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Post by cellybird on Aug 15, 2019 20:13:00 GMT -5
Hey everyone! Some of you might remember me, I was here in 2012 and 13. I'm (at least I hope) back!
I'm 34 now, still living with my aging parents in this 104 (!!!!) year old house that's falling apart. I've honestly had a terrible 7 years, what progress I made in 2012 is pretty much gone. At the end of 2012 I had... I won't call it a breakup, more like a "I never was in love with you, I'm actually dating this guy and we're getting married", that messed me up really badly.
I have since been diagnosed with complex PTSD from childhood trauma/abuse, severe depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and psychotic features on top of it all. I also managed to gain about 80 pounds, herniate a couple of discs, end up with scoliosis and I walk with a cane now. Tons of fun. Makes cleaning hard. When I first posted here, I was on the edge of a breakdown and it's been a lot of hard work in therapy to get to where I'm feeling better and more functional.
As for the house, it's still ancient, it's still a mess. Not so much clutter, just filth and decay. I let it go for a long, long time. I'm older and wiser. The mistakes I made last time are clear.
The mistakes I made:
-Going from 0 to 100 right off the bat. That's not something I can maintain. I am currently taking baby, baby, miniature baby steps. If I can achieve one thing a day, that's all I need. One area cleaned, one bag of garbage, one thing put away. Even buying cleaning supplies will count as a step. That's how I'm going to succeed.
-When I inevitably failed, deleting my account and running away. The biggest thing I'm working on in therapy is not isolating, letting people help me. I need more help than I've ever needed before and that's okay.
-Just taking it all too seriously. I won't have my house clean in a day. I probably won't have it clean in a year. That is okay. Time will pass anyway. I can let it pass, getting all in a tizzy because it's not PERFECT and then deciding to give up, or I can do what I can do and be done with it.
-Honestly, trying to be too social. You guys are all amazing but because of my issues, I get overwhelmed socially VERY easily. I need to set myself up for success. If I can't reply to people's posts, I won't delete my account and run away.
I really, truly, from the bottom of my heart want to thank everyone who was here in 2012 SO MUCH for helping me. I was a mere child of 27 who didn't even know how to sweep a floor, and many of the lessons I learned back then are still helping me today. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Post by Arid on Aug 15, 2019 20:19:40 GMT -5
cellybird!
Welcome back!!
Yes; tiny steps, taken consistently, are likely to take you further than one, big "blow-out" of a cleaning session.
You can do this.
Arid
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Post by def6 on Aug 15, 2019 21:57:05 GMT -5
It's great to see you back cellybirdBest wishes for all you want to get done.
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Post by ohblondie on Aug 16, 2019 8:03:21 GMT -5
Honestly, trying to be too social. You guys are all amazing but because of my issues, I get overwhelmed socially VERY easily. I need to set myself up for success. If I can't reply to people's posts, I won't delete my account and run away. *****************************
This is important and I am glad you listed it. There is a balance between documenting our plan of work and reporting out in our work and actually doing the work. I often get sucked down the rabbit hole that is Social media......including here. I do think it is important to be able to report out here. If I told my family I scrubbed my wall and it was spotless - they would ask me why the wall was dirty to begin with. Here I (and everyone else) can post how wonderful we feel because we have a clean wall. And we will all post dancing elephants and such because we get it. without words, we understand how a wall could get dirty, how it could take all day to clean it, and how proud we are of that accomplishment!
So keep posting your good work, ask for support and good ideas - and if life overwhelms - keep working and check in periodically. We will always be here when you choose to be here!
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Post by larataylor on Aug 16, 2019 8:26:12 GMT -5
cellybird - I'm so glad you returned, and I hope you can make the forum (and us) serve your needs better this time. I find the support of others, and documentation of what I've done to be motivating long-term. Please don't get hung up on things like replying to every post. Personally, I love that I can turn my own pain and hardship toward helping others. If you are encouraged, that's my reward. I've come to believe that Overwhelm is the biggest enemy, and our best strategy is to Do One Thing and form small habits. And this is a place to get acknowledgment for every little thing we do.
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I'm back!
Aug 18, 2019 19:29:37 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by whatgirl on Aug 18, 2019 19:29:37 GMT -5
Welcome back! I’m also someone who comes and goes from this board. When I am absent, It usually means I stopped trying to maintain or clean and then a landlord inspection gets me running back to the board to try to mend my ways! ! But the nicest thing about this board is no one ever gives me a bad time for not posting consistently. It’s a safe space here. Come and go as you please.
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I'm back!
Aug 21, 2019 23:36:15 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by joyinvirginia on Aug 21, 2019 23:36:15 GMT -5
Hi cellybird and welcome back! this board is here for folks to participate when they need and /or want to, when you have time. I like to post in working in Threes, it helps me keep on track. but when I'm REALLY focused on tasks, posting slows me down, and could get me sidetracked. Do what's best and makes most sense for YOU.
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