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Post by Ally on Feb 25, 2018 16:58:57 GMT -5
I've been a regular, participating, member here for many years now. I've been frustrated by my lack of progress. It's like I take a few steps forward, and then slip backward again. I believe I have made progress on reducing what I've been bringing into the house, but getting stuff out, is not happening in adequate quantities, and intervals. A few things happened recently that all seemed to come together to get me motivated again. 1. I saw an article on something called "plogging" www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2018/02/23/plogging-is-the-swedish-fitness-craze-for-people-who-want-to-save-the-planet-its-making-its-way-to-the-u-s/?utm_term=.4926956f3c9e Basically it consists of picking up trash, while out running, jogging, or, in my case, walking. I have been planning to do this for a couple of weeks, but when I get about 1/4 mile from my house, I realize that I didn't bring along a bag. Today I remembered my the bag. 2. At church we have been having a series of sermons on fear. I have been sitting there thinking that I am really not a fearful person, and these sermons aren't really for me, (Today I realized that I was wrong.) 3. I had joined a decluttering group on facebook, but generally don't participate. Yesterday I saw a post recommending that someone watch some episodes of Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPE7JTmj6Nw&list=PL0e9rA-fTeAIi54rol4XHiQQCQXWv2rR-) I watched a couple of episodes. One hoarder talked about his fear of letting go of stuff. I could identify. Today it all came together. I was reminded that I am afraid of getting rid of things I might need or would like to use someday. Someday never comes. I made a private commitment at church that I would face this fear. This afternoon, I went out for a walk, and remembered to grab a shopping bag to pick up trash. As I was heading out the door, it occurred to me how hypocritical it is for me to be walking along the road, picking up other people's trash, when I could be picking up my own trash in my own home. Now for a new beginning, a new start. Ally
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Post by dtesposito on Feb 25, 2018 18:18:31 GMT -5
Ally, over the last several years, there have been many times when I read something or heard something, or just thought about something in a new way and something clicked. Each one of those times was an improvement, because I viewed things in a slightly different way from then on. I hope this is a moment of change for you!
I loved the post here a few years about about the low-cost "storage" that was available to hoarders. I'm not usually good at finding old posts but I'll try to find it when I come home later this evening--I still think of that clever post whenever I'm deciding if I should get rid of something.
Diane
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Post by dtesposito on Feb 25, 2018 21:03:07 GMT -5
Darn, I can't find that post, I was hoping it would be in the favorites section, it should be.
It went something like this, only written much better--
There's a very low cost storage service for those of us who have way too much spare stuff--this service will even pick everything up and take it away for you if you put it outside. There's no fee for this service until you decide you need something that you've stored, even if it's years later!
In the meantime you have lots of space in your home.
When you finally decide you need an item, you go to the STORE and pick it up, and pay a small fee. That's it!
I love this, because it makes it very clear how much better it is to let "useful" things go if they're clogging up your home, and to pay for the VERY FEW items you find that you need later. Honestly Ally, I've gotten rid of so much over the last few years, and it's SO rare for me to think--oh, I had one of those, I could use it now. It's happened a few times, and the item I thought about was always something that I could easily find a substitute for. Even my most precious item, books, are not missed. And the space I've made available is priceless.
I should say, that I totally understand the idea of not being able to afford to replace the items. I've never had a lot of money, and for the past 10 years I've had even less money because I've only worked part time that whole time. So it's not that I have limitless funds to replace things. It's just that, honestly, I've never HAD to replace 99.99 percent of the things I got rid of! When you realize that you're saving thousands of items just so you'll have 4 or 5 things available over many years (provided you'll be able to find those things when you need them and they're not ruined in the hoard) you can accept that it's just not worth it. The cost of those few things is not worth years of living with a hoarded house, with all the misery that brings.
Ally, good luck planning your new future!
Diane
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Post by danny15 on Feb 25, 2018 22:06:23 GMT -5
Ally I've had some of the same eye openers you described.
For the most part I have greatly reduced incoming and am good with pure trash but out-going stuff, not so much. I realized how fearful I am in many areas. It's HARD to let go.
Not only have the somedays never come I am having to make peace with the fact that many of them never will. That window of opportunity has passed while I was too busy with other things. I am learning the necessity of pick and choose especially in using my time well.
Some major eye openers in years past have been my time spent working or volunteering for others when I should be taking care of those things in my home. Gardening for others while my yard was neglected. Taking care of rescue cats when mine needed more attention. Training other people's dogs when mine were starting to cause problems.
I read about plogging also and while it was inspiring it was one more thing that could take my time and energy from what needs to be done in my home. All that bending over and carrying would be h#ll on my back.
It's important do serve others and do what we can in our communities. But for myself, I have seen how easy it is to get caught up in all those other activities, or bogged down with fears or negatives or overthinking.
dtesposito you gave someone great advice some time ago. You asked if the person could spend one year getting their own things in order and then continue to give so generously of themselves. Something like that, I forget.
I thought, you know, realistically that is about all it would take for most of us. One year of making our homes and our lives the priority, as much as we can, taking other responsibilities into consideration.
That has been my goal for years. But not really. It's been my dream. But not even that. It's been my wishful thinking.
Now it is a goal to be worked on daily. One year. Even if I don't hit the target I will be so, so much further along than waiting for a sunny day or the perfect night's sleep or a great meal or all the other excuses I've used.
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Post by papermoon on Feb 25, 2018 22:14:57 GMT -5
This doesn't have to be an "either/or" choice. If picking up trash during your walk helps to heighten your awareness of the trash at home, that's a *good* thing! You could do both. But even if you're not able to do it at home yet, bless you for doing it out on your walks.
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Post by hollyhock on Feb 26, 2018 9:28:03 GMT -5
Great insights you have had Ally. I find it very enlightening when several things like this come together all at once. Wishing you the best as you move ahead. In regards to your thoughts and those of dtesposito, I recall something I read in a thread way back when I first started. It was an old thread, and may have been from one of our dearly departed members. But what the poster did was set aside $20. This was $20 to buy a replacement for anything she tossed that she might need to replace some time in the future. It was like her insurance that she wouldn't suffer going without. Then she could toss things, knowing she had this 'insurence' that whatever could be replaced. And.... she never needed it. I thought her idea was genius, and I'm surprised that I have never seen anyone else here mention it in the 4 or so years I have been here.
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Post by dtesposito on Feb 26, 2018 10:53:17 GMT -5
I thought her idea was genius, and I'm surprised that I have never seen anyone else here mention it in the 4 or so years I have been here.
Hollyhock, I think the reason is that the average person here would say "$20 wouldn't begin to cover what I would need to buy to replace my things". And that's for 2 reasons--one is that we start out thinking that some day we'll need MOST of the items we're saving. And, we overvalue what we do have. Both thoughts are unrealistic.
So, even though we look at any individual item and picture ways to use it, what it could become, how great it would be to save money and the environment by re-purposing it--in reality we probably will never follow through and use it for anything, and other people would look at the item and not see the value we see in it.
Something that helped me a lot was giving myself time frames--with things I wanted to fix and use, and with newspapers and magazines that I just knew I would read one day. I would put dates on top of piles of reading material. Then I would look at the piles 2 months later, 6 months later--and see more piles accumulating, even though I didn't read the older ones. At some point I had to admit that I was kidding myself, that I wasn't really going to read them, or fix the items.
For myself at least, I think I live in the moment--what I feel today is what I think I'll always feel. By reminding myself of times passing by, and the fact that my free time each day is limited, I was able to be honest with myself and admit that I wasn't going to use all the things I had.
This is what I mean when I say we all have to do the daily mental work needed to get out of this mindset--if I hadn't continually challenged my thoughts about how I would use things, I would still be saving them, sure that the day would finally come when they would come in handy. We have to hear the challenges over and over and over again, from OURSELVES, so that we see things in a more realistic way.
Diane
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Post by puppybox on Feb 26, 2018 11:22:38 GMT -5
I actually made a ccomplaint to my city councillor about the cigarette butts outside a nearby bar/restaurant i have to pass onthe way to the park i walk my dogs in. and so often, people's trash outside makes me ENRAGED because of course my dogs often want to eat it and i have to tell them no no no. why are they so careless and selfish and filthy with their stupid garbage. meanwhile, i also took out 4 or 5 bags of garbage that was on the floor of my apartment yesterday. I do still feel it's fine to be a pig for yourself but you have no right to pig up public space as it affects others. but seriously i have to look at my own garbage situation more.
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Post by brenda on Feb 26, 2018 13:09:15 GMT -5
I actually made a ccomplaint to my city councillor about the cigarette butts outside a nearby bar/restaurant i have to pass onthe way to the park i walk my dogs in. and so often, people's trash outside makes me ENRAGED because of course my dogs often want to eat it and i have to tell them no no no. why are they so careless and selfish and filthy with their stupid garbage. meanwhile, i also took out 4 or 5 bags of garbage that was on the floor of my apartment yesterday. I do still feel it's fine to be a pig for yourself but you have no right to pig up public space as it affects others. but seriously i have to look at my own garbage situation more. What struck me about this post was the idea we have a responsibility to be respectful toward other and not so much ourselves. I hope we can find a way to treat ourselves and others respectfully when it comes to public and personal environments. Many times I do what is expected of me because I committed to someone else to do something (even something fun) but don't give myself that same respect.
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Post by def6 on Feb 26, 2018 14:34:59 GMT -5
Way to go Ally I have trouble facing the clutter and other stuff that needs to be done too. More than often , I blissfully get by on just a few habits that get me through. My signature line says : I want to eliminate what stands between me and my most authentic self. The avoidance is the problem, along with everything that goes along with it like: procrastination, thoughtless purchasing, and time management issues. Starting today, I will actively work on chipping away even if it is for 5 or 10 minutes per day. Thank you for posting this.
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Post by BetsyMarie on Mar 2, 2018 14:47:48 GMT -5
Same here. I have made much progress, don't bring in too much, and have far less 'stuff', ...but the place is still a mess. I'm growing weary of it after literally years, and all sorts of 'insights'.
You had a great realization regarding fear, @ally. My most recent insight is weariness of all the crap - and most important, that I just don't care about most of it, coupled with lessening perfectionism. Perhaps it's age, perhaps it's just realization that all this junk just isn't helping make a more pleasant life. (I have known this for years) And no one else would ever want or appreciate it. Most has literally no value. While I do have a pleasant life and appreciate that, it could be even better. It could be if I were free to have people over without panicking. etc.
So here we go. Let's see where this round will take me.
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Post by razy on Mar 2, 2018 15:47:14 GMT -5
I thought her idea was genius, and I'm surprised that I have never seen anyone else here mention it in the 4 or so years I have been here. Hollyhock, I think the reason is that the average person here would say "$20 wouldn't begin to cover what I would need to buy to replace my things". And that's for 2 reasons--one is that we start out thinking that some day we'll need MOST of the items we're saving. And, we overvalue what we do have. Both thoughts are Diane I think you are right dtesposito people tend to over value their possessions and over value the idea of "it could come in handy someday" In our household when we got our heads around the idea that shops did a much better job of storing things than we could and we should focus on storing money things started to change for us.
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 3, 2018 5:52:03 GMT -5
as a person who is a hoarder, i read this with interest and know everything said here is right and true, regarding the tricks one's head can play with thinking on "using it someday." i pray for release from my own warped mindset that keeps me enslaved by wrong-headed ideas, useless crap, and unrealistic dreams and expectations. Hoarding gets worse as a person ages; i'm a testament to that. it's amazing how a person can "know" something for years and still not know it on a level that allows for sanity and realism to prevail - so that actions could happen that support the life that i say i want to live. the most sobering thing i read is dtesposito's words: Something that helped me a lot was giving myself time frames--with things I wanted to fix and use, and with newspapers and magazines that I just knew I would read one day. I would put dates on top of piles of reading material. Then I would look at the piles 2 months later, 6 months later--and see more piles accumulating, even though I didn't read the older ones. At some point I had to admit that I was kidding myself, that I wasn't really going to read them, or fix the items.
For myself at least, I think I live in the moment--what I feel today is what I think I'll always feel. By reminding myself of times passing by, and the fact that my free time each day is limited, I was able to be honest with myself and admit that I wasn't going to use all the things I had.
Not just time is passing me by; LIFE is passing me by in a hurry. You'd think impending death would motivate me.... sheesh! they have lap band operations for people who just can't lose weight; i wish they had brain operations for people like me and that the hoarding part could be cut out. i think you had it right to say it's avoidance, def6 - i represent that. it's avoidance of anxiety to be more precise, in my case. Don't be or become hoarders, people! it exacerbates the squalor problem 100fold and leaves you hopeless. whoever says hoaders don't really try, has not lived in my skin. Thank you for this thread and for your courage in writing the post to get it started, Ally.
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Post by danny15 on Mar 3, 2018 12:35:54 GMT -5
as a person who is a hoarder, i read this with interest and know everything said here is right and true, regarding the tricks one's head can play with thinking on "using it someday." i pray for release from my own warped mindset that keeps me enslaved by wrong-headed ideas, useless crap, and unrealistic dreams and expectations. Hoarding gets worse as a person ages; i'm a testament to that. it's amazing how a person can "know" something for years and still not know it on a level that allows for sanity and realism to prevail - so that actions could happen that support the life that i say i want to live. ~~~~~~~~~ Not just time is passing me by; LIFE is passing me by in a hurry. You'd think impending death would motivate me.... sheesh! ~~~~~~~ Don't be or become hoarders, people! it exacerbates the squalor problem 100fold and leaves you hopeless. whoever says hoarders don't really try, has not lived in my skin. I've underlined, bolded, made red and bigger font these parts of CC's post that are me to a *T*. D*mn. Every word. CC, you nailed it, perfectly and concisely. To people who are "messies" or "disorganized" or "have too much stuff" ~ I'm not sure they really understand the mind of a hoarder. They can read the books, study the studies but I think it's maybe like childbirth or losing a child to an early death. Some things you don't "GET" in your gut unless you have experienced it. That being said, every person on the planet has their own unique experience of pain and troubles. CC, There have been times I've felt hopeless and I understand suicidal ideations (not that you have that but hopelessness can lead to those thoughts). At the same time I have always known that there is what I call a *tiny spark* in me that keeps going. You with all your immense creativity certainly have that living spark!!! Keep at it. Keep at it. Pull in your focus. The toaster. The counter around it. Rein in the creativity, the need to make new things. Use that energy to disassemble what is around you. Think of it as creating openness, simplicity, room for fresh breezes to blow thru even if those breezes are just in your imagination. Yeah, I think you and I might die before we are finished. And that will kind of suck. But there's a little song I used to make up to sing with my grandson when he was just a tiny little bean (he just turned 11) ~ You gotta keep on going, you gotta keep on trying and you never, never, never, never, never give up! He and his twin sister were born 2 months early in shock trauma after my DD2 was hit by a drunk driver. Sweet little guy has CP in the lower extremities but not severe. He has had braces, surgeries, been in a little wheelchair. But I will never forget coming around the corner and hearing him, at 4 years old, singing to himself, "You gotta keep on going, you gotta keep on trying and you never, never, never, never, never give up!". He was practicing going up and down stairs. Everybody has their challenges. Just gotta keep plugging away.
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 3, 2018 22:24:00 GMT -5
thank you, danny15 - i'm sorry you "get" me i love that little song and the story about your dear sweet grandson singing your song at age 4! (what a traumatic birth for those poor grandbabies and your dd2!) i hope that Ally and others keep this thread going and keep plogging along - what a cool way to get a waistline; pick up trash at home and elsewhere. i think dtesposito should write a book on decluttering; she always has such practical wisdom and tips to share. there is much wisdom here in this group. i'm sorry for my down-and-out message previously. i still support you all in overcoming your own squalor monsters, even if it seems unreachable in my own life. went to storage and finally set some mouse traps after talking to the mice and begging them to leave; i hate killing them! hugs
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