? Is the opening big enough if clothes are being tossed? Are you and fiance trying to sort by colour or type? Habit? Are the hampers in a place that works for both you and fiance? "
We have 10 foldable hampers and one main one. The dirty laundry I put in the hamper for myself as well as the pets laundry, but he's in the habit of just leaving it where he takes it off after living alone for a few years,when we met he just kept all clothes in a pile on the floor and if it smelled clean he wore it.
Leaving it on the floor is not due to lack of a hamper nearby, I've put hampers in the corner of every room but it just gets left on the floor even with one litirally one foot from it...
We do end up sorting the laundry by type when we end up with only a couple shirts left each just so we can get the more critical work clothes done as a priority.
"I'm not scolding you, gosh no, just asking. My fiance strips off his work clothes the minute he walks in the door so we put a nice, big fabric hamper by the door. No one knows dirty clothes go because they're contained in a 3 foot tall black rectangle thingy (Winners/TH Maxx/Marshals sells them). We have a second hamper in a hallway with the bed/bathrooms for the other clothes. Tip- do a load of laundry a day, every day (wash-dry-put away) and it gets caught up. Use timers if you have the option to wash during the day or overnight."
I have a hamper placed in every corner that he tended to leave clothes, for some unexplainable reason it's on the floor all around it. I actually plan to do one a day once we have all of it put away, since we have a small washer we can really only do one days worth at a time,just have to put them away once they are clean..
"Do you have the option of a countertop or portable dishwasher? If not, wash-dry-put away one dishrack a day helps. It's frustrating when a partner isn't on board with helping out or holding up their end of the cleaning deal. I'm sorry."
We have a dishwasher! And it works fine, I just can't keep up with the ENTIRE house and the kitchen. It's litirally the only thing I asked him to do.
" Edit- looked at your kitchen pics, you can so do this! Give yourself amnesty to toss, not recycle, if you need to. What is the garbage situation like? Is it complicated to get the garbage out of the apartment? Otherwise I'd say start there and you'll feel better in under 5 minutes. Honestly. We're all here cheering you on!"
We have big garbage bin, but upstairs people share it, since my post I went out and bought garbage bag tags so we can put out more than the one bin limit so we can get rid of as much as needed.
Thank you guys so much. I honestly had no idea this forum existed and was just googling HELP ME I'm drowning in dishes and found it.
|
|
|
Post by hurricane on Oct 10, 2017 19:57:27 GMT -5
If washing dishes is where you tend to get stuck, throw out every dish you have and switch to disposable dishes and silverware (paper/plastic). Then no one has to wash anything except the pots, which is much more manageable. Just remember that when using paper dishes you must get into the habit of throwing them out immediately after use, or they'll just pile up and stink again.
The laundry is harder to deal with, but I recommend getting rid of most of what you have and just keep a small, essential amount of clothing. Then you'll be forced to wash them more often, and there will either be no more piles or at least smaller piles.
You will never change your partner. You may have to either accept him as he as and take on all housekeeping duties, or you might want to consider moving on from him. Many of us here have had to make that choice.
Good luck!
|
|
|
Post by sillycanuck on Oct 10, 2017 20:56:28 GMT -5
breaks in tv programming gives you 5 minutes or more to soak dishes next break to actually wash the dishes, works well it you are binge watching on the weekends
|
|
|
Post by wileycoyote on Oct 10, 2017 21:20:03 GMT -5
breaks in tv programming gives you 5 minutes or more to soak dishes next break to actually wash the dishes, works well it you are binge watching on the weekends Oh we don't have tv, the tv is for gaming consoles only, trying to think of a substitute to the regular breaks
|
|
|
Post by wileycoyote on Oct 10, 2017 21:29:30 GMT -5
breaks in tv programming gives you 5 minutes or more to soak dishes next break to actually wash the dishes, works well it you are binge watching on the weekends Oh we don't have tv, the tv is for gaming consoles only, trying to think of a substitute to the regular breaks
|
|
|
Post by dustylady on Oct 10, 2017 21:56:42 GMT -5
I just wrote a long suggestion. It got eaten! I have to go to bed, I have to get up at oh-dark-thirty, will rewrite it tomorrow. So sorry!
|
|
|
Post by peaceandfreedom on Oct 11, 2017 0:40:00 GMT -5
And, be proud of yourself for keeping the bathroom clean, and other areas too! It could be worse--you could have disastrous messes in every room of the house.
Welcome to the group, and you CAN do it!
|
|
|
Post by Nael_C on Oct 11, 2017 4:45:13 GMT -5
Hi again! Congratulations on keeping all other rooms clean and tidy! You only have to deal with two rooms! The kitchen and the laundry room. Would keeping separate laundry bins help you think? You could have one for you and one for your fiancee and explain that since you are doing all the cleaning and tidying of the other rooms, his laundry will be his job? Just an idea. This will cut half of the laundry for you and he will be making the effort to put his dirty clothes in HIS laundry bin and not get the piles of dirty and clean on the floor that need separating. Establishing simple rules may work, like "dirties in the bins", or "no clothes on the floor", for a start. You seem to only have two hot spots, but the one urgent, as you described, because of the smells you mentioned would be the kitchen. I would suggest two solutions. One is to start using paper plates and dispose after use. Or, remove all plates and dishes from the kitchen after they are cleaned. I'd keep two plates, two forks, two spoons, two knives and two glasses, all in pairs, so each one of us would like to use one, he would have to wash it. But these are not the solutions that will retrain you, just temporary ones. I personally chose the every time I go to the kitchen method and it works like a charm.
|
|