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Post by clutterfree on Jul 27, 2009 20:45:49 GMT -5
I don't know if this has been posted here before, but I stumbled across it today. I'm only about halfway through it, but really, he's making a lot of sense. It's interesting to hear someone talk this way about procrastination, demand resistance and passive aggressiveness. And parenting. If nothing else, his enthusiasm on the subject is enlightening. I think it's work a look. It's about a half an hour, so watch it while you're procrastinating doing something else.  It's certainly an approach that can help if you really embrace it, I think. |
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Post by disarray on Jul 28, 2009 0:10:10 GMT -5
Nice video. I'm tempted to have my sister watch it, so we can ensure my niece doesn't become a procrastinator as an adult. I'm a huge procrastinator myself, and what he says makes sense. I've been trying to change my use of words so that I don't say "need to", "have to", "should", etc. as much, but maybe looking at the big picture and realizing I don't "have to" do anything would help more than just a mere change in words.
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Post by clutterfree on Jul 28, 2009 2:42:59 GMT -5
You know, I was moved by that video to listen to a few of his podcast--and I intend to listen to many more. They're at freedomainradio.com. If you choose podcasts: relationships there's a LONG list, and some specifically deal with why kids don't want to do what we tell them, why we procrastinate, relationships between us and our parents . . . he's very plain talking and doesn't mince words, but it's refreshing.
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Post by paperpiler on Jul 28, 2009 8:28:19 GMT -5
Clutterfree, this is fascinating stuff. I have a lot of info on procrastination (I haven't read most of it yet...umm..err), but this man makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm going to listen to some of his other podcasts as well.
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Post by Arid on Jul 29, 2009 0:51:13 GMT -5
OK; I listened to the ENTIRE thing!
I completely agree that much (or even, most) of our demand resistance ( and hence, procrastination) comes from being ordered around by our parents and families when we were children. I completely agree that treating people with respect will result in better outcomes in nearly every circumstance.
However, I disagree with him premise that we don't "have" to do anything as an adult.
I "have" to breathe, or I will die.
I "have" to do lots of things to avoid ending up in jail--send my child to school (or homeschool), pay my taxes, etc. --or else.
He does acknowledge that there are consequences for the choices and decisions (i.e. behaviors) that we make.
I disagree with him that no matter how unsavory those consequences might be, I still have the choice to do or not to do. . . whatever.
Perhaps, the problem is that I am too much of a biologist. I "have" to breathe in order to stay alive. I "have" to be in an environment in which I can maintain an appropriate body temperature . . .or I will die. I have to have water, and sooner or later, I have to have food, too.
Now, I can "choose" not to do those things, but I will die as a consequence.
That's what I call "cutting off one's nose to spite one's face."
But--I'll have proven that "nobody can make ME do anything that I don't want to do!"
Yeah; right!
Arid
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Post by clutterfree on Jul 29, 2009 18:25:31 GMT -5
I "have" to do lots of things to avoid ending up in jail--send my child to school (or homeschool), pay my taxes, etc. --or else.
He does acknowledge that there are consequences for the choices and decisions (i.e. behaviors) that we make.
Well, I think his point is that you don't have to do them. You could choose not to. But instead you choose to do them to avoid the consequences you would face if you chose not to do them.
It's just a shift in perception that can make a difference for some people. It's like spin. If some people spin things they put off as a choice (which they really are, despite the consequences) they may have less demand-resistance. I don't think the approach is going to work for everyone, but it's certainly worth a try for someone having serious procrastination problems.
Perhaps, the problem is that I am too much of a biologist. I "have" to breathe in order to stay alive. I "have" to be in an environment in which I can maintain an appropriate body temperature . . .or I will die. I have to have water, and sooner or later, I have to have food, too.
Now, I can "choose" not to do those things, but I will die as a consequence.
Of course. But his message is aimed at people who procrastinate. Who procrastinates breathing, or the things in that list? Those aren't things that spark demand resistance, so they don't really apply to the point he's trying to make.
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Post by Lucky Laura Loving Life on Jul 29, 2009 18:52:49 GMT -5
Dear Clutterfree,
Thanks for the link,I will have to watch it.
Love,Laura
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Post by threeg on Jul 29, 2009 19:13:16 GMT -5
I agree with much of what he said. In fact, I applied what he said even to my job, because my boss is like a slave master and treats us like slaves. Even when we excell at what we do, she insinuates that what we do is not important, or that we are somehow inferior. IE: If I take an hour off once in a blue moon, I "take too much time off and this has to stop!" (This happened today.)  I realize that I don't "have to" do anything, which is probebly why so little gets done at home. That is where I am free to choose what to do. At work, if I want to have an income, I do not have that choice, any more than I did as a child or in school. I am a huge procrastinator, and now I understand why. What I need to do is apply that to my everyday life, and change. Thanks! 3g |
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Post by threeg on Jul 29, 2009 19:14:24 GMT -5
P.S.) That may take a while....LOLOL!   3g |
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Post by disarray on Jul 29, 2009 23:19:49 GMT -5
Threeg, you have a choice about your job though. You could quit and find a new job. You don't "have to" work there! (I've quit a few jobs in the last couple years. I completely support quitting. Life's too short to do something you don't enjoy! )
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Post by Arid on Jul 30, 2009 3:59:35 GMT -5
"Who procrastinates breathing,. . .?" Well, according to family lore, I used to hold my breath until I passed out as a child!  !!! Arid |
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Post by clutterfree on Jul 30, 2009 14:22:10 GMT -5
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Post by yearning4order on Jul 31, 2009 2:19:16 GMT -5
It was late and I had to go to bed with about 12 minutes left of the video. Does he talk about how to work with this, in ourselves, in others?
I have some thoughts, but didn't want to really discuss much until I see the whole thing. But if he doesn't do more than describe it, that might be nice to know.
Hehe, spoilers are welcome. Er at least for me--pm me if need be.
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Post by clutterfree on Jul 31, 2009 3:29:50 GMT -5
He is very long-winded.
He does offer advice though--essentially this.
You'll stop procrastinating things you have demand resistance against once you realize that you don't actually HAVE to do anything. Once you realize that everything is essentially your CHOICE, you'll choose to do things for your own benefit and pleasure, and those aren't things people procrastinate.
If you sat through as much as you did, do go ahead and listen to the last 12 minutes because he gives several examples.
The approach may not work for you with everything, but I think almost everyone could apply it to something in their lives and have it "click."
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Post by 60isolderthanithot on Aug 1, 2009 10:51:26 GMT -5
Being longwided is just another technique in the Guru Handbook. Sorry, I just think this guy is one more guru wannabe who plays word games that can lure in folks who want someone else to tell them why they are how they are, absolve them of whatever bothers them at that moment and make them feel hope for future change. He uses so many typical rhetorical techniques, it's just one boring cliche after another if you've been a fan of self-improvement tapes and seminars. (I spent big money for years chasing a cure for my cluttering.)
Prediction: if a problem gets many column inches, a bandwagon will develop and those aiming to be the next Tony Robbins will race to jump aboard. If you speak enough generalities, listeners can make up whatever they want from that mound of talk and build themselves whole new convictions from the ample raw material. In a while, another guru takes the podium.
Just keep in mind that all the quack cures in the last hundred years had plenty of True Believers and testimonials were not hard to come by either. (How many weight loss cures have there been in the last ten years? Is it working yet?) People with serious problems want a cure so badly, they're easy targets. Any SCOUT MANUAL would work the same - if only someone flogged it the way these modern gurus do.
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