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Post by needingnichole on Oct 11, 2019 18:06:16 GMT -5
Hi there! My name is Nichole and I’m new to the group. I’m honestly not sure if I’m even in the right place. I’m here because for the last few years, I have been unable to maintain a clean house. And when I say “unable to maintain a clean house,” I mean I would prefer to put a “condemned” sign on the door and just leave for good. This has been my routine for the last few years: Clean and de clutter (aka pick up all the clothes and trash and random crap everywhere and get rid of it and/or throw it away), then hire a cleaning lady to come in and do all the scrubbing/deep cleaning. I come home to a perfect sparkling clean home. It stays that way for maybe a week or two and then 2-3 months later, I’m crying myself to sleep because it looks like a nuclear bomb went off inside my apartment and I cannot believe I’m subjecting my 8 year old to this. Shame, guilt, shame, guilt, paralyzed, do nothing until it starts to stink and I cannot stand it anymore, or the gnats start to take over the apartment again. Rinse and repeat. Why am I like this? And how do I change this? Why can’t I just wash the dishes right after dinner instead of letting them build up until they grow stuff on them? Why can’t I put the laundry away instead of getting my clean clothes off the floor every morning? Why can’t I just wipe down my bathrooms every week like a normal person? And on and on and on. It’s not hoarding. Because I’m GLAD to throw half the stuff I own away. Can someone help me? Please? . Also, I’m happy to post photos if someone tells me how to do it. Maybe it’ll make others feel better. .
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Post by def6 on Oct 11, 2019 20:10:44 GMT -5
Hello needingnichole Welcome You made me chuckle Why do you (we) have a hard time with our homes?? Why us? I won't go into all of the possible reasons why... but depression or health are among the most common factors. Honestly, your way of dealing is a viable way of handling it: Get rid of clutter so a cleaner can come in and do the rest. Perfect solution if it is not cost prohibitive. If you would like to do it yourself..I do think you can achieve that. I got a lot better learning a few habits: Such as: Keep cleaner and brush accessible so you can swish n swipe the toilet ...when you go in there-not on a magic day when you feel like it-that magic time never comes for me. Bonus points wipe mirror with a clean microfiber and water. It works and drys streak free. Throw away all old food before trash day, take the garbage out and empty small trash cans. If you have a dishwasher ...put away your dishes so the dishwasher is empty in the morning and open to put your dirty dishes in. Get used to seeing an empty kitchen sink. Run 1 load of laundry to completion per day (complete with folding and putting away) This is my original tip for putting away laundry: (drumroll) If you leave laundry stacked, chances are your dresser drawers are partially empty. Maybe you can quickly move most of the items to one drawer and have the rest empty to put freshly washed ones. If you have a microwave, nuke a bowl of water and lemon slices, let the steam loosen all the hard baked on food and just wipe away until clean. Bonus: the aroma therapy will lift your spirits. "Leave no trace rule" When you are in a room- leave the room as good or better that when you found it. Put things back or straighten up as needed. Make your bed. When you rise in the morning, pull up the sheets and comforter roll out the side and done. * may take prep work like clean sheets and tuck in the bottom really well. Make a star chore chart for your eight year old. An eight year old can put away their clothes, with practice make their bed, put their trash in their own trash can and generally pitch in. Here's another one I made up on my own: If you have to leave the house... get a task done before you leave, If you have to wait in the car ...clean up your car or purse or pay bills. Not waiting until cleaning day or wash day has made all of the difference with me. I hope you will try some of these.
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Post by larataylor on Oct 11, 2019 21:07:30 GMT -5
needingnichole - you're in exactly the right place! At the risk of sounding like I'm making light of your situation (which I'm not) I think you may be suffering from a lack of dancing bananas. It sounds like you just need to learn the tricks of cleaning up as you go, and feel motivated to do so. Checking in here daily, and perhaps getting on a work thread can do wonders. You can have supportive friends cheering you on for every little thing. I'm a huge fan of cleaning/tidying everything almost immediately. When things pile up and the job starts looking big, the overwhelm sets in. Try "erasing the evidence" of whatever you just did: wipe the bathroom sink with a washcloth after using it, and hang the washcloth to dry. You'll never have to scrub the sink again. Swish the brush around the toilet once a day. Wash dishes as you cook, and right after eating. Spend three minutes putting things away before bed. I hope some of that helps!
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Post by phoenixcat on Oct 12, 2019 10:54:26 GMT -5
needingnichole You found your tribe First off - being able to throw away things without stress and being able to have a professional cleaner come into your home are both HUGE. Many here live in CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome). And, it sounds like you have a great motivator with your child. You learning to maintain is a great gift both in the living conditions now but to prevent them from coming to this site in 20 years! One thing we emphasize around here is baby steps. And toward that idea - I would like to suggest that you just learn the three main Ds - dishes, duds (laundry), and dinner (daily food). If you can keep up with your daily dishes - do a load of laundry through to completion and prepare simple meals - you will stay in maintenance with one added note - keep the cleaners! Apparently you can afford them for a marathon clean every couple months and you can afford to replace things all the time. Have the cleaners come every 1-2 weeks. Their job will be much easier (cost less per visit) - your house will be mopped, vacuumed, dusted with bathrooms and kitchen deep cleaned. They will even change the sheets and remake the beds. All you will need to do is spend the time on the dishes/laundry and if you are in "maintenance" - that is 20 minutes AM/PM - your 8 year old can help. Make one dish meals that are easy to assemble and clean up while you stretch your cleaning/maintenance muscles. Do this for a bit while you get in the habit of the small "dailies" - then learn how to do larger scale projects like de-cluttering and setting up organizational systems down the road. I did a major de-clutter when I packed for moving five years ago. We have a large home so I hired cleaners both on the clean out of our old rental but also on the arrival to our new house. Then I kept the cleaners - mine come once a month. I will admit I still struggle with maintenance ALL THE TIME but it has enabled me to put processes in place for both the "dailies" and the long term projects. It is a blessing that I have been in a position to give that to myself. When I think of the money I would spend buying duplicate things or the hours I would spend doing things myself which has a cost on me physically - I'm very grateful. DH (dear husband) and I enjoy entertaining so we still have to do stuff to prepare for guests frequently which is what forces me to stay in maintenance. Your 8 year old would probably love having friends over - that may be a good motivator for you as well. Welcome - we have all kinds of options on participating here - daily threads, weekly/weekend/month threads - project threads or start your own (like this) or create a blog. Together we can do this!! PC
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Oct 12, 2019 18:23:35 GMT -5
I’m new to the group. I’m honestly not sure if I’m even in the right place. I read your whole post and you are totally in the right place. This place was created for people like you and me. Welcome!
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Post by charis on Oct 13, 2019 14:11:05 GMT -5
needingnichole Hi and Welcome! Since you hire a cleaner to come in periodically, is there a way to make room in your budget for twice monthly cleaning? We started doing that recently and it helps a lot. Before the cleaner comes you have to clear the decks--laundry off the floor, toiletry items cleaned off vanity, etc. That way surfaces never get too deeply cluttered. Living this way is making you so unhappy, it would surely be a good use of money if you can manage it. And regular cleaning doesn't cost nearly as much as periodic deep cleaning.
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Post by CaringFriend on Oct 13, 2019 17:09:48 GMT -5
needingnichole , as I am finished using something, my brain says, "Don't put it down. Put it away!" I probably say that dozens and dozens of times a day. That phrase could help you with papers, clothes - dirty or clean, dishes - dirty or clean, mail, and probably many other things. You have many things to tackle, but try to focus on two: clothes and dishes. Clean clothes: put away immediately. If closets and drawers are packed solid, get rid of something. You can get rid of clothes by donating, but if that is too much for you, trash them. Dirty clothes: If this is a problem and they are piling up, really you only have 2 choices to consider when undressing: 1. Too dirty, sweaty to wear again? Immediately put into a laundry hamper placed for easy use. 2. Worn once, but can be worn again? Immediately place on a hanger and place that hanger "backwards" on the rod in the closet. And if you have dirty clothes lying around, every day when you are undressing and dealing with your clothes, stop adding to the pile of dirty clothes. Instead, each day pick up one thing and put it in the hamper. Those piles have to disappear sooner or later if you are not adding to them and you are reducing the pile by one item a day. Dishes1. Before you start prepping a meal, put hot sudsy water in the sink. While you are cooking, "Don't put it down. Put it away!" That is, put things you are using in the sink when finished with them. You can even wash them while the food is cooking. Before eating, fill the cooking pots with hot sudsy water. They will be easy to wash after the meal because the food won't be dried on. 2. After eating, take the 2 plates, 2 glasses/cups, and utensils that you and your son used and place those in the hot water in the sink. You can deal with just those few things at a time. You can. Still have dirty dishes lying around? Daily take one of those and wash it. They will soon disappear. One last thought. When I have to do something I really do not want to do, I make myself do it, so I can get back to what I was doing like reading or being on the computer. I will do this repeatedly if I have a lot of something to do. Baby steps! Please let us know how you are doing.
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Post by 2bc4me on Oct 13, 2019 18:06:23 GMT -5
Please, please tell your doctor. You might be suffering from depression. I know this cycle well. I finally broke out if it when I got some medication for my depression. That was when I got my house into maintenance. It was amazing to be able to have the energy to do to little daily stuff that keeps the house in maintenance. I felt better and stopped taking it. This was a mistake, I have to go back on to the medication now as my house is a mess right now. I keep getting it looking about normal and then nothing until it is a mess. I do not have the energy to do the daily stuff.
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Post by larataylor on Oct 13, 2019 18:51:36 GMT -5
I agree with Charis - if you can afford this cleaning, have it done more often! It might not cost any more to have it done more frequently, and it will get you into a habit of picking up for the cleaners.
You may be depressed because things are messy, or they may be messy because you're depressed. Either way, more frequent cleaning will help.
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Post by joyinvirginia on Oct 14, 2019 11:25:42 GMT -5
Welcome Nichole! It is hard to keep up with maintenance because: ITS BORING!!! It's hard to work and do all the things you have to do raising kids and have time for yourself and do every day cooking, laundry, plus cleaning and maintenance. when my kids were young, I did budget to have a cleaning lady come in every two weeks. it made me stay on a schedule and pick up stuff, and it was a way to make sure my bathroom got cleaned every two weeks! Because I find cleaning BORING and have to do something to motivate me to do it. Inviting friends over, or making myself do a needed task before I can do something fun. keep posting and we can be your cheerleaders!
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Post by mylittlescholar on Oct 14, 2019 12:17:25 GMT -5
welcome! Ditto what everyone else said. I will add a couple more things that I have learned:
Change is hard. So I try to make it as easy as possible. They key for me has been to build new habits. Pretty much everything I do on automatic is a habit, whether it is a "good" one or a "bad" one. The beauty of new habits, is once I build them, I don't have to think about it, it becomes something that I just "naturally" do.
So I focus on building one habit at a time, and then add to that habit, until I get a habit chain going. As mentioned above, the three main areas that need to be attended to every day are the three D's; Dishes, Duds, and Dinner. So I usually start with the dishes, because that is what bugs my roommate the most. In the beginning, I have to force it, fake it, "make" myself do it. This site helps immensely. Where else can I brag about picking up a coffee cup and taking it to the kitchen? Other people might not understand what a big deal this is. But y'all get it!
I have ADD, so its hard for me to focus on something long enough to put it away immediately. Therefor, I have developed the practice of picking up my trail several times a day. Because of my ridiculously short attention span, I round up the dishes to staging areas. First, the DR table. Then, soak in the sink. Then, the dishwasher. My goal is to get the sink cleared out before my roommate cooks, because this is his pet peeve. I've gotten into the habit of bringing dishes up from his room whenever I see them. This is one of the automatic things for me.
Habits take a while to build, but once I have one, then my goal is to add to it. When I am waiting for my coffee to perk or heat up, I start unloading the dishwasher. Its amazing how much I can get done in 60 seconds! And that is the other discovery--maintenance takes much less time then I think it will.
There are a thousand tricks and methods you will find here--feel free to experiment and learn what works for you. We all have different styles and situations, but a common goal of support.
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