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Post by maryaz on Aug 2, 2019 19:44:56 GMT -5
People respond to reward and punishment, and I have learned to use this in a positive way with DH. I was put off at first by thinking this was cold and manipulative. But I realized that we're actually "training" each other all the time. If someone washes dishes and you criticize how they did it, you're training them to not do dishes. If you pay attention to someone only when they're doing something wrong, they'll do more things wrong. Attention, acknowledgment, admiration, and joy are the cookies that reward people. Being on the right side of this phenomenon just feels better! Totally True! I worked with people with developmental disabilities and one of the things we learn is that all behavior is a form of communication. Some negative behavior is attention seeking (no body is paying any attention to me; I feel lost, alone, scared, lonely: so I'm going to have a fit) because negative attention is better than no attention at all. We taught a lot of skills most people learn before they are 5 years old; tie your shoes, brush your teeth, wash your hands.... Some have difficulty doing these or other activities because of poor cognitive or motor skill issues. Many times we had to break things down into the tiniest of steps. It might take us a year to learn a skill from start to finish. So, praise and attention for any tiny effort, no matter how imperfect. And they bloom! They smile and laugh and give you a hug. And tomorrow you do it again and again and again and over time skill increases. So too with any person! This is just soooo important! I want to repeat it! Attention, acknowledgment, admiration, and joy are the cookies that reward people.
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Post by SetMeFree on Aug 15, 2019 15:42:13 GMT -5
Hi gillian ,
I can so understand the feeling of too much to do and not knowing where the time goes in a day. I used to be a Quality Assurance Coach and have some experience with time management issues so maybe I can add some suggestions in addition to the great advice you've gotten from other members here.
The first thing we need to do with managing time is figuring out what's already going on.
Start first thing in the morning and log what time you wake up.
From there, keep a log of what you do all day.
No matter how small it is, log it.
Like this:
9:30 am Woke up
9:30-10:00am In bed, checked Facebook
10:00-10:15am brushed teeth, other bathroom stuff
10:15-10:45 walked dog
Etc.
You keep a log of your day right up until you go to bed, and if you are in bed for a bit reading, etc. include that, too.
In order to "find time", we have to see where it's already going.
Back when I had my career, the company downsized and suddenly I was doing my job plus that of 2 other full-time people. It was entirely too much work for one human. Obviously, as they'd let 2 full-time people go, yet somehow thought I could miraculously do 3 jobs in one day.
I did time diaries, like the one I am describing to you, to show my boss that it was physically impossible to basically bend the laws of science and somehow get more time in a day than what a day had to offer.
The people I coached were our customer service staff and they were insanely busy as well. On top of answering phone calls all day they had emails, paper mail, requests from other departments, etc. and they had to somehow get it all done. Those who had some issues with time-management did the time diary thing and it helped them considerably to see what they were currently doing and how they might be able to improve on how and when they'd work on each task.
So, I would suggest you start with logging your time for a day...don't do anything unusual...just go about your day normally, but keep track.
It might take you more than one day of logging your time to see a pattern or ways to change up what you're currently doing in order to find time to work on your house. But, I can guarantee that seeing your day in black and white in blocks of time will help you figure out where the time is going and how to claim some of it back.
Another bit of advice I can share with you is to try to avoid looking at the big picture, as in the title of this thread "Every room in this house needs to be decluttered and cleaned".
Just THINKING about all of that is going to exhaust you before you even put your feet on the floor in the morning. Your brain is thinking about exactly what all of that entails and you're going to burn out before you even get started. Pick a room or pick a task and set your phone timer for 15 minutes and just work. I have had to play all kinds of games with myself over the years to keep working. I have already decided to just work on items that were a SPECIFIC COLOR for blocks of time. I have already taken a cardboard tube (like from a roll of paper towels) and looked through it at an area and then set a timer and worked ONLY ON THAT AREA I saw through the tube. I've made lists of tasks and numbered them, and then rolled dice and whatever number came up, I would do the task that matched the number on my list.
I have had to trick myself into doing things but the important thing to remember is that the actual DOING OF THINGS is what's going to propel you forward.
There is a great group of people here and we all have challenges that are obstacles getting in the way of our doing of things. Keep coming back here and get the support and motivation you need. There are a ton of success stories here and lots of great advice.
I hope you come back and post an update soon. 
 SetMeFree
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Post by gillian on Aug 20, 2019 5:46:57 GMT -5
Thanks for all your replies and tips. Interesting to see the differing points of view about dogs. It wasn't that the dog was refusing to come when called, she just wouldn't move when I tried to get her to come in to the house - just plonked herself on her bum and wouldn't move. We've got over that problem now, but the other still remains. She will eventually walk with me, once we get past the area she's not happy with.
As to keeping a record of what I do throughout the day, I might start and do that. The dog is at the kennels again - youngest going on vacation again - and until she comes back no day will be typical. I have, however noticed a couple of things that hold me back - one is the lying in bed I have already mentioned, the other is time spent on the laptop, especially reading posts on forums. I limit my laptop time to mealtimes and tea breaks, but those tend to be stretched so that I can do everything I want to do on the laptop in one sitting.
Apart from those things and having to walk the dog, other things that hold me back are: having to take family members to appointments, shopping or the cinema; and having to help dh with his agenda - usually outside or in the garage. One part of the day's programme than can take a long time is preparing meals. This is due to a variety of dietary issues and fussy eaters so dinner can take a long time to prepare.
Dh is wanting me to come and help him now, so I'd better drink up my herbal tea and go join him.
Gillian
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Post by calypso on Sept 9, 2019 18:18:23 GMT -5
Hi Gillian,
Welcome to the board. Like you every room in my home needs decluttering and deep clean. I decided today to come back here and I've been absent for much too long.
When I first got here I saw that lots of posts suggested starting small. I happened to choose just the interior of the microwave since it was easy and quick. It also doesn't get bad in just a day or two, most of the time. When I got to feeling overwhelmed I could just go open the microwave and see that is still clean - no dog hair, no dust.
Over time I figured out that for me the priority was keeping the kitchen good enough so that I could fix some food. Second thing for me, was to have the bedroom good enough so that mt bed was clear and I could get some good sleep. The 3 baskets full of clean clothes and the stuff on the floor could wait and I'd get to that later.
I hope that you will find these boards helpful and keep coming back and making progress.
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Post by gillian on Sept 23, 2019 2:19:24 GMT -5
I haven't been recording what I do each day, but have noticed that apart from not getting up in good time, I spend too long over mealtimes and tea breaks, so I need to work on those.
I managed to clear an in-tray basket of papers and replace them with an other pile from the breakfast bar. There were a lot of papers belonging to dh, which I have left in a pile on the breakfast bar. I just dealt with a few pieces of paperwork at a time.
Things are going better with the dog too.
I've just finished breakfast, so must finish here and get on with the rest of my day.
Gillian
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