|
|
Post by morningglory on Feb 25, 2009 10:07:26 GMT -5
There are a few categories of things I still have trouble discarding. One is clothing that has some significance--usually a t-shirt with the name of a school or event, or one that was made by the kids at camp. The shirt can be worn to death, with holes and stains, and not fitting anyone any more, and somehow I still find it hard to let go of. Well today I DID! I put several such shirts into the trash basket.
I put one into the give-away bag, but then realized that was absurd, as the shirt was full of holes! I had only put it in there because it's easier (less guilt-inducing) for me than throwing it away. I took it out of the bag and trashed it!
Another category is things people have given me. When someone has given me something as a gift, I feel obligated to use it, and if I don't use it, I feel I must keep it until I do!
Yet I have some peeves about gifts. One is when someone takes a used item and wraps it up with gift wrapping and presents it as a holiday gift. I don't have anything against someone wanting to pass on a used item they don't need and think I might like. But don't wrap it up and pass it off as a gift.
To be clear--I am not talking about people without much money, who are doing the best they can by giving something used, and want to make it as nice as possible by wrapping it. I am talking about people who are fairly wealthy, and who do also give nice gifts, but feel some kind of need to supplement with these second-hand items. One year it was a bag of cookies that had already been opened, then sealed with a rubber band! The lady even admitted that she had sampled them while she was wrapping!
Anyway, this past year I received one of these oddball gifts from the same lady. In addition to several nice items, she wrapped up a cookbook from her bookshelf that was copyright 1980. From the looks of the book, it was actually printed in 1980, as the spine was sun-bleached and so forth. And the recipes, though theoretically something I might be interested in, were pretty basic, and nothing that I didn't have already in my collection.
Yet I felt I had to KEEP this book and perhaps use it. Make some of the dishes. Even though it's clear that the lady, herself, never cracked it open to use. Oh, my. How silly of me, hanging on to it out of a sense of obligation. As if the giver would even care!
So I put it in the give-away bag! Yay!
I remember receiving a plastic honey pot and dipper as a wedding gift from a relative of my husband's. I kept that thing in my cabinet for YEARS, packing it up and moving it from house to house. One year when I was with the person who gave it, I made some reference to the gift and found that they could not even remember having given it. They didn't remember WHAT they had given us for our wedding. How ridiculous that I thought they had picked something out especially for us, that they wanted us to use and would feel badly if we didn't. I finally was able to get rid of that.
|
|
|
|
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Feb 25, 2009 10:44:39 GMT -5
- Another category is things people have given me. When someone has given me something as a gift, I feel obligated to use it, and if I don't use it, I feel I must keep it until I do!
~~
I remember receiving a plastic honey pot and dipper as a wedding gift from a relative of my husband's. I kept that thing in my cabinet for YEARS, packing it up and moving it from house to house.
One year when I was with the person who gave it, I made some reference to the gift and found that they could not even remember having given it. They didn't remember WHAT they had given us for our wedding.
How ridiculous that I thought they had picked something out especially for us, that they wanted us to use and would feel badly if we didn't.
I finally was able to get rid of that. ----------- |
|
|
|
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Feb 25, 2009 11:29:45 GMT -5
-
I remember that once, long ago, my friend had a party for a special occasion. She asked everyone to bring one small inexpensive wrapped gift for an exchange.
I had no money to buy anything -- not even a few dollars. So I figured that I would have to give something that I already owned.
I looked around my apartment.
I found an art print that had once been given to me. Or maybe I had found it at a thrift store. At any rate, it was used when I received it. It wasn't particularly pretty or inspiring. But it was adequate. It was a drawing of Joan of Arc. I seemed to vaguely remember that my friend had once briefly studied the story Joan of Arc, but I wasn't sure. I thought, well, if she has some interest in this topic, then maybe she will like this gift.
The bottom line was that I was told to bring something cheap and simple. So I grabbed the old used art print -- the mediocre drawing of Joan of Arc. Wrapped it up and brought it to the party.
It was something I didn't want anymore -- and I was glad to get rid of it.
Partway through the party, my friend announced it was time for the gift exchange.
She gave rules, which I had not anticipated. Each person was to pick one wrapped gift from the collective pile of gifts. You didn't know what would be in the wrapped package, but you had to take what you had picked. However, if you didn't like it, you could swap. There were some swapping rules, too, but I don't remember them.
When it was my friend's turn to pick a package, I kind of subtly signaled her to pick my package. I don't know why. It really wasn't important. Perhaps I thought she might like the picture of Joan of Arc -- even though it really wasn't very good. I did realize that ANYBODY there might have liked it (or hated it). But, for some unknown reason, I subtly indicated that she should pick my gift.
However, I did NOT attach any great meaning to any of this. So I didn't really care if she picked my gift or not. And I didn't even care if she would like it or not !
This was supposed to be a "cheap token gift". Nothing important or sentimental.
Well .... she opened it and was delighted. Why? Because she (for some unknown reason) regarded me as a spiritual mentor. And she thought that I was giving her a message about her soul or something. She was deeply moved.
She thought I had spent many days meditating on the perfect gift to give her. She thought that I saw a valiant heroine in her.
Furthermore, she thought I wanted her to MEDITATE on the picture.
I ... ummmmm .... didn't know how to explain that it was a RANDOM present -- selected mainly because I didn't like it and I wanted to get rid of it. So, I said nothing.
And ... I like the story of Joan of Arc, okay. But Joan of Arc isn't really one of my favorite heroines. She's interesting, but not as important to me as many other historical figures.
Sometimes the true hero or heroine is just the person who does the right thing, even if it's a very ordinary thing.
My friend kept that ugly picture on her wall for decades. She moved several times and always brought it with her. Every time I visited and saw it on the wall, I cringed. And my friend developed a martyr complex ... maybe from meditating on a picture of a woman who was burned at the stake.
Oy.
Decades later, I eventually told her the truth. I told her to throw the picture away.
Bottom line: Don't assume that all gifts have importance. Sometimes gifts are randomly chosen.
------
|
|
|
|
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Feb 25, 2009 12:03:01 GMT -5
- i think about gifts a lot
it took me a long time to realize that it's okay to toss them.
even if someone thought about it a lot, if it's a weight around my neck, they would still rather i toss it -- i decided. - |
|
|
|
Post by morningglory on Feb 25, 2009 12:06:19 GMT -5
Great story, CourageouslyLion_SeeksSerenity! Thanks for that!
And, Pickles, like you, I usually put a lot of thought and care into the gifts I pick out for people. I am glad I finally realized that most people do not do that and don't really care if I exchange it, dump it, regift it, or whatever.
You're right, too, that even if they DID put a lot of thought into it, it doesn't mean I have to keep it if it's not something I want or will use. After all, even though I hope my gifts to others are cherished and enjoyed, if they truly don't like it, I would feel bad to have them feel they had to keep them!
|
|
|
|
Post by AnnieOkie on Feb 25, 2009 12:30:59 GMT -5
Hah! Guilty..... soup tureen shaped like a duck in a basket.....  ! Never used it, but it sat on a decorative shelf for years. It looked okay. Need to find that thing and donate it! |
|
|
|
Post by zinnia on Feb 25, 2009 13:27:59 GMT -5
And, Pickles, like you, I usually put a lot of thought and care into the gifts I pick out for people......... most people do not do that and don't really care if I exchange it, dump it, regift it, or whatever. You're right, too, that even if they DID put a lot of thought into it, it doesn't mean I have to keep it.... Exactly!  |
|
|
|
Post by gettingsomewhere on Feb 27, 2009 9:59:33 GMT -5
good words everyone. thank you.
|
|
|
|
Post by Script on Feb 28, 2009 9:53:44 GMT -5
I remember receiving a plastic honey pot and dipper as a wedding gift from a relative of my husband's. I kept that thing in my cabinet for YEARS, packing it up and moving it from house to house. In 1972, at my bridal shower, my dear cousin Cathy C gave me an elaboratly decorated plastic container of plastic cocktail forks. I never used it not even once. I moved it around with me too. I finally gave it away maybe around 2004 when I started seriously decluttering my house. I was able to 'pass it along' to GoodWill (it was truly brand new!) BECAUSE of the support and advice I had received at Squalor Survivors. Thank you for sharing your experiences too!!! |
|
|
|
Post by ohblondie on Feb 28, 2009 21:38:53 GMT -5
I remember being shocked when my sister gave away some of her wedding gifts. She was never going to use them and she refused to move them from house to house (she and her family do move quite frequently.)
I wish I had her ability to release things so freely.
I realize that it was a joint decision made by she and her husband. He probably helped her go thru things and decide what to keep and what to donate.
THere is is again.....that magic word....HELP
|
|
|
|
Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Mar 24, 2012 8:08:01 GMT -5
This thread is THREE YEARS OLD,
but ... timeless.
Bumping forward.
|
|
|
|
Post by PaperGrace on Mar 24, 2012 8:40:48 GMT -5
Ah, Husband and I got only a few gifts, most people gave us cards with small cash gifts, even so there are a few things that I need to just move along and get rid of. Most of the people who really picked special 'forever' gifts for us hit the mark--handmade wooden or ceramic things, locally made or salvaged. But some people got us really 'wedding-ey' wedding gifts. Sparkles. Doves. White/Cream metallic finishes. So-o-o not me. Some of them will eventually make their way to Goodwill so that others can buy them to torment their loved ones...
We have the same problem with baby stuff. Each time we've had a baby, well meaning family members have given us 'baby themed' nic-naks. Ugh. Why on earth would I want to fuss with diapered teddy bear figurines when I've got a newborn to take care of? Seriously people.
|
|
|
|
Post by Starflower on Mar 24, 2012 8:54:39 GMT -5
Lion, I did not even realize the thread was that old.... some things NEED to be kept!  Thanks for bumping it up for our attention. I recently tossed my 2 DS's old little sport Tshirts that I was "saving" to make into pillows. When I took them out of the box and looked at them, I realized that the shirts were from a sport they did only for a couple of years and HATED! It has been really, really hard for me to toss/donate old gifts and mementos, but I am being really severe in my de-cluttering since I want to move later this year due to extenuating circumstances. Most of my stuff may have to be stored while I rent a room for a while until I can find/afford a place in the area I want to move to, so I am clearing out with this in mind. I was lamenting the loss of a very unique blouse I thought I had tossed, and gave myself permission to make mistakes and took a deep breath and forgave myself. Anyway, there are loads of blouses out there, and it might have reminded me of some past mistakes.
The other day I made a list of things I absolutely need, and was shocked and amazed at how short the list was! It was pretty much a list I would make to go on an extended vacation (clothes, toiletries, meds, laptop), plus pics, important files, and business supplies.
Take care. |
|
|
|
Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Mar 24, 2012 9:20:06 GMT -5
I worked in a large government office with about 40 other women. We were all friends (mostly) and did things for entertainment/friendship like monthly breakfasts, wedding and baby showers. One day we had a Free Flea Market. Bring in something you no longer use, take anything you want. I brought in an old candy dish. I put it out an a co-worker came up to me and said "I gave you that candy dish as a shower gift. You can't give that away." I took it home and threw it out. Was I embarassed! Also had somethging funny happen at my baby shower. My friend Suzanne gave me an umbrella stroller. As I unwrapped it, out fell a gift card addressed to Suzanne, who had had a daughter several months earlier. I figured immediately that it had been a gift to her and she was just passing it along. I pocketed the gift card and pretended not to notice.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: January 1970
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2012 10:51:23 GMT -5
My friend kept that ugly picture on her wall for decades. She moved several times and always brought it with her. Everytime I visited and saw it on the wall, I cringed. And my friend developed a martyr complex ... maybe from meditating on a picture of a woman who was burned at the stake. Oy. Such a funny story...and yet so tragic...and yet so funny!!!! Meditating on a woman who got burned at the stake really is a conundrum, isn't it? I've been laughing for 10 minutes over this....and yet feel so bad for your friend who developed a martyr complex. Oh my! An excellent story about the unintended consequences of gift giving, and the meaning people assign to it. Sometimes gifts really ARE just random! |
|
