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Dec 22, 2008 17:50:04 GMT -5
Post by JessicaMessica on Dec 22, 2008 17:50:04 GMT -5
Hi, I'm Jess. I've always had a hard time keeping my house/car clean, but it's to the point where my family is angry with me, and I'm kind of ashamed of the way that I live. I guess it could be worse, but I don't feel happy in the state that the house is in. My home doesn't feel like a sanctuary.
I just feel so overwhelmed because I feel like if I clean up and make it look presentable, it'll be a mess again only a very short time. Part of that is because of the kitten and the puppy, but I love them dearly and I wouldn't look at getting rid of them as an option, ever.
I've tried FlyLady and it didn't really work for me. But then again, I'm scared to declutter. Maybe it would work better for me if I did declutter, but I'm scared, like I said, and I don't want to create that much waste. I also tend to anthropomorphize my items, and I feel bad for throwing things out, knowing they'll end up sitting alone outside. I've had that issue for as long as I can remember.
I know I should just up off my butt and clean, but it's like I'm almost apathetic towards it, while being disgusted with it at the same time. I know there are some personal issues I need to work through here, and I'm hoping this site will help.
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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hello
Dec 22, 2008 20:14:04 GMT -5
Post by Blackswan on Dec 22, 2008 20:14:04 GMT -5
Hello! You sound a lot like me. You don't have to start right away, you know. You can give yourself some time to just read the board here, and think about the issues, etc. Then when you are ready, you can start. In the beginning I told myself I wasn't allowed to clean until a certain date, and then I started to really look forward to it! I desperately wanted to clean, and I wasn't allowing myself to do it yet. But up until that point, I also was disgusted by the mess and felt like I just wasn't capable. So try not to stress yourself out to much, it will come with time.
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Dec 22, 2008 22:47:18 GMT -5
Post by messymimi on Dec 22, 2008 22:47:18 GMT -5
Welcome, Jean !
The anthropomorphizing is something I used to do, too. I'm not sure when I stopped. As I got rid of more stuff, it just seemed to fade, and I'm not sure why.
Could you start by giving away, not throwing away, anything still in good condition? That might break the logjam. The good thing about giving stuff to the thrift store or goodwill is that they will put it in their store, and you can go visit it if you really miss it that much. I say that with humor, of course, but the first time I read it I realized that holding on to things I "might need someday" was just not necessary. I can get another if I really need it.
This place is all about working through issues and figuring out ways that work for us.
It's good to have you here.
messymimi
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hello
Dec 22, 2008 22:50:42 GMT -5
Post by creativechaos on Dec 22, 2008 22:50:42 GMT -5
penguinheartsong, welcome and hello! first of all, i could really relate with what you said about anthropomorphosizing everything. i do that too! i talk to trees, birds, animals, my car, my stuff! i am a hoarder as well, and i think hoarders tend to do that, and therefore have more difficulty letting go of stuff. to me, that stuff is "alive".
i am poor too, and love this fair earth, so i hate and abhor waste. i recycle all that i can, including repurposing things.
flylady doesn't work for some of us because her approach is from the outside-in, and some of us need to work from the inside-out. plus, one cannot clean until one had decluttered and organized their stuff.
you have found the right place! here, you are accepted however you are, however you work it. there are many creative solutions here, and people share them.
one thing helps is to reduce or stop acquiring any more. that is a start. because i am a hoarder and a messy, i have just gotten a copy of Buried in Treasures by Frost and Steketee, experts on hoarding. i plan to read it this winter and do more. i took it out of the library and i started it last spring, but it was the library's, and my summer/fall work schedule got in the way. but i have no work now, so right after the holidays i am going to jump in.
how i've gotten around the issue of my neglected forlorn stuff is to donate rather than toss. i am just not a "tosser", having lived with want most of my adult life. i feel good when i donate. someone worse off than me might really want or need it. lots of charitable organizations will even do pick ups.
due to poverty, i thought i had to "sell" my things, but you never get much money out of used things, and there will always be more STUFF to acquire. i am still needing to do a lot of work with my own personal issues tied up with hoarding and squalor. change has not been quick or dramatic for me. but i am here and will keep trying.
and as blackswan so wisely said, don't stress it. it will come with time and with the support you will find here.
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hello
Dec 22, 2008 22:50:58 GMT -5
Post by notsomessyshell on Dec 22, 2008 22:50:58 GMT -5
Welcome! Fly lady didn't work for me either. Letting go is hard. You are allowed to make waste. It is worth it to make your space clean. Just try a little bit at a time. I am still just keeping my kitchen and dining table clean. I do envision my home as a sanctuary one day.
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hello
Dec 23, 2008 13:47:56 GMT -5
Post by skatters on Dec 23, 2008 13:47:56 GMT -5
Hi and Welcome! Sounds like you are in the right place! Just take your time, settle in, and jump in when you are ready.
I am not at all familiar with anthropomorphosizing, although I think my daughter does this. Forgive me if this sounds ignorant. Do the things you care so strongly about also care about you? Applying the same thought as when dealing with passed loved ones - would your favorite stuffed animal want you to live in squalor?
I like the donation idea too. That coffee pot you don't use could go to a loving home that will use it every day. What if you imagined the best home life possible for something? That vegetable steamer may help a single mother cook veggies faster for her kids.
And this is an extreme scenario, but what if you cut out a small part of the item to keep with you 'forever'? Would that help you get rid of items? We are doing this with my daughters stuffed animals. Our thrift shops are over ran with stuffed animals, and frankly some of my daughters animals are not in very good shape. We cut out a 3x3 square out of the most favorite ones, and tossed the rest of the animal. I plan on making a small quilt out of these squares... which will be interesting. But it made her feel better about getting rid of garbage sacks of stuffed animals.
We also did the 'quilt' idea with her baby blankets. Oh, and I have a pile of blocks from her some of her favorite clothes - but she told me she doesn't even remember what is there anymore, so I can toss them. When I find them.
Perhaps enlisting some of that angry family to help? Maybe they can take things off your hands - with the intention of taking them to the thrift store. Once these items are officially gone from your life, it becomes THEIR problem... and if they chose to trash the item, the karma will come back to bite THEM, not you. (I say this half jokingly.)
I can understand being apathetic about the house. I used to think I felt that way... used to get resentful about havnig to keep house for 'other' people. Since, I have learned differently. Everyone said that *I* deserve to live a better life. But at the time I didn't believe them. But I do think my kids and pets deserve a clean life. And aside from that, they deserved a happier mom. My cats used to frustrate me SOOO much when they got up somewhere, and sent a mountain of crap down to the floor. Once some of that clutter got cleaned up, they don't get into 'trouble' near as often. Same for my kids.
Like I said, I am not familiar with anthropomorphosizing so please forgive me if it seems I am stepping on toes.
Again, WELCOME!
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Dec 23, 2008 13:59:26 GMT -5
Post by mallery on Dec 23, 2008 13:59:26 GMT -5
Welcome Jess . I quoted you here **"I also tend to anthropomorphize my items, and I feel bad for throwing things out, knowing they'll end up sitting alone outside. I've had that issue for as long as I can remember." Your words had such an impact on me!! I never understood this until just now, but I've also done this all my life. I always have had an unatural attachment to things but, WOW! Yeah!! (I don't think I'm cured but at least now I can put it into words for myself.) I thnk you'll like it here .
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Dec 23, 2008 18:16:06 GMT -5
Post by crazycatlady on Dec 23, 2008 18:16:06 GMT -5
Welcome, Jess. Many of us have trouble starting. For me it was that the job was so big. The idea that I could clean for 15 minutes at a time really helped. (I didn't actually do 15 minutes at first...about 5-7 seemed to suit me initially.) Over time, I was able to work longer, and accomplish more.
Jump right in, and read some posts. Let us know how we can help.
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Dec 24, 2008 21:05:19 GMT -5
Post by crazycatlady on Dec 24, 2008 21:05:19 GMT -5
I meant to mention that a dear friend gave my kids the dvd "Happy Feet" for the first night of Hanukkah this year. Your name makes me think of that movie!
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Dec 26, 2008 9:37:55 GMT -5
Post by JessicaMessica on Dec 26, 2008 9:37:55 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for your kind replies!! I've recently acquired Julie Morgenstern's "Organizing from the Inside Out" and plan to make good use of it, along with this board! Oh, and crazycatlady, my name is from Happy Feet I love penguins very much, and that movie is fantastic.
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Dec 26, 2008 11:09:24 GMT -5
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Dec 26, 2008 11:09:24 GMT -5
- Welcome! -
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Dec 26, 2008 11:40:08 GMT -5
Post by Ican on Dec 26, 2008 11:40:08 GMT -5
I just feel so overwhelmed because I feel like if I clean up and make it look presentable, it'll be a mess again only a very short time. Part of that is because of the kitten and the puppy, but I love them dearly and I wouldn't look at getting rid of them as an option, ever. ... I also tend to anthropomorphize my items Hi, Jess! I can relate to the things you wrote. I have a doggie and I'd never get rid of her, either. And I also tend to anthromophize some things, especially stuffed animals. Other stuff, not as much. I'm kinda new here, too. I joined in November. I still have a lot to do, but I'm working on it bit-by-bit. This group support helps. Glad to have you here!
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outofchaos
New Member
Joined: December 2008
Posts: 65
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hello
Dec 26, 2008 17:01:13 GMT -5
Post by outofchaos on Dec 26, 2008 17:01:13 GMT -5
Hello penguin,
I am not an anthropomorphizer - thank the gods, because I have enough trouble getting rid of stuff without worrying about how it will feel when I reject it! I think it probably comes from being an empathetic type of person.
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Dec 27, 2008 2:06:30 GMT -5
Post by dayeanu on Dec 27, 2008 2:06:30 GMT -5
Hi, and welcome. I'm glad you're here. I think you will find what you need to help you. I've only been here a few weeks, but already I am feeling, thinking, and doing better.
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hello
Dec 27, 2008 11:09:02 GMT -5
Post by JessicaMessica on Dec 27, 2008 11:09:02 GMT -5
dayeanu, i started reading your blog thread on here and found it very inspiring! thanks!
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