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Post by Script on Aug 21, 2009 15:23:45 GMT -5
I would like to add a few comments, having been called L*ZY, also selfish and greedy: by estranged relatives. I don't think I am L*ZY, but I have been un-focused at many times in my life. Here is what I think:
How much work do you think you should be doing in any given day? Housework, paid work, volunteer work, child care, gardening, elder-care, self-care, continuing education? Some people think you should be doing something 'productive' every single minute of the day. With maybe an hour off for 'good behaviour'. This is the model with which I grew up (also: you would read about these every-minute-accounted-for schedules in the lives of nuns, women-and-children, soldiers, servants, students in the bad old days......a schedule designed for keeping them 'out of trouble')
My father, for example, did one thing in his life, and one thing only from age 16: paid work. The rest of the time he was waited on hand-and-foot. Was he l*zy? Certainly not: people thought he was a tremendously hard-working man, down at his store '7 days a week'. But he gave NO PRIORITY at all to child care, parenting, gardening, self-care: NOTHING AT ALL. He died at age 61: a totally preventable death, from the after-effects of a life time of poor food choices, alcohol and tobacco abuse, no exercise, stress, and so on.
Some people truly cannot focus, prioritize, sort, start, finish, maintain. It is the way some people's brains work. That being said, I truly believe that there are some insidious 'time wasters' in today's society:
*tv *telephone *internet *shopping-for-entertainment
a very thought-provoking thread. Thanks to all who posted.
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Post by messyang on Aug 21, 2009 20:38:00 GMT -5
I agree with Script. The replies to my inquiry were very thought provoking. I guess I posted out of low self esteem. I have always been scared that my children would look back and see me as being l*zy. And for many people , the "L" word is a very big insult. All of your perceptions really made me think. And thanks for all the nice comments.
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Post by Celeste on Aug 21, 2009 22:01:06 GMT -5
The choice of words we use to describe ourselves can be very telling. It also conveys different meanings to different people, so that can muddy the waters when it comes to communications.
Witness the discussion we've been having on whether the word "squalor" is overly harsh. These discussions are great because it makes us think about our perceptions and how we view ourselves. That, in turn, allows us to investigate our own sense of morality, power or weakness.
We DO have some agreed conventions on this website. "Lazy" is banned while "squalor" is used. Sometimes we use words because there doesn't seem to be an adequate replacement word. I think "squalor" fits in that class. Would you agree with that, or do you think other words describe our "affliction" better?
Rather than being "lazy", with all it's negative baggage, I think of using more descriptive, less judgmental words like "unmotivated", "unambitious", "tired", "resting", and "relaxing".
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611
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Post by MiSC on Aug 22, 2009 12:03:21 GMT -5
Witness the discussion we've been having on whether the word "squalor" is overly harsh. These discussions are great because it makes us think about our perceptions and how we view ourselves. That, in turn, allows us to investigate our own sense of morality, power or weakness. We DO have some agreed conventions on this website. "Lazy" is banned while "squalor" is used. Sometimes we use words because there doesn't seem to be an adequate replacement word. I think "squalor" fits in that class. Would you agree with that, or do you think other words describe our "affliction" better? Rather than being "lazy", with all it's negative baggage, I think of using more descriptive, less judgmental words like "unmotivated", "unambitious", "tired", "resting", and "relaxing". I don't get that. Why is "l*zy" not okay, while "squalor" is? I understand that "squalor" is a descriptive word, but it's just as harsh as "l*zy," if not moreso. Also, "squalor" can be seriously overboard for people who are dealing with clutter and not moldy pumpkins on the floor. I have a problem with the labels we stick on ourselves with the Messy_ fill in the blank_ names too. There used to be a horrible person on the old SS board who went by the name "slum". To me the Messy_ fill in the blank_ names are right up that alley. I know I have more thoughts about this, but I'm not all that awake yet. The boys let me sleep late.
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Post by crazycatlady on Aug 22, 2009 13:09:02 GMT -5
I used to think I was l@zy. I spent so much time, sitting and feeling bad about the mess, or fiddling away my time. Sometimes I set goals, and worked hard. But no matter what, the mess came back. It made me feel powerless to fix it. And I felt incompetent, because other people could keep a clean house, why couldn't I?
Then I found Squalor Survivors. For me, attaching that label of squalor was so helpful. I didn't have "a little bit of clutter". It wasn't "a little messy". There was a big problem, and calling it squalor helped me to face it head on. I didn't feel worse after labeling my mess squalor, I felt better...it clicked for me, and made sense. It gave me something to fight against, and this community gave me the tools that I needed to win.
I still have messes and clutter at my house, but I no longer live in squalor. I stepped out of squalor, with lots of help from people here. I also no longer feel ***. I sit and relax, and play on the computer a lot. I play in the yard with the puppy, or choose to have peanut butter sandwiches for dinner if I'm not up to fixing a nice meal. But it feels like a choice to me now, rather than l@ziness. And I am accomplishing so much more than I did before.
For me, personally, the word l@zy feels negative. I never used the word squalor much, until I found this community. So I connect it to all these lovely people...it doesn't seem negative on a personal level. It seems like a label...something that we can work on together.
AND....I love how this group works out things like this....I love how all are free to share their input. I love it.
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Post by iprocrastinate on Aug 22, 2009 16:02:47 GMT -5
One comment--L3zy describes or refers to the person--very personal. Squalor refers to the place or the result, not a personal attack. Just my 2 cents worth!
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Post by messyang on Aug 23, 2009 1:22:02 GMT -5
Also...I want to enjoy life! As the "crazy cat lady" described playing with the puppy, or relaxing things. THOSE are the memories you have and cherish as you leave this Earth. I just wish I could leave a cleaner house, hehe.
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Post by tinasabrina on Aug 23, 2009 12:48:05 GMT -5
Hi MessyAng, I once had a really fat cockroach jump out of my bag and take off into the home of a private duty patient I was taking care of. I was soooo grateful no one witnessed it.
I definitely second the idea of putting the clean laundry basket in a closet or other room with the door shut so the feline folks can't get to it. My cats like to crawl into the clean clothes basket and wallow, getting cat hair all over the clean clothes.
As for the "L" word, of course no one prefers it because it sounds very derogatory. I guess in some people's eyes I am the "L" word. But I believe my procrastination has deeper roots than just "L". Things other than cleaning that would benefit me to accomplish, I can't make myself do. Like for example I didn't file taxes for '08 until yesterday, and I'm due a $2,700 refund. God knows I need that money, and certainly needed it around tax time when all other folks were filing . . . . . so if I'm too "L" wordy to complete some simple forms on TaxAct on the computer which would result in my receiving four figures, then I'd have to say something else was going on . . . . .some kind of inability to focus or concentrate or something? I don't know. But when it's to the extreme that our houses are about to be condemned or such other drastic consequences, I tend to think it's more than simple L wordiness. I'm sure you've all heard or read about how people who can't throw anything away actually have a psychiatric problem with letting go of things, emotionally and not just in the literal sense. If you're watching a show you don't like because you don't know where the remote control is, now that is the L word. You betcha. But somehow in cases of extreme squalor it seems to me like it's way more than simply the L word. Just my two pennies' worth.
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Post by tinasabrina on Aug 23, 2009 12:53:07 GMT -5
P.S. When I first read the topic of this thread I thought it was going to be about sexual orientation. ;~]
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Post by brenda on Aug 24, 2009 1:06:36 GMT -5
la·zy 1. Resistant to work or exertion; disposed to idleness.
This describes me fairly well. I am resistant to work and I am certainly disposed to idleness. I have to fight my nature to get things down personally and professionally.
I don't think this makes me a bad person or that I have low self esteem so I am identifying myself in this manner. What I do know is that I have to fight myself to get things done and avoid constant idleness. Some people are born worker bees and can't sit still, I am just not that way and that is okay.
Brenda
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Post by breakingfree on Aug 24, 2009 8:13:23 GMT -5
la·zy 1. Resistant to work or exertion; disposed to idleness. This describes me fairly well. I am resistant to work and I am certainly disposed to idleness. I have to fight my nature to get things down personally and professionally. I don't think this makes me a bad person or that I have low self esteem so I am identifying myself in this manner. What I do know is that I have to fight myself to get things done and avoid constant idleness. Some people are born worker bees and can't sit still, I am just not that way and that is okay. Brenda I agree with this. I also think that many people are like this, not just squalorees. I mean, I do not have "the desire" to go to work every day! But, I do. I also do not have the desire to clean. I HATE IT! Most of the time I do it, but I hate it although I try to find ways to make it fun (like making it a game with the kids, playing fun, upbeat music). I think the issue is how we handle this "lack of desire." The key is to find out how to act even though we don't want to. For me, I try to figure out how to reward myself, especially if it is a particular sucky task. I also do enjoy of basking in the "afterglow" and saying to myself, "Look what I did!" BF
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Post by puppybox on Aug 24, 2009 10:47:31 GMT -5
I have this great book called How to be Idle. It is all about the virtue of Idleness.
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Post by success19 on Aug 24, 2009 12:54:48 GMT -5
I work so hard in a job I hate - I have zero energy when I come home. Honestly it sucks the life out of me. It's like an abusive relationship. I know I have achieved alot. I put myself through college after a divorce - no help from any relatives or friends - while raising a child alone - who is now married - has a BS and just got her masters and is in a PHD program and recently married. But I have never gotten a pat on the back or gotten a "good" job. I feel defeated - the learned helplessness thing. I deserve more. I think that something else is going on when a person is the L word. If thats the word they want to use.
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Post by charis on Aug 24, 2009 13:44:36 GMT -5
Lioness gives several more specific words for L-z-ness--lethargy, avoidance, etc. people on this thread have already given multiple varying reasons why they do not always expend effort on things they believe they should do. One reason we avoid the term is to discourage stereotyped ideas about why a person is l--zy.
If you don't break it down it isn't as helpful. The more specific labels do help. After all, if one is L--zy, it is for a reason. Without addressing the reason it is difficult to overcome the problem and tends to denigrate into more self-loathing language.
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Post by Lucky Laura Loving Life on Aug 24, 2009 14:37:47 GMT -5
Dear Peeps, This has been an interesting thread.I am in agreement that La*zy carries with it a derogatory connotation. I know that often when I have a ton of things to do I often get trapped in indecision on what to do. Indecisiveness has plagued me all my life but it is always worse when I feel overwhelmed. Love,Laura
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