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Post by flylady on Jul 15, 2009 0:15:45 GMT -5
My friend rang me up and invited my to go out next Tuesday. I said that sounds great, and then she said, I WILL PICK YOU UP! OMG! What should I do? I've always gone to her house and she has NEVER been to mine, she has no idea what my house is like. I want to cancel so badly but also want to get it over and done with as I have been to her house so many times. Should I just do it? I will have to slave my guts all week, but I think I can have the lounge room and kitchen ok. She won't have to see the rest I hope. I am so upset as I was caught off guard... I am so worried. If I can make the lounge ok, the other problem is my carpet, I am sure others can relate to this? Thank goodness I have been a member of this board for a few weeks as I have already purged the kitchen of alot, but I never ever thought that I would have to handle this situation so early, I was thinking maybe 6 months or so. I guess she won't stay long as she is picking me up, but what should I do I am sorry this post sounds rambling but it only just happened. Also what do I talk to her about, I am at a loss for conversation starters... Do I offer a coffee or just get the hell out of here? Thanks for any advice.
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 15, 2009 0:21:55 GMT -5
Um...well...I don't know how you do things in Australia, but if a friend had offered to pick me up even 3 weeks ago--I would be ready early. In fact, if the weather is nice I might even wait on the porch and just jump into their car when they pull up!
I'm not saying that's *healthy* mind you, but I know that it's exactly what I would have done!
One of the most awful things that can happen (and pray it doesn't) is if the person coming to pick you up casually says, "Oh man, I really have to go to the bathroom, can I use your toilet?"
I don't have any solutions for that except maybe a semi decent path to the bathroom, scrub the toilet and in advance, and close all the doors nearby?
Sorry, I feel terrible like I'm just reinforcing trying to hide, hide, hide. I'm not sure what stage your home is in, so I'm imagining it like mine pre-any cleaning.
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kiz
New Member
Joined: June 2009
Posts: 86
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Post by kiz on Jul 15, 2009 1:09:28 GMT -5
If someone said they would "pick me up" I would not assume they were coming in. I would probably be waiting out the front for them.
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Post by Meme on Jul 15, 2009 1:22:31 GMT -5
yes- you should do it because she is your friend and you are her friend- I know that it is hard but a good step is to allow your self to be honest and let the chips fall where they may- if you have to hide it takes away from the friendship - clean the best you can- I know that our instinct is to hide ( and are we really hiding or are we kidding ourselves) but it is part of leaving squalor behind. and do not point out things and then apolgise- just have fun and enjoy the day starting now :-).
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kiz
New Member
Joined: June 2009
Posts: 86
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Post by kiz on Jul 15, 2009 1:28:49 GMT -5
Mine was not a "helping tip", more a general statement on interpretations. It might be good to clean up for her... then you could just invite her in, "casually" for a tea. How sweet would that be?
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Post by flylady on Jul 15, 2009 2:00:39 GMT -5
Thanks for your replies, just after I typed my post I went the the bathroom and applied grout whitener to the shower and behind the loo. Just in case she needs to go! My bathroom is actually one of the best rooms in the house, as I started to clean it while I am in the shower (I have a shower over the bath), but I have 3 males in the house and the aim isn't all way the best, so I have to scrub behind the loo. My bathroom does need alot of work though. I need to go and buy a vacuum cleaner (mine is so old and hardly sucks at all). So I figured, if I clean the lounge, dining and kitchen and bathroom, and front veranda I should be ok, the carpet is so old and ancient I will have to cover it with a cheap rug or something. To give you and idea how bad my house is, here is my computer room i114.photobucket.com/albums/n266/FlyLady13/016-13.jpg?t=1247640791 It took of guts to post this pic but I figure we are all here on this board for the same reason! I hope I can show you nice photos at the end of the week. I am very scared and nervous about her coming over but will have to do it, as I can't back out now. Tonight I am planning on doing 5 garbage bags worth no matter what and getting rid of them tomorrow. Thanks again...
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Post by theroyaldump on Jul 15, 2009 5:57:59 GMT -5
I KNOW my home is a mess and I am not proud of it. I am working on it, purging, purging, purging. The blinders are off and I no longer hide anything from myself. But to be realistic, I don't see how it is possible to clean all that FlyLady wants done in time for her friend.. I think she might work herself to the bone and end up being discouraged at not accomplishing as much as she had hoped.
FlyLady ... do you have a dog? I use mine as an excuse and it works every time. I say that he has seperation anxiety and when I have someone in and then I leave it is much harder on him and is counter productive in treating his anxiety. Everyone understands. I would also just be outside or be watching for her to pull into the drive and then hit the door upon her arrival.
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Post by paperpiler on Jul 15, 2009 7:05:06 GMT -5
FlyLady, I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself for a friend who says she'll "pick you up." Remember--it's not like she's coming for lunch or dinner. She's coming to get you to GO somewhere.
Determine what's important to you. If you determine that you really don't want her in there, then stand outside and wait for her. I used to do that ALL the time...ALLLLLLLLL the time. It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal. Example: "Hey, thanks for coming to get me. I'd have you in, but my dog just got sick and barfed on the floor, and we're also remodeling so there's lots of dust, and did I mention my toilet just backed up, and there's some smell and I can't figure out where it's coming from, and and and...." Because at that point, it becomes VERY obvious that you're hidin' sumpin!!!
Since she's picking you up, you might be in charge of setting the time for her to come for you, and that'll determine whether you have that "extra few minutes" to kill. If you don't want her to come in, set a time that cuts it close to get to where you want to go. Otherwise, you might say to her, "Would you like to come in for a few when you get here?" And she might say, "Oh, sure." Or "Oh thanks, but let's just go."
If she comes in: Have a clean bathroom. Have a clean entry. Have a clean kitchen. Have a clean area that she sees when she walks in and sits--lounge, dining area. It's OUR belief that everyone who comes to our places wants to inspect. There's no need for her to take the grand tour. And she's not an inspector. :-)
You can do this. I swear, you can do this. Don't put HUGE pressure on yourself to make it all exactly right and perfect. Otherwise, by the time she gets there, you'll be worn out.
PS Most of my rooms looked exactly like your computer room...and possibly worse. ;-)
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Post by mouse on Jul 15, 2009 7:12:58 GMT -5
Clean up the main areas that can be seen from the front door, and the bathroom. Welcome her in, but be ready to leave. Say in all honesty "I will show you the house some day when it's not a total disaster." Or some variant thereof. Most people understand that, and it shouldn't be a problem if you'd planned to go out. ~Mouse
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Post by grungygeorgie on Jul 15, 2009 7:26:13 GMT -5
If it makes you feel any better, I really did not think your computer room looked so bad.My bedroom & den are much worse.It is awful when you crisis clean because someone is coming over,because you become so physically & mentally drained you can't enjoy the person/party you cleaned for.This has happened to me many,many times.gg
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louise
New Member
Joined: September 2008
Posts: 96
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Post by louise on Jul 15, 2009 7:37:33 GMT -5
I have a standard response for anyone coming to my home who I don't want to let in, it's not failed me yet. "I'm sorry, I've just shampooed the carpets and they're still wet." Use this situation as motivation to tidy the areas you can manage, but close doors on all other rooms and if they ask to go in give the wet carpet excuse. If you can get the hallway, bathroom and kitchen presentable (especially if you have a table you can sit at in the kitchen) then you can even invite her in for a drink.
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Post by Peach on Jul 15, 2009 8:51:37 GMT -5
Hi FlyLady - You say you usually go to her place whenever the two of you meet to go out. What happens when you get to her house? Does she invite you in or meet you outside? Is she ready at the door waiting to leave the house? Or, is it the usual routine for her to invite you in for tea before leaving? I agree with others who say that you might be making too much of this "I will pick you up" comment. If tea is NOT the norm before departing, then you should not assume that she expects to be invited inside for any refreshment. Treat this occasion for what it is - a pick up - nothing more. Just be ready to leave the house when she pulls up or be waiting outside. If the worst happens and she needs to use the toilet, so be it. The sky will not fall down on you. (I survived a similar incident 4 months ago involving someone who wanted to see my then existing bird room and I'm still here ) If she indicates she might like to see your house now that she is there, just say as Mouse suggested "I will show you the house some day when it's not a total disaster." Laugh as you say this and head toward her car.
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 15, 2009 12:49:01 GMT -5
This has been interesting to read--I think my lasting thought is this--we all have a wide range of opinions, and of course everyone wants to be helpful. The most important thing is to do what you can and maintain some semblance of peace with yourself too. None of us know what the absolute right solution is for you, that's something for you to meditate on. But at least now you have a bunch of different ideas to try on, and see which one fits for you, where you are at right now. (Because it might change in a few months, we are different every day.)
Remember, your efforts, no matter how small are wonderful and good. If you aren't ready to let her in your house yet, that is fine. If you think you could stand to let her use your bathroom, that's fine too.
Oh one tip I would offer: chances are, unless your shower faces the toilet and has no curtain or doors to close it off, she won't notice the grout. People usually don't poke around in the shower, the things they notice are the toilet and the sink, and junk on the floor. But that's only if someone is coming in!
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Post by flylady on Jul 15, 2009 22:52:51 GMT -5
Thanks so much for your replies I spent 4 hours on the computer room last night ( I put a movie on the computer and watched while I worked, it did not seem like 4 hours) , it looks alot better, still bad, but I have 4 huge garbage bags to take out. and when I woke up this morning I was so mad at myself! Why did I not start in the lounge room! I did start this morning and cleaned and a corner and it looks ok. I still have so much to do. It's good in a way as I am just throwing things out, not keeping them. The norm here if someone comes over, the person picking up usually comes in and has a drink a bit of chit chat and then everyone goes off together. When I go to her house ( or anyone's house) you have coffee, and chat e.t.c and that's pretty much it My husband says just tell her that you will meet her at her house as the kids will play up and beg to go with me, part of me is desperate to do it, as I know it can't drag out as we will have to leave! So maybe at the most she will stay 20 minutes. I think I can handle 20 minutes. I will say sorry about the mess, I have not had a chance to clean it up this week ( little will she know hahahaha)
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Post by Raspberry Jam on Jul 15, 2009 23:23:03 GMT -5
Oh boy I can certainly sympathise. I had 2 days notice last week that a work colleague was coming over to visit and there was nothing I could do to put off their visit. I felt as though I was going to have a breakdown. I sort of had a route that I took them through - through front door, down hall way and into kitchen. I didn't want to deviate from that route because then I only had to clean the hall and kitchen. As always I went into perfectionist mode for some things while neglecting others. Its all or nothing for me. I had to end up shoving heaps of stuff in boxes and rubbish bags and throwing them in the garage "to be sorted out later" ha ha!! Good luck!
Raspberry Jam. PS Your home looks nice and new with good fittings & furniture which makes a big difference.
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