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Post by yearning4order on Mar 8, 2009 12:45:56 GMT -5
When the Squalor Survivors board was still active, I stumbled across the forum and was inspired to try to climb out of my own squalor. Then...oh I have no idea what happened but I wandered away.
I'm a divorced mom, and ever since child hood have had severe difficulties with cleaning and organizing. I grew up in a very abusive household, and it's my general belief that I initially created the mess in my personal space as a way to try to keep my father out of my room at night, as well as a response to my well-intentioned mother who I think might have some OCD issues around house cleaning--there was always a lot of rage on her part associated with house cleaning. In my adult years I think I tacked on some hoarding too, which is not a great combo.
(I include my childhood information only as background, not to spend a lot of time blaming my family--I'm middle aged now, clearly it's my mess and I have to learn a way to clean it at this point, and blaming my family won't change that.)
I sometimes make some progress, slight, and then it just all feels way too overwhelming.
Like today--my daughter is at her father's, and I want to clean and organize, I want to rearrange the living room to get the tv out of my bedroom, but when I try to start I'm gripped by
-no idea where to start -terror -confusion -feelings of self loathing
This might be more information than you want. At this point I'm wondering if I might need some sort of professional help, not that I have money to pay for such a thing.
In any case, I'm trying this again. The chaos in the house keeps me reclusive, and with my daughter now approaching her tween years, this is unfair to her. It should go without saying I'm completely unclear how to guide/help her with her own room cleaning, etc.
In the past the working in 3s helped me. I've tried FlyLady, but couldn't quite do it for some reason, although I like the over all loving approach. Working in 3s was small enough to be tangible and simple--and I must admit when I have seen your photos I know I am one of you.
Maybe some day I can be brave enough to post my pics.
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Post by yearning4order on Mar 8, 2009 12:51:31 GMT -5
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Post by Ican on Mar 8, 2009 12:52:17 GMT -5
Hello Yearning4order! Glad you are here!
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Post by charis on Mar 8, 2009 12:57:03 GMT -5
Hi, Yearning4Order. Welcome, welcome
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Post by yearning4order on Mar 8, 2009 14:49:21 GMT -5
Thank you kindly, the chat room is REALLY HELPING
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Mar 8, 2009 14:57:27 GMT -5
I am glad to see you are going into chat. I was going to recommend you do, I have found it to be very helpful. Have you ever considered that you may have some sort of learning disorder? The reason I ask is that you mention you have had organizational problems since childhood, which is a major indicator of learning disorders. In addition to having trouble with school work (and some kids with LD don't!) the brain is lacking an important part called Executive Functioning, which controls planning, organization, sequencing, attention, etc. It is basically the part that keeps you organized. Not sure if that was you, but I thought I would mention it, just in case. Glad to see you here again, it is never too late to try again, and the more you try, the closer you come to getting out of the squalor.
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Post by sidestep on Mar 8, 2009 15:05:17 GMT -5
Welcome y4, we're happy to have you here! So glad you have jumped in & are involved in making progress in the chat challenges. Keep up the good work!
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Post by crazycatlady on Mar 8, 2009 16:42:11 GMT -5
Welcome back!
I can see where your childhood would have an impact on your cleaning skills today. And I love your attitude....owning your mess, and being ready to learn a way to change it! Good for you.
Where to start? Such a loaded question. For people who have been successfully cleaning for years, I'm certain that it is simple to answer that question. One reason that I found so much help in the working in threes thread was that when I didn't know what to do next, I would just see what others were working on, and I usually would need to do some of what they were doing, too.
Chat helps a lot, too. One day in chat (at the old board Squalor Survivors), Inga Rea and I scrubbed our ceilings together, one square foot at a time. My home is very shabby, and was dirty when I moved in. Almost 12 years later, the ceiling was pretty awful with cobwebs and build up ick.....sure, there was lots to be done elsewhere, too, but two women found a way to make a difference, to brighten their kitchens.
Funny thing is, we only got half of the ceiling scrubbed that day. I never did finish my ceiling. So half of it is slightly dirty ceiling tiles looking like they need to be repainted. The other half is pretty dirty, but at least the cobwebs were dusted away. ROFL....maybe someday I will get back to it!
Jump right in, to chat and Listzilla (Working in Threes). Today is a good day to start!
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Post by messymimi on Mar 8, 2009 21:01:08 GMT -5
Welcome, Yearning4Order !
It's good to have you here.
messymimi
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Post by yearning4order on Mar 8, 2009 22:55:55 GMT -5
Thank you all so much--the suggestions in the chat and here are amazing. If anyone else is new like me and reading this--if you can bear it, I recommend the chat. The folks in chat really got me going (without pressure or judgement), and I did some things today I've been putting off for several months to several years.
The TV made it to the living room, and is all hooked up with the dvd player. My daughter was overjoyed to see this change, and delightfully watched a Disney movie this afternoon.
"Have you ever considered that you may have some sort of learning disorder? The reason I ask is that you mention you have had organizational problems since childhood, which is a major indicator of learning disorders. In addition to having trouble with school work (and some kids with LD don't!) the brain is lacking an important part called Executive Functioning, which controls planning, organization, sequencing, attention, etc. It is basically the part that keeps you organized. "
Well this is a very interesting question. I have sometimes wondered about this as well, however I do have organizational abilities related to problem solving, writing, as well as debate, and mechnical/technical trouble shooting. In terms of test taking, book knowledge, etc I was actually in Gifted/Talented programs through all my years of schooling.
I can still remember hearing "So smart and lacking in common sense" from my parents. XD I do note that you mention some LD children do not have problems with school--so who knows. Is there a link to info for this?
Thanks for all the help!
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Post by Meme on Mar 8, 2009 23:10:43 GMT -5
welcome to us see- you could and did do a good thing- cheers for you keep coming here as there are a lot of encouragement here for all we do and understanding for us when we don't the start is always the hardest step and there may be a few falls but you/me can always start again- don't focus to much right now on the whys- and we can be disorganized cleaners and that is ok - some times we have to just accept ourselves as we are and do what we can with that huggles from Meme
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Post by valor on Mar 9, 2009 0:23:12 GMT -5
Hi Yearning4order Welcome, I really like your screen name.
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 9, 2009 1:43:11 GMT -5
hi yearning; it was so nice to meet you in chat sister. i'm glad to read your introduction and your positive outlook. where to start on any given day is hard, as is what to do next sometimes. very happy that you are trying us again. you will find the best of people here. look forward to our working together more, and congratulations on getting that tv moved into the living room!
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Post by eatingbonbons on Mar 9, 2009 16:07:37 GMT -5
Welcome, Yearning4Order!
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 9, 2009 18:29:26 GMT -5
So glad you're here, Y4. There are many folks here who could have written your story. Stick around, and you will be amazed at what you will be doing.
I used to think I needed professional help, too. I can tell you, we got professional help here! No telling how many hundreds of years of experience dealing with squalor our combined lives would total! I feel confident that the sum of us knows more about how to help than any "professional." And it doesn't cost a dime!
Welcome to your new family.
And yeah, chat's great!
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