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Post by greenfuzz on Sept 10, 2009 15:07:04 GMT -5
Here's the other thing about a TV, it lets us scrutinize and overplay incidents and emotions, putting them in amber so to speak. People who are observed crying may feel fine an hour or two after the cameras leave. The presence of cameras also changes human behavior somewhat, I work in the still photography industry myself and I deal with that reality a lot.
We all feel bad seeing that little boy crying, but really, one of the problems with hoarding and squalor is our overthinking and over emoting about things. Sometimes I feel distracting, ripping the scab off and other approaches are better than experiencing all my emotions about everything. I think I would be totally paralyzed if I did that. He was hurt, but he is a lot better now I bet, and his family really dealt with their situation with so much aplomb I was really proud of them.
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Post by MiSC on Sept 10, 2009 15:52:25 GMT -5
We all feel bad seeing that little boy crying, but really, one of the problems with hoarding and squalor is our overthinking and over emoting about things. Sometimes I feel distracting, ripping the scab off and other approaches are better than experiencing all my emotions about everything. I think I would be totally paralyzed if I did that. He was hurt, but he is a lot better now I bet, and his family really dealt with their situation with so much aplomb I was really proud of them. You mean the little boy with the playhouse? Yes, he came around. His mother, Jennifer, posted on the A&E board once or twice. (She'd do it more often but she has limited internet access.) It turns out that a) She'd picked the little house up on the side of the road, and b) she'd talked to him about getting rid of it long before the crew got there, since it had a hole in the top and was catching rainwater. He wasn't expecting to see it banged up, obviously. He probably would have had an easier time with it if he'd seen it just placed on the truck. (I know I would have if it were me.) He and his mom had a talk about it a few minutes after though, and some of that ended up on camera. The thing that hurt my heart about it was that his parents were obviously elsewhere when that happened. He was just kind of out there alone, dealing with seeing that happening. BUT. Still, his mother was there a little bit later and they talked. So. That's that. |
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Post by greenfuzz on Sept 10, 2009 18:48:00 GMT -5
That's cool to hear MisC one of the things about film & photography, is it can show people as being alone, when there may be other people just out of frame, or not very far in actual distance. There's no way of knowing how far away they may be. Framing is often designed for max emotion, but I try to remember it's not a total depiction of reality.
That little boy was dealing with it alone it's true in those first couple scenes, but his parents were probably just busy in the house, not really far from him, and he probably could have run to them if he felt the need that urgently. And you said the mom said it seemed to work out in the end. She seemed to comfort him pretty lovingly on the show.
He did seem to be displaying a bit of that same hoarder mentality that I have. If I have a friend help me with my crap, I often see something in the garbage that I pine for, an objective person has realized it's junk, but not me. As a kid I felt strongly about each of my stuffed animals, and one time tried to sleep with and hold all of them. There is something in that mindset that contributes to my problems.
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Post by success19 on Sept 10, 2009 19:20:07 GMT -5
You know even young kids can pick up on the feeling of lack of finances to buy new things - its sad the kid couldn't have something new to replace his old house. Now of course his house and yard are cleaner - so his friends can come over. But that isn't always something a child can think through. I know holding on to c### is because of lack of funds. There is something in the human brain - a survival instinct that makes us hold on to stuff the way squirrels collect nuts for the winter. Their brains tell them to do that or starve in the winter. We do it for sort of for the same reason.
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Post by MiSC on Sept 10, 2009 20:10:04 GMT -5
He did seem to be displaying a bit of that same hoarder mentality that I have. If I have a friend help me with my crap, I often see something in the garbage that I pine for, an objective person has realized it's junk, but not me. As a kid I felt strongly about each of my stuffed animals, and one time tried to sleep with and hold all of them. There is something in that mindset that contributes to my problems. I don't know. They did 2 full days shooting my little boy, and yes, he has a very unhealthy relationship with things. Not just toys. I remember two very traumatic incidents concerning a used cotton ball (his "favorite cotton ball"), and a couple of links from an old, rusty chain (which he'd named "Chainy".) I think it's perfectly normal to rage against the machine that wants to take away your toys (or your collection of dust bunnies, for that matter), but there are levels of what's acceptable and what's not. I have to fight myself every time I have to make a decision on what to keep and what to get rid of. My son just can not make those decisions. To him, whatever he's looking at has a personality, and if he does away with it, it's hurting that thing. I have to go get pizza out of the oven. I just think there are levels. |
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Post by ClimbingPyramids on Sept 13, 2009 19:56:12 GMT -5
I'm not sure how many more of these shows I'll be able to watch. Last nights was too emotionally disturbing for me. I watched anyway. Jake's attachment to things because of the memories associated hit close to home for me. Although I am able to get rid of empty bottles and things like that - I go thru a lot with certain clothing and objects and I know it's because I remember the "times" associated with the item." thanks for sharing this thought chris63. this is the same with me. i really struggle to part with clothing/objects that have some particular relevance to a moment in time. it's really hard, as well, to part with clothing/toys from my kids when they were babies and toddlers. my counselor says keep one outfit from each milestone (i don't know - one a year, one for babyhood, one for toddlerhood), but i cannot do it. i don't have closets full of baby clothes, either, but if i gathered them all up in one area they might fill 4 bins, rather than just 2 (one for each child). Edited to fix quote. |
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Post by ClimbingPyramids on Sept 13, 2009 21:26:10 GMT -5
here's my response....
For me, this was one of the most upsetting scenes on all the Hoarders episodes thus far. I feel similar to that little boy and his playhouse as well as his dad - for example, he didn't want all the fish tanks thrown in the dumpster; he wanted them used.
If I had been consulting the show (being such an expert - NOT), I would have had not only the dumpsters there, but also trucks from Goodwill, Sal. Army, etc, that way the boy could see that his playhouse was going to another child, and the dad could see that the fish tanks would be used.
there's no way that playhouse should have been plummeted with a sledge hammer. completely and utterly insensitive.
Fixed quote to work
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Sept 13, 2009 21:40:20 GMT -5
If I had been consulting the show (being such an expert - NOT), I would have had not only the dumpsters there, but also trucks from Goodwill, Sal. Army, etc, that way the boy could see that his playhouse was going to another child, and the dad could see that the fish tanks would be used.
there's no way that playhouse should have been plummeted with a sledge hammer. completely and utterly insensitive. Jennifer, the mom on that episode, further posted on the A&E online forums that the playhouse was falling apart and had holes in it and kept collecting water etc etc. (can't do an exact quote without Jennifer's permission). She said it wasn't repairable and that it really needed to go into the trash. It wasn't fit for anyone to use. Furthermore, her son got over it very soon after those broadcast camera scenes. (But the producers chose to broadcast only the "drama".) She said that her children have since had friends over to visit! And therefore her children are much happier now. And she said that what the children have gained from that means more to them than any objects discarded. - |
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Post by woolybooger on Sept 21, 2009 22:14:15 GMT -5
I don't know of any other thread in which to discuss tonights epside where a couples son and daughter were taken away.Even after the house was cleaned top to bottom,they did not get their children back.They filed for divorce,and the husband got their son.For some reason I thought that this was a 'condition' of getting the children back.After the show it said that "authorities were not convinced that she had her hoarding under control".This unnerves me.....it was 6 months after the house was clean!  |
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Post by bluefrog on Sept 21, 2009 22:25:53 GMT -5
woolybooger,
It was six months after the house was cleaned---but did it stay clean? Did she stop buying stuff? That didn't seem clear. And what happened to the mountain of stuff in boxes?
Something that I don't understand: was there a meeting/meetings between the families and the therapists before the filming started? They seem to know so little about each other and what they were proposing to do in such a short time frame. You'd think there would be better planning, and less letting someone get bogged down and spend four hours over one box.
Both these were just. . .sad.
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Post by woolybooger on Sept 21, 2009 22:28:21 GMT -5
woolybooger, It was six months after the house was cleaned---but did it stay clean? Did she stop buying stuff? That didn't seem clear. And what happened to the mountain of stuff in boxes? Something that I don't understand: was there a meeting/meetings between the families and the therapists before the filming started? They seem to know so little about each other and what they were proposing to do in such a short time frame. You'd think there would be better planning, and less letting someone get bogged down and spend four hours over one box. Both these were just. . .sad. It didn't say,youre right.So much was left unanswered. |
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gimmesomeloki
New Member
All tanks should have petticoats.
Posts: 35
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Post by gimmesomeloki on Sept 21, 2009 22:35:33 GMT -5
The house was clean for six months, but she still had 1400 boxes of stuff. That says to me that the hoarding problem is still there, but unless there's something else going on that we didn't see, I thought they should have given the kids back.
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Post by success19 on Sept 21, 2009 22:41:25 GMT -5
That show made me sad and mad. I think Patty should have gotten her kids back - maybe with the stipulation that she get counseling and they can inspect her home for like a year or something. One thing that bothered me is she left the house - and let them do the work - and I think she should have helped - I KNOW she was overwhelmed - but to be healthy - that is what she needed to do.
I kept wondering what her/their debt load was.
Bill - just was so resistant. Lorilei - just so stressed by it all.
Misc - they had a clip of you and your son! So looking forward to your episode!
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Post by threeg on Sept 21, 2009 22:48:32 GMT -5
I watched tonight, and at the end they did say that she still had 1,700 boxes of clutter. I think the wording said that she was ordered to vacate the house with it? The show said that they were going to get her help...I sure didn't see that happening.  These two episodes had sad endings. Both were considered failures. Two or three days is not enough time to help hoarders IMHO, especially with most of the time being used to sort thousands of boxes. This show would be more helpful if they showed more counseling and less "drama" footage. 3g |
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Post by disarray on Sept 21, 2009 23:17:58 GMT -5
I wondered about a lot of things. I really felt like I didn't have the full story on anybody. What did Patty do for a living? What was her background like? I bet there's something in her past that contributed to her hoarding. So Bill owned multiple places? Or did Lorelai own the house and he owned something else?
I know a lot of Patty's stuff was still new and in bags, but I had really hoped she would be able to donate it all to her favorite charity and say, "It's not as important as my children." That's hard, I know, but when the alternative is not having your children...
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