imahotmess
New Member
Joined: February 2009
Posts: 82
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Post by imahotmess on Feb 2, 2009 23:17:26 GMT -5
Hello Everyone, My first baby step out of squalor is to join this group and introduce myself. I feel my story is long and too complex, all mixed up so that I can't tell it in a way that will make sense. But I think I need to be here and I think I live in 2nd Degree Squalor bordering on 3rd, and I only yesterday began to believe that I may be a hoarder? And does this mean I have OCD? I have struggled for my whole life with low self esteem, being messy and ashamed, being fat, overeating compulsively, and major depression. and the list goes on, but I'm starting to piece a few things togehter that I didn't before. The connections between my depression, my obesity...my hoarding -- and the idea that I'm a perfectionist was crazy to me until I read more online and the thing about perfectionism paralyzing a person. That is me. I'm scared, but have little sproutlets of hope popping up here and there. I want to understand, I want to be better. The biggest reason is that it's not just me anymore. I have 4 and 5 year old daughters. The guilt and shame and fear I have for them is overwhelming me. What I'm putting them through, what I am teaching them... This is like, yes I have to start with one step, and there's so much to do, to fix, make right it's overwhelming, so I gotta not think like that or it will keep me from doing anything at all. But that's so hard because it feels like EVERYTHING that's wrong needs to be put right -- RIGHT NOW for my girls' sakes. That's my introduction and my first baby step. Thanks and call me Ima  |
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Feb 2, 2009 23:58:04 GMT -5
Hello! Welcome!
Posting really is the first step....you are on your way out of this mess!
Try and post at least one thing per day, that will help you stay on track, and really be involved. Otherwise, you might lose the motivation that you have now. I found that doing that really helped me, so much.
Remember, one item at a time, don't worry about the BIG picture right now. It is overwhelming when you look at the whole thing. Go clean off one table top, and keep it clean every night. Then add another table top. Then add something else, keep adding to what you are maintaining! That is the key!
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Post by Ican on Feb 3, 2009 0:25:29 GMT -5
Ima, Hello & Welcome!  Glad you're here!  |
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Post by notsomessyshell on Feb 3, 2009 0:35:32 GMT -5
Hello and Welcome! Acknowledging the problem, coming here, and admitting it to us is not a baby step. That is HUGE. You are on your way. Don't let yourself be overwhelmed. Just pick one spot to clean. The feeling when you accomplish it will help keep you inspired to do more! I started with my kitchen table. That was it. And I kept it going for a while, then added dishes, then eventually the entire kitchen. Slow and stead. When you accomplish one little thing, come tell us. We will cheer you! When you feel discouraged come tell us. We will cheer you! I know I could not be where I am in my house without the wonderful people here. Join us in chat. We do challenges and we get silly. It is a wonderful way to get stuff done. Listzilla is also a great motivator. Just one thing, then one more and finally one little thing more. Then post it. Amazing how good it feels to write it down. And lastly when you feel down, look at those beautiful girls of yours.  |
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Post by Meme on Feb 3, 2009 2:18:44 GMT -5
welcome- hugs from Meme
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Post by messyLlundain on Feb 3, 2009 3:00:24 GMT -5
Welcome Ima I agree with what's already been said, you are on your way now. Please keep coming here, it helps so much, really! Chat is excellent too. I was very shy about going in there at first, but people are so welcoming and friendly. It's a great place to be for support, so please try and come in sometime. Your story sounds so familiar to me - except the little ones, my 'little one' is now 27. It's interesting what you said about hoarding, that you think you might be a hoarder. I have never, ever thought that I was a hoarder, the thought didn't even cross my mind. But just last week, I found myself asking the question, ''am I?'' I looked around at some of the things that I have had for years, that never get used, that never will get used, or have no function. The conclusion I arrived at is, ''yes, I am a hoarder''. Bit of a shock to realise that  But I guess that realising that I am is a step in the direction of dealing with it. Anyway, I'm rabbiting on here  so I'll sshhh now. I'm glad you're here. |
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Post by eatingbonbons on Feb 3, 2009 12:00:44 GMT -5
Welcom, Ima! You'll find lots of support here.
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Post by Ican on Feb 3, 2009 13:25:14 GMT -5
Don't let yourself be overwhelmed. Just pick one spot to clean. The feeling when you accomplish it will help keep you inspired to do more! I started with my kitchen table. That was it. And I kept it going for a while, then added dishes, then eventually the entire kitchen. Slow and stead. When you accomplish one little thing, come tell us. We will cheer you! When you feel discouraged come tell us. We will cheer you! MessyShell, That was an excellent post! I especially liked the part you wrote, quoted above. Thanks! |
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Post by annieblue on Feb 3, 2009 14:36:38 GMT -5
Hi Ima -We are all proud of you for joining here and introducing yourself, as we've all been there & know how valuable that first commitment is. As Blackswan said, try to post at least once every day. We've also all been at that crossroad of temptation to not post for whatever reason, & going ahead & doing it is truly what has kept most of us onboard the perseverance & progress wagon. You can stay on that boat, too, just keep on coming back. And no story is too long or complex for this place. We, also, have all got long & complex stories as to how we came to the place of overwhelm in dealing with our lives & homes. Please feel free to get that stuff out of your system wherever & whenever you want to here. There are no rules regarding dumping out both the physical & emotional junk. That's why we are here, & that's why it works! Yes, those children, & in my case grandchildren, are often the reason that brings us to the point of NOT GONNA LIVE THIS WAY ANYMORE. Because even if we feel we are unworthy of taking care of ourselves & our living environment, those children are a huge wake up call, as we KNOW they are worthy. Funny thing is, once we start working on ourselves & our homes for them, we often begin to learn that we are also worthy. And we surely are. YOU surely are! YOU deserve this. Go for it! Best to you, Blue  
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Post by skatters on Feb 3, 2009 18:47:46 GMT -5
Welcome Ima! You are among friends! Keep on posting - there is lots of hope to be had!
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Post by messymimi on Feb 3, 2009 21:45:45 GMT -5
Welcome, Ima !
At this point, don't worry about whether you "officially" have OCD, depression, or any other of the alphabet soup of disorders that can be used as labels. Those labels can limit us, I think. We do need to get the actual problems treated that can be treated medically, but we need to be careful not to believe that we are our labels.
One foot in front of the other, each day, and you will get there. It can't all be put right at once, as you have found, so put one thing right. Then keep it that way a few days. Then add another thing.
It is looking at the whole picture at once that freezes us with perfectionism, so narrow your focus for now, and eventually you will get there.
messymimi
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Post by crazycatlady on Feb 3, 2009 22:40:05 GMT -5
Welcome, HotMess! I am a big fan of Nicey Nash, and I LOVE your name! You are among friends, now, and we will try to encourage and cheer you on as you clean up.
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imahotmess
New Member
Joined: February 2009
Posts: 82
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Post by imahotmess on Feb 4, 2009 20:58:24 GMT -5
Everyone,
Thank you for the welcomes and the supportive words. I already feel better about myself knowing that other people have similar problems aren't totally screwed up people. I did my first working in threes thing. I gotta check what my wild children are doing, or I'd have more stuff to say. Maybe more time for posting tomorrow.
Ima
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Post by notsomessyshell on Feb 4, 2009 21:52:53 GMT -5
Wonderful to see you. Great WIT! Of course we are not totally screwed up people! We are normals. I personally think the cleanies are the odd ones.  |
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outofchaos
New Member
Joined: December 2008
Posts: 65 
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Post by outofchaos on Feb 5, 2009 14:04:24 GMT -5
Welcome!
I recognize myself in your post, so I know how difficult it is to accept slow progress when you want it all to be done, and slow progress just feels overwhelming to accept. But I truly believe that it's often the only way change happens.
I don't always do a great job of posting everyday myself, but I willl try to do so, because it helps to talk with others who share your difficulty.
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