james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 18, 2018 7:14:17 GMT -5
I’m James and I’ve just had to admit to myself that I’m a squalor. I found this site while googling my “symptoms”? (living in filth).. I dunno what to do or where to start to help myself, but I want to clean (shovel out) my house just one last time! How does one person accumulate so much trash?! And why can’t I manage it? I wouldn’t say I’m a hoarder, I don’t purposefully collect and keep stuff, I just don’t throw things away like a normal person would, and sooner or later the house is filled to the ceiling with garbage (including hidden, but not hidden, pet feces and the kitchen sink full of gunk, including a dead mouse....) How can I live this way, what’s wrong with me? I’m now taking care of my elderly mom, I’m her only source of care, and I think that’s triggered in me a reason to find a fix for this. I’ve found myself lying to friends and family about why they can’t visit, including a “do not knock (go away)” sign on the front door.. I’m scared the officials would take her away and put her in a state funded nursing home if anyone knew of our living conditions and I don’t want that to happen (she’s a squalor too). Help!!!
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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New here
Jan 18, 2018 7:23:38 GMT -5
via mobile
bub likes this
Post by james on Jan 18, 2018 7:23:38 GMT -5
ps. My entire house is level 2/3.
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Post by bub on Jan 18, 2018 7:34:00 GMT -5
Quick reply: you're not alone.
Can you pick up 3 things and get them out of the house- right now? And then put 3 things in their home.
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Post by Yvette on Jan 18, 2018 7:40:42 GMT -5
I'm glad you found this site. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, it's just that things keep piling up and suddenly you have no idea where to start anymore. Especially in times of stress. Small steps. Or maybe you can start with one room?
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Post by Tea on Jan 18, 2018 9:19:21 GMT -5
Hi James. Welcome to our wonderful community. You've landed in the right place because here you'll get understanding, kindness and the best advice possible. For me having a place where I'm free to talk about my squalor without judgement has been the biggest relief!
Things hit true crisis with my squalor starting last summer. My entire apartment was 2/3. It's been a difficult road to get where I am today and I'm still not finished de-squaloring my home but the people here at SooS have been with me along the journey and helped me through so much. My blog here started with the first cleanup I had to attempt due to an apartment inspection and it was very tough on me. There was another inspection (for fire safety purposes) a few months later which we failed and had to clean more for, and then a couple more after that for other reasons. Every cleanup has brought us further and further along the road to digging out of our mess.
Establishing consistent good habits has been the hardest improvement. I haven't been super successful and am only now really starting to see some changes there. But for people like us the change is almost never immediate and fast! I guess my point here is that while this problem can be so discouraging and feel too big to deal with as long as we keep at it, gradually or all at once, we can change.
So welcome. Please hang in there, read a lot of posts and stick with us! We all want to help!
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Post by joyinvirginia on Jan 18, 2018 14:01:54 GMT -5
Hi James, welcome! Yes you are right to be concerned about the condition of the home if your mother has health problems and is dependent on you. Pick up a small plastic shopping bag, fill it with trash that is right around you, tie it up, and Take it outside and dispose of it now. Do that, then repeat as you have energy to. You can do this!
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Post by def6 on Jan 18, 2018 17:08:53 GMT -5
Hello jamesI'm so glad you found our group. I do hear the anxiety you have ... it's a horrible feeling. You are not powerless over your living conditions. How much time can you devote. Can you take 5 minutes to dispose of the dead mouse, sink gunk and pet waste. You can use the extra napkins from fast food to get this stuff out. When the timer goes off take a break and know you can do this.
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 18, 2018 19:09:45 GMT -5
Thanks y’all, and yes I “can” do all the suggested things...but I don’t. I clean house from top to bottom maybe once every three years, it almost takes a bulldozer to get it done, but I do it. I dunno what’s wrong with me or why I can’t “manage trash”....actually I do, I was never taught to, I was raised by a depressed squalor mom and now I’m a depressed squalor adult myself. But I’ve got to find a way to change myself and/or learn to manage a household. It just amazes me how much trash one person can bring in a house... I hope to find some answers with the group and thanks for the suggestions, now if I can just teach myself to consistently do them..
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 18, 2018 19:15:04 GMT -5
Hello jamesI'm so glad you found our group. I do hear the anxiety you have ... it's a horrible feeling. You are not powerless over your living conditions. How much time can you devote. Can you take 5 minutes to dispose of the dead mouse, sink gunk and pet waste. You can use the extra napkins from fast food to get this stuff out. When the timer goes off take a break and know you can do this. Most of the trash IS the extra napkins from fast foods..🤭
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 18, 2018 19:16:19 GMT -5
Hi James, welcome! Yes you are right to be concerned about the condition of the home if your mother has health problems and is dependent on you. Pick up a small plastic shopping bag, fill it with trash that is right around you, tie it up, and Take it outside and dispose of it now. Do that, then repeat as you have energy to. You can do this! I have plenty of those,...laying EVERYWHERE!
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james
New Member
Joined: January 2018
Posts: 35
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Post by james on Jan 18, 2018 19:23:09 GMT -5
I did have a spurt of energy and managed to totally evacuate the living room, hall and dining room...I’ve got 3 bedrooms, the kitchen, laundry room and storage room to go, all levels 2/3 😪 At least if someone were to walk in they would immediately be hit in the face with a garbage dump.
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Post by dtesposito on Jan 18, 2018 22:19:26 GMT -5
Hi james, good work on getting started! Here's a suggestion--some of us have small garbage cans in EVERY room. It's not too hard to throw the trash in the can instead of on the floor as long as there's a can handy wherever you are, and if you line the cans with the small trash bags you can just take the bag out and put a fresh one in when it's full--a lot easier than picking stuff up off the floor. If you can't afford to buy garbage cans, get a box that's the right size for a small bag to fit in and use that. It makes a big difference--of course--you have to train yourself to use the trash cans, but that's a habit that you can work on.
Habits take a while to form but they're possible, keep posting, it'll be your reminder to work on your new habits.
Welcome!
Diane
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Post by razy on Jan 19, 2018 0:36:01 GMT -5
Hi James, this is an extremely supportive forum, sometimes supportive to the point of being collusive in destructive behaviour.
I want to support you to clean up your house but I also want to remind you that if squalor is impacting on others in the household, who are dependent on others for care (such as children, elderly, people with disabilities, animals) then we are looking at a neglect/abuse situation. In most countries this would not only be considered morally wrong, it would also be a crime.
Please consider if your home is the best place for your mother. If there is other options available it may be best for the both of you to take one. Caring for an elderly parent is an extremely difficult thing to do, as many members of this forum can attest to, and there would be no shame in getting help.
I am sorry if my comments seem harsh but I am concerned about the welfare of your mother as well as you.
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Post by mylittlescholar on Jan 19, 2018 3:22:37 GMT -5
Hi james ! Welcome.
Guess what! you have just found one of the BEST ways that I have found to change my behavior--peer support from others who struggle with the same issues!
The secret is to keep coming back to the forum, every day, no matter what. No matter if you have a good day or a bad day, make progress or backslide. We understand. Most of us have been there.
I have learned that it doesn't really matter WHY I ended up this way. The point is, I needed help. And I still need help. Learning and establishing new habits is a long-term undertaking. I don't think I'm ever not going to have my hoarder/squalor tendencies. I think of it like alcoholism. I can't change the fact that I'm this way, and it's not my fault--but I can take responsibility for my own recovery.
In fact, I find that a lot of the slogans from AA apply to dealing with squalor/hoarding, etc. One day at a time. Easy does it. First things first. We're only as sick as our secrets, etc.
So, congratulations on your progress!!! And keep coming back!
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Post by Yvette on Jan 19, 2018 5:10:10 GMT -5
Do you get any help with your depression?
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